MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,386
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
|
Post by MDscrapaholic on Jan 14, 2020 17:44:04 GMT
I'm throwing a "sprinkle" for my oldest DD in March with her best friend. She has one child who will be almost 9 and has lost 4 babies since he was born. We are all SO EXCITED that this baby is coming! I am so happy for her and can hardly wait till she gets here.
She has asked that the guest list be limited to just family and a few of her closest friends. We are all close and are all looking forward to this "sprinkle" whether its tacky or not.
All babies should be celebrated!
|
|
|
Post by mrssmith on Jan 14, 2020 18:20:37 GMT
I think people will still buy a gift for baby #2, esp. closer friends and family. But if they are comfortable financially, they shouldn't throw a baby shower because they need to repurchase a crib, stroller, car seat, etc. That's their responsibility. I could see maybe someone organizing it for a friend/relative who was not well off.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 5:44:40 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 18:22:49 GMT
How is it any different from any other baby shower or bridal shower? They exist solely to have people buy you stuff. Is it really rude because she’s throwing the party herself? For me, it's because you are throwing the party for yourself in order for people to shower you with gifts, whereas if someone else was hosting they aren't requesting anything for themselves. Now, if the parents were throwing a come celebrate the pregnancy or meet the little one party, I'm all for that because they aren't asking that you come bearing gifts (even though I would), but are asking you to come celebrate his/her conception or birth. Honestly, I'm surprised no one has stepped up to help host, but perhaps this person doesn't want to relinquish control as to how she wants her shower to be?
|
|
J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
|
Post by J u l e e on Jan 14, 2020 18:24:52 GMT
She has one child who will be almost 9 and has lost 4 babies since he was born. We are all SO EXCITED that this baby is coming! I am so happy for her and can hardly wait till she gets here. Congratulations, Grandma! How exciting!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 5:44:40 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2020 18:41:50 GMT
My nephew's wife is having a 2nd baby seven years after her first one. It's a whoops baby. They had gotten rid of all of the baby stuff. She is giving herself a baby shower. Is this socially acceptable? (I always thought that someone gave the shower, that you don't ask people yourself to shower you with gifts.) What say the peas? (If this makes a difference, they are very much able to buy whatever they need.) The ONLY time I feel a shower is a gift grab is when the mother to be hosts her own, or talks someone into hosting one for her. So, this is not acceptable to me even though I am fine with showers for 2-20th babies and grandbabies.
|
|
|
Post by justkat on Jan 14, 2020 18:47:42 GMT
No, not acceptable. Tacky at best.
|
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,333
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
|
Post by smcast on Jan 14, 2020 18:48:50 GMT
I would say it's tacky. I wasn't comfortable having a shower. I had bought everything I needed for dd. I figured if people wanted to give me a gift great, but I don't like a lot of attention or to ever feel like I'm expecting gifts. Just my .02 cent post.
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on Jan 14, 2020 19:19:30 GMT
Tacky - if you have a whoops, then you pay for the whoops. I would happily give a gift, clothing, etc., after the baby is born.
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 14, 2020 19:29:33 GMT
I'm in the Who cares? camp. If you love her and are excited for her surprise baby, go to the shower. If you are not a fan, then don't go. Agreed. I think this is something I used to get worked up over but can't find the energy to do that any more. If I loved her and the baby, I'd go and bring a nice gift. If she's someone that I wouldn't want to go even if it was being hosted by someone else? I wouldn't. Sitting on this bench. I'm sure it's partly due to a very, very tough year for so many in my family and friend group. Real tragedies, real heart break. I'm looking for any excuse to share someone's happy news and can't muster a bit of energy on what's tacky - also can't muster any energy for people who I don't like.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jan 14, 2020 19:31:06 GMT
I don’t understand the “every baby should be celebrated” logic. What does that have to do with a baby shower? You can celebrate the new baby without throwing yourself a request-for-gifts party. Either find someone else to host your shower, throw a Meet the New Addition party with no mention of gifts, or lower your expectations.
|
|
paget
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
|
Post by paget on Jan 14, 2020 19:35:38 GMT
I also can’t muster up the “care.” If I like you, I’m buying a gift and coming no matter who threw the shower/hosted/invited me.
|
|
|
Post by Scrapper100 on Jan 14, 2020 19:52:54 GMT
I don't see anything wrong with a shower but it is odd that she is throwing it herself usually a friend or relative does that. That many years in between and not planning it I understand why she would want a shower.
|
|
pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,993
Feb 4, 2015 6:49:53 GMT
|
Post by pancakes on Jan 14, 2020 20:10:29 GMT
Although it’s socially “tacky,” I certainly feel sympathy if none of her friends or family stepped up and offered to give her a shower.
