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Post by stampbooker on Oct 3, 2019 15:01:41 GMT
I had an disagreement with my on again/off again boyfriend yesterday which we resolved, but I made a teasing remark at the end of the phone call and he got really mad and that's how we left it. So we are off again...and hopefully I can make it stick this time. We broke up back in June over the same type of situation, but within a couple weeks we were back to texting and calling again. He has been away all summer on a fly fishing trip and we both have been seeing other people during this time, but were planning on resuming dating again when he returned in 2 weeks. I really need to stop seeing him altogether.
The disagreement was about him not calling me when he said he would. We have had this problem a couple times and have talked about it, but he is a repeat offender. I know that's how he is and I should accept or reject and it is my problem that I keep letting it upset me. He was supposed to call me on Sunday, but he never called until Wednesday. No apology or explanation. So we had a disagreement about it and he called me again on Wednesday evening and we talked it through and everything was good. So after we had talked for a bit he said he had to get off the phone because he had another phone call to make and he was supposed to call 15 minutes ago.
Honestly, this did not bother me at all and I was not upset about it, but I could see the humor and irony in the situation and I made a teasing remark along the lines of "so you can call someone else when you say you are going to, but not me!" Honestly, it wasn't a dig, I wasn't being passive-agressive, and I wasn't upset at all. I just thought it was funny and I made what I thought was a cute little joke. Well, he got very upset and said I was rude and disrespectful. I did not apologize, because I thought he was over reacting and it wasn't a big deal. So I said goodbye and that was the end of the conversation. I'm sure he is waiting for me to call or text and apologize. However not only do I not think I was wrong, I really think it is best to just end the relationship as it is not working for me and I don't want to get roped back into it like usual. Plus honestly, as I write this out I feel like even though I am truly not upset that he had to end our conversation to call someone else even though he never calls me when he says he will, I probably should be. That seems to me to be more rude and disrespectful.
I just wanted opinions on whether a teasing remark like that is wrong on my part and something I need to work on or is it no big deal and he should have laughed it off.
Thanks for listening to me whine...I await your opinions!!
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dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 9,460
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
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Post by dawnnikol on Oct 3, 2019 15:06:52 GMT
I agree that you need to just be done with him.
I probably would've made the same type of comment / joke, but it does seem passive aggressive, which I would totally stand behind either way. He should call YOU when he says he's going to and then to hang up to call someone else on time is disrespectful and makes him a douche. End of story, IMO.
However, back to your question about is it okay in the future? I guess that depends on who is on the receiving end of the comment.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on Oct 3, 2019 15:08:09 GMT
Your joke was actually correct. So you worry when you call someone 15 min late, but not calling me for 3 days is fine?
he has zero respect for you.
Cut ties, it never gets BETTER.
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Post by Mel on Oct 3, 2019 15:09:48 GMT
Since you said it in a teasing voice, he should have picked up on that, but chose to get mad instead. Personally, I agree that not calling you back or calling when he says he will IS disrespectful and rude to you. This might be the perfect time/situation to use to finally send him on his way. Good luck!!
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Post by bbkeef on Oct 3, 2019 15:11:55 GMT
Just reading your post I can tell you are done with him. Just cut ties and move on. Someone out there WILL call you when he says he will.
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Post by gar on Oct 3, 2019 15:16:01 GMT
I think it’s funny but I wasn’t the one who had been told I was in the wrong for not calling as planned. But since you’re done with him it doesn’t matter now 🙂
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Post by stampbooker on Oct 3, 2019 15:20:13 GMT
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support, it helps me not to second guess myself. I do need to stay strong and not get back with him again, it is definitely not a good relationship for me.
It is actually pretty inconsiderate of him to tell me he has to be sure to make this other call when he knows he never calls me when he says he will. It's like rubbing it in. It feels like his over reaction is really him being defensive because he knows he is wrong. I think a good response would have been for him to have just said something like "you're right, I'll try not to be such a jerk in the future"
It's all for the best, I need to move on!
