rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Sept 15, 2019 15:34:27 GMT
my in-laws were hard-working, salt of the earth people who welcomed me into their home and their hearts.
my FIL was a gruff man but dropped anything if i ever needed help or something for the kids. he was a doting and loving grandfather. he passed away in 2007.
my MIL and i were close. i bought all her bday gifts, christmas gifts and mother's day gifts. i called her at least once a week to check in on her. i listened to her and supported her when she had cancer. she told me she loved me and bragged to all her family down east about what a great mom i was. i was more attentive & closer to her than either of her own children.
fast forward to 2 yrs ago when DH and i split up. she has *never* spoken to me again. including when i had a breast cancer scare shortly after the split (DH knew) - not a phone call to say "separate from all this, are you okay?".
she immediately believed *every* *single* terrible lie he said about me. i get that blood is thinker than water but i am not gonna lie. it hurt. a lot.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Sept 15, 2019 15:37:58 GMT
Both my MIL and FIL speak mostly Spanish. I do not. They both can speak English, when they want to. He, has a greater English vocab than she does, but she and I can communicate a little bit. MIL is warm to me and although we don't talk a lot, I feel her sincerity and think she cares about me. FIL is used to being the "Godfather" of the family and from Day 1, I let it be known that I wasn't about to get under that umbrella just for the sake of appearances. He doesn't like that I am a strong woman. They are sad we don't have kids (no grandkids for them), but the other siblings have plenty to go around. We have been married 15+ years and I recently decided I'm not going to try much anymore. They don't. If you aren't blood (DH is, I am not) you really don't count much. I fought it for a while and now I don't really care, but I also choose not to attend many family events, etc...It isn't like they miss me.
My parents love my DH and my dad talks to my DH on the phone more than me! (and I am his favorite). I am so grateful for the good relationship on my side.
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Post by refugeepea on Sept 15, 2019 15:41:03 GMT
'she' told my 4 year old DD that I killed her father, OMG! That is beyond terrible especially to a child so young. You are a better person than me. I would have been done.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 30, 2024 5:36:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 15:44:33 GMT
Mine are divorced. FIL is a selfish alcoholic who barely remembers how old his grandsons are. He has not seen them in a few years. MIL neither awesome or awful. She does not live locally. None of my in-laws do so as a result, DH and I are after thoughts for all of them. BIL and his wife live in another state so we see them once every other year. MIL keeps saying she wants to come to games and performances but has not since one concert in 8th grade. We had a playoff game in her area and she still did not come.
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Post by salem on Sept 15, 2019 15:48:51 GMT
Judge me for being a bitch saying this but....
My IL’s are deceased. Both passed about 6 years ago. Our relationship is fine now.
I was not the problem. FIL was fine. Older and set in his ways, but was not one to stick his nose into our business. I liked him OK. MIL was like Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. Being a very independent person that didn’t need my own parents up in my business, never mind his, she drove me nuts. Always butting in or giving her opinion. My DH would take the kids down to see them almost every weekend and then MIL would call her asshole daughter and gossip about whatever he talked about. I kept my tongue until one day in front of one of my daughter’s she decided to give her opinion on how I was disciplining my other child who was being a complete turd at a family party. Gloves came off and I let MIL have it. When DH didn’t speak up to defend my handling of the situation, and trust me, it was ongoing with the child at the time and it was nothing more than removing her from the room and yelling at her to knock her crap off in so many words, I ripped him one when we got home. Let’s just say that never happened again. The last few years of her life she laid off me, but she never liked the fact that I married her son and took the spotlight off her in his eyes. She had other kids, but the reality is that my DH was the one that took care of them and whatever they needed, right up through the end.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,599
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Sept 15, 2019 15:49:50 GMT
Mine are terrible. When DH was fighting cancer, the didn’t do one damn thing ( they live 30 minutes from us). I told him, when you pass, I’ll never hear from them again. He passed on Valentine’s Day, and the ONLY communication I’ve had was a text message from my sister-in-law, to tell me I made my MIL feel bad because DH’s funeral mass was so nice. She didn’t do one when my FIL passed and was now upset and it’s my fault. Other than that, nothing. They sent DS a birthday card but no phone call. I was raised better, I sent them Mother’s/Father’s day cards and birthday cards. I will always send my nieces/nephews cards/gifts for their birthdays/holidays. Honestly, I’m over it. I don’t care ONE bit if DS doesn’t have a relationship with them. They are selfish and racist and as far as I’m concerned I don’t want them around DS. My nieces/nephews are ok, they’re all in the 18-21 range but none of them do anything without their parent’s permission. They wanted to visit DH before he passed but since their parents didn’t, neither did they. I hate them for the simple fact that the hurt DH so badly by not visiting, he cried about it. I begged them to come but the were “busy”.
