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Post by Lexica on Jan 13, 2020 21:19:58 GMT
Yesterday, I needed some cilantro to make my taco soup. There is a 99 Cent store near me that usually carries it, and it is half the price as my local grocery store. When I walked into the store there was a homeless man standing there and he asked me if I had $5 that I could give him. At the moment, I knew I had zero cash on me. I told him that I had no cash at all and we went separate ways.
The guy was in bad shape. Very dirty with scraggly long hair and filthy clothing. He looked as if he had been on the streets for a very long time. He had a few groceries in his hands, but I don’t remember what they were. I felt badly for him and would have given him the $5 if I had it on me.
It wasn’t until I came home and was making my soup that it occurred to me that I could have suggested he hand me his food items and wait near the exit. I could have paid for his items along with mine using my bank card and just bagged his separately. I don’t have much, but I certainly have more than this man did and feel compelled to share when I can. I now feel guilty that I didn’t help this man out and didn’t think of how to go about it in time. I will now try to carry a few dollars with me when I’m out.
How would you have handled this? Would you have immediately thought about taking his things and paying for them with yours? I was only in the store for less than 5 minutes and didn’t see the man when I checked out so I am hoping someone gave him some cash.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 13, 2020 21:24:59 GMT
I'm sure I'm a terrible person for saying this, and I'll likely be judged but honestly I don't give money to random strangers. I feel like many of them are either lying and not homeless/poor or they'll use it for drugs. There are so many programs out there to help that if people are comfortable enough to ask for a handout they would be comfortable enough to go to the food bank/soup kitchen/whatever. I will gladly donate to various organizations to help those people but i won't hand out cash willy nilly. So no, I wouldn't feel guilty about what you did.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,847
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Jan 13, 2020 21:34:37 GMT
I do carry cash.. i am cash only envelope kinda person... but i dont feel guilty about saying sorry i dont have any cash...
I know it makes me cold hearted and whatever... but i do help different people in different ways... but just handing over cash... nope i dont do it and im ok with that...
Sorry its causing you angst.. i dont think you should overanalyze.. you didnt have cash.. its good.. you will help the next person in whatever way you can or feel ok doing...
Dont beat yourself over it!
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Post by mrssmith on Jan 13, 2020 21:38:48 GMT
I don't think all people asking for money are scammers, but I prefer to give to homeless organizations who are working to solve the issues on a larger level.
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486 
Location: Big Sky Country
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Post by Montannie on Jan 13, 2020 21:41:00 GMT
I'm not sure I'd think of it, either, but I darn sure will next time. Thanks for the idea. Don't beat yourself up; you'll remember this next time, too.
And sadly, there probably will be a next time.
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Post by twinks on Jan 13, 2020 21:44:32 GMT
I guess I fall into the category of being heartless. I don't give cash to people begging for cash. However, I've been known to pay the difference in the groceries when someone is short monies and deciding what to delete from their bill. I have paid bus fare. I will give commodities but not money.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jan 13, 2020 21:48:54 GMT
I'm sure I'm a terrible person for saying this, and I'll likely be judged but honestly I don't give money to random strangers. I feel like many of them are either lying and not homeless/poor or they'll use it for drugs. There are so many programs out there to help that if people are comfortable enough to ask for a handout they would be comfortable enough to go to the food bank/soup kitchen/whatever. I will gladly donate to various organizations to help those people but i won't hand out cash willy nilly. So no, I wouldn't feel guilty about what you did. Don't feel bad. Giving them money doesn't do any good.
I have worked with the local homeless here and I can assure you that a good portion of them are untreated mentally ill and/or drug addicts. It used to be that a lot of them wanted off the streets so they would come into the warming clinics we were running and would allow us to help them sign up for services (case manager for housing, medical, mental, job placement), the program I worked in was basically a funnel to get vulnerable people off the streets and back on their feet.
As of about two years ago, the homeless in my town changed. Most of them are drug abusers and they have no interest in returning to conventional modern life. Why would they since they basically receive benefits for being homeless and can continue in their drug addicted lifestyle with no repercussions, especially now there's no longer any law enforcement for property crime/drug abuse to deter them. It's a very backwards method of helping and it is, in fact, NOT helping at all but perpetuates the situation and makes it worse. Since our police were told to stop enforcing property laws the homeless population has exploded.
