My Christmas decorating dilemma

Are you roommates or a couple? Is this the only year you will be living together or something that needs to be compromised on in order for the relationship to go forward for many years? My answer would probably depend on that.

I'm so sorry you are in this position! Some years I'm really excited about the process of decorating and really look forward to it. It would be hard not to mention how much you were looking forward to helping and wanting to use some of your sentimental decorations too. Can you decorate your own space how you like?

What about something that would add to the ugly to make it livable. You can say I wanted to help out and LOVE to decorate so can I add my touch to it? Then it was a joint effort but separately..

If you had plans to that extent, I would be continuing on with those. Say that you had the plans and are putting your things in and may have to "tweak" her existing ones.

Oh man. That sucks. That would bother me a lot - I get it.

If you had hard plans on what you’re doing, and both knew it, then I would talk to her if you can. But, on the flip side, is it really that big of a deal? Can the rest of the space be your style or continue like you planned?

This seems very passive-aggressive on her part. It sounds as if she pretended to be in agreement when you two were discussing the plans and drawing things out, but that she chose to override you behind your back. That would make me angry. And hurt feelings on her part wouldn't be enough to make me shut up and take it. What about your hurt feelings? I would ask to talk about things and see if you can return to the design you both agreed upon previously. There is still plenty of time before Christmas and there is no reason you should feel you need to hibernate in your own area for a month or more. That just isn't fair. I assume you both pay equally to live here? I know sometimes it is easier to stay quiet and not rock the boat, but saying nothing is giving her permission to do this to you again in the future in some other way. Stand up for yourself!

I’m sorry. It’s odd that you would go to the effort of discussing ahead of time and drawing plans and then she would change it.

And I also really want to see pictures!! I can’t imagine decorations so ugly you would move out to get away from them, unless they were flashing lights or something that would give me a headache.

What are the chances that they are messing with you?   I could absolutely see me throwing some dollar store stuff up if my partner was serious enough to make a graph of anything, just to see his reaction.  Messing with him is how I show love.  Tomorrow can you just say "So, will our planned decor be in addition to this festive home attire or instead of"?  

Unless this person is literally the worlds most inconsiderate jerk I can't see wasting the time planning that all out for nothing.   I hope it was a joke that wasn't received as intended and now everyone is in a weird awkward spot.  

This is exactly what I would do.

If they ask what you think, I'd say... "to be honest, I'm disappointed. We had talked about decorating together and I feel left out. With 2020 being such a crappy year, I was so looking forward to a fun girls night and decorating together". Even if you can't change what's done, you'll have politely made your point.

I would decorate my own area, and let the rest go. Definitely not "a battle to fight", in the overall scheme of things. 

I'm impressed with the way you worked it out! I hope in a few days you will be able to decorate that area as you agreed upon so you can both enjoy the holiday season. Hang in there! These are stressful days for sure!

I hope the two of you can create something you both love.

Everyone is under stress and hating 2020. That is not a reason for ignoring your joint plans. Person needs to stop being a drama llama and act like an adult. I’m so tired of excuses. I hope she doesn’t act this way at work.

 I’m glad it has worked out to something you can live with.