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Post by sweetshabbyroses on Nov 1, 2020 23:47:48 GMT
I can't say it outloud here in my own home but it's the truth. My grandchildren ages, 5, 3, and 1 1/2 are here ALL the time. I might add they are not the best behaved children in the world. I love them very much but enough is enough. I mean every afternoon from 4:00 till 700 or 7:30 for the two oldest. Sunday all day and lots of times Saturday afternoon. I babysit the 1 and 1/2 year old a couple days a week and by the way they just had another that I will babysit starting in January. Next, my MIL is practically living here. I agreed for her to spend the night every night but her condition has deterioated to the point they are about to take her driver's license, she's 88.
My husband is excellent help and I shouldn't complain, he does help with his Mom all he can but I'm stuck here with his mother cause she can't be left alone.
Also, I teach virtual school to elementary kids. Most of the kids I teach have little to no support at home and frankly should be in brick and mortar school. I worry about them.
The other day I was trying to do a Zoom lesson with one of my kids, my 3 year old grandson was on the couch next to me but I had bribed him to be quiet and my mother in law walks into my bedroom where I'm working.............sees me talking to the computer screen but still just starts talking to me................she has no concept of what a Zoom lesson is. I just wanted to scream but then again I find myself wanting to scream 16 out of every 24 hours a day...............whew...............sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Nov 1, 2020 23:51:36 GMT
That’s a lot. I’m sorry and I hope that you get a break soon.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Nov 1, 2020 23:52:36 GMT
OMG. That’s too much. Each one of those in their own are a lot but all together? How can you babysit and teach at the same time? I would feel totally trapped too so I completely validate your feelings.
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Post by Merge on Nov 1, 2020 23:53:30 GMT
I’m sorry, that sounds extremely stressful. Why are your grandchildren there all the time?
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Post by christine58 on Nov 1, 2020 23:54:36 GMT
I mean every afternoon from 4:00 till 700 or 7:30 for the two oldest. Sunday all day and lots of times Saturday afternoon. I babysit the 1 and 1/2 year old a couple days a week and by the way they just had another that I will babysit starting in January. NO is a complete sentence. How are you teaching and babysitting at the same time?? That's wrong in so many ways. |
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,661
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Nov 1, 2020 23:55:20 GMT
No No No. That really is to much. Something is going to have to give.
I had to say that there is no way you can add a new baby to the mix.
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Post by elaine on Nov 1, 2020 23:56:03 GMT
I’m sorry. My blood pressure started going up just reading your post. It is too much for one person to handle.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 2,991 
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Nov 1, 2020 23:58:38 GMT
That’s too much you need to talk to your children and I think you need to start saying no, No it is hard to say the first time but it’s also very freeing .
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Post by kenziekeeper on Nov 1, 2020 23:59:09 GMT
No. You can’t teach and babysit all the time, especially not with a newborn coming soon. Time to tell your kids that you can be the “back up” care ONLY.
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Post by AussieMeg on Nov 2, 2020 0:01:53 GMT
That's just too much. IMO your DD or DS (whoever is the parent of the grandkids) is taking you for granted, and is very selfish. If they're going to keep popping out kids then they need to take responsibility for organising their childcare themselves, not dump them on you. I was a single mum with only one child, and I felt guilty asking my dad to pick up my DD from creche just one day a week. I couldn't imagine ever asking him to do what you're doing.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
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Post by zookeeper on Nov 2, 2020 0:03:36 GMT
I would give the parents of your grandchildren a 30 day warning that they need to find other options for babysitting. Your plate is too full and you need to remove something from it. Hugs to you!
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Post by tara on Nov 2, 2020 0:06:05 GMT
I’m sorry about the situation. The pleasure of being a grandparent is enjoying the grandkids and then sending them home. Having them all the time is taking the joy out of it.
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Post by maryland on Nov 2, 2020 0:08:38 GMT
That sounds like too much for the grandkids to be there so much. How do they expect you can work full time and still babysit? It sounds like you are really being taken advantage by. Can't your husband stay with his mom? I am stressed just reading about how busy you are. I think you need to talk the everyone involved and tell them that as much as you want to help, you have a job and you need time to care for yourself.
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Post by mom on Nov 2, 2020 0:10:53 GMT
You need to set boundaries. Please talk to your kids and set some boundaries that allow you to be grandma vs. caregiver all the time.
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Post by mikewozowski on Nov 2, 2020 0:12:19 GMT
i think this falls under "you teach people how to treat you."
idk how close the parents live, but i would have to say that it is too close.
i am all for "helping out" but this is way too much!
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Post by peasapie on Nov 2, 2020 0:12:42 GMT
Oh hell no. That is too much. I also babysit my three grandsons due to hybrid schooling for Covid - so I know something of what you are experiencing. I hope this will end for you when covid is over because you are going to burn out. You absolutely have my sympathy!
