Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 20:26:59 GMT
I had high hopes for a close relationship with my MIL. I knew her before I even met my husband. In fact, she introduced us. I once chided him for not spending more time with his family (he lived 5 hours away) and he kind of laughed it off. But after we got married, I found out why. She can really put on a good act, but once I was part of the family, the mask came off! I have since apologized to DH for ever thinking poorly of him for not wanting to spend time with her.
When our son was born prematurely, she got angry because my brother and his wife drove 4 hours to check on me and the baby. She lived about the same distance away, but they got there first and spoiled her big grandma moment. DH told her he couldn't deal with that kind of stuff because he had a preemie son and emotionally drained wife to take care of. All she cared about was things not going her way.
And that's how it has been ever since. Any time we do something she doesn't like or we don't agree with her plans, whatever, she freaks out. As in calls my DH and screams at him over the phone. I've taught him how to say, "We won't be discussing this," and hang up the phone. There was a day when he would have sat there and taken it. He's watched my parents interact with me and my siblings enough now to know that his mom's way is completely crazy.
Since she and FIL have adopted two of DH's nieces, she doesn't have the time or energy to spend on my kids. She makes grand promises about what she's going to get them for their birthdays and Christmas but never follows through. And by that I mean they usually receive nothing. I don't begrudge them that because I know raising young children when you're in your 60's is difficult. But she's so jealous of any time my kids spend with my family. She doesn't have time for my children, so she doesn't want anyone else spending time with them. She constantly moans and groans about how close the kids are with my parents and it just hurts her feelings so much. Well, my mother communicates with my kids regularly, both by phone and email. She never misses a birthday or other holiday. She cultivates a relationship with them while MIL doesn't. It's not my kids' fault. It's not my parents' faults. It's a direct result of choices MIL made.
Last year she emailed me, asking why we didn't have a close relationship. She considers me her daughter and wants me to think of her as my mother. That's NOT happening, but that's a whole different post. Anyway, I told her I couldn't be close to someone who disrespects my husband the way she does by screaming at and berating him. The screaming has slacked off, but as DH always says, it's never over. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop with her.
I do envy DILs who have MILs that treat them with like daughters and show them respect and real concern.
|
|
caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,025 
Location: So Cal
|
Post by caangel on Sept 29, 2014 20:59:09 GMT
My MIL is caring, kind, loving, generous and truly loves her family. However she is not perfect. She can be judgmental, especially about people's weight, and is very type A and struggles with being flexible. Her biggest flaw is that she is passive aggressive and will not say/ask things directly, especially if she is annoyed. I get the sense that she thinks if she says something passively she is still being "nice" and out of context it does seem that way. However if you are there it is so irritating. She did something to me recently that really annoyed and offended me, and I am not easily offended. Ironically is was a rare time that she was very blunt! I am Catholic, but non-practicing at the moment although hoping to change that. DH is an atheist but was raised Methodist. He does see the benefits of being a part of a church community, and supports me in finding one. Our children have been baptized in the Catholic Church, attended a Lutheran Preschool, VBS and will be receiving Catholic sacraments. His parents are VERY involved in the Methodist church. MIL has been in charge the last few year of organizing their Mothers and Others Tea in the Spring. She has always invited me and DD and this year also invited my mom and my brother's wife. I have always attend to show support. At the end of the event she was introducing me to a woman, "Sue", who is employed by the larger Methodist Church organization (not their individual congregation/church). She mentioned that Sue has worked for the church for a long time but recently converted to Methodism. Then she turned to Sue and said, "CA Angel and her mom are Catholic. I was hoping she would become Methodist but it hasn't happened yet". OMG! I had NO IDEA that she was trying to convert me!! I had to bite my tongue because I wanted to say if you want to convert anyone you might want to start with your own children (I'm pretty sure BIL is an atheist too, or at least agnostic, although he hasn't come right out and said it.)