gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
Jun 26, 2014 12:35:32 GMT
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Post by gloryjoy on Oct 6, 2014 23:18:59 GMT
Something definitely needs to be done. I think if I were in your place, I'd start with the school and then go to the police if the school doesn't do anything. I think cyber-bullying is much more complicated than just expelling/removing the main bully. There was a sad case here in Canada a few years ago about a girl who was being bullied... I don't remember the exact details or timeline, but she moved schools/tried to move on, and tried to kill herself. The bullying followed her to her new city/school, with kids bullying her because she was "so stupid she couldn't even kill herself right". I think she did ultimately succeed in suicide. It's a sad, difficult, complicated problem. I'm not blaming the victim AT ALL but I think in addition to seeing bullies reprimanded/charged for their atrocious behaviour and abuse, the victims of bullying need some pretty good counselling and help, too. Not just to deal with the damage caused by the bullying, but to strengthen themselves and overcome their own issues. That was Amanda Todd, and she lived in my area. A very sad story all around. She did succeed in committing suicide.
Please go the principal and the police now.
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Post by peanuttle on Oct 6, 2014 23:22:17 GMT
Any update OP?
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 7, 2014 9:12:25 GMT
I have a mini update. I heard that my daughter talked to the principal, but she hasn't told me the details yet, because she had a major project due at school, she had a state choir auction, and I had a riding date and a community council meeting. Busy day. I'm meeting with a trooper tomorrow though, to share what is going on with the cyber bullying. Saphie wore some high heels today because she wanted to "look fantastic" and "forget about HER". She stumbled on some stairs and soon the tweets from Karen were "some people shouldn't wear heels to school..or ever." Saphie knew it was about her and it shook her up again. Tomorrow I am going to give the officer the twitter account information, although her tweets today were threatening to go private. We do have the screen shots. Want to hear some irony? Yesterday I hosted a group trail ride which met at my place, and went from there. I rode for three hours with the head of our state troopers! I didn't recognize him out of uniform, riding his beautiful Friesian. Lol. I rode with him and could have talked to him! But maybe it's better, so he could truly be off duty. It's just, a bit ironic.
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Post by rumplesnat on Oct 7, 2014 13:39:35 GMT
Want to hear some irony? Yesterday I hosted a group trail ride which met at my place, and went from there. I rode for three hours with the head of our state troopers! I didn't recognize him out of uniform, riding his beautiful Friesian. Lol. I rode with him and could have talked to him! But maybe it's better, so he could truly be off duty. It's just, a bit ironic. I don't think it's irony or something to laugh out loud about. I think it's tragic that you still haven't done anything to bring this to the attention of the girl's parents, the principal or the authorities.
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Post by Kelpea on Oct 7, 2014 13:51:03 GMT
Thank you for sharing your update. I wanted to mention, after your post, that perhaps in the interim of all this mess, it would be possible to "lift up" the vic? By that I mean it's probably a good idea to empower her. I worry about her state of mind (as I know you are) because she gets so easily rattled. I realize a lot of being or feeling empowered is largely based on personality, but it wouldn't hurt to help her become more confident and empowered to handle this issue as best as she can. Just a thought (and in NO way excusing this psycho bully!).
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,231
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on Oct 7, 2014 14:06:40 GMT
Mainly because I have a dd who shares the things with me that are going on in her life, openly. I don't want her to close down because I overreact or bring things down on her head. If you have teens you will know this difficult balance. I absolutely want results but I want to be wise about it, and thought I'd ask for other parents input before acting in case I'm overlooking something, being in the midst of it. I definitely will take some sort of action today. I just want to go about it in the best possible way. You need to contact this girl's parents immediately and tell them everything you know, especially given her history of being suicidal. From your post, it sounds like you are willing to risk this girl's life just to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter. It sounds like you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and knows everyone's business. I wouldn't give a shit what anyone thought about me if someone was bullying my DD. I would get it stopped, even if it meant I was an outcast or had to move. A child's life is worth more than what people think about you.
