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Post by elaine on Aug 16, 2019 0:13:36 GMT
to go before a judge to determine whether or my not husband I can become permanent legal guardians of our younger son with Autism, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and is Intellectually Disabled (IQ of 45), who turned 18 y.o. at the beginning of August.
We had to pay $3K in legal fees to file for and have a lawyer during this process (required in VA) for the privilege.
So, we will meet briefly with a judge tomorrow (after completing lengthy paperwork, having our psychiatrist complete paperwork, meeting with a Court appointed guardian) and then will be sworn in as his guardians, sealing our commitment to have him with us until we die.
I would gladly pay $3 Million if I could experience the bittersweet feelings of empty nest syndrome and not facing the reality of waking him each morning, dressing him, getting him off to school or a Day Center program in the future, cooking dinner for him, bathing him and putting him to bed each night. No weekends alone for Dh and I. No trips without both our adult children with Autism.
I thought my late 50’s and beyond would involve being able to focus on my career and my marriage, and instead I cannot work, cannot spend time alone with my husband, and will function the same as an elementary school-aged child mother until the day I die. And now my child, who will never have the intellect beyond that of a kindergartner, is 6’2” and likes to hit me and try to strangle me when he is frustrated.
It is a very depressing night for me. I joined 2Peas 18 years ago when ds2 was 1 month old and never thought that this would be my life.
I get that empty nest syndrome is real, but want to share that the alternative is an absolute f’ing living hell. I should be sending him off to college, but instead he tried to strangle me in the car on the way home from a special needs day camp today.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,393
Location: Fergus, Ontario
Jun 26, 2014 11:53:40 GMT
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Post by cakediva on Aug 16, 2019 0:15:32 GMT
Oh Elaine - I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and DH, I cannot begin to imagine your daily struggles.
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Post by Merge on Aug 16, 2019 0:16:24 GMT
to go before a judge to determine whether or my not husband I can become permanent legal guardians of our younger son with Autism, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and is Intellectually Disabled (IQ of 45), who turned 18 y.o. at the beginning of August. We had to pay $3K in legal fees to file for and have a lawyer during this process (required in VA) for the privilege. So, we will meet briefly with a judge tomorrow (after completing lengthy paperwork, having our psychiatrist complete paperwork, meeting with a Court appointed guardian) and then will be sworn in as his guardians, sealing our commitment to have him with us until we die. I would gladly pay $3 Million if I could experience the bittersweet feelings of empty nest syndrome and not facing the reality of waking him each morning, dressing him, getting him off to school or a Day Center program in the future, cooking dinner for him, bathing him and putting him to bed each night. No weekends alone for Dh and I. No trips without both our adult children with Autism. I thought my late 50’s and beyond would involve being able to focus on my career and my marriage, and instead I cannot work, cannot spend time alone with my husband, and will function the same as an elementary school-aged child mother until the day I die. And now my child, who will never have the intellect beyond that of a kindergartner, is 6’2” and likes to hit me and try to strangle me when he is frustrated. It is a very depressing night for me. I joined 2Peas 18 years ago when ds2 was 1 month old and never thought that this would be my life. I get that empty nest syndrome is real, but want to share that the alternative is an absolute f’ing living hell. I should be sending him off to college, but instead he tried to strangle me in the car on the way home from a special needs day camp today. ((Hugs)) Elaine. I wish I could say something that would help. I’m thinking of you.
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Deleted
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Apr 19, 2024 14:05:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 0:19:14 GMT
I'm so sorry, Elaine.
Nathaniel, my youngest, is two. He's in a violent stage right now. Last week he hit and kicked and scratched me every day, for large parts of the day. I came to tears over it multiple times.
What came to my mind often is how you had endured this on such a bigger scale for such a prolonged amount of time, and how you had done it with so much grace and patience, even at your most desperate. So I guess what I'm saying is, thank you for sharing your story with us. It was a source of strength for me last week. But, I'm sorry it's so hard and I wish you could trade the impact your story is having on others for the peace and "normal" that so many of us take for granted.
Hugs to you.
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Post by kikitwo on Aug 16, 2019 0:19:26 GMT
My heart goes out to you
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Post by Blind Squirrel on Aug 16, 2019 0:20:47 GMT
I hear you and I'm sorry.
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Post by *Shannon on Aug 16, 2019 0:20:51 GMT
I don't know what to say, Elaine. I know you must feel so many things, especially today. I am sorry it's so hard.
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Post by dewryce on Aug 16, 2019 0:21:24 GMT
Sweetie I am so sorry you are having to live with this. Are you okay? Physically, at least as I am sure your heart is hurting.
I was a case worker for an MHMR group home where one of our residents moved in with us for this exact reason. Well, the violence against his mother was the reason, though his IQ was below 70. He loved her to death and it killed her to move him in with us. Just a very sad situation all around. I hope you have good resources at your disposal and a wonderful support group and wish I was closer so I could help give you a break, I know it is mentally and physically exhausting.