I know what that feels like. Although I have a couple of friends who offered to host my baby shower, no one offered to host a bridal shower for me when I got married. My husband had to ask his sister to throw it for me. I was embarrassed to ask her, much less a friend to take on the task of hosting any type of shower.
As a first generation American, these traditions aren’t something my family consciously thinks about, even if they are aware other people have them. And I’m sure my friends were expecting my family to do it.
This time around, I think my friends asked me about my baby shower because they knew how “forgotten” I felt about the bridal shower.
Honestly, it’s not even about the gifts at all. It’s that these traditions are so ingrained in our society (whether or not that’s a good thing is a whole other discussion) that it feels sad when no one thought to celebrate with you during this happy milestone in your life.
I don’t know if this is the case for her, but I tend to not judge someone for doing something out of the traditional etiquette norm.
|
|
peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
Jun 25, 2014 22:18:04 GMT
|
Post by peabrain on Jan 14, 2020 20:34:56 GMT
I'll reserve judgment until I see the registry lol
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Jan 14, 2020 20:45:59 GMT
I have mixed feelings. My workplace threw me a shower for my second baby, even though I thought it a little weird to do a shower for a second baby, but they only invited work people and I had not been at that office when I had the first baby, AND they really wanted to do it. I suppose I basically feel like if people don't want to throw you a shower for a second baby, it's presumptuous to throw one. Is she in dire need of baby stuff? Often, even if your baby is an oops, you're more financially secure as you get older.
|
|
pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,938
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
|
Post by pilcas on Jan 14, 2020 20:49:22 GMT
It’s considered tacky - ‘social rules’ say even a mom or sister isn’t supposed to throw it I believe. I’m pretty sure I helped throw showers for my sister. In my area it is fairly common for the grandmother-to be- to host a luncheon in the party room of a restaurant or even a catering hall. This would be more expensive than what a friend would be able or willing to do for the mom to be.
|
|
scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,765
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
|
Post by scrapngranny on Jan 14, 2020 20:51:01 GMT
I don’t think throwing your own baby shower is not a great idea. It would be better to throw a meet the baby party after the baby is here.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 14, 2020 21:08:00 GMT
People can celebrate a second baby without having to have a shower. If people want to give her a gift they should, and they shouldn't feel obligated to attend another shower. I'm not a fan of people throwing themselves a birthday party or a shower. I can see in some situations it might be okay, but overall, nope. If the couple has money to prepare for a second baby, it is even a bigger nope.
When I had my second baby, there wasn't a shower and I would never have thought to have one. People that wanted to give a gift did and I thought that was more than plenty.
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Jan 14, 2020 22:52:52 GMT
Oh my goodness I would never give myself a shower of any kind other than in the bathroom. I would put out the word to my friends and family if anyone has any baby stuff they are getting rid of please let me know.
Yikes I am kind of appalled really.
|
|
|
Post by Merge on Jan 14, 2020 23:07:31 GMT
OMG who cares. Are we really worried about this kind of stuff in 2020?
Whether mom throws the shower herself or gets someone else to put their name on the invite, the end result is all the same. Go or don't go. Give or don't give. But let's let go of pointless social mores.
|
|
Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,706
Jun 28, 2014 17:36:35 GMT
|
Post by Dani-Mani on Jan 14, 2020 23:50:00 GMT
Why is it tacky before the child is born but socially acceptable to ask for gifts for the child for the next 18 years after they are born?
Would you not buy your friends second child a birthday gift cause you bought the first child one?
I’m lost.
|
|
kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
|
Post by kelly8875 on Jan 15, 2020 0:02:32 GMT
Yes, every baby is worth celebrating.
Throwing yourself a shower is not acceptable however. A shower is a party asking for gifts. No one should ever ask or expect friends to buy them things.
