kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305 
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Post by kibblesandbits on Dec 9, 2019 22:46:07 GMT
Tis the season for proposals - and what proposals they are! Again on our nightly local news another guy has chosen a very public event to pop the question to his girl. She screams yes, applause all around, blah blah blah
I HATE this. For one, I assume that the answer is a given or dude wouldn't be doing it. But, to do it in such a public way, where the guy gets all the attention for his performance just smacks of selfishness. And the poor girl - well, lucky thing, look at the big gift she's getting, isn't she lucky?
Dunno. Just starts out the relationship with a power imbalance. Maybe I'm alone in this . . .
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 9, 2019 22:48:40 GMT
Well, dh and I made an appointment to get engaged. No pomp and circumstance, just business. On the other hand, we had a glorious wedding and years later are quite happy. Still, I wish I could re-do the proposal. Over the top proposals can be very fun. To each his/her own.
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Post by Sparki on Dec 9, 2019 22:49:13 GMT
I would consider turning down a public proposal. In fact, I once cut off a public proposal before he got started (I clued in on what was going on), before I had to say no. I'm now married to a different guy who proposed in private. In bed, actually. lol
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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 9, 2019 22:50:45 GMT
I don't appreciate the performance art of a public proposal. I don't think it's as spontaneous and they try to make it out to be which kinda ruins the whole point. I assume they are probably attention whores or instagrammers. That's probably not true for all of them, but that's how it comes across to me.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
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Post by MaryMary on Dec 9, 2019 22:57:15 GMT
I hate public proposals.
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Post by lucyg on Dec 9, 2019 22:57:33 GMT
I don’t see a power imbalance, but I do see an (or more than one) attention whore. I would be mortified by a public proposal. OMG ... just no. And what if it really is a surprise, but the answer is no? (Well, I suppose anyone who knew me well enough to propose marriage would also know me well enough not to embarrass me on TV or whatever.)
No surprise, but I don’t like those big public prom-posals, either. Give a girl some space. jeez
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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 9, 2019 23:04:42 GMT
I'm also someone who has no sympathy for a woman who whines her boyfriend won't propose. If you want to get married, why are you waiting for him to make that decision? This should not be a surprise and you should both be on board. If you want it that badly, ASK!!!
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Post by lucyg on Dec 9, 2019 23:07:12 GMT
I'm also someone who has no sympathy for a woman who whines her boyfriend won't propose. If you want to get married, why are you waiting for him to make that decision? This should not be a surprise and you should both be on board. If you want it that badly, ASK!!! That’s the same advice my dad gave me when I was young. We may have some social skills issues, though.  |
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Post by papersilly on Dec 9, 2019 23:11:21 GMT
in general i'm not a fan of big public displays like that for various reasons--- element of suprise, power imbalance, uncertainly of recipients reaction, etc.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,920
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Post by pilcas on Dec 9, 2019 23:15:16 GMT
Not my thing at all and I do suspect they are not as spontaneous as they seem but they don’t bother me. Couldn’t care less one way or the other.
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paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,752
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Dec 9, 2019 23:17:02 GMT
I would seriously hope someone asking another person to marry them would know their intended well enough to choose a method they would like. My Dh loves attention, frankly. But he asked me privately in a Secluded, meaningful spot. No one else around at all, thank goodness because I would have HATED that.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
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Post by julie5 on Dec 9, 2019 23:18:21 GMT
My 2nd husband proposed on Christmas and I find it very unoriginal. I hate that jewelry companies are putting out commercials like this is a good idea. It’s Christmas, let Jesus have his birthday! My 3rd (and last lol) husband proposed on our anniversary in the very spot we met 20 years ago. It was just us and a couple of vagabonds. Very romantic. I love his proposal the most  |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,291
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Dec 9, 2019 23:18:59 GMT
Oh I hate them. It smacks of attention seeking and if it were me being proposed to, I would hate it being a public moment. And what if you want to say no? I'd feel bad saying no in front of everyone but the alternative isn't good either!
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Post by KikiPea on Dec 9, 2019 23:25:43 GMT
Eh, to each their own. If the proposer knows his SO, she’s probably totally fine with it, and may be just as much of an “attention hoar” as he is.
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 9, 2019 23:31:01 GMT
It's not something I would enjoy and I agree that if it is not something you know the other party wants, it's really problematic (I've seen a bunch of promposals at my eldest's school go sideways because the person felt pressured to say yes in public but once everyone wasn't watching said no). That said, the one thing I do think is bad is a public proposal at someone else's special event.
