|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 15:24:45 GMT
So my dad asked for no calling hours/funeral when he passed. Instead he wanted a big party and we are honoring that wish (he received Catholic sacraments in the hospital before he passed)
It's being catered etc but we are anticipating upwards of 200 people. My dad was a beloved member of our community, was a teacher and a football coach for many years. He also served on our Board of Education.
My question is...if you had one, did you do a "program"? My niece is putting some picture boards together. I am looking into either ordering or making guest books.
Any other suggestions?? It's not till July
|
|
|
|
Post by katlaw on Feb 4, 2020 15:32:28 GMT
When my father passed away many years ago we had a similar situation to yours. He was a teacher, hockey coach and he was only 54 so we had over 250 people show up. We had a service and then fellowship. We had a "Master of Ceremonies"for that part. I feel like you will want someone to talk a bit, do a eulogy, invite people to share.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 15:40:42 GMT
I feel like you will want someone to talk a bit, do a eulogy, invite people to share. Ok...it's going to be over like 3-4 hours..like an Open House so we might need to figure this out more. |
|
artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,045 
|
Post by artbabe on Feb 4, 2020 15:47:54 GMT
But if you do a program with a eulogy, etc. you are basically doing a funeral. Are you sure that is what he wanted?
My father doesn't want a funeral and it is pretty clear that means he doesn't want any kind of program, either. We'll get together, but that is it.
|
|
|
|
Post by katlaw on Feb 4, 2020 15:51:59 GMT
My father doesn't want a funeral and it is pretty clear that means he doesn't want any kind of program, either. We'll get together, but that is it. In my own experience we needed someone to do a greeting and sort of direct the celebration. He stood up, thanked everyone for coming, let people know that the family would be available and where food was. Not a lot of direction. |
|
janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
|
Post by janeliz on Feb 4, 2020 15:56:28 GMT
We put a few photos up and I believe my sister made a short speech thanking everyone for coming, but we didn’t do any sort of program or keep any order. It was very casual and relaxed.
|
|
moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,179
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
|
Post by moodyblue on Feb 4, 2020 16:04:10 GMT
My husband only wanted the Celebration of Life, no funeral, no formalities.
We did have the Celebration at the funeral home, but we had them get rid of the formal rows of chairs and make it more like a large living room with groups of chairs and some couches. I had picture boards with pics and with quotes from people who had sent us amazing emails in the last couple weeks of his life. I had videos playing and some things that represented him, and we had packets of ornamental pepper seeds for people to take to plant (he loved them and had harvested seeds from his latest crop to plant the next spring, and then later he ordered envelopes and labels, just in case the worst happened).
It was more like a visitation in the sense that people came and went, open house-style, so no speeches or intros of any kind. People who wanted to hang around did, and others came and went more quickly.
If it’s just a party type event, I think you don’t need any kind of program. With the way you are describing it, it’s more of an open house, with people arriving and leaving at different times.
You could have someone who acts as a greeter, directing people to the food and where the family members are or something like that. If you have a guest book, that person could be near where that is, so they sign as they come in.
|
|
|
|
Post by librarylady on Feb 4, 2020 16:23:56 GMT
I agree with this. If people are coming/going, it would be impossible to have a program of any kind.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 16:41:10 GMT
But if you do a program with a eulogy, etc. you are basically doing a funeral. Are you sure that is what he wanted? My father doesn't want a funeral and it is pretty clear that means he doesn't want any kind of program, either. We'll get together, but that is it. I meant a paper program...And YES we know what he wanted. He mentioned a eulogy as in who would give it and my mom told him anyone who wanted to. He was happy with that because he didn't want to pick someone. I guess what I failed to be clear on is that he didn't want a big church service or calling hours. He wanted a party where people could gather and share stories and laugh and cry. |
|
The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
|
Post by The Great Carpezio on Feb 4, 2020 16:54:42 GMT
I have posted about my dad's celebration of life before. We had it at a local brewery with open bar and apps. I would say we had about half of what you are having though.
We had photo boards, I made a slideshow, we had a guest book, some flowers/decor (wine bottles/corks/books/globe-travel items with flowers for the theme...my dad liked good food and good drinks, books and travel). We had giant Jenga and shuffle board for the kids.
We did not have a program. We just had a nice time talking and remembering. I did make up a nice "card" with photos and the obit I wrote on it and had it professionally printed at WHCC.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:05:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 17:19:44 GMT
Order half the food you you think you will need. Fill in with chips. I ordered enough for 200 and only had 98 show up and most didn’t eat.