Friends or family throwing them a shower would be okay, but generally showers aren’t given here for additional babies.
|
|
Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
|
Post by Just T on Jan 15, 2020 0:43:05 GMT
While I think it is odd for someone to throw their own shower, and I have never known anyone who did, and I would never want my own daughters to do that, it wouldn't keep me from going. I tend to feel like others here...if I like the person, I happily go to the shower and bring a gift, no matter what etiquette rules have been violated. I just don't care. I have been to so many "non traditional" showers, and I never once thought to be outraged.
|
|
RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,408
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
|
Post by RosieKat on Jan 15, 2020 1:36:17 GMT
Not done, even if she couldn't afford the stuff.
Host a "Sip-and-See" afterwards and if people want to bring something, they will.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jan 15, 2020 2:56:43 GMT
Why is it tacky before the child is born but socially acceptable to ask for gifts for the child for the next 18 years after they are born? Would you not buy your friends second child a birthday gift cause you bought the first child one? I’m lost. never really thought of it that way Maybe because of the price difference? FWIW, I would think it was weird and sad nobody would host for here, but maybe she is a baby version of bridezilla and nobody wants to deal with her.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 15, 2020 4:16:18 GMT
Why is it tacky before the child is born but socially acceptable to ask for gifts for the child for the next 18 years after they are born? Would you not buy your friends second child a birthday gift cause you bought the first child one? I’m lost. Because it’s not the same thing. I think of shower gifts as things to help the new family set up a nursery and birthday parties are to celebrate the individual child. Isn’t the point of a shower to register for the bigger things the family will need, hoping that people will pool together and buy them for you (or that the grandparents-to-be will pony up for that stuff)? People register for other stuff too because paying for everything all at once is overwhelming to the new parents. Also theoretically once you have the stroller, crib, pack n play, car seat, swing, diaper bag, bottles and all the other non-consumables, you don’t need to buy those things again for subsequent babies. If someone gets rid of all that stuff and then whoops, along comes another kid is it really right to expect your family and friends to completely set you up *again* after they’ve already been hit up for the big stuff once already? If people want to “celebrate” the next kid/s, usually they bring a cute little outfit (esp. if the second kid is the opposite gender from the first one) or a special blanket or stuffed animal so the new kid can have something of their own that isn’t a hand me down from the older kid, after the kid is born.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 15, 2020 5:04:17 GMT
Why is it tacky before the child is born but socially acceptable to ask for gifts for the child for the next 18 years after they are born? Would you not buy your friends second child a birthday gift cause you bought the first child one? I’m lost. I don't buy my friends' kids gifts for the next 18 years. I might buy something now and then, but do your friends want you to buy their kids birthday gifts?
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 15, 2020 15:18:05 GMT
Why is it tacky before the child is born but socially acceptable to ask for gifts for the child for the next 18 years after they are born? Would you not buy your friends second child a birthday gift cause you bought the first child one? I’m lost. I don't buy my friends' kids gifts for the next 18 years. I might buy something now and then, but do your friends want you to buy their kids birthday gifts? This is true too. We invited some of our friends to DD’s early birthday parties when she was really little, but not since she has been having friend parties for maybe the last 4-5 years. I figure I’ve been helping them dodge a bullet by not inviting them, LOL. Sometimes they buy her a gift anyway but it isn’t ever anything that is solicited by us.
|
|
|
Post by snugglebutter on Jan 15, 2020 15:45:58 GMT
We had our youngest child several years after the others and while he wasn't a surprise, we only had a small fraction of our baby stuff left. Not a big deal, because we have an active FB b/s/t group where I scored some great bargains. I lean on the minimalist side so I didn't want a ton of stuff anyway. I would have died before I threw my own shower - that seriously makes me shudder.
And while it's not a huge deal in the big picture of life, I dealt with a particularly tacky mother-to-be and her shower when we were first married it's definitely had an influence in my opinion. (I got roped into hosting and only consented because I felt bad for MIL who was the co-host and in a harder position to turn it down)
|
|
peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
Posts: 3,854
Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
|
Post by peppermintpatty on Jan 15, 2020 17:15:32 GMT
It’s considered tacky - ‘social rules’ say even a mom or sister isn’t supposed to throw it I believe. I’m pretty sure I helped throw showers for my sister. Then mine was tacky. My mom threw mine and no one had any issue with it. It's tacky to have one for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc.
|
|