As the grown child who decided to remove a parent from their life, please do not just show up. Whatever his reasons are for withdrawing from you and the rest of the family, blindsiding him is not a good idea.
Send him a letter, write all your thoughts and feelings in black and white, and mail it to him. If he doesn't respond, then you need to let him go.
He's a boy. He's 19. You've been MIA for the last 2 years of his life. I think you're expecting a lot here.
MIA?? Ummm, no. If you’ve been following my story, my problems with my son started well before my move and well before my divorce. He was like that even when we were married and even while I lived just 5 MILES from him for 2 YEARS after his dad left me. Most of the time he looks out for himself and nobody else. But yeah, thanks for blaming it all on me. He’s also like that with his dad and older sister to a large degree. The one thing that has changed over the last year is I no longer provide the gravy train when he would occasionally call me. I flew him out here in December with his sister and cousin and he pretty much hit me up for a lot of unnecessary expenses. I then flew home to spend Christmas with him and his sister along with their dad and it was pretty much a disaster. I then flew to Philadelphia in April to see him very briefly during his layover at great expense but he didn’t seem to appreciate that effort either. My last effort was when I flew home to see them in August and he did spend my birthday afternoon with me at a party thrown by his aunt and then attended a baseball game with me and his sister. I was there for a week. It’s not sure how that’s MIA but think what you want. Hope you’re having a super evening.
My point was - most boys of 19 are not at all interested in their parent's life. They rarely ask "how are you" "how's the latest things you're doing" etc. Not sure why you went on such a rant.
To answer some questions: I still have been sending cards and gifts for the last holiday and birthday. I also include him in group texts to all of our children if something important needs to be conveyed (we are going on vacation, grandma is in hospital, etc) to keep him apprised of family situations. He does not respond but then he doesn't ask to be removed from these. He is also still included in invites to family gatherings. I have tried to get together several times but he says he is busy.
His relationship with his sisters has always been hot and cold, coupled with what has happened with communication, hence DD's reluctance to invite him to her wedding.
Thank you all for your advice, the good and even the bad and ugly. I expected this and that is why I posed the question. I am still not sure what direction I am going to take, but am glad I received feedback, sometimes in a view that I hadn't even thought about.
From someone whose relationship with her sibling matters way too much to how my mother gets along with me... Not sure if this applies in any way to you, but my mother involves herself in the sibling relationship, always has and it affects not only my relationship with my sibling, but mother as well.
As a mother, i'd want to do everything I could to have the best relationship I could with each of my children. I would get in touch and ask to meet him for lunch. If he accepts I would focus solely on your relationship with him, not mentioning any relationships or lack there of with the siblings. Focus on you and him only.
Also my mother has told someone (not me) that she expects me to always reach out and/or repair our relationship because that the job of the daughter. My kids are in their 20's and I view it very differently, takes two to maintain a relationship and I do my part. I am also not afraid to apologize and do so very quickly when I realize i'm wrong. There's no way that i'd sit back and wait and think they should do all the work. Heck i'm not about to let them get rid of me that easy, lol. Good luck, reach out and focus on just you and him.