Vent and suggestions for getting son to do school work

Could you sit with him part of the time and then get an older sibling to sit with him for some of the time too? How much school work does he have? I think the elementary kids around here are doing 1 or 2 hours max.

My son used to procrastinate his way through homework spending hours sitting there hating every minute. One day I noted the time when he sat down to start his homework then I used a timer and timed him when he was actually working and stopped the timer when he wasn't. At the end he had sat there for 3 hours, but had only actually worked for 1 hour. I explained to him that he could have been playing for 2 whole hours instead of sitting there pretending to work. It was a real eye opener for him! He buckled down after that and got things done much quicker. My son was a 5th grader at the time but I wish I had done the timer thing years earlier. Not sure if your son is old enough for this to work but thought I would share just in case it helps.

By 6th grade we ended up hiring a college student to come to our house to supervise homework with him because he had more than 3 hours of homework almost every night (All the parents said this and complained!! It was too much for everyone, but it was like that all year!). It was affecting our relationship because anytime I corrected his homework or tried to help him he felt like it was mom criticizing him. It was the best money we spent that year. He listened to the student and got the work done faster. She always started with the hardest stuff first so the easier stuff was later when he was more tired or after she left. Do you have an older child you could pay to help your child? I realize with covid-19 you can't really hire a stranger.

I hope you can figure out something that will help you both!

I’m not sure it’s an appropriate expectation to want an 8 yr old to do his work on his own.

When people ask this question in homeschool groups, the unanimous answer is parents sit with elementary kids while they work.

Do you think he would be receptive if you start in the morning right after breakfast? (If that would be something that works with your schedule.) I make my kids get started on their work in the morning. I framed it as "why not get your work done first thing and then you don't have to think about it for the rest of the day and you can play/go outside/use electronics/do art projects, etc.") I find that my kids get grumpier/less patient as the day goes on, but are a little more mellow in the morning.

I agree. It's hard to be 8 and be at home and have to work and be a boy on top of all of that.

I stopped HW for my son at 8yo after talking with the teacher, with the understanding that we would just do the work orally. That worked very well for my child and we were in the car a lot for tons of kid practices. It doesn't seem possible for you now, but why don't you ask HIM what would work? I also did that with my son and we wrote a contract together (a la Big Bang Theory, but we were first ). That was great. He made the contract and I agreed. He was harder on himself than I was. He also amended the contract so many times (it was truly hysterical and I still have hopes for him becoming a lawyer), but always with good stuff. This was such a helpful tool for both of us. I hope maybe this will work for you.

That seems like a lot. Poor kid. Poor you trying to deal with that. Maybe try just focusing on a couple of things each day and then the just skim over the rest. Change the focus everyday so everything is pretty much covered but not all at once.

My highschooler only has one class a day. They are expected to work about 3 hours a day but only on the one subject. Monday is period 1, Tuesday period 2, Wednesday is a mental health/well being day, Thursday is period 3, Friday is period 4. It's not ideal but so far he has kept engaged and up on his work. In "normal times" he is an average student.

Good Luck!!

www.amazon.com/visual-timer/s?k=visual+timer

This is the type of timer we got.

That is a lot of work for one day, IMO.

I mentioned on another thread that parents - through no fault of their own - have no idea of the role that small group/peer teaching plays in chugging a class through the day. Kids get a lot of social interaction through asking each other what page was that on, how do we do this, etc. They will ask each other even if they already know, just to have that little interaction. They need it.

That's not to fault parents or teachers or anyone for the things that are going on right now, but it's a simple fact that most kids that age do not really work independently, especially day after day and week after week like this. Modern elementary classrooms are rarely completely quiet (as perhaps some of us remember them being from our own school days). Kids are encouraged to share their work, ask questions of each other, etc. - it's all part of the student-led, inquiry-based learning approach that we use in modern education.

So my guess is your son is missing that aspect of being in school, even though he can't necessarily verbalize that's what he misses.

(I could never have homeschooled my kids. I would not enjoy sitting there with my kids while they work. I enjoy starting the lesson, leading the large group, and then listening in on student interactions as they learn from each other. I'm there to guide and correct if needed, not usually to act as a student's peer in the learning process.)

I realize none of this is particularly helpful to you except perhaps as an insight into what is going on.

Is it possible for him to work with his school friends via a small group Zoom call? Maybe that would help with the activities he least enjoys.

Where does he do his work at? 

