Really disappointed in my "best friend" ... (update)

I think not sending even an acknowledgement text will look even more like you’re ghosting her. She seems to feel as though the relationship has changed, which, from what you wrote seems to be a fair assumption. If she’s a long term best friend, you’re better off speaking up and saying how you feel. It seems petty to stomp your foot and be upset the gift was “only” wine. Just food for thought!

I’m sorry you’re mad and hurt.

A long relationship needs open communication to persist. It doesn’t sound like you’ve had a real conversation with her about the changes in your relationship. That seems necessary to me. I hope you find a way to keep your friendship strong.

I'm sorry you are hurt (and Happy Birthday btw!) This gives you a good opportunity to have a conversation with her though before it goes any further. Third party info is never a good thing.

My mother is the type that informs everybody but you that she has a problem with you. We had some issues and I heard about them though a third party and my head was spinning because she was creating problem that weren't there. A simple conversation would have cleared it up much earlier.

I'd try to put aside the hurt long enough to have a conversation if you want to see if the relationship can be salvaged. No judgement on you at all...sometimes you just have to make the first move and it seems like you may have to hear since she's talking to others not you.

She did acknowledge the day, she didn’t totally forget and I think that should tell you something. The other thing to keep in mind right now is that hello, we’re in the middle of a pandemic. People are not just going out to shop leisurely like we did even back in January, not to mention where is anybody even going to shop for jewelry right now? Where I am, all nonessential businesses are still closed, all the malls are closed. Maybe something could be ordered from somebody on Etsy or something, but even that has its challenges.

Since it seems to be a long time, valued friendship, I would be more willing to give her some grace right now. What other challenges is she facing at home? Take those things into consideration before you just completely write her off as being uncaring. I’d actually talk to her (not text) and have a heart to heart conversation to get back on the same page.

ETA: I didn’t realize you’re a recovering alcoholic. That definitely changes everything, because giving alcohol to someone you know is in recovery is a really shitty thing to do.

Could she possibly have been thinking "no one is going out right now, it's a silly time to give someone a silver necklace. What can she really use? A bottle of wine!"

Leanne, you know I think you have a good heart, but if your own bff is worried about you, and doesn't approve of your dating, then I would take this as a wake up call. Along with what we have voiced on here. And I would assume your bff probably knows even more IRL. I'm a big believer in getting yourself together after a divorce, break up, or problems in marriages. Living on your own. figuring out what you want in life. Dating seems like a distraction to you. Almost an...obsession? Maybe it's time to have a heart to heart with your friend. You said you are scared. of what? losing her friendship? right now it sounds like you don't have much of one, and maybe she's trying to tell you something. I think it's the right thing to talk to her, and get her side of the story. It could even make the friendship better again if you guys hear each other out. I also find that when friends get boyfriends they tend to leave their girl friends. Basically ghost them, because they are so caught up in the dating/sex/start of a relationship, so they basically just drop their girl friends. Even though the girl friends have been there thru the thick and thin. It sort of stings a bit on the girl friends side.

I'm confused, because on your single ladies thread, you said the day after your birthday that your "FWB and BFF really came through" and you had a great day. I'm sorry you feel hurt, though.

I feel like everyone always jumps to this way too quickly, but could she be jealous? Was her courtship kinda quick maybe, and she misses the excitement? Maybe married life isn’t the fairytale she imagined? Or maybe she’s having wedding blues?

I’ve found just as often I need to listen and pay attention to what people say about me, that I’ve also come to realize the opposite and people can be unhappy and project onto you.

Could it be she feels replaced by the newer BFF since you two have more in common right now? Maybe she feels left out.

If you value her, please take the time to try to save this friendship. Great friends are hard to come by.

Happy Belated Birthday, BTW!

Is this the bff whose wedding you went to just before your split?

Doesn't she know that you do not drink anymore since you were treated to alcohol addiction?  IF so, very thoughtless.

The bottle of wine tells me that she's hurt and angry. She knows that you're in recovery and it's an FU. Something is going on and I think that you should call her or text and ask for a video chat. You need to talk about both of your feelings. She's upset and she's afraid for you. Plus, she might be feeling abandoned. Perhaps as a newlywed, she doesn't understand how you could possibly be divorcing your stbx? This doesn't mean that you can't be friends, but it means that you have work to do together.

Divorce shakes up your foundation and everything is up in the air, so you're likely struggling to re-invent your life. Plus, he was not a nice husband. So, there is a lot of healing work to do there. Perhaps it's time to take a breath, step back and see what you really need right now. When people are concerned it doesn't always mean that they're judging. I'm speaking from my heart right now. Sometimes they're just concerned, because they care about you. I'm concerned, because I want the best for you and your happiness is important. Right now you're having fun, but it sort of seems as though you're going a mile a minute. I just don't want you to crash at the end. You deserve happiness and true friendship. Don't settle for anything less.

Read this again. 

Several Peas that have known you are worried about you & have shared their concerns. Your BFF is showing signs that she is concerned. Your daughters have left your home to go live with dad (and to be fair, I dont know why they chose to leave, but you've shared that they did and you were sad about it). People who care about you are telling you they are concerned. You've got a new normal of going from man to man, you have a new BFF. That a lot for one person in such a short period of time. In my experience with you, you don't particularly want to accept advice or acknowledge big red flags. If you truly want this 'BFF' to be in your life then I think you have to call her up and talk. But also LISTEN and take to heart what she says. 

Also? IMHO you are expecting her to shower you with exclusive BFF status presents like in the past but you've admitted you already have a new second BFF. If you previously gave her 100% of your BFF attention, she probably is hurt. You said you never hear from her. Are you reaching out to her to check on how she is? Friendship is a two way street.