DH got a surprising diagnosis...

A year or so ago, things kept going wrong in my body. When my doctor came into the exam room, I point blank asked her "I'm dying, aren't I?" She said that I would not live to my 70's or 80's, but they were not ready to call hospice. (I was 57.)

Early this year I had a follow-up cystoscopy for bladder cancer. The doctor said we did not do the next one until 3 years because with my co-morbidities I would not be lasting very long.

A few months ago, I had blood in my stool. Based on my past experience, I was quite reluctant to even consider doing the bowel prep again. I was tussling with my GP about it. I asked if it was even worth doing with my co-morbidities and her prediction that I would not make it into my 70's or 80's. She said "Oh, I don't think that any more." Seems my co-morbidities have stabilized - particularly with my oxygenation.

Moral of the story, things change and doctors can alter their opinions.

Also, I have a new ARNP on my case with Palliative Care/Home Med Services. He says I am much more stable than I look on paper. That may also apply to your husband. You never know.

You have my empathy. I do understand about the slap in the face when you’re not expecting a dr to say what they say and a husband to react the way they do.

My DH has stage 4 CKD, but his numbers have been steady for a year or so. He saw his fistula surgeon in early Jan ‘19 and was told everything was great, the fistula is ready, but with his numbers being so steady, he probably wouldn’t need it for a while.

When we went to his nephrologist a few weeks later, we expected to hear that things were stable and to just continue as we were. Instead, he told us that DH could start dialysis whenever he was ready. Talk about jaws dropping and our hearts going to out throats. We were both reeling! When the nurse realized how upset we were, she had the dr come back in.

He told us that he had not meant DH HAD to start dialysis. DH had complained about being so tired so the dr was just offering to go ahead with the dialysis to remedy the exhaustion, if we so chose. We didn’t so choose to take that route, so the dr started looking for other alternatives. DH started doing iron infusions and they have made a huge difference.

Meanwhile, my DH, like yours, takes advantage of any time I’m not watching to eat things he knows he shouldn’t. Like your hubby, mine is diabetic, hypertensive, and overweight. He lives on a very restrictive diet that I spend hours making from scratch and making as tasty as possible. It is SO DAMN frustrating when, instead of heating up something I’ve made in the fridge, he goes out and gets something he knows he shouldn’t eat. Is it really so hard to use the microwave? He used it for years, before his diagnosis.

Please consider reaching out to the cardio to see if he can clarify and expand on how your husband is actually doing. Maybe he can help get your DH back on track.

Take care,
Marcy

That had to be a very shocking thing for you both to hear.  But, as others have already posted, doctors can make dire predictions like this and then the patient lives for years and years.  My mom told me that when she was about 15, a doctor told their family that her mother, my grandmother, would probably have another 5 years to live at best.  They were all shocked and devastated.  My grandmother lived to 99 years old.

My father had so many health issues, mostly brought on by his lifestyle of drinking and smoking for so many years.  He had asthma, heart attacks, and a whole list of ailments at the end including complete kidney failure.  He was on peritoneal dialysis for a couple of years.  He died at 90 years of age.

I know of a man whose mother was given news like this and believed it.  She spent her life basically in a cocoon, afraid to live.  She always told everyone how sick she was and lived each day anticipating her death.  She outlived everyone in her family and died at 89.

I would do as you have planned, try to get him to clean up his diet and lose some weight.  Also, tell him of the number of people who have been given news like this that do not die as their doctors predicted.  There is always hope, and doing what you can to improve your health and life is never a waste.

Hugs

I am so very sorry, I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

Wow-that's a lot to take in. Sending prayers for you and your DH.

When I was in kindergarten (1967?) they told my father to brace us for losing our mom by morning or that week.  She died. Thanksgiving of 2016- nearly 50 years later.

@bergdorfblonde I am so very sorry to hear of his diagnosis and the frustration with your hubby's eating habits.  Perhaps (and I hope) after the shock of it wears off some he will start taking care of himself better.  I wish only the best for you both.

@mlna Good luck to your husband.  I too had a fistula put in in prep for dialysis need.  My numbers "said" that I should start dialysis but my worst complaint was exhaustion.  My nephrologist left me be saying only at some point he would "insist" because most people would have started with those numbers.  But to me, I weighed "exhaustion" vs "dialysis" and opted to take more naps instead of dialysis.  It worked for me and the only time the fistula wasn't  used much until after transplant before the new kidney kicked into high gear.

My best of luck to your DH too.

((hugs)) all around.

((((Hugs)))

Oh dear, I am so sorry. What a blow to you both.

Oh my gosh Bergdorfblonde I can't begin to express how sad this news makes me. You've both dealt with so much and now this on top of everything else? Please try not to worry. I'm sending you a PM now. 

I am so sorry you received such devastating news.

My dad lived longer than that with 20% total heart function. We had a doctor here tell us we should probably put him in hospice care (thank goodness my dad was out of the room!); we took him to UAB in Birmingham where he had surgery. They gave him another 5 years with us.
Don't let what someone says give you an expiration date and give up. Doctors aren't gods and what they say isn't written in stone.