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Post by christine58 on Oct 3, 2019 15:21:27 GMT
"so you can call someone else when you say you are going to, but not me!" Honestly, it wasn't a dig, Sure it was....it was also the truth. Be done...move on |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,949
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 3, 2019 15:21:44 GMT
Those types of behavior will not go away over time. This will always be part of your relationship. Are you willing to deal with this for the long haul?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:33:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 15:22:20 GMT
I'm assuming he didn't find it funny because it struck too close to home. If you're really done with him, move on and forget about it.
I don't think that it is unreasonable to expect someone to call you when they say they will, especially in this day and age with the availability of communications (DM, text, call). If they don't call when expected, nor text a quick explanation, I would suggest he doesn't respect you.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,673
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Oct 3, 2019 15:26:36 GMT
I probably would have said the same thing in the same way but for him it was "too soon". Let him be mad while you can be done with him.
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Post by heckofagal on Oct 3, 2019 15:32:03 GMT
You are not a priority. Move on and find someone who makes you a priority.
And I don't think the comment was rude, it was the truth.
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Post by destined2bmom on Oct 3, 2019 15:42:30 GMT
Your comment was so true. I agree with others; he doesn’t respect you. You should be treated like a princess not an afterthought; so it would be in your best interest to end it.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 3, 2019 15:45:11 GMT
Well, he got very upset and said I was rude and disrespectful. hahaha IMHO, his over reaction is because your comment was right on the money. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 3, 2019 15:47:14 GMT
Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support, it helps me not to second guess myself. I do need to stay strong and not get back with him again, it is definitely not a good relationship for me. It is actually pretty inconsiderate of him to tell me he has to be sure to make this other call when he knows he never calls me when he says he will. It's like rubbing it in. It feels like his over reaction is really him being defensive because he knows he is wrong. I think a good response would have been for him to have just said something like "you're right, I'll try not to be such a jerk in the future" It's all for the best, I need to move on! Reread this - it was't just a teasing remark. And that's okay. He's not that into you. It's really that simple and you deserve to be with someone who at least has the courtesy to call when they say they're going to call. We often think something is "teasing" when really it's the underlying truth. You think he's a jerk and that it was bullshit that needed to hang up the phone with you. Now I also don't think the comment was rude or disrespectful - it just showed that you really weren't okay with the situation. |
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 3, 2019 15:57:04 GMT
You should just be done with him.
I think your comment was passive aggressive. I can understand why he got mad when you made it. I’m sure it stung. But sometimes the truth hurts. 😉
This guy doesn’t respect you. See ya later dude.
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Post by roundtwo on Oct 3, 2019 16:16:32 GMT
I married the guy that treated me like this because I was an idiot. Don't be me; move on and make this break up stick.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:33:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 16:20:56 GMT
His correct response should have been to concede and say that you are correct. Not get pissed off. Honestly, this guy is all about himself and that alone should make you shut that door once and for all.
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Post by theroadlesstraveledp on Oct 3, 2019 16:23:19 GMT
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Maya Angelou
He just showed you who he is. Believe him and move on and make a clean break. Time is precious and he isn’t worth your time.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Oct 3, 2019 16:25:48 GMT
Find someone who will respect you and your time.
I will mention that for older generations waiting for a phone call did in fact mean you had to sit home by the telephone waiting for a call. Today that is not an issue, although getting a signal is IF you are out in the wilderness, fishing? But then the call would be made ASAP, NOT 3 days later!
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Post by ljs1691 on Oct 3, 2019 16:28:41 GMT
You deserve better. Move forward, don’t keep looking for a change that is not going to come.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 3, 2019 16:35:10 GMT
He’s just not into you. But, you’re not into him either. I’m trying to figure out how this is even a relationship.
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Post by Prenticekid on Oct 3, 2019 17:06:43 GMT
It wasn't rude, but it wasn't funny either. And, it was a dig on the same topic as your argument, so while you made it look the subject was resolved, you then went on to bring it up again.
At any rate, just move on.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:33:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 17:11:06 GMT
You talked it all through and then you cast another barb at him, letting him know that you aren’t, in fact, over it.