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Belle
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,309
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Post by Belle on Dec 9, 2019 23:33:06 GMT
I have only seen one public proposal and I really didn't notice until everyone started cheering once there was a Yes! It was at Disneyland right by the sword in stone and the carousel.
I would never be comfortable with any type of public proposal whether in front of a bunch of strangers or even family. DH proposed in my living room, just the two of us! He was picking me up to go to a basketball game. He said he briefly thought about doing some sort of proposal at the game or on the big screen but quickly realized that would not be the best idea!
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,618
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 9, 2019 23:39:36 GMT
It's why I hate "promposals" - it puts too much pressure on the asker and the askee.
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Dec 9, 2019 23:57:57 GMT
I would consider turning down a public proposal. In fact, I once cut off a public proposal before he got started (I clued in on what was going on), before I had to say no. I'm now married to a different guy who proposed in private. In bed, actually. lol My DH proposed in bed, too! |
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Post by librarylady on Dec 10, 2019 0:44:27 GMT
I hate them.
I have always thought the proposal should be an intimate time for the two people involved, not a public display.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 10, 2019 0:53:50 GMT
My 2nd husband proposed on Christmas and I find it very unoriginal. I hate that jewelry companies are putting out commercials like this is a good idea. It’s Christmas, let Jesus have his birthday! My 3rd (and last lol) husband proposed on our anniversary in the very spot we met 20 years ago. It was just us and a couple of vagabonds. Very romantic. I love his proposal the most  Yes to the bolded above! I think holiday and birthday proposals are a horrible idea. And I also hate that jewelry companies incorrectly put forth the notion that all women everywhere are just dying to get gifts of jewelry because not all of us are. |
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Post by mom on Dec 10, 2019 0:58:18 GMT
To each his own, but I would not want a public proposal.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
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Post by julie5 on Dec 10, 2019 1:05:12 GMT
My 2nd husband proposed on Christmas and I find it very unoriginal. I hate that jewelry companies are putting out commercials like this is a good idea. It’s Christmas, let Jesus have his birthday! My 3rd (and last lol) husband proposed on our anniversary in the very spot we met 20 years ago. It was just us and a couple of vagabonds. Very romantic. I love his proposal the most Yes to the bolded above! I think holiday and birthday proposals are a horrible idea. And I also hate that jewelry companies incorrectly put forth the notion that all women everywhere are just dying to get gifts of jewelry because not all of us are. I have all the jewelry I need. Now give me LEGO and my Mickey Mouse waffle iron any day! |
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Dec 10, 2019 1:10:08 GMT
I would consider turning down a public proposal. In fact, I once cut off a public proposal before he got started (I clued in on what was going on), before I had to say no. I'm now married to a different guy who proposed in private. In bed, actually. lol My DH proposed in bed, too! Add me to this list as well. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 10, 2019 1:10:20 GMT
Yes to the bolded above! I think holiday and birthday proposals are a horrible idea. And I also hate that jewelry companies incorrectly put forth the notion that all women everywhere are just dying to get gifts of jewelry because not all of us are. I have all the jewelry I need. Now give me LEGO and my Mickey Mouse waffle iron any day! You’re my long lost twin!   |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:41:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 1:35:16 GMT
I'm also someone who has no sympathy for a woman who whines her boyfriend won't propose. If you want to get married, why are you waiting for him to make that decision? This should not be a surprise and you should both be on board. If you want it that badly, ASK!!! I think that brother in law was waiting for his companion to do this, so he could kick her out. |
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Post by disneypal on Dec 10, 2019 1:51:44 GMT
I have rarely witnessed a public proposal, but enjoyed the ones I did see. I am happy to see people in love starting their lives together.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,355
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Post by DEX on Dec 10, 2019 2:32:49 GMT
Frankly, I think it sets the woman up for expectations that this guy is always going to be performing romantic gestures. You don't want to "peak" before the wedding. I would save the romantic gestures until you are married for a few years and have 2.5 kids. a mortgage and the husband says, "Honey, why don't you go away with your girlfriends. I got this."
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 10, 2019 2:37:13 GMT
I'm not a fan. I yell "say NO" to the tv when I see them. DH laughs at me.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 10, 2019 2:42:00 GMT
We witnessed a public proposal last summer outside a ballgame. A group asked someone to take their photo and I moved over because I didn't want to be in it, so saw a couple friends in the back row pull out a poster that said "will you marry me". The woman taking the photo played along, handed the phone back to the woman who turned to head into the game without even looking at it. The man insisted she look, so she did and said "it's good" not even noticing the proposal.  I almost felt sorry for him but I'm just not a fan of public proposals either. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:41:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2019 3:42:04 GMT
I balk at them as well. Some things should be private. But then I don’t like huge weddings either.
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