|
Post by dewryce on Jul 15, 2019 19:32:21 GMT
I don't want to give him another shot, no worries, but I'd just like an apology. Why? That he made repeated body shaming comments and even justified them means he isn’t sorry. If he apologized, it would be a lie and just an attempt to manipulate you. He isn’t sorry and deep down you know that. It is hurtful and it sucks. But even if he mouths the words, it will be meaningless. Exactly. Good for you for knowing your worth and leaving!
|
|
|
Post by yodutchess on Jul 15, 2019 19:37:37 GMT
You did the right thing. Don’t put up with that. Let us help you find a duplicate bathing suit, or one you might like better.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jul 15, 2019 19:37:54 GMT
Has he tried to contact you today??
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Jul 15, 2019 19:39:01 GMT
We do have a long history together. It's not just some random guy I met recently. In that case I wouldn't expect anything. In my case, yes, an apology is in order. I expect he'll get a reality check when people ask him how it went. We have two common friends that we chat with regularly. I am curious to see if they say anything about it. Not to beat a dead horse, but with this info it now seems as if he may apologize because he wants to look good in front of your mutual friends. That he has made repeated comments over several days, means that is what he really thinks. It wasn’t a one-off comment, by your own admission. So, if your friends tell him he is a jerk and only then he apologizes, it is an attempt to manipulate how they think of him, in addition to manipulating you. It doesn’t mean that he suddenly loves your body exactly how it is, or that he respects you enough to not have made body shaming comments repeatedly. I’m struggling to understand why an apology that doesn’t reflect any remorse is something you want. Please let go and move on. It doesn’t matter that you have known him for years - he doesn’t respect you (or he wouldn’t have said those things) and he has a very ugly hurtful side. You deserve better than that.
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2019 19:40:38 GMT
We do have a long history together. It's not just some random guy I met recently. In that case I wouldn't expect anything. In my case, yes, an apology is in order. I expect he'll get a reality check when people ask him how it went. We have two common friends that we chat with regularly. I am curious to see if they say anything about it. I think you're going to be waiting a very long time for a meaningful apology. You've already cut him loose, now go ahead and move on. You deserve much better than this, whether its a random hook up or someone you've known for years. And also, honestly, I woudn't ask mutual friends about him. Just let it/him go.....
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Jul 15, 2019 19:47:36 GMT
I hate wearing sexy crap anyway. It’s always uncomfortable to sleep in. Or half in because it’s usually skimpy enough that something inevitably comes out.
If I made extra effort to wear sexy underwear & got a rude comment I’d be angry. Not sure I’d be leaving at 4 am without a conversation angry but that’s not out of the question either. Depends on the rest of the situation & relationship.
You teach people how to treat you & he isn’t getting the message. Move on. ( which clearly you did at 4 am )
As for if someone left me I’d probably be pretty mad at first. Maybe perhaps embarrassed when I read the note, especially if I didn’t remember what I’d said. If I had any kind of intent to continue the relationship I’d assume a massive apology was due, perhaps to both parties but I’d start with apologizing for my drunken comment & see where the conversation went ( although this is all supposition because I don’t drink much & when I do I sleep, not speak. & I doubt I’d have the guts to say something like that to anyone drunk or not )
|
|
|
Post by refupea on Jul 15, 2019 19:48:35 GMT
I have not read any replies yet.
As I was reading what you had to share, I was thinking, "This guy is a jerk!" Then the second time?!!!!!!!!!! In my mind I was thinking, "I hope she left or tossed him out!" And there was more you won't share here?! Not that you need validation from anyone and you have to trust how he made you feel, but I am proud of you. None of what he said is acceptable and not offering the chance to discuss it? That is ridiculous!!! I can't believe this is a fifty year old man. Not an adult at all!!!!
Yes, he should reach out to attempt to apologize. I don't know that I would pick up the phone when he called, but I can be stubborn that way. And if he does, you certainly don't have to call him back. Unless you want to get more off your chest.
Enjoy the fun memories you had together and move forward!!!
