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Post by snowsilver on Aug 17, 2019 6:07:21 GMT
Elaine, it's 2 a.m. and I have a busy day tomorrow, but I just saw this and I can't go to bed without letting you know that I care. The very best gift I have to offer you is my Heavenly Father who loves you as though you are the only person on the planet. He sees your sorrows and knows the unbelievable cross you bear. I don't have to ask Him to take care of you....He does that anyway, although all of us can understand that it probably doesn't seem that way to you. I don't know why some are given a much heavier load to bear than most others. But I will pray on my knees before I allow myself to climb into my bed that He will straighten the path before you and hold you tightly in His all-powerful arms.
I have no good advice. i haven't walked in your shoes. But I do care. I will pray, not only tonight but continuously.
Elise
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Post by mollycoddle on Aug 17, 2019 11:18:46 GMT
Ah, Elaine, I missed this yesterday. I’m thinking of you and yours and wishing you well. 🤞🏻
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Aug 17, 2019 12:17:46 GMT
((((Hugs)))) Elaine.
Hoping you are alright today.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 17, 2019 13:18:34 GMT
So glad you were able to get that all done! Rest easy!
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,725
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 17, 2019 16:54:19 GMT
Sorry I missed this until today, but I'm glad it went as well as could be expected. I think you're amazing. Everything you've had to, and still have to cope with, and you're still kind, gracious and loving. Thank YOU for adding to this little community, even while you're facing all that.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,397
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Aug 17, 2019 19:03:56 GMT
elaine you are amazing! You can hear the love for your son in your posts. I know in my heart that you are doing the right thing. Sending you big love.
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,269
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Aug 17, 2019 19:21:10 GMT
I’m sorry. Lots of (((hugs))).
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Post by Chips on Aug 17, 2019 19:32:40 GMT
Elaine, I am so sorry - hugs and love.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 12:11:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2019 20:29:29 GMT
to go before a judge to determine whether or my not husband I can become permanent legal guardians of our younger son with Autism, Osteogenesis Imperfecta and is Intellectually Disabled (IQ of 45), who turned 18 y.o. at the beginning of August. We had to pay $3K in legal fees to file for and have a lawyer during this process (required in VA) for the privilege. So, we will meet briefly with a judge tomorrow (after completing lengthy paperwork, having our psychiatrist complete paperwork, meeting with a Court appointed guardian) and then will be sworn in as his guardians, sealing our commitment to have him with us until we die. I would gladly pay $3 Million if I could experience the bittersweet feelings of empty nest syndrome and not facing the reality of waking him each morning, dressing him, getting him off to school or a Day Center program in the future, cooking dinner for him, bathing him and putting him to bed each night. No weekends alone for Dh and I. No trips without both our adult children with Autism. I thought my late 50’s and beyond would involve being able to focus on my career and my marriage, and instead I cannot work, cannot spend time alone with my husband, and will function the same as an elementary school-aged child mother until the day I die. And now my child, who will never have the intellect beyond that of a kindergartner, is 6’2” and likes to hit me and try to strangle me when he is frustrated. It is a very depressing night for me. I joined 2Peas 18 years ago when ds2 was 1 month old and never thought that this would be my life. I get that empty nest syndrome is real, but want to share that the alternative is an absolute f’ing living hell. I should be sending him off to college, but instead he tried to strangle me in the car on the way home from a special needs day camp today. Sending you a PM. BIG hugs to you. I admire all that you do. xo
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 17, 2019 21:00:14 GMT
I’m glad that it went smoothly. I’m hoping that today is going well for you and that you are at peace with this momentous day. Hugs, my friend.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
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Post by sassyangel on Aug 17, 2019 21:47:55 GMT
I’m so sorry Elaine, I just saw this. I know there is nothing I can say that will make any of this easier or better for you. My sister walks in your shoes, and I’m always so humbled by the grace and patience you both show - even when things are really bad and you just need to vent. The primary caregiver unfairly often seems the target for their physical frustrations, and it sucks. * hugs* We are here for you.
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Post by meriannj on Aug 18, 2019 0:18:10 GMT
Elaine, I am just reading all of this and reading your pain in your words. I have no words that anyone else hasn't already spoken. My offer still stands, when you have a break and feel up to it, I would love to meet for lunch or dinner one day. Sending love and strength to you!
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,505
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 18, 2019 3:00:51 GMT
Your OP was a real wake-up call for me as my nest begins to empty. God bless you and your sons!
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Post by newscrapper05 on Aug 19, 2019 18:54:57 GMT
I admire you so much. I am sorry - that is all I can think of to say.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 19, 2019 21:02:12 GMT
Thanks for asking! I checked in while waiting for court and it went fine. Only a few minutes before the judge and then 1 1/2 hours in a clerk’s office finalizing all the paperwork and getting notarized copies of the guardianship certificate. DS didn’t really understand what was going on and was fairly subdued, but was happy that we got to stop for bagels and lox and cream cheese for lunch on the way home. It is a big relief to have this part of the paperwork and process done. My thanks to everyone again for all of the support you freely give - you lift me up. I am glad you got this part of the paperwork done with no real trouble. May you have many trouble free days ahead.
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Post by lauradrumm on Aug 19, 2019 23:26:14 GMT
How are you today, Elaine?
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Post by lauradrumm on Aug 19, 2019 23:29:52 GMT
I know this is obvious but have y’all tried various medications with any luck? I realize they can only do so much but over the years we’ve had to experiment with different ones. I’m grasping at straws because I want to help.