Would a "special" location help him?  Make him a desk area that looks like yours?  Do you make a big deal about it being schooltime?  Or maybe flip it and tell him he's now employed and has to work from home.  (I forget how they are at 8 so feel free to tell me to shut it  )

Can you have the 5th grader and the 3rd grader do their work together? You can check in every 30 minutes or so to keep them on track. I think your 8 year old has too much work assigned. I know teachers want to keep the kids learning and everything, but distance education just isn’t working for a lot of our kids.

We had to start a token economy at our house. He just turned 7 a few weeks ago. I got "coins" (fake coins for this purpose) and gave him a mason jar to keep them in and put a handful in my pocket every morning. Then each morning we set up a list of required items and optional items. Many of his daily tasks look the same as yours: morning announcements/instructions video; math video and worksheets; class meeting if there is one that day; writing prompt and accompanying work; reading assignment stories, videos, and worksheets; FLEX time which delves into the science/social studies/STEM arenas, etc. On the optional side of the list is tasks like PE, music, counseling, art, additional reading, kindness activities like writing notes to his teachers, etc.

Then I made a menu of his preferred rewards - got his input on them - and assigned a number of tokens to each reward. We posted the reward menu in a plastic frame right in the middle of his work space. His top one is ipad/fire tablet time and he has to get 10 tokens to get there. So *usually* he has to stretch a little bit to get to the 10 tokens and has to choose a few items from the optional side of the list. But I let him choose his own destiny. If he wants to do math, writing, flex one day in that order - fine by me. If he wants to do flex, writing, reading, then math the next day - okay by me. Our only guideline is we have to get through the required side and then if he needs more tokens to reach for one of his larger rewards, we choose activities from the optional side. He gets tokens for completing work and if we have to take time out breaks because he is absolutely refusing to cooperate - he does not get tokens for that assignment. I remind him frequently with things like, "If you aren't watching this reading video and instead are laying over there on the floor, you don't get your token and then you won't have enough for ipad time later." It usually works. I even reach in my pocket and pull out a token and show it to him as I say it. Not every day is great - obviously - but having a visual reward and him counting up his bounty during the day has helped get through the bulk of the work.

Now - as far as him having to be glued next to you - this is where I tried to reward more if I was able to give him quick assignments and go do a quick task for work while he completed it. "If you do as much as you can on your own on these two math worksheets and then come show me when you're done - I'll give you two tokens." The extra incentive is usually enough to give myself the 10 minute breaks I need to check in on work. We usually start down this path around 9 am and are done by lunch so I've been trying to focus as much as I can on my day job between 12 and 6 so get 6 hours in and the other 2 hours are kind of pasted together from 10-15 increments when I can get them in the morning.

Hope that helps!

Our last day of school was today, actually, so I spent a few minutes this afternoon changing our daily to do list to other structured activities so we can continue the token economy.

I have a senior and freshman in high school.

Everyone's situation is different - my husband was unemployed going into the pandemic, he started a new job a week or two later, I admitted my Dad to hospice, I am working from home, taking a masters level accounting class so I also had to adapt to e-learning. Some days are better for me mentally than others. I read an article about what people remember from the Spanish flu pandemic and one response was something like - "I remember how my parents acted" Then I knew I for my mental health and my families that it was fine to not fight my kids about homework, dishes, cleaning, showering, laundry, gaming time because this time in our lives is already over the top stressful.

When we talk about this time I see they are going through a lot and I want to make our home a place of peace. I could not handle a battle to do homework or chores because we live in a time where seeing our friends, going to school or going to a restaurant could give us a deadly virus.

I am not sure if this will help but it might let you know how people are struggling.

Many 8 year olds can work independently at least part of the time. I would ask him what he wants help with and what he can do on his own. Make a t- chart with what he can do on his own and what he would like help with. Put it on a dry erase board so that things can be moved under different categories. Oftentimes when kids can see a visual things don't look so bleak. Maybe it just needs to be learning a new concept requires an adult nearby and review work can be independent. Maybe he is really good at math or reading and just needs a second set of eye during writing. Kids all need to build up their confidence with their skills. In school, oftentimes a teacher is meeting in a group and kids don't have 100% access to an adult. It is actually a good thing for kids to learn. I would also have a conversation with him and see what his currency is. Some kids respond well with money, attention, or electronics time. Maybe let him pick what dinner will be if he can do X amount of items or minutes independently. Build on the little things he does well and soon he will start taking the initiative to impress you. At least that is the plan. I taught in elementary school and my two boys would come into class after school let out and do their homework with me as I graded papers. Oftentimes they just needed to show me what they were learning and I would act very impressed and then have them do two or three problems and let me check their work. Once I knew they were on track, I'd brag about their skills and they puffed up and were ready to roll.