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Post by *KAS* on Oct 7, 2014 14:52:43 GMT
That's exactly it. Of course I couldn't live with myself. I've known Saphie since the day she was born, I was there at the hospital. I want to call but Karens mom works in the office. I do have an idea though, I can call and ask for the school counselor, who is the principals wife. I can ask her to privately have him call me. I haven't read all the way through yet - so maybe you addressed this - but you said you're personal friends with him. Can't you just contact him outside of school lines? Through his wife, call him at home, cell phone, Facebook? I wouldn't suggest this if you didn't say you were personal friends with him, obviously. And just for clarification - the male teacher - your BIL, is he the nephew's (who is in the middle of this story) dad, or a different nephew's dad? If it's THIS nephew - and he's already forbid his own son from having any contact with this crazy girl - why on earth would he ask your daughter to get in the middle? Actually, he shouldn't ask your daughter to get in the middle regardless, but that's besides the point. And crazy stalker girl's MOM works in the office? That's who he went to? This is a whole lot of crazy....
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 7, 2014 18:26:22 GMT
There are so many crazy, sad twists to this story.
I'm having a really hard time understanding why you haven't called S's parents about this. Please get the Principal involved ASAP! I think Karen also needs help. She obviously has some kind of issues for her to be stalking S.
I also think your BIL/the teacher needs to be reported for not taking this to the Principal right away, as well as for telling your DD to take care of it. Completely unprofessional and dangerous.
I pray for all involved in this situation, as the adults that should be protecting them are failing miserably.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Oct 7, 2014 19:41:38 GMT
Cyber bullying is ILLEGAL and she needs to tell her parents and call the police.
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 8, 2014 0:09:51 GMT
Bullying is NOT a child's problem to solve adults HAVE to step in. This girl is not only threatening the girl, but your nephew as well. She sounds unstable and could get violent with the girl, your daughter, or your nephew. The sapient girl could have enough and try to kill herself.
If you can't call the principal, you call the superintendent. You call the victim's parents and make sure they know it all. Send images of the tweets to administration and save them for law enforcement.
This is not somethingyou wait and see on.
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Post by kelbel827 on Oct 8, 2014 0:24:08 GMT
I get that you live in a small town and everyone knows everyone and everything, but I'm not quite understanding why you and the rest of the people involved are LETTING a child get their way. Yes, I get that Saphie is fragile. I get that you want to keep your line of communication open with your daughter. Seriously, the way you all are acting, you are tiptoeing around a CHILD. She's breaking the law. End it. Get the police involved. Get everyone involved. This story is so nuts.
In my city, you break the law, you get arrested. No telling this person and this person. You call the police and you get them involved. Not for you or your daughter to worry about.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 8, 2014 1:14:09 GMT
My daughter spoke to a favorite teacher, and he asked her enough questions and gathered enough information that he told her he had "no choice" but to take it to the principal. He reported back that the situation was now "being investigated" and expressed a lot of concern for both the bully and the victims. He said the twitter account would be looked at right away. Apparently district office just required all principals to get their own Facebook account just for the purpose of keeping their eyes open to cyber bullying. (They should realize most kids use Instagram even more now, or Snapchat, twitter etc. but it's a start)
My daughter seems very much relieved. She shared with the teacher all of Saphie's history of depression (he didn't know, she is a new student there) and he paid close attention to everything she had to say.
I'm going to check on the situation with the principal in a few days, after he has had a chance to look into this.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 8, 2014 1:22:29 GMT
Oh and yes it IS the father of the boy involved, my bil, who teaches at the school and told my daughter to make it stop. Totally unprofessional and inappropriate. The teacher she spoke with wasn't happy to hear that either. I'm glad my dd mentioned it to him. She's still baffled by it. Football season ends Friday, so maybe with my nephew off campus things can calm down but it still MUST be handled. (I can't really talk to my bil because there are some issues between us)
I appreciate all of the input.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Oct 8, 2014 1:22:33 GMT
I do not understand your reluctance to speak to Saphie's parents.
It sure seems like you want to talk to everyone else in town about this matter except her parents who should be her advocate.
You are walking a fine line between being a concerned parent and the town gossip.
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 8, 2014 2:21:23 GMT
I used to be very close friends with her mom, for over ten years. Raised our kids together, homeschooled, etc. She had a nervous breakdown and ended our friendship and I have respected that. It's been four years or so now since we have talked at all. Two reasons I have not gone to them- one is because of what I just mentioned, and the other is I'm afraid of how they would handle it, because they are very hard on Saphie. If they immediately took her out of school I was worried it might send her back into depression and I'd be equally response if it triggered her into harming herself. I certainly don't have all of the answers and I might be acting too cautiously, but it's a difficult call for me.
