momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Dec 23, 2019 19:01:28 GMT
That really stinks that you have to now last minute shop and change things up! I'd suggest asking your dd to give you each separate lists in the future so this doesn't happen again. My mother used to drive me crazy when it came to Christmas lists. She'd ask my kids, then proceed to tell me what she'd buy off of their list...even if I told her I wanted certain things to come from Santa. Separate lists solves problems
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 23, 2019 19:49:27 GMT
DD's DH needs to speak to his mother, NOW! Absolutely! She's being a total shithead. Nothing you can do about this year, but next year there would be a conversation about not repeating this assholery.
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Post by wordfish on Dec 23, 2019 20:10:03 GMT
That is what I am thinking too. Did you ask your daughter what she thinks happened? Maybe you can give half of the items and other grandma can the other half? Just to make it easier if it were an error. If it was not an error and the other grandma was being a PITA, then can you arrange to see the kids first on Christmas Eve? My DD told her once again that I already bought those gifts. Her answer was Well just take mine back, they are already wrapped and under the tree. Yes she did the same thing last year but not everything. My DD is furious! her DH is like oh well you know my mom she does what she wants. I'm going to just buy different stuff. Yep it sucks but I don't think it's worth ruining my Christmas or DD's The only thing that matters is the kids will be happy, it shouldn't matter who give it to them. Oh and one more thing she also got stuff that Santa was bringing.
That's a stone cold bitch move. Damn. You are a good person. One of my daughters is married and there have been a few little dustups. They don't even have kids yet; the issues are about time spent at each house when they come to visit. My daughter and son-in-law live in Japan, so it's not often that they are here. We try to let the kids run the show and decide what they want to do because we don't want to put pressure on them on top of being jet-lagged. They are great kids and don't want to upset anyone. We don't really see my daughter's inlaws except when the kids are in town, but we try to always include and invite them in anything that we are doing, like dinners out or gatherings. Last year my daughter rented a huge chalet in Gatlinburg and we all spent Christmas there, and it was fantastic. I think we are all trying to be very considerate. My main concern is that I don't want my daughter to get stressed out about it and ruin her time off. But man, when kids arrive, we are going to have to be EXTRA careful because I could see things going off the rails. Not to the extent of this super bitch move, though. You are a good mom for just dealing with it. I'm sure you're the favorite grandma.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Dec 23, 2019 20:31:13 GMT
i didn't make it thru the entire thread - with that being said
i miss the days of just buying what I want someone to have
not what was on a list
not comparing to see who bought what
just buy gifts wrap and give
if there are duplicates - the recipient gets to either keep two or exchange
i have zero idea what the other gramma got two of my grandkids
if it's a dup - then it is what it is
gina
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,577
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Dec 23, 2019 20:42:24 GMT
I think I read it correctly that your daughters MIL has done this more than once. If that’s correct, your daughter is stupid for opening her mouth to her MIL. Clearly her husband is a big whimp so she needs to stop tell MIL anything.
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,835
Jun 26, 2014 12:56:40 GMT
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Post by CeeScraps on Dec 23, 2019 21:05:31 GMT
I haven’t read the other threads, so here’s my thought. I get why you sent the photos. Grandma misunderstood. It’s a grandma! Not knowing her age nor capabilities she mistook the photos as ideas of what to get her granddaughter. If she did, kudos to her for using your photos to help her get what her granddaughter would like. A photo to an older person is easier to go off of when looking for something. She had the photos and the descriptions. She may of taken those photos into the store or matched them on the internet or even had friends help her. So, my suggestion to you is to continue to send photos to her. Let her continue to shop through using photos. Do not send her photos of items you want to get your daughter. As for this current year get her items to store those things in. How about art supplies, a different experience, movie tickets where she chooses the movie. Oh, another one as you didn’t state how old your daughter is, is an ice cream maker. My daughter had one and loved it. Please be gentle with Grandma. She truly is just trying to make your daughter smile during this holiday season. Grandma feels she nailed it due to getting the items in the photo. Read the posts. This wasn't an accident - it happened last year AND the other gma bought the same Santa gifts as the OP's DD. I'm all about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but there ARE people out there who sabotage others to make themselves the hero - this is a pretty clear case of that IMO. Well CRUD!! That’s not right......
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 23, 2019 22:13:13 GMT
I just thought of one more reason why I would be hightailing it over to give the kid his gifts early. Since Weezee bought her gifts in October she may not even be able to return them now, three months later. Since MIL just bought hers, they could more easily go right back without penalty.