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Post by beachbum on Sept 15, 2019 16:00:58 GMT
Well, considering that my MIL told me that I "wasn't good enough to marry her son" (her exact words) I would say we didn't get along well. Amazingly I managed to find a filter and kept my mouth shut that day.
I pretty much kept away from the in laws. Sometimes I had to make an appearance, like a 4th of July weekend breakfast with all the inlaws. DH's 2 sisters (he was only boy, large difference in ages - the older sister is the same age as my mother) and their families were there. We were a few minutes late, I was a week away from having child #3 and DS decided to pitch a huge fit before we left home. When we got there MIL jumped up from the table and went to the kitchen to make plates. One for DH, one for DD#1 and one for DS. Yes, she made one for everyone but me. It got really quiet, then my DD#1, 6y/o at the time, spoke up, "Don't worry Mama, I'll share mine with you." Such a sweet little girl, and really made the point. One SIL was appalled and asked me about it later. I just told her that it was par for the course.
MIL developed Alzheimer's disease. The one good thing about that was that she forgot how much she hated me, and told everyone around her that I was the best person in the family!!
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Post by femalebusiness on Sept 15, 2019 16:02:16 GMT
My in-laws are both gone now but I was lucky to have them. I adored my father-in-law. He was hard working, generous, funny and handsome. He was one of the main reasons that I married my husband who looks just like him and as he aged has become just like his dad.
My mother-in-law was a feisty little Mexican woman who tried to rule her family with an iron hand. I went a few rounds with her early on but we became good friends as soon as she figured out she couldn’t run my life. Her and I were more friends than mother/child like she was with everyone else. She told me things she didn't share with the rest of the family and she always liked me best of all the kids. I liked her because she was strong and opinionated. I miss her a lot.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Sept 15, 2019 16:04:56 GMT
FIL passed away shortly after we were married. I only met him a handful of times. His love for his family was very strong and he treated my MIL like a queen. He was a wonderful role model for my DH.
We don’t live close to MIL. She’s kind to me and always says she loves me, which I believe. She accepted my DDs from a previous relationship from the first time she met me and completely considers them her grandchildren. My impression is that because she wasn’t raised with a mother figure and never had any daughters, along with FIL’s complete adoration of her, she doesn’t really excel at female relationships. It’s almost like there’s an undercurrent of her needing to be #1 in DHs eyes and that she has to protect him from me. I swear to all that is holy if she asks me one.more.time if I could ‘work more hours’ I’m going to completely lose my shit. EVERY time I talk to her. I have always worked. Sometimes WAH, sometimes WOH, but I’ve always had a job and I’m a very hard worker. I’ve been at my current job, working 40 hours a week outside the home, for six years. From a woman who, like many of her generation, was a SAHM! We’re secure financially and I have never once uttered a word about our budget or finances to her even if we weren’t-I don’t talk about that kind of stuff. It literally comes out of nowhere.
DH on the other hand, didn’t get a fair deal in the IL department. My dad is a good FIL in that he's respectful, helpful when he’s able and doesn’t butt into our business. My mother is a dictionary of awfulness in every way and lives with us parttime. It’s beginning to wear on our family and she’s going to have to have other arrangements soon.
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Post by mom on Sept 15, 2019 16:16:43 GMT
My FIL is fine. He means well.
My MIL? I have no relationship with. Everything is about her and she so critical of everything. She doesn't see my boys as her grandkids & has told them so (even though DH and I have been married since my boys were 2 & 4 - so 16 years).
When my mom was alive, DH would tell you he loved my parents and had won the lottery. DH bawled when my mom passed. He truly loved her. Then my dad remarried and became someone we don't know anymore, so we don't see them except maybe 2x a year (they live 2 miles away).
My ex-FIL I loved as my own dad. He was a kind soul, hardworker. Even on his deathbed (literally) he asked for me to come and we talked. He apologized for the shit his son did to me. My ex-MIL is pretty good as well. Both of my ex-IL loved my kids so much.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 15, 2019 16:26:11 GMT
Both of my ILs were alcoholics, although FIL held his liquor better than MIL did. He was a yeller and could be intimidating, but he never once yelled at me. (If he would have, I would have barked right back in his face which I guessed he knew.) He passed away when we were in our late 20’s.