Oregon is 4th in the nation (behind Hawaii 3, New York 2, and Wash DC 1). Another Oregon city (who has implemented similar policies) is leading the nation in homeless per capita. It's a horrible breakdown of society and safety and is proof positive that the well meaning intentions of the city council (especially in Eugene, OR) have done nothing but worsen an already very serious issue.
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
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Post by muggins on Jan 13, 2020 21:50:11 GMT
I think we’ve all ignored the request for money from homeless people. It doesn’t make you heartless. There’s no way I could give to every homeless person who asks, particularly in big cities.
Many homeless charities suggest that people don’t give money on the streets as it often goes towards drugs and alcohol.
In this instance I would have done the same as you since I rarely carry cash. No need to feel guilty. Maybe next time, carry some singles in your wallet for ‘good deeds’ like this:)
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Post by Lexica on Jan 13, 2020 21:56:23 GMT
I typically won’t give someone on the street money, even if they ask, but since this guy had food items in his hands, I felt compelled to get them so he can eat.
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Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,234
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
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Post by Sue on Jan 13, 2020 21:56:25 GMT
These kind of situations are tough for me to handle too. This last spring I was approached by a man in a newer car who asked me if I could give him some money for gas. He was nicely dressed in a white shirt and tie. He explained that he had been at a work conference in a city a number of miles away and had walked out leaving his jacket with his wallet hanging on the back of a chair. He was on his way to a very important meeting and didn't have money to get gas to get there or to go back for his wallet. Without even thinking I said no, I couldn't do that. (Like many others, I give to charities of my choice but don't hand out money on the street.) He drove away looking disgusted with me and for weeks I kept reliving this event in my mind and feeling so guilty for not helping. Then two weeks ago someone posted on my local Nextdoor site about a scammer who made his living pulling scams like this. There were over 45 posts about this guy and even pictures of him and his car. It was the same guy I had been feeling guilty over. So, don't feel guilty for not thinking of a way to help this man. It may have been a scam also. You just never know. Just give freely when you can and when it's comfortable for you to do so.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:05:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2020 21:57:19 GMT
Don't feel bad. Even if I had cash, I would not feel comfortable taking out my wallet in front of someone standing in front of me begging for money. Unfortunately, it happens so often around here that I've become a bit numb to it. Hopefully, someone helped him out or the shop owner let him keep the items he had in his hands.
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Post by grammadee on Jan 13, 2020 22:12:54 GMT
Don’t feel guilty Lexica. You will remember next time. I tend to carry up to $10 in change in my pocket. In Canada we have $1 and $2 coins that get pretty heavy in my little purse, so if anyone hits me up for money on the street, I can usually reach into my jacket pocket and hand over some cash. When I don’t have cash, I say so, and the person asking usually accepts that. I have bought homeless people coffee and a breakfast sandwich at Tim Hortons. |
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Post by Lexica on Jan 13, 2020 23:06:07 GMT
I will never accept that ALL homeless are scammers. There are many that have mental illnesses and just don’t want to live a conventional life. I’m fine with that since it is their own decision. Yes, there are plenty of scammers out there, but I can evaluate a situation pretty quickly and if my gut says scam, I go with it. I won’t give cash for fear that it would be used for drugs or alcohol. In my area, I rarely ever see a homeless person. In fact, in 35 years of living here, this guy is the first one that I’ve encountered. When I do see any, they are in Los Angeles (I am in Orange County, south from LA) or near the beach and usually begging at off ramps with signs. I don’t give to those. That is where the scammers tend to work.
My feelings on this particular man were that he was a genuine homeless person who was hungry. His skin was very weathered. His body and clothing hadn’t been washed in ages. He was very thin. You don’t get like that without years of hard living. The guy just wanted some food and I am blessed enough to have enough to share once in a while. I just didn’t think of purchasing his things with mine and handing them to him at the exit until I was at home.
My purse has a little pocket on the exterior of it and I am going to start a habit of tucking some ones in there. I can access it quickly without opening my purse. I don’t anticipate running into another person in need soon, but just in case, I would have a couple of bucks handy. It would be handy to give to kids as an RAK when I’m at the dollar store and see children asking for things their parents can’t buy. I have given $1 to some kids asking their mom for crayons in a dollar store after asking her if it was ok first. Art is an important part of my life, and I think all kids benefit from being exposed to creative tools. My giving is done on a case-by-case basis, I guess.
