|
Post by flanz on Apr 12, 2019 15:46:04 GMT
Wait, she wouldn't walk one block to help you pick up your credit card that you left behind? Not only would I have done it, I would have mailed it to you via priority mail in case you needed it right away. Same. That doesn't sound like a friend to me! You deserve better!
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Apr 12, 2019 15:48:44 GMT
As an alternative - why is your friend not allowed to say "No." ? Don't we read here all the time "no is a complete sentence?" She doesn't want to do it. She may have reasons you know nothing about. You flat out gave her an out, and she took it. I dunno. No wonder we're all afraid to say "No". Just re-read this thread. True, but helping out a good friend and doing something that would take about 10 minutes would be very important to me. It wouldn't even enter into my mind to say no for this. I value my friendships and would save my no's for something that would be more time consuming or for someone I wasn't so attached to. I do agree that she doesn't know why she said no.
|
|
julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
|
Post by julie5 on Apr 12, 2019 15:50:20 GMT
I’ve just been in a funk all week, kid being a pill, I’m overly tired. And my husband jumped my case this morning about something stupid and that’s all it took for the water works to start flowing. He apologized but it’s too late. I’m just sitting here sobbing for no freakin reason. Vent over.
|
|
|
Post by moretimeplease on Apr 12, 2019 17:21:38 GMT
Michy, aren’t you “retired”? If you are, maybe she’s a bit jealous of you. She still works, maybe has to work, and you have “all this free time to do whatever you want to do”. She might be thinking to herself that you’ve got 30 more hours in a week than she does, and you want her to save you time.
Is she usually so egocentric or is this the first time she’s shown that side of herself? Maybe she’s stressed about work or something, but I know I would have a hard time not feeling differently about her. I’m sorry she showed you such pettiness.
|
|
used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,080
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
|
Post by used2scrap on Apr 12, 2019 17:27:24 GMT
I think it’s a dangerous slope when we start thinking what others “should” “easily” do for us and deciding for ourselves how their time “should” be used. I’d be devastated if I had something going in my life and a “friend” decided I was a bitch or ended the friendship because I didn’t run an errand for her. Especially if there was a fake “it’s fine if you say no” when clearly it wasn’t.
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Apr 12, 2019 17:38:33 GMT
I’ve just been in a funk all week, kid being a pill, I’m overly tired. And my husband jumped my case this morning about something stupid and that’s all it took for the water works to start flowing. He apologized but it’s too late. I’m just sitting here sobbing for no freakin reason. Vent over. Oh, that sounds miserable. I hope you're starting to feel a little better!
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Apr 12, 2019 17:41:25 GMT
I think it’s a dangerous slope when we start thinking what others “should” “easily” do for us and deciding for ourselves how their time “should” be used. I’d be devastated if I had something going in my life and a “friend” decided I was a bitch or ended the friendship because I didn’t run an errand for her. Especially if there was a fake “it’s fine if you say no” when clearly it wasn’t. Agreed. I'm frequently surprised by what the peas say they will end a friendship over. This is not a friendship ender. However, this is definitely not the first time I've questioned whether I should continue doing the things I do (regularly) for her.
|
|
kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
|
Post by kibblesandbits on Apr 12, 2019 17:45:49 GMT
I think it’s a dangerous slope when we start thinking what others “should” “easily” do for us and deciding for ourselves how their time “should” be used. I’d be devastated if I had something going in my life and a “friend” decided I was a bitch or ended the friendship because I didn’t run an errand for her. Especially if there was a fake “it’s fine if you say no” when clearly it wasn’t. Agreed. I'm frequently surprised by what the peas say they will end a friendship over. This is not a friendship ender. However, this is definitely not the first time I've questioned whether I should continue doing the things I do (regularly) for her. But that's your choice, right? You get to decide just how much effort and time you want to put into the relationship.
