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Post by bethany102399 on May 13, 2019 1:49:09 GMT
This turned into a bit of a ramble, I think I just needed to get it out.
Some of you may remember mom was hospitalized for Flu and Pneumonia in January. She came home from rehab at the end of February, and while she was slow and tired easily she was moving well and we all felt was on the road to recovery.
In the intervening months, she's stopped eating and managed to get screwed up on her meds, as in not taking them, and Thursday called me at 2:30 in the morning to help get her out of bed to go to the bathroom. She's retaining water in her legs and can barely walk. I called her primary who took one look at her legs and admitted her to the hospital. She's furious and is claiming I "dumped" her in there.
She's lucid, thank God, but very frustrated and angry. She has congestive heart failure and her heart is not pumping hard enough to move the water out of her legs. We were supposed to move her into an independent apartment this weekend, and in fact did move her stuff over on Saturday as I thought she'd go there from the hospital. I was talking to palliative care today and they told me she may or may not be able to go to the apartment, and basically said she has months if the new meds they're trying work.
If they don't then I have no idea how long she has, but not long. I'm just sick. She's so upset at being in the hospital, we spent a great deal of money to get her into the apartment which now may be for not. And I feel like her house and it's contents just got dumped on me. I've been pushing her to get out for some time now, and she's pushed back. I'm angry that this didn't get done earlier, then feel guilty that I'm angry.
We've been saving for years to go on a huge trip to Florida in June, which depending on her health may not happen or will mean that I spend half of it not able to really relax wondering if she's stable. More guilt.
Someone, I believe it was on here, said I wish we had both found it easier to love each other. I totally get and agree with that statement.
****05/13 update*****
Thank you all for the hugs, it's really appreciated. The meds did not work the way the docs had hoped. She is refusing more invasive levels of care, and we have started hospice. They're telling me she doesn't have long left, days maybe. I told my DH when he asked how I was that just as when my dad died, If you give me a job I'll do it in order to not stop. Right now, there are lots of jobs to do. Once those stop then I break.
On the flip side, They will take care of her pain, she's bedridden at this point and so very unhappy about it. I know we're doing what she wants us to do. not what WE want, but what she wants.
Some of you may remember mom was hospitalized for Flu and Pneumonia in January. She came home from rehab at the end of February, and while she was slow and tired easily she was moving well and we all felt was on the road to recovery.
In the intervening months, she's stopped eating and managed to get screwed up on her meds, as in not taking them, and Thursday called me at 2:30 in the morning to help get her out of bed to go to the bathroom. She's retaining water in her legs and can barely walk. I called her primary who took one look at her legs and admitted her to the hospital. She's furious and is claiming I "dumped" her in there.
She's lucid, thank God, but very frustrated and angry. She has congestive heart failure and her heart is not pumping hard enough to move the water out of her legs. We were supposed to move her into an independent apartment this weekend, and in fact did move her stuff over on Saturday as I thought she'd go there from the hospital. I was talking to palliative care today and they told me she may or may not be able to go to the apartment, and basically said she has months if the new meds they're trying work.
If they don't then I have no idea how long she has, but not long. I'm just sick. She's so upset at being in the hospital, we spent a great deal of money to get her into the apartment which now may be for not. And I feel like her house and it's contents just got dumped on me. I've been pushing her to get out for some time now, and she's pushed back. I'm angry that this didn't get done earlier, then feel guilty that I'm angry.
We've been saving for years to go on a huge trip to Florida in June, which depending on her health may not happen or will mean that I spend half of it not able to really relax wondering if she's stable. More guilt.
Someone, I believe it was on here, said I wish we had both found it easier to love each other. I totally get and agree with that statement.
****05/13 update*****
Thank you all for the hugs, it's really appreciated. The meds did not work the way the docs had hoped. She is refusing more invasive levels of care, and we have started hospice. They're telling me she doesn't have long left, days maybe. I told my DH when he asked how I was that just as when my dad died, If you give me a job I'll do it in order to not stop. Right now, there are lots of jobs to do. Once those stop then I break.
On the flip side, They will take care of her pain, she's bedridden at this point and so very unhappy about it. I know we're doing what she wants us to do. not what WE want, but what she wants.