And in thinking of actual proper shelters, I don’t think there are any in my city or the immediate surrounding cities. I think Santa Ana is probably the closest city where there would be facilities and that is a long way from my area.
When Mom was alive and living with me we used to put together little necessity bags for the homeless that I would keep within arms reach behind the passenger seat in my car. Just some socks, food items like peanut butter and crackers, ointment, TP, etc. And a big trash bag to keep things dry. We would sometimes see homeless when we were out for a drive along the ocean or in a beachfront park. Mom was so happy when I would decide to give out a bag. She was a born nurturer and she would say how happy it made her to see me doing the same. Neither of my sisters would ever consider showing a kindness to a stranger. I don’t make the bags now, but buying someone a few groceries in a dollar store would make my mother smile and make me feel close to her for a few moments.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Jan 13, 2020 23:29:48 GMT
These kind of situations are tough for me to handle too. This last spring I was approached by a man in a newer car who asked me if I could give him some money for gas. He was nicely dressed in a white shirt and tie. He explained that he had been at a work conference in a city a number of miles away and had walked out leaving his jacket with his wallet hanging on the back of a chair. He was on his way to a very important meeting and didn't have money to get gas to get there or to go back for his wallet. Without even thinking I said no, I couldn't do that. (Like many others, I give to charities of my choice but don't hand out money on the street.) He drove away looking disgusted with me and for weeks I kept reliving this event in my mind and feeling so guilty for not helping. Then two weeks ago someone posted on my local Nextdoor site about a scammer who made his living pulling scams like this. There were over 45 posts about this guy and even pictures of him and his car. It was the same guy I had been feeling guilty over. So, don't feel guilty for not thinking of a way to help this man. It may have been a scam also. You just never know. Just give freely when you can and when it's comfortable for you to do so. I lived in Fayetteville, NC for most of the 00's. I worked at a hospital downtown, and for a period of about 3 years, you'd hear time and time again about a scam at a couple of the gas stations down the street. Typically the person "got a phone call about a loved one in a precarious medical emergency... left the house sooooooo fast they forgot their wallet and phone. Low on gas and don't live in or near town, so they need gas so they can get back home. Could you please please help?" The hospital actually put out an announcement about this because it seemed they were preying on hospital personnel who would give them cash. If they didn't give cash, and offered to pay for some gas using pay at the pump instead, the person would take off. There were a few over the years. I agree, give when you can and when you feel good about it. Then even if it's a scam, it's whatever. |
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Post by librarylady on Jan 13, 2020 23:36:18 GMT
Depends upon the situation.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Jan 13, 2020 23:39:39 GMT
I don't think all people asking for money are scammers, but I prefer to give to homeless organizations who are working to solve the issues on a larger level. This. I donate directly to places that can do good with it. I then try not to feel guilty for not helping beggars when asked. I also don’t do the Salvation Army buckets and hate the looks I get, but I know I donate regularly so I’m still helping. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 13, 2020 23:41:18 GMT
I never give money to people who ask. It's just too risky. It's sad that many bad apples spoil it for the ones who truly need it and will use it for food.
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Post by anniefb on Jan 13, 2020 23:45:35 GMT
I don't think all people asking for money are scammers, but I prefer to give to homeless organizations who are working to solve the issues on a larger level.  |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 13, 2020 23:58:05 GMT
I'm sure I'm a terrible person for saying this, and I'll likely be judged but honestly I don't give money to random strangers. I feel like many of them are either lying and not homeless/poor or they'll use it for drugs. There are so many programs out there to help that if people are comfortable enough to ask for a handout they would be comfortable enough to go to the food bank/soup kitchen/whatever. I will gladly donate to various organizations to help those people but i won't hand out cash willy nilly. So no, I wouldn't feel guilty about what you did. Don't feel bad. Giving them money doesn't do any good.
I have worked with the local homeless here and I can assure you that a good portion of them are untreated mentally ill and/or drug addicts. It used to be that a lot of them wanted off the streets so they would come into the warming clinics we were running and would allow us to help them sign up for services (case manager for housing, medical, mental, job placement), the program I worked in was basically a funnel to get vulnerable people off the streets and back on their feet.