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Post by elaine on Aug 19, 2019 23:42:34 GMT
I know this is obvious but have y’all tried various medications with any luck? I realize they can only do so much but over the years we’ve had to experiment with different ones. I’m grasping at straws because I want to help. It is a GREAT question. We have tried every medication under the sun with him, and his 2.5 month inpatient stay from Feb through April was to get him off of everything (was on 7 meds at the time) and to start over again. Now we are at “only” 5 meds taken at various times during the day. You name the atypical antipsychotic and we’ve tried it. Right now the cocktail involves Olanzapine, Propranolol, Thorazine, Clonidine and Trazodone - some in the morning, some after lunch, some at bedtime and Thorazine is PRN for violence. Today is a bad day because this is a week without camp and school won’t start until next week. He showed up in our bedroom at 6 am screaming at us and punched me in the head when I wouldn’t get up with him (can’t reinforce the coming into our bedroom while we are sleeping to get what he wants). Hubby had to go off to work and I got to stay home with him - he was bored with nothing to do and I can’t take him out by myself any more. Now I am off to the airport to pick up my 84 y.o. mother’s dog to live with us for the next 3 months. She is moving in with us - from California- this weekend until the apartment she bought in a retirement community in MD is finished in December. When it rains, it pours! One day at a time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 20, 2024 12:11:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2019 0:12:23 GMT
Think about putting a Dutch door on your bedroom. You can lock the bottom half and leave the top open. And put an alarm on his bedroom door so you know when he leaves his room. Or an alarm on your door so you know when he enters.
Please check out resident homes. He is only going to get stronger.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,170
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Aug 20, 2019 1:49:17 GMT
((Hugs)) Elaine, I wish there was a way we could help you through this time in your life. You are such a wise, thoughtful woman. God Bless.
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Post by lauradrumm on Aug 20, 2019 2:33:39 GMT
I know this is obvious but have y’all tried various medications with any luck? I realize they can only do so much but over the years we’ve had to experiment with different ones. I’m grasping at straws because I want to help. It is a GREAT question. We have tried every medication under the sun with him, and his 2.5 month inpatient stay from Feb through April was to get him off of everything (was on 7 meds at the time) and to start over again. Now we are at “only” 5 meds taken at various times during the day. You name the atypical antipsychotic and we’ve tried it. Right now the cocktail involves Olanzapine, Propranolol, Thorazine, Clonidine and Trazodone - some in the morning, some after lunch, some at bedtime and Thorazine is PRN for violence. Today is a bad day because this is a week without camp and school won’t start until next week. He showed up in our bedroom at 6 am screaming at us and punched me in the head when I wouldn’t get up with him (can’t reinforce the coming into our bedroom while we are sleeping to get what he wants). Hubby had to go off to work and I got to stay home with him - he was bored with nothing to do and I can’t take him out by myself any more. Now I am off to the airport to pick up my 84 y.o. mother’s dog to live with us for the next 3 months. She is moving in with us - from California- this weekend until the apartment she bought in a retirement community in MD is finished in December. When it rains, it pours! One day at a time. My son is on trazadone and buspirone and old fashioned Adderall for his adhd. When he went through a scary phase at 15 the dr put him on Risperal (sp?) and that was a nightmare-took him off immediately and he started balancing back out. I’ll continue to send ideas as I hear them if you’d like. I don’t want to overstep. Hugs
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 20, 2019 5:28:05 GMT
I had no idea. Sending love. x
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,759
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Aug 20, 2019 7:46:46 GMT
Oh elaine I'm so sorry. All I can offer are words and the ones I can think of are so inadequate. You say he is bored this week because no camp and no school, what activity keeps him occupied at these places? Maybe the peas can put their collective heads together and think of a few ideas to try at home. I am concerned about your personal safety, what makes him stop when he has his hands around your neck? I know it sounds terrible but i might be tempted to have something on my person to help stop him, what I don't know, a spray? Or please watch some self defence videos, my dd took part in a self defence course for girls and all the mums watching learnt something just From observing, like pinching the underside of the upper arm hard. The instructor showed the girls that despite their smaller size they could employ a number of techniques to their advantage. Hugs to you.
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Post by threecs on Aug 20, 2019 12:08:46 GMT
I am glad everything went as it should. My DS is turning 18 in October and I am beginning the guardianship process now. He has severe autism, and lives at a residential school. It is so hard this time of year with the kids going back to school. His twin is going to be a senior in high school and I always wonder what things would be for him had he been a NT kid.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Aug 20, 2019 15:17:00 GMT
Adding my love to the wonderful outpouring you've gotten on this thread. I'm glad things went well in court, and the group home coverage sounds hopeful. I too like the analogy given upthread about thinking of the group home as a young child not wanting to go to school. Even as NT adults we fear the unknown, so it's only natural that he would be frightened of a big life change. I pray that the solutions will come clear to you as you navigate through the next several months. You are so loved and supported here; please never hesitate to land here if you need to cry, vent, or just be distracted. We are here for you!!
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Post by tyra on Aug 20, 2019 16:00:29 GMT
Another that missed your original thread, but I have read it all and wanted to add my hugs.
I can't begin to imagine what you are struggling with. I can't imagine waking up the way you did, or having to deal with the physical attacks. You are so incredibly strong and have such a huge heart.
I know that you are giving group homes a thought for sometime in the future. My mom runs one, out of her home for mentally/physically challenged woman, a CBRF. It is AMAZING to have them in an actual home setting, with the family dog, celebrating all of our family events/holidays, having chores (some are very menial, but they are proud of them) etc. I know that it gives the families of her clients more peace than if they were in a more formal setting. Just another avenue for you to look at when/if the time comes. I am not sure if your state participates in the program, but look for a CBRF (Community Based Residential Facility) or an AFM (Adult Family Home) if it is interesting to you.
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