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Nov 2, 2020 0:13:10 GMT
The other day I was trying to do a Zoom lesson with one of my kids, my 3 year old grandson was on the couch next to me but I had bribed him to be quiet and my mother in law walks into my bedroom where I'm working You need to learn to set some boundaries and start saying no. Everyone is being short-changed in this case. Your students deserve your full time attention. It is unfair to your grandson to have to be bribed to be quiet while you attempt to teach. It sounds like it is time for your family to sit down and come to an agreement about other options for day-care and elder care, especially while you are still an active teacher. Are you planning to retire soon? Because that is what is going to be needed if you continue to care for the grandchildren and your MIL at home. |
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Post by andreasmom on Nov 2, 2020 0:13:58 GMT
I see you, validate you, and wish you would say no to babysitting your grandkids so much. Please do try to day no and ask them to find an alternative for a while.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 2, 2020 0:18:06 GMT
You really are somewhat trapped by all the demands on you... and something needs to give. You might can juggle all that short term, but over time you'll find balls dropping everywhere. There's too much risk involved to small children to not have someone's fairly undivided attention. All the interested parties really ought to sit down and address the issues.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Nov 2, 2020 0:29:39 GMT
You are spread way too thin, my dear woman.
I know you love each of the people under your care, but, in my opinion, your children need to take back some (a lot, frankly) of the day-to-day care of *their* children. Your MIL needs you & your DH. Your grandchildren have their parents, but it sounds like your MIL has only you and your DH, and you also have a teaching job!
As others have said here, setting boundaries and saying "no" more often is what you need to do if you want to introduce some calm and orderliness into your schedule.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 2, 2020 0:31:22 GMT
That's just too much. IMO your DD or DS (whoever is the parent of the grandkids) is taking you for granted, and is very selfish. If they're going to keep popping out kids then they need to take responsibility for organising their childcare themselves, not dump them on you. I was a single mum with only one child, and I felt guilty asking my dad to pick up my DD from creche just one day a week. I couldn't imagine ever asking him to do what you're doing. Agreed. My mom volunteered to babysit ods when he was born (she’d lost her job while I was pregnant and decided she didn’t want to work any longer) but after a couple months he became too big for her to lift. She felt absolutely awful that she couldn’t do it any more but truthfully it was fine. We had budgeted for child care before conceiving him so while we were grateful that she watched him in his early days it wasn’t a big deal when it came time for daycare. And honestly he thrived in day care. Both grandmas were willing to be backup if he was sick and needed snuggles or when he had to miss school for a week for a broken arm. It was a win win for us. Time to have a talk with your kid and tell him/her that it’s time for them to make alternate arrangements. They may not mind all that much. |
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Post by tentoes on Nov 2, 2020 0:34:32 GMT
Wow, girl, you need a break!
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Post by NanaKate on Nov 2, 2020 0:41:30 GMT
I’m sorry you are dealing with all of that and hope things ease up for you soon. That does sound like stress overload!
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 2, 2020 1:02:05 GMT
No one can handle all that. Something has to change before you lose it.
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Post by ~summer~ on Nov 2, 2020 1:15:23 GMT
I’m sorry - that sounds like way too much. I feel you need to put up some limits with the grandchildren. The parents need to figure something out. When I had babies and went back to work my mom watched 1 baby 1 day per week and that was a lot for her!!
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Post by deekaye on Nov 2, 2020 1:17:01 GMT
At the very LEAST you need to have your weekends be child-free. You've got to take time for your self! Have a talk with your kids... maybe they don't realize that their grandma is also a responsibility in addition to teaching and babysitting your grandchildren.
You want to enjoy those grandchildren, not start to resent them as "burdens" which I totally understand could happen if you get so burnt out. Talk to your husband, talk to your kids, set some boundaries.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,177
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 2, 2020 1:19:50 GMT
I could already feel the stress of your caregiving demands - and then you wrote that you are also teaching. You can not do multiple full and part time jobs at the same time, at least not without mentally cracking or physically hitting the wall.
Only you can change this, and it’s going to mean speaking up and saying you cannot continue this way.
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 2, 2020 1:20:50 GMT
That is a LOT! You need-and deserve-a break.
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Post by Lexica on Nov 2, 2020 1:45:54 GMT
You are bookended with responsibilities, old and young, and when are you supposed to be enjoying your own time with your husband? This is just too much and the situation is waiting for an accident to occur and you to suffer serious burnout. You just cannot be everywhere for everyone. I don't know the situation with your grandchildren as to why you are looking after them, but I think it is time to sit down with their parents and let them know that as much as you love them and want to help out, you are in over your head.
I know putting your MIL in a home during this pandemic would be much too dangerous for her. I feel that you need to discuss with your family that you need to bring in a helper, at least for the hours that you are teaching school. Is there a teen or college student in your neighborhood or your children's neighborhood that they can hire to come to your house to watch the kids and help out with MIL for a number of hours each day? If they cannot locate someone, I fear you are going to implode. I felt stressed just reading your post here. Hugs and best wishes for a solution fast!
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 2, 2020 1:54:35 GMT
Time to talk to your children and let them know that you can't take on the task of babysitting every day. Weekends are meant for family time for them. You need to stand up to everyone involved, kids and mil and make the ground rules. I've always told my children that I raised them and will love any grandchildren in my life. I'm excited about it when they're ready, after college. However, I've also made it very clear that I raised my kids and will not be raising my grandkids. Stand up for yourself and put yourself first. Don't let your kids or your mil take advantage of you, because you deserve better.
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