As of about two years ago, the homeless in my town changed. Most of them are drug abusers and they have no interest in returning to conventional modern life. Why would they since they basically receive benefits for being homeless and can continue in their drug addicted lifestyle with no repercussions, especially now there's no longer any law enforcement for property crime/drug abuse to deter them. It's a very backwards method of helping and it is, in fact, NOT helping at all but perpetuates the situation and makes it worse. Since our police were told to stop enforcing property laws the homeless population has exploded.
Oregon is 4th in the nation (behind Hawaii 3, New York 2, and Wash DC 1). Another Oregon city (who has implemented similar policies) is leading the nation in homeless per capita. It's a horrible breakdown of society and safety and is proof positive that the well meaning intentions of the city council (especially in Eugene, OR) have done nothing but worsen an already very serious issue.
This is happening for the same reasons in the Seattle area  |
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Post by wandawoman on Jan 14, 2020 0:14:24 GMT
I have my own quilt feelings about not giving. There is a man who stands on a corner that I pass regularly. For YEARS he has held a sign asking for money because he has bone cancer. He says he is homeless, but is very clean and looks well fed. I have a lot of sympathy for victims of cancer, but I don't see how he can be there so regularly for so long if he has cancer, so I have not given.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:05:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 0:25:30 GMT
Don’t feel guilty.
My cousin pulled a go fund scam for a couple of years. She used $1200 of it to buy a computer for her “photography “ business. They bought videos and went out for coffee ever morning with the rest of the money.
If they got a few dollars, they would go to the dollar store and buy junk food and trinkets.
Their military pension goes for cigarettes and buying videos. She loves videos and playing computer games.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jan 14, 2020 0:29:35 GMT
Even if he had food in his hands when he asked for money, you don't know if he would have spent your money on that food, or put the food back and bought cigarettes, alcohol, etc. It seems very odd that a store would allow panhandling in the store.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,295
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Jan 14, 2020 0:39:08 GMT
For me it really depends on the vibe or gut feeling I get. Although I usually don't have any cash or coin on me. (I hate carrying a purse and usually only have my phone, ID and credit card). Here are three scenarios that have happened to me.
1. Man with a dog standing by grocery store driveway with a sign that says "hungry anything helps". I reached into my grocery bag and gave him a bag of bagels, two bananas and a box of milk bone treats. He seemed thankful.
2. Man and woman standing in front of Panera Bread at lunch time asking for money to get a meal. I purchased a $25 gift card and gave it to them on my way out. The woman said, we wanted cash not a card! (oops! on me) But the man took the card and said thank you.
3. Walking down the sidewalk with DH in evening, I had just spotted a $5 bill and picked it up and was feeling good about my luck. A little ways down a man was sitting on the sidewalk and asked for money to get a beer. We gave him the $5. He was being honest in what he wanted and I'm OK with that.
I've also been cussed at and called bad names when I didn't give anything.
Op, In your place I probably wouldn't have thought to purchase his items for him either.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jan 14, 2020 0:47:49 GMT
Don't feel bad. Giving them money doesn't do any good.
I have worked with the local homeless here and I can assure you that a good portion of them are untreated mentally ill and/or drug addicts. It used to be that a lot of them wanted off the streets so they would come into the warming clinics we were running and would allow us to help them sign up for services (case manager for housing, medical, mental, job placement), the program I worked in was basically a funnel to get vulnerable people off the streets and back on their feet.
As of about two years ago, the homeless in my town changed. Most of them are drug abusers and they have no interest in returning to conventional modern life. Why would they since they basically receive benefits for being homeless and can continue in their drug addicted lifestyle with no repercussions, especially now there's no longer any law enforcement for property crime/drug abuse to deter them. It's a very backwards method of helping and it is, in fact, NOT helping at all but perpetuates the situation and makes it worse. Since our police were told to stop enforcing property laws the homeless population has exploded.
Oregon is 4th in the nation (behind Hawaii 3, New York 2, and Wash DC 1). Another Oregon city (who has implemented similar policies) is leading the nation in homeless per capita. It's a horrible breakdown of society and safety and is proof positive that the well meaning intentions of the city council (especially in Eugene, OR) have done nothing but worsen an already very serious issue.