MIL was very passive aggressive, likely because FIL was verbally abusive to her. She wasn’t the warm and fuzzy, bake cookies with the grandkids kind of grandma either. I don’t think she really liked kids much at all TBH. Because of her issues, DH worried about her a lot and didn’t want her doing things like climbing on ladders to change lightbulbs and things like that and she used it to her advantage. She would call him up all the time to get us to go over there and do stuff for her, even though when she moved into her last house she bought one across town from us and just blocks away from her DD and SIL (who only rarely did anything for her). She was an odd duck, to say the least.
DH never knew my dad because he passed away when I was young, but my dad would have loved DH. They would have had a lot in common. DH would have loved my dad too, because he was the kind of guy DH naturally gravitates toward. My dad was handy and could fix anything, liked doing his own home improvements, changing his own oil, building stuff, things like that, just like DH. My mom really loved DH right from the start. She was a great mom and a great MIL. He was always sweet to her and she appreciated that. She wasn’t the type to ever meddle. Never nagged us about anything or overstepped. We didn’t have our kid until she was in her 80’s and afflicted with Alzheimer’s which is kind of sad. She would have loved the kid our DD has turned out to be, and she would have *really* loved DD’s long curly hair (she was a hair stylist and it’s the kind of hair she always wished me or one of my sisters would have had).
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Post by mustlovecats on Sept 15, 2019 17:01:26 GMT
My FIL died of cancer 2 years ago and was working up until the day he went into the hospital and died. I have rarely known someone more committed to the well being of their family than him, he was faithful and solid.
My MIL is easygoing, not judgmental, and just wants to be around her family.
I am grateful to have never had a MIL problem a minute in my life.
My SIL is kind of useless though, she abandoned her daughter to live with my MIL and FIL and has missed out on her own child growing up. It’s sad.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,512
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Sept 15, 2019 17:11:17 GMT
I hit the IL jackpot, for sure. They were both very dear to me. I have a bunch of SILs (DH's sisters and my brothers' wives) who are all wonderful, too! I am really lucky.
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Post by salem on Sept 15, 2019 17:33:06 GMT
Oh, one other thing with my MIL.
DH (although before were married)and I had been together for about 4 years. We had bought a house and were engaged. We were trying for DD#1 and had been trying to the point there was an appt with an RE involved to work on future testing. We were ecstatic to find out that we were successful. When DH told his parents, his Mother actually had the fucking balls to ask him if it was his? Lucky for her I did not find out about that comment til long after. She was such a bitch.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 15, 2019 17:36:37 GMT
I'm living The Big Fat Greek Wedding with my in-laws. FIL had a serious stroke just after I met the family (about a year before DH and I started dating), so I never really knew him. He was very much an absentee father, either at work or the Greek coffee shop back room playing poker, putting my DH in the father role for his siblings. MIL is the queen of passive aggressive control. When we first married she would go on to me about a distant cousin's wife who always showed up to family events in jeans so she felt sorry for her MIL who was so nice. I commented to DH about his mom's obsession with what V wore and doubted her MIL gave it a second thought. DH died laughing and let me know told me I'd completely missed the message. Part of the reason we moved was to get away from the constant family drama. When MIL visits I learned long ago to keep her happy by having a basket of sewing/mending projects, let her do all our laundry and invite her to teach me how to make Greek specialties. She would be even happier if I put on Jerry Springer while she works but I told her we didn't get that channel. (heehee, I guess I can be passive aggressive, too) My mom was a great MIL and my dad a very old school, traditional Brit in everything he does, including being a FIL. DH gets along great with him but that says more about my awesome DH than it does about my dad.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 15, 2019 17:55:52 GMT
My MIL taught me that I should treat every girl my sons bring home kindly. My MIL did not care for me. She didn't like my sense of humor. (I could have given her half of mine). I think she just wanted to keep her son all to herself. When I figured that out, I would send him back home with or without the kids and let her have him. Then she would complain that I didn't come. I really couldn't win and when I stopped trying, I felt so much better. Now when a young lady shows up at my door, she is welcome and welcomed. It really doesn't matter how much I like them, what matters is how much he likes her. Thankfully my youngest has kept the same girlfriend for 9 years and I love her like a daughter.