! To me religion is a very personal relationship with God and it is no ones' place to try and convert me. I don't really know why it is so important to her that I convert to Methodism. It's not like we would attend the same church since we don't live in the same area. We have attended services in the past when asked so it's not like being Methodist would change that. I had to call my brother's wife to let her know what happened and to vent. It was all so strange! Along the same vein, when we first moved into our house, 10 years ago, I was telling MIL about the great neighbors next door. We have each other's keys, watch the animals for each other. At the time I was teaching and didn't have kids so I would watch her kids when needed. You get the idea. MIL said, "Isn't it nice to have good Christian neighbors?" I said, "Um, Neighbor is Jewish." Of course she stammered, "Well you know what I mean". In many ways MIL is socially progressive/liberal so it is always such a shock when she says things that reflect a more conservative view point. I try to chalk it up to having grown up in a different time, so much has changed and I'm sure it is hard to continue to change with the times as we get older. Like I said she has MANY redeeming qualities, and I do feel fortunate to have her as a MIL and for my children to have her as a grandmother. But she is not perfect, and for the record, neither am I.  |
|
conchita
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,141
Jul 1, 2014 11:25:58 GMT
|
Post by conchita on Sept 29, 2014 21:08:22 GMT
I've had the displeasure of meeting my MIL once. She turned up at my wedding scowling like a dark cloud and wearing a black track suit. She caused a lot of chaos that day to the point I left my reception alone while she had my husband on her arm. Our marriage had some unnecessary drama in our newlywed years because of her. All she had to do was call and things would turn upside down. I can't imagine we'd still be married if she lived close to us. My husband wisened up pretty quickly though and cut off all contact with her for several years. She's never seen or met her grandchildren, the oldest is 15. My husband and I are celebrating our 16th year together this December. If we ever decide to renew our vows she definitely won't be invited!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 21:26:27 GMT
My MIL flew out to "help" me while I was pregnant with my 2nd child. Dh was working the midnight shift so he slept days. I had a 3 yr old to take care of so she thought she'd come out and "help". Here is how it went: Sat on my couch reading a book. Sat outside for hours talking on the phone. Never cooked dinners as promised. Never played with her 3 yr old grandchild. Never lifted a finger. Criticized me while on couch. Adding, "Millions of women have been pregnant." While I juggled everything myself and could barely get up off the couch by myself because I was so big. Found out baby wouldn't be born for at least 2 more weeks. She got on a plane the next day and left us without "help". Had to bring 3 yr old to hospital since our only babysitter left town. (It actually turned into a blessing in disguise as my 3 yr acted like my birthing coach telling me to push. It was a great experience watching her sibling be born. She still talks about it to this day.) My MIL didn't speak to me for 5 years after that. I guess it was my fault I went past my due date.  |
|
|
|
Post by rst on Sept 29, 2014 21:27:13 GMT
My MIL was kinda legendary.
In the reception line at our wedding, she met a young female co-worker/platonic friend of my DH for the first time. She exclaims "Susanna, so wonderful to meet you. John's mentioned you over the years, and we so hoped that he would marry you, but . . . " and she looks disparagingly at me, standing just a few feet away, and fully in ear shot.
When our twins were born, she visited for about a month and during that time she invited (without approval from me or DH) my husband's exwife to come to our home so they could catch up. I was a mom of 4 boys aged 5 and under, including twins, one of them with profound disabilities. I was not in the least interested in hosting the exwife. I did very bluntly say that I would arrange for her to be driven anywhere she liked so she could chat with her ex-DIL, but we were not receiving visitors.
For my birthday she gave me a bottle of the diet pills that she sold, saying that most people lost 20 lbs in the course of taking these herbal diet pills, but I might need several more bottles which she would be glad to sell me at family rate. I was less than 20 lbs overweight-- still had 15 or so baby-weight, as I was still nursing.
She was one difficult, sad old woman. Her visits were always way too long, but that was because travel was difficult for her, so she would come and stay 4 to 6 weeks. During that time she would mandate that furniture should be moved to accommodate her physical needs, she was very picky about food, but at the same time critical of spending too much money on food. Basically, I tried to use my interactions with her to build a mental picture of how not to be a MIL when my sons marry.
|
|
|
|
Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 29, 2014 21:38:27 GMT
I described some of my first mother-in-law's personality on the thread about who you hate to dine out with. She could be really difficult. But she did have her moments. I'll always give her credit for being a letter writer. She kept everyone in the family in touch. And she wrote to my boys often always putting a lipstick kiss on the bottom of the letter. All those letters are in their scrapbooks.