You need some lessons in how to fight fair.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Oct 3, 2019 17:17:07 GMT
Your joke was actually correct. So you worry you call someone 15 min late, but not calling me for 3 days is fine? he has zero respect for you. Cut ties, it never gets BETTER. Yup, this right here! You are worth so much more than putting up with anyone who doesn't make you feel your best, and worthwhile. Remember, dating is the time when people try to impress you. He just showed you the best he has to offer. It is not enough. Don't settle. |
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Post by papersilly on Oct 3, 2019 17:24:20 GMT
him not calling you back in a timely manner clearly demonstrates you are not a priority in his life. if hints like this don't convince you to move on for good then i don't know what will. i hope you move on and never look back.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:33:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 18:14:57 GMT
I had an disagreement with my on again/off again boyfriend yesterday which we resolved, but I made a teasing remark at the end of the phone call and he got really mad and that's how we left it. So we are off again...and hopefully I can make it stick this time. We broke up back in June over the same type of situation, but within a couple weeks we were back to texting and calling again. He has been away all summer on a fly fishing trip and we both have been seeing other people during this time, but were planning on resuming dating again when he returned in 2 weeks. I really need to stop seeing him altogether.
The disagreement was about him not calling me when he said he would. We have had this problem a couple times and have talked about it, but he is a repeat offender. I know that's how he is and I should accept or reject and it is my problem that I keep letting it upset me. He was supposed to call me on Sunday, but he never called until Wednesday. No apology or explanation. So we had a disagreement about it and he called me again on Wednesday evening and we talked it through and everything was good. So after we had talked for a bit he said he had to get off the phone because he had another phone call to make and he was supposed to call 15 minutes ago.
Honestly, this did not bother me at all and I was not upset about it, but I could see the humor and irony in the situation and I made a teasing remark along the lines of "so you can call someone else when you say you are going to, but not me!" Honestly, it wasn't a dig, I wasn't being passive-agressive, and I wasn't upset at all. I just thought it was funny and I made what I thought was a cute little joke. Well, he got very upset and said I was rude and disrespectful. I did not apologize, because I thought he was over reacting and it wasn't a big deal. So I said goodbye and that was the end of the conversation. I'm sure he is waiting for me to call or text and apologize. However not only do I not think I was wrong, I really think it is best to just end the relationship as it is not working for me and I don't want to get roped back into it like usual. Plus honestly, as I write this out I feel like even though I am truly not upset that he had to end our conversation to call someone else even though he never calls me when he says he will, I probably should be. That seems to me to be more rude and disrespectful.
I just wanted opinions on whether a teasing remark like that is wrong on my part and something I need to work on or is it no big deal and he should have laughed it off.
Thanks for listening to me whine...I await your opinions!!
But that is classic passive aggressive behavior to have said that. I know you do't feel it was but if you had said it at that time to me I would have felt you were being passive aggressive and have been upset. I do tend to think most teasing is a passive aggressive dig and not a pure fun humor as the teaser wants to claim. To be a tease is to hit at someone's weak point. The only time it might not be a dig is if the weak point was first pointed out by the one who has it and it is has never been a contentious point in the relationship. The other thing is can that person tease you back? I was knew someone who liked to tease me but was never a good recipient of being teased. Yes, you need to just end the relationship. He isn't as into you as he is to other people. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:33:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2019 18:16:24 GMT
I would move on, he's using you for his own convenience.You deserve better than that.
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Post by mustlovecats on Oct 3, 2019 18:28:51 GMT
Actually it sounds kind of passive aggressive to me. It conveyed something you were annoyed with but in an indirect way. It doesn’t sound like a cute funny little joke to me.
But he doesn’t sound like he’s all that much worth your time either so I would probably move on.
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Post by stampbooker on Oct 3, 2019 18:29:26 GMT
Thanks everyone for your perspective, it really is helpful. I have known for a while that I needed to end the relationship, but he kept sucking me back in. This time I will have the strength to stick to it.
For those who have said that it was a dig and passive-aggressive, I totally understand why you would think so and maybe it does qualify as both. However, I honestly can say there was no anger or bad intent when I said it. It really was just a light-hearted comment, kind of poking fun. Although when it comes down to it, it was a crappy thing for him to say to me considering the situation. The conversation was over at the point, he could have just said goodbye and ended it on a positive note.
Anyway, it was all for the best, now I can do what I should have done months ago and move on!
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