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Post by wezee on Dec 23, 2019 22:27:57 GMT
Why did your daughter show her the things that you got for the boys? Genuine question, no snark intended. I never talk to my parents or my in-laws about what all they are getting my kids. Esp because my parents tend to go ALL out for my kids (they’re the only grandchildren), whereas Christmas gifts with my in-laws tend to be smaller (they have 4 other grand children, plus their 4 kids and spouses to buy for-it’s a lot! 😂). I would hate to inadvertently make one or the other feel bad about what they are giving our kiddos. No snark taken. There was a question if he was going to want the gifts on my list from Santa or Grandma. LOL Like there's a difference lol
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Post by Scrapper100 on Dec 23, 2019 22:35:27 GMT
Wow that’s she would purposely do that. That’s really low. I know my mil used to do that kind of thing to us the parents. She would then sneak the gift in when we weren’t looking so she could give it to ds before we could.
Glad to hear there was a secret list that you are now privy to. Sorry you are having to return stuff and go shopping again as that’s not fun this time of year.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 24, 2019 0:32:47 GMT
The more I ponder this situation, the more annoyed I get. wezee - you must get your gifts to the kids now & have them open the gifts before the other grandma can give them hers. She needs to experience that. Then after Christmas your daughter needs to tell him he needs to grow a backbone & put his mother in her place. His attitude is unacceptable & she needs to tell him that. Like, seriously.... Any of the men in my family who allowed such behavior from an in-law would be sleeping on the couch until they got their crap together.
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finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Dec 24, 2019 0:47:38 GMT
Your son in law is an ass. He’s seriously clueless about the amount of time and effort that has already been put into this. He’s the only one who can make this right, but he just gives her a pass-sorry but that’s a dick excuse. I’m sorry you bare the brunt of this.
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 24, 2019 0:52:52 GMT
I am really sorry. That stinks. I also suspect your dd has to deal with a lot from her MIL based on that.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 24, 2019 1:29:06 GMT
The more I ponder this situation, the more annoyed I get. wezee - you must get your gifts to the kids now & have them open the gifts before the other grandma can give them hers. She needs to experience that.Then after Christmas your daughter needs to tell him he needs to grow a backbone & put his mother in her place. His attitude is unacceptable & she needs to tell him that. Like, seriously.... Any of the men in my family who allowed such behavior from an in-law would be sleeping on the couch until they got their crap together. That’s exactly what I was thinking too. Maybe MIL wouldn’t be so quick to do that kind of crap if she experienced what it feels like to have someone else swoop in and steal her thunder. Odds are good that it will fall on the kid’s mom to have to drive around after Christmas and fight the crowds to return the stuff though.
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Dec 24, 2019 3:06:25 GMT
Your MIL sounds like a grade A bitch. Who intentionally does shit like that?
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Post by birdy on Dec 24, 2019 3:20:02 GMT
My MIL did something really mean DD's 1st Christmas. When I found out I was expecting a girl, my mom was so over the moon excited and asked if she'd be allowed to buy her her 1st baby doll (planning to buy it for her 1st birthday). DH and I said of course. I mentioned it several times to MIL. For Christmas, what did she get DD (then 7 months old)?~ A baby doll. My mom was so heartbroken, she cried. I felt horrible!
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iamcaro
Full Member
Posts: 128
Mar 12, 2019 2:51:15 GMT
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Post by iamcaro on Dec 24, 2019 3:20:55 GMT
Once my mom asked what dd wanted and I told her roller skates. My mom called several times asking me about skate stuff (sizes, colors, brands) then bought something else for dd instead. So, Christmas morning, no skates... I about killed my mother. I can only hope your MIL is as flaky as my mom does the same thing. Sorry This happened with my MIL and my kids once. It was for something they really wanted and were pretty sad that they didn't get it. After that I never gave my MIL a gift idea for something that they really wanted.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,996
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Dec 24, 2019 16:33:10 GMT
The more I ponder this situation, the more annoyed I get. wezee - you must get your gifts to the kids now & have them open the gifts before the other grandma can give them hers. She needs to experience that.Then after Christmas your daughter needs to tell him he needs to grow a backbone & put his mother in her place. His attitude is unacceptable & she needs to tell him that. Like, seriously.... Any of the men in my family who allowed such behavior from an in-law would be sleeping on the couch until they got their crap together. That’s exactly what I was thinking too. Maybe MIL wouldn’t be so quick to do that kind of crap if she experienced what it feels like to have someone else swoop in and steal her thunder. Odds are good that it will fall on the kid’s mom to have to drive around after Christmas and fight the crowds to return the stuff though. Go ahead and give them the gifts tonight. When MIL gives duplicates tomorrow, she will finally see why what she is doing is so awful! As for daughter having to return the gifts, just keep your receipts and offer to return them for her after Christmas. That won't really be any more burdensome to you than dealing with all the craziness of shopping last minute. Once the gifts are returned, take the kids on a shopping spree to pick out the replacement. You get the satisfaction of giving the gifts you intended to give, AND you get quality time with the grands. AND daughter gets a post-holiday break from the kids to do whatever she needs to do--pack up the decorations, send thank-you notes, get ready for New Year's Eve, or just take a nap. It's a win-win-win!
