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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:00:27 GMT
Wow! Ok, first of all, no matter what you say to another person, they do not have the right to assault you. If you were antagonizing him or not. It’s never ok. I do think you need to seek counseling and if you can’t afford it, it’s ok to go after the person who assaulted you for it. He shouldn’t be let off of the hook for the assault. It’s probably time to end the friendship with the wife too. Your counselor will help you with deciding to do that. People telling you to just get over it are just unreal. This has obviously caused you mental harm if not PTSD. Check with your doctors office to see if they have free counseling on site. I recently switched doctors (June) and started seeing their social worker a few weeks ago. I see her once a week and she’s free. It’s a complimentary service provided by the doctors of the office. I couldn’t afford counseling either after my daughter died. Almost three years later and I’m finally getting some help. I think I agree with everything here
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:00:49 GMT
I predict all the green posts in this thread will disappear before sundown. sooner lol
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Nov 9, 2019 18:02:26 GMT
No, that’s not what accepting the apology means. Accepting the apology means you both agree he did something wrong but you both still want to be in each others life. thats the thing. I dont ever want to see him again. I dont want him in my life. Well then her being upset with you is her way of saying “you don’t want him in your life? Then you dont want me either”. Now it’s on you to make your peace with the death of the friendship.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Nov 9, 2019 18:04:29 GMT
Wow! Ok, first of all, no matter what you say to another person, they do not have the right to assault you. If you were antagonizing him or not. It’s never ok. I do think you need to seek counseling and if you can’t afford it, it’s ok to go after the person who assaulted you for it. He shouldn’t be let off of the hook for the assault. It’s probably time to end the friendship with the wife too. Your counselor will help you with deciding to do that. People telling you to just get over it are just unreal. This has obviously caused you mental harm if not PTSD. Check with your doctors office to see if they have free counseling on site. I recently switched doctors (June) and started seeing their social worker a few weeks ago. I see her once a week and she’s free. It’s a complimentary service provided by the doctors of the office. I couldn’t afford counseling either after my daughter died. Almost three years later and I’m finally getting some help. I think I agree with everything here Of course you do. She’s validating your feelings of being severely traumatized without disparaging your way of coping with things.
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Post by myshelly on Nov 9, 2019 18:05:18 GMT
Is it ever ok for a man to hit a woman? back story... my best friend of 30 years, her husband, and me and my date were out to dinner. Her husband is a die hard Trumper. I am not. We all had a beer or two and were at dinner. My date got up to go to the bathroom. I said something about trump banning bump stock, and he replied saying "it doesn't matter you can just get around it by tying a belt around the gun...." the I said "well, im not worried because I heard the NRA is going down and they cant even afford coffee.... " . and went back to my dinner. Next thing I know he sucker punched me with a hamburger to the face in the middle of the restaurant. He ran out screaming "IVE HAD ENOUGH!!" my date came back to the table and and said "what happened?" His wife saw it all. She just sat there, in shock. I knew she told me they couldn't talk about politics together because she has opposite views of his.... despite all, she and I are still practically best friends. I refuse to go to her house though. I have not stepped foot in their house for over a year. We still hang out elsewhere, but lately I think she's mad because I will not let him apologize. My feelings are that it is never ok to hit a woman . I will not accept an apology. I am angry about this and think about this on a daily basis and its been a year. Am I wrong for not wanting to hear an apology? Since she said she was deleting...
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Post by myshelly on Nov 9, 2019 18:06:17 GMT
Wow! Ok, first of all, no matter what you say to another person, they do not have the right to assault you. If you were antagonizing him or not. It’s never ok. I do think you need to seek counseling and if you can’t afford it, it’s ok to go after the person who assaulted you for it. He shouldn’t be let off of the hook for the assault. It’s probably time to end the friendship with the wife too. Your counselor will help you with deciding to do that. People telling you to just get over it are just unreal. This has obviously caused you mental harm if not PTSD. Check with your doctors office to see if they have free counseling on site. I recently switched doctors (June) and started seeing their social worker a few weeks ago. I see her once a week and she’s free. It’s a complimentary service provided by the doctors of the office. I couldn’t afford counseling either after my daughter died. Almost three years later and I’m finally getting some help. I think I agree with everything here Of course you do because you only want to hear your own illogical, irrational opinion parroted back to you. Getting him to pay for your therapy is not going to happen. You need to not be delusional about it.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:07:55 GMT
It seems like you reject any advice you are given out of pocket and that you don't want to look at what happened from any perspective but your own. I don't think you are going to move past this incident until you are willing to listen to the advice of others and keep an open mind about what they are saying. I do think this incident is a big deal. I would never want to talk to that ass again, and I think I'd end my friendship w/ his wife, but I don't think I'd be obsessed w/ the incident. You mentioned that the husband thought he was smarter than you. My guess is he thinks he is smarter than everyone else in the world. He will never ever acknowledge that you are as smart as he is. If that is what you are waiting for, it is not going to happen. You will be waiting for the rest of your life. Those types do not change. You might ask yourself why it is so important to you that he doesn't think you are as smart as him. what is it I am rejecting? What I am getting out of this is that I need counseling in order to put this past me. I am literally crying reading all these posts. I dont know why I cant put it in a place that doesn't hurt.