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Post by heartland on Aug 16, 2019 0:22:17 GMT
(((hugs)))
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Post by christine58 on Aug 16, 2019 0:23:08 GMT
I thought my late 50’s and beyond would involve being able to focus on my career and my marriage, and instead I cannot work, cannot spend time alone with my husband, and will function the same as an elementary school-aged child mother until the day I die. And now my child, who will never have the intellect beyond that of a kindergartner, is 6’2” and likes to hit me and try to strangle me when he is frustrated. Have you ever looked into a group home?? He sounds so much like a friend's son (her son is now in his 40's). She found him the perfect group home. Yes there was and is a lot of guilt but she was able to be safe and he has done very well. C. was as violent as your son. YOU deserve to be safe and happy...
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Post by shevy on Aug 16, 2019 0:24:11 GMT
I'm sorry Elaine. I know people joke about never wanting their kids to leave, but the reality is that there are indeed some kids who never leave. I have a friend who has saved every penny she could, because not only will her life as a mom never end, but she also has to save for a life after her death for her son. She's making plans, plans that change every couple of years, that no parent should have to make.
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Post by belgravia on Aug 16, 2019 0:25:07 GMT
Gosh, I’m so sorry. Hugs to you.
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
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Post by muggins on Aug 16, 2019 0:25:57 GMT
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,658
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Aug 16, 2019 0:30:41 GMT
😢 I'm thinking of you.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 16, 2019 0:32:20 GMT
elaine you have been through so much lately I wish there were more I could do for you and yours... may you be able to find some peace inbetween the rough spots! May things go smoothly for you and DH tomorrow! ((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
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Post by karinec on Aug 16, 2019 0:36:31 GMT
I’m so sorry. I hope you get a break here sometime soon.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
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Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Aug 16, 2019 0:38:46 GMT
I don't even know what to say, especially since I'm sure you've heard all the platitudes before. I'll just say that we are here, and please make sure to take care of yourself.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 16, 2019 0:39:08 GMT
I am sorry that your life is this way. I send a hug of comfort.
Is there a state home or group home for which he would qualify? I know of 2 families with children who will never be able to live alone. One put the daughter in a state operated home/facility for mentally disabled --the daughter is now in her 30s and does well. The other is a son with mental abilities that prohibit living on his own. He lives in a group situation.
I do wish you the best.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Aug 16, 2019 0:39:08 GMT
Elaine, I’m hugging you tight right now. Holy cow woman—you are one of the strongest, most resilient, fierce women I’ve ever encountered.
LOVE YOU! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Post by flanz on Aug 16, 2019 0:41:36 GMT
Dear Elaine, You are such a loving, caring, giving person here on the pod and IRL too, I'm certain. It's heartbreaking, what you are going through. I'm so very sorry.
I hope you have an opportunity for some respite care, so that you and your DH can truly have a break at least once in a while on a regular basis. However, with the violence your physically large son subjects you to, I'm thinking that you may need to find a home for him as a couple of pps have suggested.
Sending you much love and many hugs...
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Post by littlemama on Aug 16, 2019 0:43:03 GMT
elaine I am so sorry for your continued struggles. I know the words don't help, but know that you have an entire community of women supporting you. ❤
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Post by ntsf on Aug 16, 2019 0:53:46 GMT
hugs and hugs elaine. I would start the long process to find some other living situation for him. I am trying to find supportive housing for my adult child with autism (though of the high intellect--totally different from your situation)..our country make it totally hard to do this, especially in high cost areas..
prayers and hugs....
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Aug 16, 2019 0:58:48 GMT
(((hugs))) We had a neighbor that ended up putting her son into an adult living facility. It was the best thing for the both of them.
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 16, 2019 1:02:57 GMT
I have no words of comfort, I have no words to express how sorry I am, I am not eloquent enough to express how much I admire you. I appreciate you sharing with us and I too am in awe of how strong you are. I wish peace for you and your family. I am just so very sorry.
I will be thinking of you especially hard tomorrow.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
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Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Aug 16, 2019 1:04:48 GMT
I'm so sorry Elaine. ((hugs))
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Post by mom on Aug 16, 2019 1:14:06 GMT
oh elaine .I am sorry.I will be thinking of you tomorrow and pray for you to have peace about everything.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,631
Jun 26, 2014 14:35:07 GMT
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Post by janeliz on Aug 16, 2019 1:15:29 GMT
I wish I could offer you more than cyber hugs and positive thoughts. Please know that I’m thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome for your son and family.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 16, 2019 1:25:59 GMT
I have no words of comfort, I have no words to express how sorry I am, I am not eloquent enough to express how much I admire you. I appreciate you sharing with us and I too am in awe of how strong you are. I wish peace for you and your family. I am just so very sorry. I will be thinking of you especially hard tomorrow. Skellinton said exactly what I was thinking. Hugs to you as your family continues on with this journey.
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oaksong
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Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Aug 16, 2019 1:30:57 GMT
I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your difficulties with us, and making the world a better place in spite of it all.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,891
Location: Northern Virginia
Aug 7, 2014 22:09:44 GMT
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Aug 16, 2019 1:34:42 GMT
((((Hugs)))) Elaine, I'll be thinking of you and your family tomorrow, and remember we're here to listen anytime.
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