I am sorry he was such a jacknut to you though!!!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 17:02:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2019 19:56:09 GMT
So I guess my questions are as follows:
1) is it ever right to bring up somebody's weight and body shape if there are no health concerns, just aesthetic considerations, and was I in the wrong to be upset? My question applies to anybody, whatever the weight. It is never right to comment on someone's weight or shape simply because he/she isn't aesthetically pleasing to you. In fact, that's a sign of a really shallow person.
2) is it ever ok to leave like I did when someone is really rude and this person is not a stranger but someone close to you? He was incredibly rude and you were right to leave and not endure additional negative comments.
3) how would you react if somebody left without notice after you'd been a jerk to them and just left you a note explaining why they were leaving? That's assuming that you know that you'd be a jerk and own it. Would you contact them to try to make amends or just let it go and assume they are done with you? I don't really want to maintain any relationship from now on but I think apologies are in order in this case and i like to hear different points of views about that. I'd be done. In this instance, the apology needs to be freely offered and not requested. If you have to contact him to receive one, then he will never learn.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 17:02:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2019 19:59:13 GMT
I am fat, flabby and my husband thinks I am a goddess. That’s the way I think all men should feel about the woman they are with.
I would have beaten the crap out of him the minute he told me to work out more.
|
|
marianne
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
Posts: 4,176
Location: right smack dab in the middle of SC
Site Supporter
Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
|
Post by marianne on Jul 15, 2019 20:01:22 GMT
When someone shows you who they are, believe them... the first time. He's shown you - move on to someone who accepts all of you... soft belly, discussing of emotions, resolving conflict, all of it. Don't let this putz upset your spirit or make you question your self esteem. You deserve better.
|
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,260
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
|
Post by smcast on Jul 15, 2019 20:02:16 GMT
I used to be married to a guy like this. It only gets worse. They are nasty and pick fights when there isnt anything wrong. You will never be good enough. Good riddance!
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Jul 15, 2019 20:02:31 GMT
If you really want to get back at him never take a call from him again nor an apology and especially never ask friends about him. That will drive him nuts.
|
|
|
Post by needsperspective on Jul 15, 2019 20:11:02 GMT
Has he tried to contact you today?? This happened today at 4 in the morning. So I assumed he slept until noon. If he woke up and didn't see me in the bed he must have assumed I was in the "living room" (we had a suite) or down at the gym. So he might have just noticed not long ago I was gone.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Jul 15, 2019 20:16:43 GMT
I kept thinking I would have packed up and left, and then you said you did. Good for you. He's not in a good place himself or he wouldn't be doing things like that to you. He can go work on himself without you. No one needs that kind of negativity in their lives.
And no, I would not require a most likely insincere apology. I'm done.
|
|
|
Post by needsperspective on Jul 15, 2019 20:17:06 GMT
And also, honestly, I woudn't ask mutual friends about him. Just let it/him go..... Don't worry, I won't ask about him. One lives abroad like him, I met her when I went there. If anything comes out it's gonna be in writing and I won't be the one to ask. The other one lives here but we only interact online. So I don't expect to discuss it myself with him, but he might bring it up.
|
|
|
Post by mustlovecats on Jul 15, 2019 20:20:38 GMT
I don’t care if you are 400 pounds, this guy is a dick and not worth your time or emotional effort.
|
|
muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
|
Post by muggins on Jul 15, 2019 20:22:53 GMT
I agree with everyone else. I actually think you were nice to leave him a note. I might have cut the crotch out of all his pants instead.
|
|
|
Post by femalebusiness on Jul 15, 2019 20:24:28 GMT
I agree with everyone else. I actually think you were nice to leave him a note. I might have cut the crotch out of all his pants instead. 😂😂😂
|
|
|
Post by birukitty on Jul 15, 2019 20:34:13 GMT
You did the right thing, and with a lot more restraint than I would probably have shown. His mid life crisis does not give him the right to be verbally abusive to you. And that's what that is. Putting you down, and refusing to have a conversation about how you feel when he did so. Honestly, friend, do you want to continue on with a relationship that makes you feel so bad? You are lovely and can do so much better. There are men out there who want to be respectful to you. Who will consider how you feel. I would not give the guy you've been seeing have another shot. He's shown you who he has become. Believe him. This 100%. Putting others down like this is verbal abuse. He's doing it (among other reasons) to make himself feel better. But, there is no excuse whatsoever for it! It is incredibly painful and can last for years to those on the receiving end. I am so proud of you for leaving when you did! You say it wasn't mature. I say, after living with an emotionally abusive (it got physically abusive at the end) husband for 7 years (this was 27 years ago), that you were incredibly wise and smart to leave when you did. You are worth so much more than this! This man has already shown you who he is-his true colors. Believe him. If you stay with him it will only get worse-a lot worse-and you deserve so much more than this. Every woman deserves a man or woman who will love them exactly as they are. Who will encourage them, believe in them, honor them, and most of all respect them. This guy isn't it! If it were me I'd break all contact with him now. He's shown me who he is and I wouldn't want anything more to do with him.