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Post by allison1954 on Nov 9, 2019 18:08:53 GMT
I predict all the green posts in this thread will disappear before sundown. What is a green post?
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:10:17 GMT
I think I agree with everything here Of course you do because you only want to hear your own illogical, irrational opinion parroted back to you. Getting him to pay for your therapy is not going to happen. You need to not be delusional about it. illogical? irrational? tell me what is illogical and irrational? I know he's not paying for therapy. I am going to have to pay for it ... which is fucked up
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,783
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 9, 2019 18:10:34 GMT
I predict all the green posts in this thread will disappear before sundown. What is a green post?
Posts by the thread starter are in green
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Post by pattyraindrops on Nov 9, 2019 18:12:00 GMT
So is it 30 years or 40 years? And if you didn’t want to lose your friend, why are you refusing to go to her parties or let her husband apologize? What is it you want from this? He wants to apologize. You won’t let him. Obviously you’re not as invested in your friend as you think because it sounds like you won’t be happy until she’s left him and you’re getting therapy paid for by him. I am not going to her parties because I cannot stand to look at him . What kind of person gets hit by someone and then goes to a party at their house. Thats not gonna happen. I will never trust him again for fear I might say something wrong... I won't accept an apology because its never ok to hit someone. Accepting an apology is saying its ok that you hit me. Accepting an apology is NOT saying it is ok that the other person did something wrong. It is recognizing that the person DID do something wrong and they wish they hadn't done it or they are sad they hurt you. That's not to say you should accept his apology. Every situation is different. It's just there really isn't a reason for apologies if it is saying it is ok they did something wrong.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:12:09 GMT
Is it ever ok for a man to hit a woman? back story... my best friend of 30 years, her husband, and me and my date were out to dinner. Her husband is a die hard Trumper. I am not. We all had a beer or two and were at dinner. My date got up to go to the bathroom. I said something about trump banning bump stock, and he replied saying "it doesn't matter you can just get around it by tying a belt around the gun...." the I said "well, im not worried because I heard the NRA is going down and they cant even afford coffee.... " . and went back to my dinner. Next thing I know he sucker punched me with a hamburger to the face in the middle of the restaurant. He ran out screaming "IVE HAD ENOUGH!!" my date came back to the table and and said "what happened?" His wife saw it all. She just sat there, in shock. I knew she told me they couldn't talk about politics together because she has opposite views of his.... despite all, she and I are still practically best friends. I refuse to go to her house though. I have not stepped foot in their house for over a year. We still hang out elsewhere, but lately I think she's mad because I will not let him apologize. My feelings are that it is never ok to hit a woman . I will not accept an apology. I am angry about this and think about this on a daily basis and its been a year. Am I wrong for not wanting to hear an apology? Since she said she was deleting... why would you need to poke the bear? Why would you save this.? so you can throw it in my face later? what's wrong with you?
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Post by peasapie on Nov 9, 2019 18:12:56 GMT
I predict all the green posts in this thread will disappear before sundown. What is a green post?
