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Post by needsperspective on Jul 16, 2019 1:39:57 GMT
This is what I think: HE'S gross. He actually thinks you are very attractive, too attractive for him, and he wants you to think you don't deserve better because he is insecure. I don't think anything about what you did was immature. You don't owe him anything. You are in charge of yourself and where you go and what you do. His behavior was unacceptable to you and you no longer wanted to be in his company. It's not like you lit his hair on fire or threw all his clothes off the balcony or cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush. Or put his clothes in the shower and turned it on, then left them sitting there. Or walked out and left the door open. Or took all his money. Or threw his cell phone off the balcony. Ahhh thanks. I feel better about the situation. It's nice to think of things to do but then not do them, isn't it? Anyway, you are lovely. You are way out of his league, and he knows it. It's not out of the realm of possibility that this is how he grooms his women and the ones who fall for it end up going for an unpleasant ride that ends in heartbreak and pain. Lastly, I think you're great. Good going. You made me laugh so hard. All great ideas 😂😂😂 I should have stolen all his underwear and left him with the panties only. Lol. As for the part about grooming, no. He hasn't been in any relationship lately. I don't think that's how he operates. For whatever reason he seems threatened by a woman like me. I agree that it looks a lot like he has low self esteem.
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Post by curiouscrafter on Jul 16, 2019 1:40:06 GMT
Oh Hell No...before you mentioned you left, I was thinking...I would be out the door...I wouldn't have left a note or said a word - just Bye Felicia! What an ass. Sorry this happened to you. What a shitty guy. urgh!
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Post by curiouscrafter on Jul 16, 2019 1:45:21 GMT
OK ladies you have all been so nice and have given me the confidence required to post a picture of me taken three weeks ago for more validation that he is a world class asshole. I did not put on weight since then. I am 44 years old if that matters. So... Does anyone here see this huge belly worth mentioning twice WOW! I'll take your body on me please...and don't give that loser another thought - pure dickhead.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jul 16, 2019 2:00:46 GMT
You did the right thing!
Do not engage further.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 16, 2019 2:11:23 GMT
Are you willing to feel like you do now for the rest of your life? If not, don't worry about your part in this and don't look back.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 16, 2019 2:18:04 GMT
He sounds really rude and controlling. I'd stop things now.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,740
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Jul 16, 2019 2:23:32 GMT
I was cheering when you got to the part about you leaving. Yes! What an ass. I would want him to feel sorry but I know he doesn’t and so I wouldn’t spend another second thinking about his rude as hell ass.
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Post by Belia on Jul 16, 2019 2:56:10 GMT
Wanting him to apologize signals to him that he still matters. That his opinion matters. And I would strongly encourage you to not give one whit about what this man thinks. Your position is much stronger if you don't care whether you get an apology or not. This x1000
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me2
Full Member
Posts: 145
Oct 3, 2016 3:32:09 GMT
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Post by me2 on Jul 16, 2019 3:16:36 GMT
He was projecting a whole lot of insecurities on you! By the way, I wish my stomach looked that “gross”. I’d be rocking that bikini on the streets.
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Post by alexa11 on Jul 16, 2019 3:18:10 GMT
Just want to reiterate what everyone else has said. Good for you for leaving. Just let it go and move on.
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Post by flanz on Jul 16, 2019 4:00:24 GMT
We do have a long history together. It's not just some random guy I met recently. In that case I wouldn't expect anything. In my case, yes, an apology is in order. I expect he'll get a reality check when people ask him how it went. We have two common friends that we chat with regularly. I am curious to see if they say anything about it. If you're waiting for him to apologize you're still allowing him to hurt you. RUN in the other direction and don't look back!
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Post by flanz on Jul 16, 2019 4:02:44 GMT
If you really want to get back at him never take a call from him again nor an apology and especially never ask friends about him. That will drive him nuts. YES!!!