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Apr 12, 2019 17:47:49 GMT
Agreed. I'm frequently surprised by what the peas say they will end a friendship over. This is not a friendship ender. However, this is definitely not the first time I've questioned whether I should continue doing the things I do (regularly) for her. But that's your choice, right? You get to decide just how much effort and time you want to put into the relationship. Exactly. So I need to zip my lips/sit on my hands
|
|
luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
|
Post by luvnlifelady on Apr 12, 2019 17:51:44 GMT
I don't know if I've ever vented about a friend here, but today's the day. PLEASE feel free to add yours. One of my closest friends live about a half hour away, in an area of town you don't "drive through on your way elsewhere." It's off by itself (West Seattle for locals). We see each other frequently. Sometimes twice a week, sometimes every couple of weeks. Anyhow, we spent the afternoon together at her place on Tuesday then had dinner together at a restaurant a (short) block away from her place. Today I realized that I left my CC at the restaurant, called and confirmed it was there and left my friend's name as the one who would pick it up. I then texted and asked (I promise I asked nicely, did not assume anything) her if she'd be willing to run by there in the next few days (didn't give a time limit) and pick it up for me. To my surprise she said no, that's she's "too busy." Single woman who works exclusively from her home about 25-30 hours a week. And we're good friends, I know her social schedule. She's not too busy, she simply doesn't want to. I'm not going to press her, but I am annoyed. It'll certainly give me pause next time I want to do something nice for her. I apologized for asking, confirmed that were getting together with mutual friends on Saturday to go antiquing, and called it good. Meanwhile, I'm kinda/sorta blown away. I'll drive out there tomorrow and pick it up, but there's an hour wasted, KWIM? Next? Yah that's really strange especially as you are going to be seeing her soon. What's the big deal for her to take a quick walk on a work break and grab it for you? I would be irked! It may make me take a step back from the relationship too.
|
|
|
Post by jjpeapea on Apr 12, 2019 18:08:44 GMT
Is there any, any chance she was simple being sarcastic, meaning "of course I'll do that"? Sarcasm seems to be a national language these days .... definitely call the restaurant before you drive over and make sure they still have it.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 12, 2019 18:20:40 GMT
I think it’s a dangerous slope when we start thinking what others “should” “easily” do for us and deciding for ourselves how their time “should” be used. I’d be devastated if I had something going in my life and a “friend” decided I was a bitch or ended the friendship because I didn’t run an errand for her. Especially if there was a fake “it’s fine if you say no” when clearly it wasn’t. But on that same note, the same could be said for readily *accepting* the help of others for stuff that we need help with. Over and over and over again. Michym’s time is valuable too and maybe she shouldn’t be so generous giving it to this person in the future. When things get noticeably too one sided, yes, I question it. While I wouldn’t necessarily think the person was a bitch, I have definitely decided that I was tired of being used and it was for that reason that I have ended friendships. For me friendship is a two way street and when that stops being the case, I’m out. I don’t expect anything from my friends that I wouldn’t also do for my friends.
|
|
|
Post by teacherlisa on Apr 12, 2019 19:13:39 GMT
As others have said it would take them aback for sure.
A couple of years ago I left my wallet in the restroom at a farmers market. I realized it the next day, which was a Sunday and knew the park was locked down/closed. Monday I called and no one had turned it in. Boo hoo...well, Monday's mail brought an OVERNIGHT package with my wallet and all its contents and a letter saying they had cancelled the cards and what time they did so (within 20 min of me leaving it in the restroom). This person went above and beyond both time wise and at their own expense to return my wallet/cards. I do my best to help whomever I can, strangers or friends. I realize not all people are like that.
If a friend asked me for a favor that I was not able to do, I would do my best to explain to them the reason, or offer an additional solution or something.
|
|
|
Post by annabella on Apr 12, 2019 19:47:58 GMT
I appreciate the validation girls. She's the only friend of mine who has never been married or had children. At times I wonder how that factors in to her ability to offer up a hand on her own, or in this instance respond to my request for help. Does that make any sense? She's never had to "help" any one but herself. I'm really tired so if this doesn't make any sense I apo!ogize! Not true, I'd expect a single person to have more time to help than a married woman with kids who has lots of time obligations. Her not offering up a hand is part her personality and part her feelings of your friendship.
|
|
|
Post by chaosisapony on Apr 12, 2019 20:05:30 GMT
I appreciate the validation girls. She's the only friend of mine who has never been married or had children. At times I wonder how that factors in to her ability to offer up a hand on her own, or in this instance respond to my request for help. Does that make any sense? She's never had to "help" any one but herself. I'm really tired so if this doesn't make any sense I apo!ogize! I have never been married or had children. I still go out of my way to help people that need a favor here or there. They do the same for me when I need a favor. It's not about family or work commitments, it's about being a good person to your fellow human beings.
|
|
|
Post by Mary_K on Apr 12, 2019 20:13:35 GMT
Wow - I'd drive far out of my way for a friend and have.