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Post by BeckyTech on Oct 8, 2014 2:33:18 GMT
Saphie wore some high heels today because she wanted to "look fantastic" and "forget about HER". She stumbled on some stairs and soon the tweets from Karen were "some people shouldn't wear heels to school..or ever." Saphie knew it was about her and it shook her up again. Why, why, why haven't these kids blocked her on Twitter? It's so easy to do! I just don't get that at all. If they don't block her because they want to know what she is saying, that's just masochistic. By not blocking her they are giving her power over them.
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Post by ~Zoey~ on Oct 9, 2014 12:38:54 GMT
I know it's only been 2 days, but do you have any updates?
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 14, 2014 2:02:29 GMT
How is this going?
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 21, 2014 23:37:05 GMT
I'm sorry to bump again, but this girl has been weighing on my mind. How is it going?
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 22, 2014 0:44:47 GMT
"This girl has made threats against my niece, my sister, and anyone close to my nephew. My sister took his phone so she could field anything coming from this girl. My nephew hasn't had a phone in three months. He doesn't go to the school but plays football there. He's not allowed any contact with her so this crazy stuff is especially insane because of its duration and not even being current."
Is your nephew your BIL, the teachers son??
And the stalker girls Mom works in the office ?
And the principal and his wife work at the school?
Do you live in ar early small town or is this high school really messed up?
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Post by molove on Oct 22, 2014 0:56:43 GMT
First things first. Get her offline. Now. No Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, SnapChat and whatever other sites kids are all over. It can be temporary, but she needs NO ONLINE PRESENCE for now.
Then do what all the above are suggesting. Take it seriously, involve law enforcement and school. Make folks accountable.
And keep her offline. I can't express that enough. It'll be hard. Imagine telling one of US to go offline completely. It's hard.
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Post by eversograceful1 on Oct 22, 2014 1:23:03 GMT
This whole thing makes my heart hurt. And it scares me as a mother. I hope the situation is improving.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 22, 2014 1:39:40 GMT
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Post by putabuttononit on Oct 22, 2014 8:40:27 GMT
The school is investigating, and I haven't heard much. According to my dd, Saphie herself approached the bully and said she wanted this behind them, and she told the bully she "was never going out with him, and never will". The bully responded "oh okay then! Just as long as you don't!" And nothing bad has happened since then (four days ago) My nephew is upset though, because he told my dd he really does like Saph.
Then yesterday he told my dd he's going to tell Karen to back off, but my dd told him to leave it alone, because Saphie is doing well and all is smooth at least for now. Football has ended so he's not at the school, which is good.
I'm going to ask the school how they plan to handle it, as they have had enough time to look into it now. Even if Karen has stopped for now, she's a bully who is always going to have that mentality of beating others down through fear and intimidation.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 17:50:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2014 17:02:34 GMT
Glad things seem to have improved. I agree that the school should continue to monitor the situation.
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Oct 22, 2014 22:56:15 GMT
That's good it has stopped. I do hope that Karen gets help, though.
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Post by Skypea on Oct 23, 2014 6:42:35 GMT
good grief! the boy SHOULD tell that girl he has no interest in her!
what a mess.
and what is a HS girl doing wearing high heels to school? That is ridiculous. Don't they have to change classes? you know, hustle from 1 room to another? It's just asking for trouble - and a fall.
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scrapnnana
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,207
Member is Online
Jun 29, 2014 18:58:47 GMT
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Post by scrapnnana on Oct 23, 2014 12:19:25 GMT
This whole situation makes my heart hurt. Thank you, OP, for answering the question as to why Saphie's parents have not been involved. I understand now why you have been reluctant to do so. I would have a hard time making such a decision under those circumstances, too.
I think it took courage for Saphie's to tell the bully what she did, but essentially she was telling the bully that the tactics of intimidation worked, thereby reinforcing that behavior in the bully for future victims. I understand why Saphie did it, but the bully should be counseled in how to solve problems/conflicts other than bullying. I am guessing that will not happen now, and someday the bully will end up going too far with someone else (if not Saphie over a different issue later).
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