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,996
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Dec 24, 2019 16:43:21 GMT
my MIL used to do that. kids would do up a list, she bought it all. one year my mom bought the cinderella barbie carriage and horse and said "tell your MIL i have already bought that". i called her the same day and MIL replied she bought it two weeks before because DD saw the commercial on TV and said "i want that". she was understanding and said "i will give it to my niece, no problem". i signed in relief. my mom would be happy she finally gets to give her GD a gift she really wants. a couple of weeks before christmas, DD was at MILs. on the way home she said "nana asked me to keep a secret, but i can tell you right?". i said she could, as long as it wasn't about a gift that someone wants to surprise me with. she said "nana gave me the cinderella carriage i wanted but said i can only play with it at her house and that i am not allowed to tell you". i was SO PISSED. it's one thing to be manipulative (wrong) but then to tell my own daughter to lie to me (wrong x 100). argh - the holidays!!!!! This bothers me more than the duplicate gift. I would be having a heart-to-heart with Nana and explain that asking kids to keep secrets like that is a horrible thing to do and that your daughter knows better so that's why she told. Nana needs to be aware that young children who are molested are often groomed through "secrets" and later coerced into keeping silent about it. There is NO PLACE for keeping secrets from a parent other than innocent little "I have a surprise for you, and it's a secret," i.e. it is not a "forever" secret. By asking your daughter to keep this secret from you, she is "normalizing" the behavior.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 24, 2019 17:40:44 GMT
my MIL used to do that. kids would do up a list, she bought it all. one year my mom bought the cinderella barbie carriage and horse and said "tell your MIL i have already bought that". i called her the same day and MIL replied she bought it two weeks before because DD saw the commercial on TV and said "i want that". she was understanding and said "i will give it to my niece, no problem". i signed in relief. my mom would be happy she finally gets to give her GD a gift she really wants. a couple of weeks before christmas, DD was at MILs. on the way home she said "nana asked me to keep a secret, but i can tell you right?". i said she could, as long as it wasn't about a gift that someone wants to surprise me with. she said "nana gave me the cinderella carriage i wanted but said i can only play with it at her house and that i am not allowed to tell you". i was SO PISSED. it's one thing to be manipulative (wrong) but then to tell my own daughter to lie to me (wrong x 100). argh - the holidays!!!!! This bothers me more than the duplicate gift. I would be having a heart-to-heart with Nana and explain that asking kids to keep secrets like that is a horrible thing to do and that your daughter knows better so that's why she told. Nana needs to be aware that young children who are molested are often groomed through "secrets" and later coerced into keeping silent about it. There is NO PLACE for keeping secrets from a parent other than innocent little "I have a surprise for you, and it's a secret," i.e. it is not a "forever" secret. By asking your daughter to keep this secret from you, she is "normalizing" the behavior. I agree. Our PTA put on a parenting workshop a couple years back where a speaker from the Jacob Wetterling Foundation came in, and she addressed this very thing. She suggested for innocent things you want a kid to keep quiet about (gifts, surprise parties, etc.) to refer to them as a surprise instead of a secret for that very reason. A surprise is something someone eventually finds out about, a secret is something you never tell. The advice was to raise kids who don’t ever keep secrets from their parents. I would have a real problem with anyone who expects my kid to lie and hide things from me and there would be a serious come to Jesus talk with that person.
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Post by anniefb on Dec 24, 2019 19:26:51 GMT
That really sucks.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,339
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Dec 24, 2019 20:15:54 GMT
I always gave my side of the family and DH's side different lists for Christmas gifts when the boys were younger. Thankfully my MIL was good about it all and basically bought the kids what I told her too lol. My mom has always been easy going about gift giving.
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Post by bearmom on Dec 24, 2019 20:25:14 GMT
My MIL did that one year, so every year after that I had to give my parents and my in-laws completely separate lists.
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