I don't understand a friend that wouldn't.
Mary K
|
|
|
Post by flanz on Apr 13, 2019 1:09:02 GMT
But that's your choice, right? You get to decide just how much effort and time you want to put into the relationship. Exactly. So I need to zip my lips/sit on my hands OR, tell her how you feel.
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Apr 13, 2019 2:45:29 GMT
Dinner one block from her house and she can't run back and get your card? Odd! That's really strange. It's also incredibly selfish. Perhaps she never does favors for anyone and only thinks of herself. Is her friendship important or could you be happy w/o her?
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Apr 13, 2019 16:13:41 GMT
I read all the responses because I am just floored. A block away?! I'd do anything at any time for someone for something that is a block away. I know you said you aren't going to say something, but maybe somehow, someway she misunderstood your text? I read it and it is eminently understandable, but sometimes you read things quickly and misunderstand. I'm guessing her no was clear that it was "no, I won't do that" instead of "no, it's not a problem." I think this will sit with you unless you bring it up with her. I'd say something like, Hey Frieda. I drove over and got my credit card yesterday. Did I offend you in some way by asking you if you could take a few minutes out of your day to get the card, rather than me taking an hour? It's a fair question for a good friend and you'll have your answer. She may say, "Michym! Of course I was going to get it for you. What are you talking about?" or "Michym! Don't you remember I was having my heartlessness removed today? I was in the hospital all day." And then you will know. “I was having my heartlessness removed”. I love it. Thanks for making me laugh.
|
|
FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 7,214
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
|
Post by FurryP on Apr 13, 2019 17:02:16 GMT
As others have said it would take them aback for sure. A couple of years ago I left my wallet in the restroom at a farmers market. I realized it the next day, which was a Sunday and knew the park was locked down/closed. Monday I called and no one had turned it in. Boo hoo...well, Monday's mail brought an OVERNIGHT package with my wallet and all its contents and a letter saying they had cancelled the cards and what time they did so (within 20 min of me leaving it in the restroom). This person went above and beyond both time wise and at their own expense to return my wallet/cards. I do my best to help whomever I can, strangers or friends. I realize not all people are like that. If a friend asked me for a favor that I was not able to do, I would do my best to explain to them the reason, or offer an additional solution or something. Do you carry your social security card with you? I am wondering how they got authenticated sufficiently by the bank to be able to cancel your cards. The phone number would not even match to what the companies have on file. Or perhaps banks will just cancel cards if a person says they found the cards? Maybe that is it. Hmm... if that is the case just anyone can go around cancelling your cards as long as they have possession.
|
|
|
Post by teacherlisa on Apr 13, 2019 18:36:17 GMT
As others have said it would take them aback for sure. A couple of years ago I left my wallet in the restroom at a farmers market. I realized it the next day, which was a Sunday and knew the park was locked down/closed. Monday I called and no one had turned it in. Boo hoo...well, Monday's mail brought an OVERNIGHT package with my wallet and all its contents and a letter saying they had cancelled the cards and what time they did so (within 20 min of me leaving it in the restroom). This person went above and beyond both time wise and at their own expense to return my wallet/cards. I do my best to help whomever I can, strangers or friends. I realize not all people are like that. If a friend asked me for a favor that I was not able to do, I would do my best to explain to them the reason, or offer an additional solution or something. Do you carry your social security card with you? I am wondering how they got authenticated sufficiently by the bank to be able to cancel your cards. The phone number would not even match to what the companies have on file. Or perhaps banks will just cancel cards if a person says they found the cards? Maybe that is it. Hmm... if that is the case just anyone can go around cancelling your cards as long as they have possession. I do not carry my social security card... there is a phone number on the back of the card that says if lost/stolen call 1 800.... when I called to verify it was cancelled it had been... I didn’t question it ... I was just thankful.
|
|
caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,667
Location: So Cal
Jun 26, 2014 16:42:12 GMT
|
Post by caangel on Apr 13, 2019 18:57:43 GMT
Do you carry your social security card with you? I am wondering how they got authenticated sufficiently by the bank to be able to cancel your cards. The phone number would not even match to what the companies have on file. Or perhaps banks will just cancel cards if a person says they found the cards? Maybe that is it. Hmm... if that is the case just anyone can go around cancelling your cards as long as they have possession. I do not carry my social security card... there is a phone number on the back of the card that says if lost/stolen call 1 800.... when I called to verify it was cancelled it had been... I didn’t question it ... I was just thankful. I have done a similar thing when I found a debit card in the street.