There is no program for a celebration of life party (wake) We offered cards for people to write down memories.
|
|
|
|
Post by Mel on Feb 4, 2020 17:23:32 GMT
I haven't read the other responses but here's my .02... Have a book, sheet, special matting around a big photo (or 2 or 3) sitting around the photo boards... encourage people to share a special memory, a story, something they learned from him, etc. Then, later, in private with the family, you can read them. You could also have sheets of paper on the tables and a basket for them to put them in. That gives the family something tangible and you might "hear" some stories you didn't know, and it gives the writer a way to share something with you all.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 17:40:07 GMT
Order half the food you you think you will need. Fill in with chips. I ordered enough for 200 and only had 98 show up and most didn’t eat. There is no program for a celebration of life party (wake) We offered cards for people to write down memories. We're only doing cold/hot apps. The caterer is wonderful and will know what amount to order. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 14:05:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 19:17:25 GMT
Order half the food you you think you will need. Fill in with chips. I ordered enough for 200 and only had 98 show up and most didn’t eat. There is no program for a celebration of life party (wake) We offered cards for people to write down memories. We're only doing cold/hot apps. The caterer is wonderful and will know what amount to order. The caterer can only judge food amounts by how many people you say are coming. |
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on Feb 4, 2020 19:29:34 GMT
If it is open house style, then I would have something at the entrance- like a sign in book and a prayer card (not thise things, but something like that) and an explanation of what is going on- will there be a time to share memories, where the family is, is there a charity to donate to, etc
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 19:33:57 GMT
We're only doing cold/hot apps. The caterer is wonderful and will know what amount to order. The caterer can only judge food amounts by how many people you say are coming. I realize that. We’re not that concerned about it. Money is not an issue. |
|
|
|
Post by mom2samlibby on Feb 4, 2020 19:56:21 GMT
I would not order food for 200. You didn't list your time frame, but if it is in the afternoon, I wouldn't expect very many to eat. You mentioned that your dad was well known in your community and I would expect a large turnout now, but you aren't doing this until July. I hate to say this, but I don't think you'll get the turnout then as you would if you did it sooner. That's a long time from now. People expect to come together and mourn, share stories, and see the family now. They don't 6 months from now.
|
|
|
|
Post by tentoes on Feb 4, 2020 19:56:29 GMT
So sorry for your loss.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 4, 2020 20:04:49 GMT
I would not order food for 200. You didn't list your time frame, but if it is in the afternoon, I wouldn't expect very many to eat. You mentioned that your dad was well known in your community and I would expect a large turnout now, but you aren't doing this until July. I hate to say this, but I don't think you'll get the turnout then as you would if you did it sooner. That's a long time from now. People expect to come together and mourn, share stories, and see the family now. They don't 6 months from now. Well you can believe what you want....we know better. AND we had to wait because two grandkids could not come home until then. |
|
artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,045
|
Post by artbabe on Feb 5, 2020 3:19:11 GMT
You asked for people's opinions and they gave them to you. Losing a parent is devastating- I lost my mom and my dad is 80 so I know his death will be coming soon.
It is horrible. But you are getting mad at people who are offering suggestions and ideas about the problem you presented.
My dad is definite that he wants no funeral, and nothing like a funeral. When I first read your post I assumed that your dad was like my dad and was against the whole eulogy and celebration of life thing. Obviously, your dad is different. Everybody deals with death differently.
|
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Feb 5, 2020 3:30:11 GMT
I would not order food for 200. You didn't list your time frame, but if it is in the afternoon, I wouldn't expect very many to eat. You mentioned that your dad was well known in your community and I would expect a large turnout now, but you aren't doing this until July. I hate to say this, but I don't think you'll get the turnout then as you would if you did it sooner. That's a long time from now. People expect to come together and mourn, share stories, and see the family now. They don't 6 months from now. I can't speak for all cases, but my dad passed away in January and we had a funeral in July. The church was packed. The reception was also. I was surprised. |
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Feb 5, 2020 3:38:47 GMT
What if you just did a big toast to your dad with all the guests and then everyone shares their favorite memories of him? And they are just together, in a place he loved? You could have a slide show with pictures, guest books to sign, and some of his favorite music playing. More of a party than a funeral.
|
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Feb 5, 2020 3:46:36 GMT
I would not order food for 200. You didn't list your time frame, but if it is in the afternoon, I wouldn't expect very many to eat. You mentioned that your dad was well known in your community and I would expect a large turnout now, but you aren't doing this until July. I hate to say this, but I don't think you'll get the turnout then as you would if you did it sooner. That's a long time from now. People expect to come together and mourn, share stories, and see the family now. They don't 6 months from now. I disagree. We had a very much loved teacher/principal commit suicide a couple of years ago. His public reception was held in the late summer, several months after he died. Turnout was amazing. People came to share their stories about him, and to support his wife and kids. He made a large impact on our town, and he wasn’t/hasn’t been forgotten. |
|
|
|
Post by snugglebutter on Feb 5, 2020 5:39:21 GMT
I think a program might not work for an open house type of event, but what about something like a bookmark to hand out? You could put a favorite quote of his on it or something else meaningful.