My current mother-in-law is great. She has a huge family on her side and invites us to all their get-togethers too. She's very generous with my children (not her biological grandchildren). And she's fun to be around. She's up for just about anything. I really appreciate her.
|
|
|
|
Post by beachbum on Sept 29, 2014 21:39:06 GMT
Before DH and I got married his mother told me that I was not good enough to marry her son. That was pretty much the high point of our relationship. One memorable morning: I was 1 week away from giving birth to our 3rd child, in the heat of July. DH's sisters were visiting their parents for the weekend of the 4th. MIL asked us to come to her house for breakfast. OK, we were about 5 minutes late - they had already started eating (found out later MIL pushed everyone to get to the table and not wait for us). When we arrived MIL jumped up and fixed plates - for DH, DD, and DS. Our DD (age 5 at the time) looked at me and very loudly said "Don't worry mommy, I'll share my breakfast with you." SILs were appalled, but I was so used to that kind of treatment.... I rarely went to her house, even tho it was only about 5 miles from our house.
One fight I chose not to fight. (Although I knew me not saying anything really pissed her off!)
|
|
|
|
Post by wallyagain on Sept 29, 2014 22:15:15 GMT
MIL threw an absolute fit when we announced that we were engaged. It was horrible, I cried for hours. She's been gone for almost 20 years, so we didn't have to deal with her for long. She tried to make all nicey, nicey when the kids were born, but we were never close. DH and I have been married for 30+ years.
|
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
|
Post by mallie on Sept 29, 2014 22:15:31 GMT
My MIL was evil. She truly was a sadistic bitch who literally laughed at other people's pain and suffering. End of story.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 22:23:59 GMT
Basically, I tried to use my interactions with her to build a mental picture of how not to be a MIL when my sons marry. Yes, yes, yes! This is what I tell DH all the time. Now I know how NOT to be when I become a MIL. |
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
|
Post by mallie on Sept 29, 2014 23:36:24 GMT
I have a wonderful MIL that I've loved for 42 years. She has been a magnificent grandmother to my children and while there have been a few times I've not particularly appreciated a comment she made, I've respected her because she was my husband's mother and because I don't think she was malicious in what she said or did. As a side comment, I think it's sad that this thread title is "monster-in-law". Perhaps I'm thinking of someone else, but didn't you post more than one thread about your problems with your DIL on the old boards? |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 23:41:07 GMT
Just remember this little gem:
She gathered my son in her arms hugged and kissed him then looked over at Oldest DIL (from the stone pile incident) and said sweetly , " I wish I could love your children as much as I love him"
Sil just sat there. If it had been me I would have packed bags and left. Never to see them again.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapsotime on Sept 30, 2014 0:46:08 GMT
The final thing that made us sever contact with MIL was she said some absolutely heinous things about family members (children) that had been molested.
|
|
edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,117
|
Post by edie3 on Sept 30, 2014 1:06:45 GMT
MIL was visiting, and there was a horrible ice storm. I said, oh I hope the day care is open. She told me it was. How would she know. Anyway, I took my 2 year old DS out in bad weather while she watched videos of DS. Why? Cause you can turn off a video, but not a 2 year old.
Everything had to be to a T when she visited or when we when went there. We had hamburgers on the grill at her house, and it started raining. I had to move way down on the picnic table to stay dry. She said she hated to eat indoors cause it was so messy. So we ate in the rain.
We were getting ready for another visit, and DH says he needed to go to the store and get her some Kleenex. DH had bought me a NFL box of Kleenex, and I said she could use those. DH says she did not like how those came out of the box.
My DH's and I first visit to their house after we were married, she told DH that she would always come first, his wife was second, and she tried to instill that every time we were all together.
|
|
|
|
Post by kelly316 on Sept 30, 2014 15:21:40 GMT
I am relieved and saddened that I am not alone. When my son grows up and marries, I will remember all of these stories. I will watch what I say and keep my visits short.