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Post by flanz on Jul 16, 2019 4:06:25 GMT
I don't want to give him another shot, no worries, but I'd just like an apology. In my case, yes, an apology is in order. I commend you on choosing to remove yourself from the situation and leave. I disagree with your fixation on getting an apology from him. Wanting him to apologize signals to him that he still matters. That his opinion matters. And I would strongly encourage you to not give one whit about what this man thinks. Your position is much stronger if you don't care whether you get an apology or not. I agree completely! Hadn't read this before posting my own reply.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 16, 2019 4:10:07 GMT
Correct me if I'm wrong:
You knew this guy for 26 years, but hadn't seen him for many years. You reconnected 2 years ago and spent about 1 month together and he's insulting how you look in underwear? What are you doing with this guy?
This could be me. This is another reason why I am single. Thank you for this succinct bit of wisdom.
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Post by AngieandSnoopy on Jul 16, 2019 4:17:30 GMT
This is what I think: HE'S gross. He actually thinks you are very attractive, too attractive for him, and he wants you to think you don't deserve better because he is insecure.I don't think anything about what you did was immature. You don't owe him anything. You are in charge of yourself and where you go and what you do. His behavior was unacceptable to you and you no longer wanted to be in his company. It's not like you lit his hair on fire or threw all his clothes off the balcony or cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush. Or put his clothes in the shower and turned it on, then left them sitting there. Or walked out and left the door open. Or took all his money. Or threw his cell phone off the balcony. Ahhh thanks. I feel better about the situation. It's nice to think of things to do but then not do them, isn't it? Anyway, you are lovely. You are way out of his league, and he knows it. It's not out of the realm of possibility that this is how he grooms his women and the ones who fall for it end up going for an unpleasant ride that ends in heartbreak and pain. Lastly, I think you're great. Good going. Seanna, you nailed it! BTDT My xh knew he didn't deserve me and spent our marriage trying to make me feel 1 inch tall. Kept telling me I was lucky to be married to him, that no one else would have me. My late DH said that xH was lucky to have ME, that he'd (late DH) never been as happy in his life as he was after he married me.
OP, leaving was NOT childish. Childish would have been waking him up and arguing with him since you know you can't win with AH's. Or some of the other wonderful stuff some peas mentioned that you could have done to him!
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,030
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Jul 16, 2019 5:07:28 GMT
Makes me so sad that you feel the need to list your size and post a photo to rebut this arrogant a hole. You are too good for him, I’m glad you left, and even if you did have a belly, and were overweight, it’s not his job to point it out to you. Ugh. He’s shown you who he is, PLEASE believe him even if he dies offer a lame ass apology.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,030
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Jul 16, 2019 5:08:56 GMT
He was projecting a whole lot of insecurities on you! By the way, I wish my stomach looked that “gross”. I’d be rocking that bikini on the streets. Right? I’ll show him a gross 3x breech baby c section stretch marked up stomach. He’s an asshole.
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Post by 2marbles on Jul 16, 2019 5:24:25 GMT
The peas are spot on.
He showed you who he is...believe him.
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Post by Lexica on Jul 16, 2019 6:42:11 GMT
I’m still going over his declaration that he won’t talk about emotions. What an ass. I wonder how he would have reacted if you mentioned a few things about him physically. Hair thinning? Middle bulge?
I had a guy I dated about 5 years before surprise me by dropping in one Saturday. He mentioned that I had gotten a bigger butt. I said really? Come here and bend down. I want to use your bald spot as a mirror to check it out. He never said another negative thing about me again. I have to thank my exdh for giving me years of verbal negativity. When I left him, I learned to rise above that kind of petty putdown. I just won’t take it from anyone anymore. No woman should. And now, rather than feeling my self esteem melt away, I either zing an immediate barb back at them because it is so unexpected to come from me. Or I do as you did and realize the person doesn’t have the depth and compassion for others that I would need in a man. Then I leave.
You did the right thing in leaving. I’m proud of you.
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Post by roberta on Jul 16, 2019 7:47:26 GMT
You did the right thing. You deserve respect. Don’t expect an apology. You deserve one but he is unlikely to offer a sincere apology. That’s a cute suit and you look GREAT!
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on Jul 16, 2019 8:55:04 GMT
Well done for calmly packing your case and leaving him! You did the right thing, and I think you are well rid of him!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jul 16, 2019 9:47:08 GMT
Is that the suit you left in the room? If so, I’m sorry.