The OP's posts. She's saying OP will delete her posts. Maybe you are in shock or in denial or something. Maybe you don't want to believe this is as bad as it is. Maybe it will take you a few days to come to grips with the reality of what happened. In the meantime, hear my words - the words my father told me as a little girl. ANY TIME a man lifts his hand to you, under any circumstances, walk away and NEVER be in his company again. If he does it once he will do it again, and there is NO acceptable excuse for it. Just let that sink in.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:17:58 GMT
I am not going to her parties because I cannot stand to look at him . What kind of person gets hit by someone and then goes to a party at their house. Thats not gonna happen. I will never trust him again for fear I might say something wrong... I won't accept an apology because its never ok to hit someone. Accepting an apology is saying its ok that you hit me. Accepting an apology is NOT saying it is ok that the other person did something wrong. It is recognizing that the person DID do something wrong and they wish they hadn't done it or they are sad they hurt you. That's not to say you should accept his apology. Every situation is different. It's just there really isn't a reason for apologies if it is saying it is ok they did something wrong. I accept the fact that he wishes he didn't do it. I know he feels bad about doing it. But thats not my problem. I dont care if he feels bad. I dont care if he wishes he never did it. To me, an apology means he is going to feel better about what he did. Why should I make him feel better about what he did. The fact that I am lingering on this after a year makes me want to hurl. I need to get over it and cant figure out how. I am just being honest here.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:19:24 GMT
The OP's posts. She's saying OP will delete her posts. Maybe you are in shock or in denial or something. Maybe you don't want to believe this is as bad as it is. Maybe it will take you a few days to come to grips with the reality of what happened. In the meantime, hear my words - the words my father told me as a little girl. ANY TIME a man lifts his hand to you, under any circumstances, walk away and NEVER be in his company again. If he does it once he will do it again, and there is NO acceptable excuse for it. Just let that sink in. I agree and will never be around him again.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:22:11 GMT
I think I agree with everything here Of course you do. She’s validating your feelings of being severely traumatized without disparaging your way of coping with things. and you are the antagonist . I get it. you are the bitch pea. Have you ever been assaulted?
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Nov 9, 2019 18:24:22 GMT
I can't believe the pile-on that's happening here. The OP had something very traumatic happen to her and people are acting like it's no big deal? It happened to HER, not any of us - we weren't there to see how hard he smashed the burger into her face, and it really doesn't matter anyway. What he did was wrong. He physically attacked her. It has affected her emotionally. She's admitted that she doesn't know why she can't move past it. Damn, offer some support instead of trying to tear her down when she's already at a low point.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:24:59 GMT
thats the thing. I dont ever want to see him again. I dont want him in my life. Well then her being upset with you is her way of saying “you don’t want him in your life? Then you dont want me either”. Now it’s on you to make your peace with the death of the friendship. bummer. but probably true.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 16:22:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2019 18:27:24 GMT
I can't believe the pile-on that's happening here. The OP had something very traumatic happen to her and people are acting like it's no big deal? It happened to HER, not any of us - we weren't there to see how hard he smashed the burger into her face, and it really doesn't matter anyway. What he did was wrong. He physically attacked her. It has affected her emotionally. She's admitted that she doesn't know why she can't move past it. Damn, offer some support instead of trying to tear her down when she's already at a low point. I've just read the whole thread and I'm disgusted by some of the responses. Would you all tell your friend to watch her mouth in future if you found out her partner was beating her.
Being the victim of violence has a lasting effect on most people and the OP did nothing wrong, a grown man is responsible for his own actions.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:28:06 GMT
I can't believe the pile-on that's happening here. The OP had something very traumatic happen to her and people are acting like it's no big deal? It happened to HER, not any of us - we weren't there to see how hard he smashed the burger into her face, and it really doesn't matter anyway. What he did was wrong. He physically attacked her. It has affected her emotionally. She's admitted that she doesn't know why she can't move past it. Damn, offer some support instead of trying to tear her down when she's already at a low point. thanks, I've been around long enough to know how the peas can pile on. I didn't post this when it happened but I thought about it. I just knew there would be some bitches. I wasn't ready to deal with it. . Ive seen people get shredded on this board and its a risk I took today because I know I need help.
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Post by elaine on Nov 9, 2019 18:31:12 GMT
Posts by the thread starter are in green Not in the color scheme I use because my eyesight is poor. Not everyone uses the default color scheme/theme - there are others to choose from on ProBoards. eta: the OP’s posts are gray with white font and the responses are blue with white fonts. No green except for links.
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Post by destined2bmom on Nov 9, 2019 18:33:21 GMT
I don’t ever feel that it is right for anyone to assault another person.
You definitely need therapy.
That said, you stated that his job is a Marksman. Does he work for law-enforcement? Because the statements that you made; I could see where that would upset someone who has a job dealing with guns and the NRA. I don’t understand why your boyfriend didn’t go after him.
Are you still with the boyfriend? What was his take?
And if I were your friend; I wouldn’t want to have to choose between you and my spouse. It would be really hard to continue a friendship where I would want both of you there and one would refuse to be around the other one.
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Post by allison1954 on Nov 9, 2019 18:35:50 GMT
On my phone, they are all the same, that is why I had no clue. All I see is yellow stars and green stars and could not figure out THAT connection.