I am sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 5, 2020 15:02:02 GMT
You asked for people's opinions and they gave them to you. Losing a parent is devastating- I lost my mom and my dad is 80 so I know his death will be coming soon. It is horrible. But you are getting mad at people who are offering suggestions and ideas about the problem you presented. My dad is definite that he wants no funeral, and nothing like a funeral. When I first read your post I assumed that your dad was like my dad and was against the whole eulogy and celebration of life thing. Obviously, your dad is different. Everybody deals with death differently. Not mad at all. |
|
|
|
Post by compeateropeator on Feb 5, 2020 15:40:35 GMT
We just had a celebration of life for my friend, which was more wake style than funeral style. There was no eulogy or such. It was just people coming together to share their loss and love for an amazing person. It was a mixture of family, friends and coworkers, and just people she knew through a variety of things. People came and went.
We had two large screen TVs at the ends of the room that played pictures. I put together about 400 pictures that I had and that I got from other people. I just saved it on two thumb drives so we could have it play on both. ETA I just had then on loop, so they just kept playing. But it took awhile to get through all of them.
I also did a couple of picture boards, one of them was pictures of some of her favorite things and places.
She loved Halloween and we would have to carve tons of pumpkins every year. Her celebration of life was at the end of October, so we carved a bunch of pumpkins. I used those flat round battery lights to illuminate them.
She was a huge sports fan and a Giants fan so that we had various nods to them around. She was known for wearing hats and had special ones, so we had those scattered around.
We had chairs scattered about so people could sit down and chat for awhile.
We did have book to sign. We tried to get it so that people wrote a little something in the book, not just signing a name. The style of the book and then a friend started the first entry by writing a little blurb. For the most part it worked. And it was so amazing to read some of the things that people wrote when it was all said and done.
Basically we just focused on all the things she loved and that were “her” . It got people talking, sharing memories, and supporting each other because we had all just loss someone so special. That is all that we wanted it to be about.
Good luck. Again. I am so sorry about the loss of your father.
ETA - I also printed off sayings she was known for, quotes she loved or little blurbs about her. I used cardstock and matted them on card stock and it made them stiff enough to display on little easels all around.
|
|
|
|
Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Feb 5, 2020 23:27:23 GMT
I went to one last fall, in honor of a man who loved animals. He volunteered at the animal shelter.
He was also a backyard bbq, hang out around the firepit fan. So the memorial was a casual bbq.
In lieu of flowers, guests were asked to bring dry(kibbles) dog and cat food, kitty litter, and old towels-blankets-sheets and it would all be given to the animal shelter he volunteered at. There was a huge pile of pet food and blankets-towels-sheets, there was at least 200 bags of food, if not more.
It was very informal. His Sons and Son's best friends spoke, and there was a photo table. His dogs were there with bow ties on.
It was so very him and his style.
|
|
|
|
Post by quinlove on Feb 5, 2020 23:51:43 GMT
I went to one last fall, in honor of a man who loved animals. He volunteered at the animal shelter. He was also a backyard bbq, hang out around the firepit fan. So the memorial was a casual bbq. In lieu of flowers, guests were asked to bring dry(kibbles) dog and cat food, kitty litter, and old towels-blankets-sheets and it would all be given to the animal shelter he volunteered at. There was a huge pile of pet food and blankets-towels-sheets, there was at least 200 bags of food, if not more. It was very informal. His Sons and Son's best friends spoke, and there was a photo table. His dogs were there with bow ties on. It was so very him and his style. I love this idea so much. I’ve also heard about birthday parties asking instead of gifts, please bring dog shelter food and supplies. ( sorry to derail your thread temporarily) |
|
|
|
Post by LilyRose on Feb 6, 2020 0:05:39 GMT
Given the “open house” style of this gathering could you perhaps do a slideshow that would play quietly on a TV off to the side? Pictures, perhaps set to music, that would be on a loop? And maybe a few members of the family could do a short video as an introduction, stating, “X did not want a funeral when he passed. Rather, he wanted his friends to gather. Please mingle and share a favorite of X”. Or something to that effect. If no one wanted to speak in the video, you could have text saying the same sentiment.
I like the idea of what you’re doing overall. Definitely a great way to remember and celebrate someone who sounded like a great guy.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 6, 2020 0:53:27 GMT
Given the “open house” style of this gathering could you perhaps do a slideshow that would play quietly on a TV off to the side? Pictures, perhaps set to music, that would be on a loop? And maybe a few members of the family could do a short video as an introduction, stating, “X did not want a funeral when he passed. Rather, he wanted his friends to gather. Please mingle and share a favorite of X”. Or something to that effect. If no one wanted to speak in the video, you could have text saying the same sentiment. I like the idea of what you’re doing overall. Definitely a great way to remember and celebrate someone who sounded like a great guy. He was a great guy. I miss him more every single day. |
|