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,098
|
Post by Sarah*H on Sept 30, 2014 15:34:04 GMT
Given what you have shared about your own family dynamics, this is not surprising, nor is your passive aggressive dig at those who have shared their experiences. My mother in law passed away 9 months ago and I'm trying to let the passage of time soften my memories and to focus on the good things I know about her. But I went to therapy as a result of her behavior so it may always be a work in progress. I'm not going to share any stories because she's gone now and I don't want to dredge it all up again but I sympathize very much with many of you!  |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 15:40:46 GMT
I won't go into the list of things she has done to me , my DH or our children but what she did to my wonderful FIL is inexcusable. She filed for divorce after he became ill. He was heartbroken until the day he passed away. so sad...this is heartless and cruel. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 15:47:46 GMT
I'll give the most recent example. The in-laws have decided they want to make a better effort and do things as a family. In theory, sounds good. Next summer, they want the entire family to go to Lake Tahoe. My son has low functioning autism and does not understand danger. My FIL asked if there's some kind of institution we could take him to for a few days and leave him behind.  Ummm no. He didn't seem to understand why I couldn't find anyone who would watch him for a few days AFTER I have repeatedly told him all of his issues. I truly do not care what they do, but they think we use him as an excuse. We're doing everyone a favor by NOT going. I like my MIL but she thinks the LDS church is the answer to every problem anyone could ever have in their life. It's hard for her to comprehend I like life better without religion. If we can avoid that subject, it's better. ETA: I always thought the term monster-in-law referred to either the father or mother-in-law. Guess I was wrong. |
|
|
|
Post by kelly316 on Sept 30, 2014 15:48:52 GMT
As a side comment, I think it's sad that this thread title is "monster-in-law". I thought satan's spawn sounded too mean. In all seriousness, I would never refer to her as MOTHER-in-law. She is nothing like my mother. She was referred to as my husband's mother. |
|
craftyho
Shy Member
Posts: 32
|
Post by craftyho on Sept 30, 2014 16:20:41 GMT
My so thankfully my Xmil! Started out by saying she wasn't sure if she could make it to our wedding . Wasn't
sure if she could get off work. Worked at K-Mart. Then stopped talking to us becouse I ask XDH to help me get our 3 month old twins ready for bed when we were visiting.
Through the years so many more things but ended when one of my son's passed away and she refused to come to his funeral
|
|
~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
|
Post by ~Susan~ on Sept 30, 2014 17:21:52 GMT
I could write a whole series of books on my ILs. I swear all the time that my DH and his brother are adopted or were kidnapped by these pod people.
One instance was right after we had gotten married. She just right out of the blue told me that I was not good enough for her son. Forget his two other wives that cheated on him and filed for divorce. One of them even tried to get child support out of my DH for her kid that she had with another man.
Another time was when I was 8 months pregnant with my first DD. She had gotten a phone call from an old girlfriend of my DH's and proceeded to talk to her for hours and eventually gave her DH's phone number. She called him up and they chatted for a little bit. Come to find out that MIL didn't tell her that DH had gotten married and had a child on the way. When she was asked about this, she said that the old GF sounded so wonderful on the phone, that she wanted to keep the lines of communication open when he and I split up. She had never met this girl and only had talked to her a couple of times on the phone.
I could go on and on, but it would raise my blood pressure too much to relate any more.
As of this past Sunday, DH and I have been married for 24 years and we have two beautiful daughters together and I think it just kills MIL that we are still together.
