If you had a trait about yourself you didn't like....

I've worked on this for some time and finally feel a lot better about letting others speak without my interruptions.  Like you, it sometimes still happens, and it bugs me when I notice I've done it.  I quickly apologize.

I feel your pain. Dh and family are loud, and argue. I come from a quiet, low key family who never yells. After almost 47 years of marriage, guess what. I find myself arguing and raising my voice a lot more than I want, and I get upset with myself for reacting this way. Am working on it, but it's hard! And Ds 23 is exactly like his Dad, so I feel like I am fighting a losing battle...

I'm exactly the same way.  My emotions control me.

Cindy

I am a perfectionist and I prefer to do things myself because then I know they will get done the way I want! I have realized that I have difficulty trusting others and I maybe have a problem with needing control, so I totally understand where you are coming from, OP. I am also afraid of failure, and an all-or-nothing personality--why try something if I can't be perfect at it? Why set goals because I'll probably just fail. I know there is a lot of pop psychology these days talking about the value of failure and how it's such a great thing to fail and I absolutely cannot wrap my brain around that concept. To me, failure is BAD. Period. There's nothing good out of it whatsoever.

All of this and other parts of my personality and my life situation have all sort of come crashing down on my head and I had a complete and total screaming and sobbing meltdown last week in front of DH. I am seeing a therapist for the first time in my life on Tuesday and I'm actually really excited! I've actually been thinking of starting therapy for almost 2 years now but haven't gone further because I am so afraid that it will be too hard to find the right therapist. I'm afraid that I will use up all the visits my insurance will pay for just trying to find the right person (there are 649 possible therapists listed on my insurance's approved provider list, and I'm totally overwhelmed at how to choose). So I have coped with that fear of failure by just not doing anything at all! You see the problem, right?

I know the way I am thinking is not healthy and it isn't serving me well. I realized last week that I am exhausted by hating myself, by being dissatisfied with myself, by wanting to change but never being able to follow through, with hating my body, with not trusting...I'm just plain worn out. I very much dislike the person I have become. I don't feel like myself, who I used to be and who I WANT to be. I am going to therapy because I need to learn new ways to think and cope. I don't think there is anything medically wrong with me, I think I have gotten into some really bad, destructive thought patterns and I just can't find a way out even though I have tried and tried on my own. I have high hopes that I can change but I just need help doing it. I think that you also can change!

This may be true for those who self-hate or have lots of negative emotions tied to their motives, but for me this isn't true at all. My parents both loved me very much and offered lots of praise for effort. My drive for perfection was simply for self satisfaction. That was one aspect of the book The Gifts of Imperfection I couldn't relate to at all. I didn't hate myself or feel judged if I didn't do something right, and I didn't do things for recognition or praise, I just wasn't satisfied if it was wrong.

I think my drive may have come from having a fair amount of things in my childhood not go the way they should have; things I had to stand by and just watch crash and burn without any way to help change the outcome. I became a little analytical in my approach to a lot of things as a way to circumvent potential problems. Doing things the "right" way always had the most favorable outcomes, so naturally I wanted to do it more. Except I started applying it to everything, including things that just didn't matter, like hanging a picture or Martha's bowl example. I didn't realize doing too much in the "right" way could affect people until my example I posted on the first page. I guess when I write that all out, it was about control for me. Not control of others, but control of my own outcomes.

I am glad that your need for perfection isn't from negative parental influences.  My own daughter is a perfectionist and has a need to be in control, and I hope that does not come from negative influences from her childhood.  Of course, someone cannot be analyzed and fully understood in a 3 minute telephone conversation (Dr. Laura).  I applaud anyone who is self-aware and cares about how they effect people around them.

My STBXH and I had a conversation about a book he is reading that is about living your best life (not the same book I'm reading) and he shared something he read that was a light bulb moment for him:  two people can be doing the same thing in the same moment and not feel the same way about it.  He acted like he had discovered the cure for cancer - he was so proud of himself.  LOL!  I am flabbergasted at his lack of self-reflection and empathy for others.  This is why our marriage failed.

I find psychology and understanding ourselves to be a fascinating topic.

I am kind of judgey and bitchy inside and I’m working hard to change that. My coworkers think I am just mary sunshine all the time, and I’m glad they see that on the outside but I want that to be my attitude all the time and I want to be gentler inside. I’ve been working on this for maybe 10-12 years now. I think it’s a lifelong process.

I, too, am a Martha. As I was reading this post by PrettyInPeank I was nodding my head because I could see myself in it.

There are several new people in my department at work. They are driving me crazy because they are not doing things the "right way" (my way). I'm struggling because I JUST WANT THEM TO DO IT RIGHT. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH. They are messy. I am a perfectionist. It's hard.

I am also an interrupter. I'm working on that.