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Post by tripletmom on Nov 9, 2019 18:35:54 GMT
It’s ok to not be able to get over the trauma of being assaulted on your own. That is what the professionals are for. I hope you can move forward in your life with help from a professional, and can one day be at peace. XOXO
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 9, 2019 18:38:29 GMT
Is it ever ok for a man to hit a woman? back story... my best friend of 30 years, her husband, and me and my date were out to dinner. Her husband is a die hard Trumper. I am not. We all had a beer or two and were at dinner. My date got up to go to the bathroom. I said something about trump banning bump stock, and he replied saying "it doesn't matter you can just get around it by tying a belt around the gun...." the I said "well, im not worried because I heard the NRA is going down and they cant even afford coffee.... " . and went back to my dinner. Next thing I know he sucker punched me with a hamburger to the face in the middle of the restaurant. He ran out screaming "IVE HAD ENOUGH!!" my date came back to the table and and said "what happened?" His wife saw it all. She just sat there, in shock. I knew she told me they couldn't talk about politics together because she has opposite views of his.... despite all, she and I are still practically best friends. I refuse to go to her house though. I have not stepped foot in their house for over a year. We still hang out elsewhere, but lately I think she's mad because I will not let him apologize. My feelings are that it is never ok to hit a woman . I will not accept an apology. I am angry about this and think about this on a daily basis and its been a year. Am I wrong for not wanting to hear an apology? FUCK an apology. I'd have the motherfucker arrested for assault. No joke.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:38:48 GMT
WOW! That is crazy. Did he actually hit you with his fist or hit you with the hamburger? Neither is ok but wondering if he meant to throw the hamburger at you and his hand hit you too? Not that it is okay at all. Just trying to get a mental picture and this dude is nuts. you know how someone smashes a pie in someone else face when the person isn't looking? I looked up and wham. I never saw it coming. The hamburger never left his hand. He did not throw it at me . He smashed it in my face, stood up and yelled at me. IVE HAD ENOUGH and ran out the door. He did it right after my date went to the bathroom. No one saw it but his wife. Maybe someone else in restaurant saw it. I dont know. I was in shock. My date came back and the was like... "what happened?" I think the aggressor waited until my date went to the bathroom so he could get his shot in.
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Post by SockMonkey on Nov 9, 2019 18:39:30 GMT
I’m sorry what? He punched you in the face with a hamburger in his fist? Or he threw a hamburger at you which hit you in the face? I was eating my dinner looking at my plate and WHAM. HE TOOK HIS WHOLE HAMBURGER AND SMASHED IT IN MY FACE... YELLED " IVE HAD ENOUGH" AND TOOK OFF RUNNING . ... I JUST SAT THERE STUNNED. After I wiped it off and picked up the burger remains and put them on the plate, I remember that she actually picked up the burger mess and was going to take it home to him! I was in such shock.. I couldn't really function. She packed up the food? I 100% think she's in an abusive relationship.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Nov 9, 2019 18:40:48 GMT
I predict OP's friend will not speak to her...until she wises up and leaves the asshole. I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Nov 9, 2019 18:40:50 GMT
I can't believe the pile-on that's happening here. The OP had something very traumatic happen to her and people are acting like it's no big deal? It happened to HER, not any of us - we weren't there to see how hard he smashed the burger into her face, and it really doesn't matter anyway. What he did was wrong. He physically attacked her. It has affected her emotionally. She's admitted that she doesn't know why she can't move past it. Damn, offer some support instead of trying to tear her down when she's already at a low point. I've just read the whole thread and I'm disgusted by some of the responses. Would you all tell your friend to watch her mouth in future if you found out her partner was beating her.
Being the victim of violence has a lasting effect on most people and the OP did nothing wrong, a grown man is responsible for his own actions.
No I would tell her to leave. In this case leave the friendship since the friend/wife is supporting her husband.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Nov 9, 2019 18:43:14 GMT
I don’t ever feel that it is right for anyone to assault another person. You definitely need therapy. That said, you stated that his job is a Marksman. Does he work for law-enforcement? Because the statements that you made; I could see where that would upset someone who has a job dealing with guns and the NRA. I don’t understand why your boyfriend didn’t go after him. Are you still with the boyfriend? What was his take? And if I were your friend; I wouldn’t want to have to choose between you and my spouse. It would be really hard to continue a friendship where I would want both of you there and one would refuse to be around the other one. He was upset for me but didn't see anything. When he got out of the bathroom, the guy was gone. He came out and said... "What happened?" I dont expect BF to go and punch the guy. I would not have wanted bf to go after him. Every male in my family wanted to go after him but I would not let them. and the guy is not in law enforcement. he is a gun hobbyist and collector.
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