|
|
|
|
Post by alibama on Sept 30, 2014 17:22:46 GMT
My so thankfully my Xmil! Started out by saying she wasn't sure if she could make it to our wedding . Wasn't sure if she could get off work. Worked at K-Mart. Then stopped talking to us becouse I ask XDH to help me get our 3 month old twins ready for bed when we were visiting. Through the years so many more things but ended when one of my son's passed away and she refused to come to his funeral  that is horrible. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 17:41:20 GMT
My in-laws aren't BAD people, they just aren't very considerate, loving, or thoughtful. My MIL once talked about me behind my back at a party at my house... she had brought food wrapped in plastic grocery store bags, and I folded/bundled them all up and put them on the floor beside a stack of boxes that guests had brought things in. They were to go into the recycling, once the party was over. But the recycling was outside, in a shed, and I didn't have time to run out there in the middle of hostessing. She told so many people that I was gross and could they believe what I had done, by putting bags down on the floor? Once when we were visiting my in-laws, I walked into the living room and BIL and SIL were in there with FIL and MIL. That's my husband's whole family: brother, sister, and two parents. DH's parents at the time only had internet hooked up to their TV.. they had a mouse and keyboard, and a gigantic full screen huge TV in their living room. Everyone was looking at different resorts and vacation packages in Mexico. We had been staying with them for a few days, it was Christmas vacation. I asked "oh, is someone going to Mexico?" because it was obvious they were, and I'm generally happy to talk about other people's vacations and be excited for them. HUGE, LONG, awkward silence. They all looked at each other. Then quickly muttered something about planning a family holiday. DH's parents were planning on taking BIL and SIL to Mexico for a family vacation but didn't invite us or want us to know about it.  But they were looking stuff up and making plans on this huge gigantic TV while DH and I were staying with them. Another time... they fuss about how little they get to see us, so at Christmas one year we planned to stay a few extra days. We left Christmas with my family earlier than we usually do, and went to their house. The first two days we were there, MIL and FIL were gone out of the house for 8 hours and 9 hours. Shopping, because FIL was bored and wanted a new chair. They live in a small town with not much to do, we had young children, and were basically stuck in their house by ourselves. It was really awful. I've cut our Christmas visits with them way back, because if we aren't good enough to spend time with.. I don't want to waste my precious time sitting around their empty house. |
|
|
|
Post by shanni on Sept 30, 2014 18:18:12 GMT
I'll give the most recent example. The in-laws have decided they want to make a better effort and do things as a family. In theory, sounds good. Next summer, they want the entire family to go to Lake Tahoe. My son has low functioning autism and does not understand danger. My FIL asked if there's some kind of institution we could take him to for a few days and leave him behind. I seriously just gasped out loud at that. How horrible!! I think it's so sad that they would plan a family vacation that would exclude one family member. I'm sure there are other places they could have chosen that would have been more appropriate. |
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 30, 2014 18:35:46 GMT
Wow, and I thought my MIL was bad! She looks like a saint after reading some of these stories, and believe me she was no peach. I'm so sorry you guys have had to go through this stuff! Anyway, mine had her issues which we mostly just tolerated. My favorite though was the annual Christmas letters. She and FIL (while he was alive) would attempt to send out the newsy, update everyone from all the far reaches what's going on with the WHOLE family kind. Most people who send those tend to "shine the apple" so to speak, but not MIL! Oh, no. She didn't even bother being factual! A few years out of college, DH bought an existing business the same year I started my LSS. In the Christmas letter that year she wrote, "DS bought a thriving business here in town. His wife, Crazy4Scraps, finally quit all of her low paying jobs and opened a stamping store." Really? All the low paying jobs that paid the mortgage and most of our bills for five years while DH was in college and worked part time? Nice. There were a lot like that with little digs in them, always aimed at DH or me. SIL could do no wrong, apparently. Then there was the year FIL passed away. I'll give her that his passing was sudden, but still. The Christmas letter that year opened with something like this: "FIL and I went on a cruise in March, to celebrate my successfully getting through chemo for breast cancer. After we had been home a few days, he hadn't been sleeping well and I found him dead in bed."  Yikes! I guess subtlety was not her stong suit. Now that I think of it, she called DH on the phone after she found FIL and got our machine. She left the message, "DS, you need to call me. Your dad is dead." (click) Honestly, who DOES that? LOL, Because DH and I waited forever to have DD, I think she had given up hope on us (SIL had two) so our paragraphs in the family letter gradually shrunk down to about a sentence, combined. We were just fine with that and in fact it kind of became a running joke between us. Once we actually were expecting, I sure didn't want to give her any fodder for the family letter so we waited until right before Christmas (AFTER the letter had been mailed, LOL) that year to tell her another grandchild was on the way. :2thumbsup:By the time the next Christmas letter went out, DD was almost 7 months old so it was already old news to anybody who cared. I kind of wish we would have saved some of the more epic ones, but that was before I was a scrapbooker. Now that we've put some distance on it, we can laugh about them but at the time they could be pretty hurtful. |
|
plasticlight
Junior Member
Posts: 51
|
Post by plasticlight on Sept 30, 2014 18:36:29 GMT
My MIL (to be) is actually my fiancee's stepmother. And she is horrid. So bad, in fact, that we are much closer to many of their neighbours (they live in a farming community) then we are to them.