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Post by monklady123 on Sept 15, 2019 17:57:48 GMT
Well, considering that my MIL told me that I "wasn't good enough to marry her son" (her exact words) I would say we didn't get along well. Amazingly I managed to find a filter and kept my mouth shut that day. I pretty much kept away from the in laws. Sometimes I had to make an appearance, like a 4th of July weekend breakfast with all the inlaws. DH's 2 sisters (he was only boy, large difference in ages - the older sister is the same age as my mother) and their families were there. We were a few minutes late, I was a week away from having child #3 and DS decided to pitch a huge fit before we left home. When we got there MIL jumped up from the table and went to the kitchen to make plates. One for DH, one for DD#1 and one for DS. Yes, she made one for everyone but me. It got really quiet, then my DD#1, 6y/o at the time, spoke up, " Don't worry Mama, I'll share mine with you." Such a sweet little girl, and really made the point. One SIL was appalled and asked me about it later. I just told her that it was par for the course. MIL developed Alzheimer's disease. The one good thing about that was that she forgot how much she hated me, and told everyone around her that I was the best person in the family!!
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MissChris
Full Member
Posts: 370
Jul 14, 2014 0:46:04 GMT
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Post by MissChris on Sept 15, 2019 18:35:58 GMT
It's lovely seeing all of the good in-law stories and I'm sorry for those that have horrible relationship, which is my situation. I never really knew my FIL because he died shortly after I married his son. My MIL, however, is a completely different story. I can honestly say that she has treated me horribly since the day I married her son 27 years ago. I can honestly say that I will not shed one tear when she dies. First, my MIL is hispanic and very Catholic, I'm neither. I'm my husband's third wife, he's my first husband. His first wife was Catholic, so in MIL's eyes, she is the chosen one. He has 1 son with his first wife and 1 son with his second and we don't have any children together. That's strike 2. I've always been fairly independent and have always worked full time. That's strike 3. According to my MIL we don't have any children because I'm selfish. After our first year of marriage she asked me what was wrong with me because I should already have 1 child and be a full time homemaker. I told her that her son didn't want any more kids and that's the reason we don't have any (of course there are a lot of other reason that she didn't need to know about), but she flat out said I was lying and that I'm a horrible person for not giving her more grandchildren. She also told me that she would do just about anything to facilitate her son, my husband, getting back together with his first wife.
Some of the Christmas gifts she has given me over the years includes a dirty, used sweatshirt (faded black with deodorant stains), a bottle of dandruff shampoo, men's underwear, used sweatpants that were 3 sizes too small, and candles (the ones with various saints on the front) that were burned all the way down to nothing (she said I could wash them out and use them as drinking glasses!!) I finally stopped subjecting myself to her abuse several years ago on Mother's Day. We went to her house, I reluctantly gave her a hug and wished her a happy mother's day, she told me happy mother's day, then pushed me away and said "Wait, you aren't a mother, your a step mother!! And do you know what we do with step-mothers? We step on them, like an ugly bug!" And of course she had to demonstrate by stomping her foot on the ground.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 30, 2024 5:36:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 18:40:53 GMT
Wow, some of these stories are horrible. What the eff is wrong with people?
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Post by chlerbie on Sept 15, 2019 18:51:44 GMT
I only had a MIL and while she's gone now, she adored me. I got along fine with her, though we didn't really have anything in common. She had a very loving and generous spirit, however. DH was also raised quite a bit by his great-aunt, who had no children of her own, so she was also a big part of our lives. She was very dear and I thought of her as a grandmother. I miss her a lot.
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Post by padresfan619 on Sept 15, 2019 19:05:43 GMT
My husband is my mother in laws favorite, she worships the ground he walks on. Luckily she also loves me but it could have gone either way. She can be overbearing and smothering, but we live a plane ride away so we don’t have to deal with it very often. My father in law is a typical stiff upper lipped British man, he is very stoic and quiet.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 15, 2019 19:11:59 GMT
I kept my tongue until one day in front of one of my daughter’s she decided to give her opinion on how I was disciplining my other child who was being a complete turd at a family party. Gloves came off and I let MIL have it. That reminds me that I did go off on my ex-MIL one time. I had just given birth to son number three (the other two were 3-1/2 and 2-1/2) and they came the day after I was discharged from the hospital. So less than 48 hours after giving birth. I made spaghetti for dinner that night and she didn't want it. "I only eat my own sauce." "I already had pasta this week." "It will give me indigestion." and so on... So off we got to a restaurant where she "couldn't find anything there to eat" "the waitress was too slow" "the room was too cold" "they didn't give her lemon in her tea" blah, blah, blah... And, as I sat there with a newborn latched to my chest trying to corral two toddlers, I blew. I told her she was stunningly selfish and self-absorbed. Plus quite a few other choice phrases. She told her husband to get up and that they were leaving. We had driven separately due to all the car seats in my vehicle. When we got home, they had indeed packed and left. She called me the next morning from her home and honestly gave the most sincere and humble apology I have ever received. The whole incident was a turning point for us and we had a much more meaningful and genuine relationship afterwards.