This is happening for the same reasons in the Seattle area Southern California, as well. |
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jan 14, 2020 0:49:25 GMT
It would not have occurred to me to pay for his food. I do sometimes give them money, but in general my knee-jerk reaction is to say no, I don’t even think about whether I actually have cash or not.
I don’t think you should feel guilty. Next time give them money or buy their food if you want, but not out of guilt.
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Post by Lexica on Jan 14, 2020 1:01:48 GMT
For me it really depends on the vibe or gut feeling I get. Although I usually don't have any cash or coin on me. (I hate carrying a purse and usually only have my phone, ID and credit card). Here are three scenarios that have happened to me. 1. Man with a dog standing by grocery store driveway with a sign that says "hungry anything helps". I reached into my grocery bag and gave him a bag of bagels, two bananas and a box of milk bone treats. He seemed thankful. 2. Man and woman standing in front of Panera Bread at lunch time asking for money to get a meal. I purchased a $25 gift card and gave it to them on my way out. The woman said, we wanted cash not a card! (oops! on me) But the man took the card and said thank you. 3. Walking down the sidewalk with DH in evening, I had just spotted a $5 bill and picked it up and was feeling good about my luck. A little ways down a man was sitting on the sidewalk and asked for money to get a beer. We gave him the $5. He was being honest in what he wanted and I'm OK with that. I've also been cussed at and called bad names when I didn't give anything. Op, In your place I probably wouldn't have thought to purchase his items for him either. Your post reminded me of something that happened with my son when he was younger. I did my best to raise him as a compassionate young man. We had a “kindness” thing we would do where one of us would declare it a kindness day. That meant that we should each do something kind for someone that day and then we would share what we did during dinner that night. His funniest - He proudly told me that he said hello to this kid as he was passing him in the hallway. I asked what made that a notable kindness. He said that the kid was “weird” and that he himself was very popular, so his acknowledgment of the kid was a kindness. Oye! We had a talk about that one. He was about 8 at the time and hadn’t gotten the hang of it yet. Then there was the time he happened to come over to visit as my mom and I were assembling a couple of the homeless bags that I mentioned. He said he had done a kindness for a homeless guy just that weekend. My mom was thrilled and asked him to tell her about it. He said he and his friends were driving back to their apartment after having spent the previous night at a party. He said they had some leftover beers and a couple of bottles of tequila in the car. They passed a homeless guy laying in the bushes. They pulled over and ran back and handed the guy a full bottle of tequila! Oye again! Mom and I just started laughing and tried to explain that while it might seem kind, it wasn’t the best choice. He said, ”But Mom, the homeless guy was SUPER HAPPY and kept thanking us!!!” I’m sure he did. |
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Deleted
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May 19, 2024 15:05:04 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 2:39:21 GMT
For all those that think they are heartless don't! We have had homeless people ask for money and when you pull it out you get robbed or worse....yes it has happened in our area. Now do I believe all are like that, of course not.
I'd rather be safe than sorry.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 14, 2020 2:51:26 GMT
I typically won’t give someone on the street money, even if they ask, but since this guy had food items in his hands, I felt compelled to get them so he can eat. I would have bought them for him. I generally don't give cash, but I'll get granola bars or dog food (if they have a pup). Sometimes I just don't think and I might have said the exact same thing. Don't stress about it. I can guarantee that there were many other people who said no to his request. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,430
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 14, 2020 2:56:37 GMT
I'm sure I'm a terrible person for saying this, and I'll likely be judged but honestly I don't give money to random strangers. I feel like many of them are either lying and not homeless/poor or they'll use it for drugs. There are so many programs out there to help that if people are comfortable enough to ask for a handout they would be comfortable enough to go to the food bank/soup kitchen/whatever. I will gladly donate to various organizations to help those people but i won't hand out cash willy nilly. So no, I wouldn't feel guilty about what you did. Same. I have learned to look at someone’s shoes. If they’re thread bare, chances are they are truly in need. |
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
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Post by ashley on Jan 14, 2020 3:47:44 GMT
What about a $5 gift card to a grocery store? That way the individual can buy the food or supplies they need.
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