Obituaries?

When my friends ex-husband died his mother wrote his obit. At the end it said something to the tune of "his mother was the true love of his life" We all cracked up over this, the mil NEVER liked my friend.

No one wants to speak ill of the dead even if the guy was a total ass wagon his whole life. Families just make up crap! That sounds awfully familiar to Facebook.

I saw one locally where a young person (teenager) died, and the Dad's family put one in and the Mom's family put one in. Kind of sad that at their worst moment, they couldn't put their differences aside. Pure speculation on my part of course.

Then there was one a few weeks ago where a lady passed away who was probably in her 40's or 50's. Her dad wrote the obituary with this poem about living life to fullest, enjoying what you have, etc. Then at the end he put something to the effect of "Use this occasion for what it is, and not use it for your own gain." I thought, wow! What's the back story there.

That's why I'm in favor of publishing only the facts. Those that know me will know who I was and what happened. It's none of anyone else's businness.

Wouldn't obits be so much more fun to read if they told the truth.

But I think [HASH]akathy is right just stick to the facts.

I love for obits to have a quick mini family tree in them. Parents, spouse, children, siblings, grandparents, grandchildren.

Yes, I've read some obituaries and been to some funerals in which what was said or written about the recently deceased had no resemblance to the person I knew.

In fact, I have written my own obituary along the lines of this one listed below: the items in bold are what particularly touch  my heart
link



My name is Sonia Todd, and I died of cancer at the age of 38. I decided to write my own obituary because they are usually written in a couple of different ways that I just don't care for. Either, family or friends gather together, and list every minor accomplishment from cradle to grave in a timeline format, or they try and create one poetic last stanza about someone's life that is so glowing one would think the deceased had been the living embodiment of a deity.

I don't like the timeline format because, let's face it, I never really accomplished anything of note. Other than giving birth to my two wonderful, lovable, witty and amazing sons (name and name), marrying my gracious, understanding and precious husband (name), and accepting the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior - I have done very little. None of which requires obit space that I have to shell out money for.

I also didn't want a bunch of my friends sitting around writing a glowing report of me, which we all know would be filled with fish tales, half-truths, impossible scenarios, and out-right-honest-to-goodness-lies. I just don't like to put people in that kind of situation.

The truth, or my version of it, is this: I just tried to do the best I could. Sometimes I succeeded, most of the time I failed, but I tried. For all of my crazy comments, jokes and complaints, I really did love people. The only thing that separates me from anyone else is the type of sin each of us participated in. I didn't always do the right thing or say the right thing and when you come to the end of your life those are the things you really regret, the small simple things that hurt other people.

My life was not perfect and I encountered many, many bumps in the road. I would totally scrap the years of my life from age 16 to 20 ... OK, maybe 14 to 22. I think that would eradicate most of my fashion disasters and hair missteps from the '80s. But mostly, I enjoyed life. Some parts of it were harder than others, but I learned something from every bad situation and I couldn't do any more than that.

Besides there are some benefits to dying youngish, for example, I still owe on my student loans and the jokes on them cuz I'm not paying them. Plus, I am no longer afraid of serial killers, telemarketers or the IRS. I don't have to worry about wrinkles or the ozone layer and/or hide from the news during election season.

Some folks told me that writing my own obituary was morbid, but I think it is great because I get a chance to say thank you to all the people who helped me along the way. Those who loved me, assisted me, cared for me, laughed with me and taught me things so that I could have a wonderful, happy life. I was blessed beyond measure by knowing all of you. That is what made my life worthwhile.

If you think of me, and would like to do something in honor of my memory do this:

- Volunteer at a school, church or library.

- Write a letter to someone and tell them how they have had a positive effect on your life.

- If you smoke - quit.

- If you drink and drive - stop.

- Turn off the electronics and take a kid out for ice cream and talk to them about their hopes and dreams.

- Forgive someone who doesn't deserve it.

- Stop at all lemonade-stands run by kids and brag about their product.

- Make someone smile today if it is in your power to do so.

Services will be ...

I'll have to find my step-grandfather's obit. I don't remember if his first wife was listed or not. I'm betting not. They didn't have any children, though. She died before he did. He had a plot big enough for all of them to be buried in. My grandmother insisted that he not be buried next to the first wife and she had herself buried between them. Grandma could be a petty, jealous woman. 

Whoever writes it can put whatever spin they want. In my gg-grandfather (plus or minus a great), it was clearly written by the children of his first wife. She (his ex-wife is mentioned with no mention of being divorced) including listing their marriage date and 5 children. They'd been divorced for 20 years. It neglects to mention his second wife and the child they had - and doesn't mention his current wife either.

For the record - none of his children's spouses were mentioned. When the first wife died a few years later, the ex-husband is again mentioned - noting that he'd died several years earlier - neglecting to mention they'd been divorced for twenty years. Crazy family!

Hmm - I think I disagree with you on the cards.  My husband and I have now been together longer than we were apart.  When there's a death in our family, we are both bereaved.  I imagine it is more extreme for my parents (who have been together for almost 50 years).  If one of my dad's sisters passed away, it would seem odd to acknowledge his grief and not my mom's - but perhaps that's because I know my mom is closer to my dad's sisters  than he is.  I think I'd err on the side of sending to both for long standing couples.  Although now that I think about it, the last card I sent went to the individual  - although in my defense - they haven't been married long! 

That's strange to me...the part about the cards.

When you get married you become family. DH's family *is* MY family. There's none of this "his family" or "my family". I don't know....I just totally don't understand people who continue to treat them separately.

When my FIL died they said he was survived by 4 children - DH, me, my BIL, and my SIL. Because he saw us all as his kids.

When my grandmother died we said she was survived by 6 grandchildren - me, DH, my sister, her husband, my brother, his wife. Because she saw us all as her grandchildren.

When someone dies I'm equally upset whether it's a blood relative or an in law. I don't understand this whole "us and them", "not really family", "not the bereaved person" mentality.

I can't remember if we mentioned spouses when my Mom passed away. I know the only "issue" we had as siblings was whether and how to include my father. They were married for 35 years, and had 10 children.. but they had been divorced for nearly 20 years, my Dad had their marriage annulled, and it was so difficult for my Mom to handle. It took a lot of tweaking to get it right.


I think everyone needs to have a positive light shined on them in death we celebrate of their life.

My grandfather wrote his own obituary. When I first read it (having been given the job of editing it before submitting) it read as the most self-aggrandizing and narcissistic obit I'd ever read, and frankly had never read anything like it. Where I'm from, obits are fairly short and to the point (even if placed by family) and in the back pages of the newspaper. Where he lived, they started on the front page of the front section and were very lengthy and informative. Still, I heavily edited his, because it was just. too. much.

My links never seem to work, what am I doing wrong?  Anyway, check out this obit: 


Brutally honest obit

When my mother-in-law died (one year ago today) we made sure to be as inclusive as possible. We included steps, and went as far as including the step-daughter of a step-grandson.
I do know though, that it is easy to inadvertently leave someone out, because I almost forgot one great-great-grandson. Nothing intentional, but could have been a big ”oops" if I hadn't caught it while we were at the funeral home.