|
|
PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,799
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
|
Post by PaperAngel on Apr 13, 2019 19:02:36 GMT
Leaving your friend's name at the restaurant before confirming she could pick up the credit card was presumptuous. Perhaps feels disrespected, frustrated, &/or offended that you made her responsible for your credit card without her knowledge & expected her to drop what she doing to correct your mistake. Further, you're now upset with her for not doing just that!
|
|
Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,675
Jun 26, 2014 2:04:55 GMT
|
Post by Elsabelle on Apr 13, 2019 23:05:04 GMT
MichyM , here's a story that should make you feel better about your simple request. An acquaintance that I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years got my number from a friend and called me. She said her friend was interested in buying a vehicle in an area an hour away from a city I used to live in 5 years ago. She knew I didn't live there anymore but wanted me to find a friend there who would drive an hour away to look over a vehicle that her friend might buy.
|
|
|
Post by originalvanillabean on Apr 13, 2019 23:22:33 GMT
I’m sorry. I think she’s less of a friend than you deserve.
|
|
lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,292
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
|
Post by lesley on Apr 14, 2019 10:11:29 GMT
MichyM , here's a story that should make you feel better about your simple request. An acquaintance that I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years got my number from a friend and called me. She said her friend was interested in buying a vehicle in an area an hour away from a city I used to live in 5 years ago. She knew I didn't live there anymore but wanted me to find a friend there who would drive an hour away to look over a vehicle that her friend might buy. That is ridiculous! How did she react when you laughed in her face?!
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on Apr 14, 2019 10:53:32 GMT
I’d be ticked off. A lot.
Can an I tell you about the night my ex husband called at 11:00 because his live in girlfriend was driving home from work in his mini van in the middle of a horrible snowstorm and he couldn’t get in touch with her (she had no cell phone but of course he was at home with one)? He was worried because she had never driven in snow and they lived on a hill...unless you drove way out of the way you couldn’t get to their home without going up a hill. So I went out and drove around the route she should have taken home and found her. I made her follow me because he would have freaked if we left his van behind. I got her home and then he called the police to report that she was safe. He had called the police earlier because he feared she’d been in an accident or slid off the road. Did I mention it was a really bad storm? The officer was also shocked when he told him that his ex wife had gone out and made sure his girlfriend got home safely. “This will go into the record books as ‘never before and never again’ “ is what he told my ex.
So so walking a block for a friend wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,969
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
|
Post by AnotherPea on Apr 14, 2019 15:42:35 GMT
Just now reading the thread.
OP, I think that's a crappy friend. Even though there are two sides to every story, I cannot imagine an alternate version of this story that doesn't make the friend out to be inconsiderate and unworthy of friendship.
But... this is a consequence of people constantly saying "no is a complete sentence." People start saying no, with zero consideration of others' feelings or needs.
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Apr 14, 2019 15:51:23 GMT
I’d be ticked off. A lot. Can an I tell you about the night my ex husband called at 11:00 because his live in girlfriend was driving home from work in his mini van in the middle of a horrible snowstorm and he couldn’t get in touch with her (she had no cell phone but of course he was at home with one)? He was worried because she had never driven in snow and they lived on a hill...unless you drove way out of the way you couldn’t get to their home without going up a hill. So I went out and drove around the route she should have taken home and found her. I made her follow me because he would have freaked if we left his van behind. I got her home and then he called the police to report that she was safe. He had called the police earlier because he feared she’d been in an accident or slid off the road. Did I mention it was a really bad storm? The officer was also shocked when he told him that his ex wife had gone out and made sure his girlfriend got home safely. “This will go into the record books as ‘never before and never again’ “ is what he told my ex. So so walking a block for a friend wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. Now that is b@llsy!
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,387
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Apr 14, 2019 16:03:25 GMT
She's the only friend of mine who has never been married or had children. At times I wonder how that factors in to her ability to offer up a hand on her own, or in this instance respond to my request for help. Does that make any sense? She's never had to "help" any one but herself. NAH..that's BULLSHIT. I have never been married nor have kids and I help others all.the.time. She showed you her true self. Same. She's just a jerk.
|
|