I also am sorry you felt the need to list your measurements and post a pic. That shows he got to you. You deserve to feel so good about yourself you feel no need to do that.
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Post by jenjie on Jul 16, 2019 10:55:49 GMT
I also am sorry you felt the need to list your measurements and post a pic. That shows he got to you. You deserve to feel so good about yourself you feel no need to do that. Yes yes yes. I didn’t know how to say this but I really wanted to.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,803
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Jul 16, 2019 11:00:17 GMT
Well done for calmly packing your case and leaving him! You did the right thing, and I think you are well rid of him! This and everything else thats’s been said.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 16, 2019 11:43:57 GMT
You did the right thing. Forget the apology. IF he apologizes, I don't believe it would be sincere.
Frankly, I'd block him.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,960
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jul 16, 2019 12:12:22 GMT
I was happy to read that you left. He's a jerk. You don't owe him an apology and I don't think you should contact him again or accept his calls.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,534
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Jul 16, 2019 12:37:33 GMT
When someone reveals himself to you, believe him.
He revealed his true character and nature, whether stated or unstated.
You walked away. Good choice!
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Post by needsperspective on Jul 16, 2019 12:50:26 GMT
Hello ladies,
I got a good night's sleep and re-read all your answers carefully, I needed that. Thank you so much for all your comments. As much as all of this pains me, and even though I will miss many things about him, I have no doubt I made the right decision and I have no intention whatsoever to go back to him. I will not contact him and I will never, ever apologize for what I did. He just deserved to be ditched like that.
All of you are right. He doesn't deserve me for sure. He has issues, possibly self-esteem issues, that he needs to sort out. He is not happy in is current job most of the time, but for whatever reason, he doesn't do anything about it. He put on weight during the last year, presumably because he goes out a lot to eat and drinks too often. He talked about his own weight and belly A LOT during his visit. I know it is bothering him a lot, so I assume that by talking about my belly he felt better. Who knows.
One thing is for sure, he must be hurt (at least his pride must be) and really pissed. He's the big boss where he works and is used to be the one who makes if not all decisions, most of them. Same in his personal life. He's so used to do as he pleases that not having one say in how things unfolded must make him angry for sure.
If he reaches out, I might tell him he doesn't deserve me and that a strong woman like me doesn't need to hang around with someone who feels the need to put her down to boost his ego.
I still haven't called the hotel for my bathing suit. I will do it soon.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 23, 2024 11:30:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 16, 2019 12:52:38 GMT
Please PLEASE don’t take what that man said to heart. It is amazing to hear you say you are comfortable with your body and don’t let one superficial person change that. What does it matter if your tummy is a little squishy? Mine is and I can tell you my husband would never say anything even CLOSE to that. In fact he know I have image issues after carrying 4 kids and during my low time on my self views he pointed out everything he loved about me to how my belly button looks like it is smiling at him during &ex. That is what every woman needs. Someone who will see her and her body as one. Perfectly imperfect! A “midlife” crisis is NOT an excuse to ever hurt someone over something so tiny it shouldn’t even be on the dang radar for complaining about! You felt beautiful in those and he was blind to see it. And I KNOW when a woman puts something on and feels cute it radiates. He only saw a body and not YOU. That is no where near love or even respect.
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Post by pelirroja on Jul 16, 2019 12:53:06 GMT
Let go of needing an apology. You have seen his true colors and you did good by walking away. I wouldn't mention any of this to the mutual friends: just go permanent no-contact with him. Act as if he didn't affect/effect you. Hard to do but after awhile, you won't be acting anymore and it will become your new reality.
I'm a little bit saddened that you felt the need to post your measurements and a photo. There is no need to defend yourself, which is what you will find yourself doing (endlessly) if you choose to let him back in your life.
Dating is when guys are on their very best behavior. If this is his best self, why would you want to stick around and continue to get treated badly? It will inevitably get worse, it always does. Turn him loose: he's a jerk and you deserve so much better than this.
Better to be alone than to be in bad company.
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