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Post by librarylady on Sept 15, 2019 19:15:46 GMT
First ILs--treated me OK, but I really, really, really did not fit into that family. I had the audacity to think women were equal as well as had an independent mind.
Current ILs are all deceased, but MIL really wanted to break up our marriage. She was an odd one. Brother in law was married 4 times. In each case, while the man was married to someone, she hated the person and treated the woman badly. As soon as BIL divorced, the woman was wonderful and she did all sorts of things to stay in contact with the former DIL. ---When we told her we were getting married, DH got a letter extolling the virtues of his ex and begging him not to marry again. For about 10 years I tried many things to get her to like me and accept me. She was hateful and pulled several stunts that were an attempt to break us up. I finally emotionally kicked her to the curb. Didn't care if she lived or died. ...Then she began to "suck up" to me. I ignored it all. If I had to be in her presence, I was polite and respectful, but never sent greeting cards, letters or phone calls. DH picked out any gifts. I was sorry for DH when she died, but no tears from me.
FIL, both birth father and step father to my DH treated me well and I was OK with them. DH's step mother was just fine as a MIL. We got along well and I had no problems with her.
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Post by supersoda on Sept 15, 2019 19:44:01 GMT
My MIL was amazing--I couldn't have asked for a better MIL. Unfortunately, she passed away about 10 years ago. FIL has always been a little quirky, and it was rough going when he remarried 3 months after MIL passed, but things are better now and he's really trying to be a good dad and grandpa.
My stepfather passed away 3 weeks ago (my mom died 4 years ago), and my stepsister and I are in charge of the estate and both live in other towns. There is a lot of drama, and we were very concerned about who had access to his property and that stuff would start disappearing (there is a lot, including very valuable tools and antiques). We asked my FIL to come in and change locks, and he spent all day changing locks on 5 different buildings. And then he came back the next day and did a ton more work to secure all the buildings. And he's been stopping by every couple of days to make sure the place looks occupied and that no one has tried to get in. And he keeps finding things to fix (even though we're going to sell it all). And then he went out and mowed everything, even though we told him we'd pay someone to do it. He just retired and I think he needed a project, but it's just been adorable when he sends me a text to let me know what else he has done out there. He's done so much and just keeps saying I don't owe him anything and he does it because he loves me.
As for DH--my mom loved him. My dad offered me my dream car not to marry him. I don't have much of a relationship with my dad, but I do think he's realized that I made a damn good choice.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Sept 15, 2019 19:56:03 GMT
They make my husband and I crazy, but they are really great grandparents. So I'm grateful for that and try to let go of the other things.
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Post by KelleeM on Sept 15, 2019 20:04:05 GMT
I was blessed with two amazing mothers in law. They were both kind, gentle, loving, caring women who welcomed me into their families and loved my children. My ex’s mom continued to call me long after I divorced him. She and my daughter had such a sweet, close relationship and dd misses her so much. My second MIL was a saint...she loved everyone and was just wonderful. I never had a farther in law as both of them passed before I married their sons.
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Post by tracyarts on Sept 15, 2019 20:16:34 GMT
Mine are a mixed bag. We're closest to my husband's parents and have a good relationship with them.
Of the rest, some we have an amicable but distant relationship with, and some we actively avoid.
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Post by ~Sherri~ on Sept 15, 2019 21:00:32 GMT
I love and adore my MIL. She fills the empty spot in my heart that my Mom's passing left. My FIL passed away a couple years ago. He was never really close to DH, so we never got close to him either.
My Dad passed away when I was 13, so DH never met him. My Momma loved DH as if he were her son, so DH was very lucky.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 15, 2019 21:09:03 GMT
My sil is my sister. She's so much fun and never interferes in personal stuff. She is upbeat and a wonderful auntie. My mil is strong, sharp(at 90) and wonderful to me. My fil passed away years ago from alzheimers. He was a kind man who didn't talk a lot, but was very sweet. Dh's cousins are my cousins, too. I won the lottery!
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Post by tenacious on Sept 15, 2019 21:54:28 GMT
I adore my in-laws. MIL took a bit of getting used to (passive aggressive), but, we worked thru it rather quickly and have a great relationship now. FIL stepped right in when my dad passed suddenly and unexpectedly (bonus-they were great pals), and has treated me like his own daughter. I love them dearly and am so grateful for them everyday. Erin
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