|
|
|
Post by needsperspective on Jul 15, 2019 20:35:17 GMT
I should have chocked him with the panties by shoving them down his throat. 😂😂😂
|
|
|
Post by kernriver on Jul 15, 2019 20:37:11 GMT
Yes, I think it is ok to just leave. I think it would be unusual to stay. If there’s no talking to him and he keeps on making these comments, then wtf? I think you made your point perfectly.
|
|
Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,636
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
|
Post by Rhondito on Jul 15, 2019 20:38:06 GMT
Good riddance. You did exactly what I would've done.
I wouldn't be concerned at all about an apology. He lives in another country for Pete's sake - it's not as if you're going to run into him at the grocery store or at social functions! I think you saying you need an apology because of your history is really you just wanting to know his reaction to your leaving. He's an ass, let it go.
|
|
julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
|
Post by julie5 on Jul 15, 2019 20:39:22 GMT
I really love how you handled it. He’s made it clear he wasn’t going to talk about it like an adult so by packing up and leaving you showed him that you’re unwilling to accept his behavior. I think he was way out of line and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. <3
|
|
|
Post by ladytrisha on Jul 15, 2019 20:43:37 GMT
You did the right thing - absolutely! You won't get an apology and even if you did, I wouldn't put any value in it because someone that shallow and self-centered can't be bothered to see that you're a person. He's in love with himself and his image (distorted as it is).
Please tell me you've blocked the POS and won't see him again. He is verbally abusive and a disgusting piece of crap.
|
|
|
Post by needsperspective on Jul 15, 2019 20:46:09 GMT
OK ladies you have all been so nice and have given me the confidence required to post a picture of me taken three weeks ago for more validation that he is a world class asshole. I did not put on weight since then. I am 44 years old if that matters. So... Does anyone here see this huge belly worth mentioning twice
|
|
|
Post by stormsts on Jul 15, 2019 20:48:01 GMT
I would have done exactly the same thing! No one deserves that kind of bs. Would love to have seen his face when he read your note.
|
|
|
Post by MichyM on Jul 15, 2019 20:53:20 GMT
OK ladies you have all been so nice and have given me the confidence required to post a picture of me taken three weeks ago for more validation that he is a world class asshole. I did not put on weight since then. I am 44 years old if that matters. So... Does anyone here see this huge belly worth mentioning twice I will happily validate that you look good, and help boost your self esteem That said, I'd be less concerned with the words that he said, and more concerned about the fact that he said them.
|
|
|
Post by tentoes on Jul 15, 2019 20:54:22 GMT
I kept thinking I would have packed up and left, and then you said you did. Good for you. He's not in a good place himself or he wouldn't be doing things like that to you. He can go work on himself without you. No one needs that kind of negativity in their lives. And no, I would not require a most likely insincere apology. I'm done. That is what I was thinking when I was reading also. Glad you walked out on him. He doesn't deserve you! Take care of yourself.
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on Jul 15, 2019 20:54:22 GMT
I only read your post and no responses.
He’s a jerk and doesn’t deserve you. At. All. You did what I would have wanted to do. Good on you!
|
|
|
Post by lisae on Jul 15, 2019 21:00:53 GMT
I'm glad you left and you found out what he is really like before this went further. I'm sure it is disappointing but in the long run you are better off. And I think it was fine to leave the note and just go. He could have said more hurtful things or he could have apologized but I doubt he would have truly changed his opinions or muffled his unwarranted criticisms for too long. You did the right thing.
|
|