While she's done many awful things in the past, her recent exploits are what I'm currently fuming about. When we got engaged a year and a half ago, she acted so happy and excited for us. We have been planning on a destination wedding for YEARS (prior to even getting engaged), and told her so when we saw them after the engagement. She was ecstatic, thought it was a wonderful idea, couldn't wait until we had more details. As planning progressed however, all she can do is complain about how expensive it is, how they're pensioners now, they have to watch their pennies. Meanwhile, they travel for six months of the year, recently bought a house in the US (we are Canadian) for the winter months, and do all kinds of traveling when they are home. At a Mother's Day brunch she was asked where we were getting married, and she replied "I have no idea. The Bahamas or somewhere?" when she clearly was aware of our wedding location. She berates my fiancee all the time - he can never do anything right. So unfortunately, we are 3 months to the wedding, and have no idea whether or not his parents will be there. Honestly, I could care less - I like his dad, but if he cannot stand up to his wife over his own son, that's his problem. If this is what she's acting like prior to the wedding, I don't even want to imagine what it will be like when we have children.
I totally envy those of you with nice in-laws! And thanks to everyone who has shared their horror stories - nice to know I'm not alone!
|
|
|
|
Post by Minty118 on Sept 30, 2014 19:02:26 GMT
My MIL isn't "bad", but she makes me scratch my head sometimes.
The visit that steams me the most is when she came to "help out" when my son was born. She arrived at 5am the day after I was released from the hospital after having a c-section. She never helped with anything. She sat on the couch and watched television the entire time she was here. A big deal was made on her part about finally getting to know her grandchildren. When I asked her to watch my twin 3 year olds and my newborn for 15 minutes so I could run up to the school and pick up my eldest from kindergarten though, she didn't think she could handle the responsibility. She made me wait on her hand and foot...still only days post c-section. She also refused to shower while she was here because she doesn't like to shower in strange places. Eight days with no shower! I finally told my husband that she had to go. She was supposed to stay three weeks, but I just couldn't take anymore. My birthday was 5 days after she arrived and she insisted that I cook her Kraft mac and cheese with hot dogs for dinner. I am so glad she lives far enough away that I only have to put up with phone calls.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:05:01 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2014 19:25:54 GMT
My former MIL (and FIL) showed very little interest in my boys. Maybe some of it had to do with them being born 1200 miles away. I think a lot of it had to do with us getting divorced while they were still young and the fact that their only other grandson was showing A LOT more interest in sports, especially football than mine ever did. When my kids did show interest in sports, it was soccer and baseball, both of which did not last past 4th grade. I gave my ex copies of their game schedules for his parents every season. I think they showed up for a handful of games. I remember they came to one soccer game and left after 20 minutes because they didn't want to miss one single minute of the other grandson's football game (he was playing peewee football). They never came to another game because it interfered with the football games.  Guess what, that grandson is now the starting quarterback in high school so it's not like it was a passing interest. My current MIL is a really nice lady. She does not have the issues my former MIL has and is on the other end of the spectrum from my own mother in terms of kindness and judgment. The only problem I have with her is the fact she does not know what to do with the "instant grandkids" she gained. BIL does not have kids and probably never will. When we do see her, she's nothing but nice and loving towards my kids, but I've noticed that she doesn't seem to make much effort in getting to know them and their interests. We've invited her to a band concert to which she had passed on. For one boy's birthday, she sent a card, a box of movie theater candy, and some novelty bracelet. For the other, she sent a box of magic tricks, nothing my son had EVER expressed interest in. Come to find out, she got them on clearance as a back up gift back when Criss Angel was popular and needed something to send. A card with cash would've been better. She has asked for gift ideas before and didn't listen to a single one of them. Her BF's kids have since had babies. She sees them a lot more and has done more and will likely get to know those kids better. The whole thing reminds me of my Dad's former step-mom and her gift-giving. I knew she was giving more attention to her biological grandchildren than her husband's grandkids and now I see my own MIL doing it to my kids and her BF's grandkids. |
|
|
|
Post by tallgirl on Sept 30, 2014 20:02:37 GMT
Dear MIL, Please stop telling me how to raise my kids. I live with one of yours and trust me, there was plenty of room for improvement. Sincerely, DIL Oh my, this is hilarious and so spot on!! My mother in law is lovely. I am lucky. |
|
jackib
Shy Member
Posts: 48
|
Post by jackib on Sept 30, 2014 20:10:42 GMT
I wouldn't call my Mother-in-law a monster and some of you have some doozies.
I have known DH since 4th grade. We went to the same church but different schools. After graduation we never saw each other again. Off to different colleges and jobs. I moved to Virginia for a couple years. When I moved back home I started going back to the church I grew up in. A few months later I got a call from DH. He had heard I was back in town and wondered if I would like to go out. I did and 4 months later we were engaged. DH asked me not to say anything to anyone until I had my ring. I agreed and we sat up talking about the wedding. (We were at my parents, I didn't have a full time job since moving home. DH lived an hour away so was staying at his parents) DH left about 3 a.m. (I was 26 and DH 24) DH gets home and his mom is all over him for staying out so late etc. He got angry and left the next morning to go home.
A few days later I have my ring and we tell my parents and there are hugs and congratulations all around. We go to his folks house, we walk in the door and MIL comes out. DH says we have something to tell you. Her reply was "I already know what you have to say and I have something to say first!" I do not remember much more about that night.
Our wedding ended up being 2 months after we were engaged. Things were OK but never really great. I never got the feeling that I was part of the family. Always a guest. Funny I still feel that way. She has to control things and if you do things "different" than her is wrong.
MIL and I have our differences and I have said something on occasion. Several years ago she and I had words about something, I cannot even remember what is was. FIL told DH that I needed a swift kick in the a$$ because I upset M. and she was complaining to him and he didn't like it.
December 2012 MIL was hosting a Christmas gathering at her house. She had all her Christmas cards in a basket. She was afraid that some of the neighbors had not gotten a card from someone they all knew so she went to the basket to get the card out so no one would see it. Stepped back, fell on her 1970's thick glass coffee table and tore her rotator cuff. We go up (they live 5 hours north) a couple weeks later to see if we can step in and help. Nope. She was going to do it all. She doesn't need help. She never went to the Doctor for 4 months! Ended up having surgery. We go up there again to see what they need help with. Nothing she can do it all. Right arm strapped to her side and all. OK I offered.
November 2013 she had a mild stroke. We went up for Thanksgiving and I told her I would cook the dinner. She consented to let me cook the Turkey but she said she wasn't sure if she would eat it because I had put some butter on the skin and she wasn't eating "All that Fat" (She is very over weight and does eat a lot of fat) She was having a hard time, she was still weak and tired easily but would not let me do anything.
August 2104 we are at in-laws house. MIL is scheduled to have back surgery the first part of September. MIL is standing at the counter with her head in her hands, she is tired and sore and is having a hard time standing. It is getting late and dinner wouldn't be until 8:00 pm as the guys had gone kayaking and wouldn't be home much before that. I suggested a pizza, she was so upset that I would suggest that. Nothing was even started. I told her "Quit being so damn stubborn and let someone help you!" Her reply was "If I had known about this side of you I never would have let DH date you!"
After 26 years she finally let me know that she really does not approve of DH's choice.
|
|
Ummm no. He didn't seem to understand why I couldn't find anyone who would watch him for a few days AFTER I have repeatedly told him all of his issues. I truly do not care what they do, but they think we use him as an excuse. We're doing everyone a favor by NOT going.
that is horrible. 
But they were looking stuff up and making plans on this huge gigantic TV while DH and I were staying with them.
Yikes! I guess subtlety was not her stong suit. Now that I think of it, she called DH on the phone after she found FIL and got our machine. She left the message, "DS, you need to call me. Your dad is dead." (click) Honestly, who DOES that?
Guess what, that grandson is now the starting quarterback in high school so it's not like it was a passing interest. 