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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 24, 2020 9:41:46 GMT
Well, my stepmother, who lives in SoCal with my Dad, continued to go in person to Mass every morning, even though online Mass is available.
Monday on the phone she mentioned that so many of the churchgoers were Covid positive they had to shut down. Yesterday she and my Dad were dx’d positive.
My my dad is a lung cancer survivor and suffers from severe COPD. He’s 85. She had no business exposing him. He went nowhere. He spent yesterday struggling to breathe, with ox levels dipping towards go to the hospital levels. Right now, they have him on meds, using his nebulizer often. Hospitals in their area are overloaded. Today seems a little better, I FaceTimed him a bit. He had to stop and breathe between each word.
I’m terrified and so mad I could scream. My brother and SIL, neighbors, and other family have offered to care for every need. They could have stayed safe. The vaccine is almost there for them.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
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Post by Katiepotatie on Dec 24, 2020 9:53:39 GMT
I am so very sorry. And I understand your frustration. My in-laws and my mom and stepdad have also taken risks that just don’t make any sense to me. They think their bubble is small, but they don’t look beyond the people they spend time with, to really see all the holes in their bubble. I hope your parents will be OK. This is so scary, especially for our older family members with health issues.
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Post by gar on Dec 24, 2020 9:56:46 GMT
That would make me very angry...I'm so sorry and I really hope he's going to be ok.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Dec 24, 2020 10:31:33 GMT
I am so sorry. How frustrating because it was a completely unnecessary risk that caused it. I hope that they are better soon.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on Dec 24, 2020 10:39:53 GMT
I would be annoyed too. Hope he has a speedy recovery.
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Post by gillyp on Dec 24, 2020 11:04:28 GMT
I think you have every right to be angry! Senseless and needless. I hope dad starts improving soon.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Dec 24, 2020 11:50:22 GMT
I’m so sorry they have covid I pray they recover quickly. I saw it rip through my nursing home and several 80 plus residents with COPD recovered. That generation is tough.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 24, 2020 12:11:14 GMT
I absolutely validate your frustration and anger.
I hope and pray he recovers fully and quickly.
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Post by bearmom on Dec 24, 2020 12:33:25 GMT
Sorry to hear about your dad, prayers for him.
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Post by malibou on Dec 24, 2020 12:36:56 GMT
I am so sorry. Wishing your dad a quick and complete recovery.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 24, 2020 12:45:18 GMT
I’m terrified and so mad I could scream. My brother and SIL, neighbors, and other family have offered to care for every need. They could have stayed safe. The vaccine is almost there for them. And now they have to wait because they had COVID. I have heard from 90-120 days...
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Post by yodutchess on Dec 24, 2020 12:54:21 GMT
I am so sorry. Both my parents have the same behavior.
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Post by lisae on Dec 24, 2020 13:01:01 GMT
I'm sorry. Parenting parents is very hard. I hope he stays well enough to recover at home.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 24, 2020 13:37:22 GMT
I'm sorry. He should be asking his doctor about receiving monoclonal antibodies immediately.
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Dec 24, 2020 13:39:24 GMT
I so sorry! Wishing him a speedy recovery!
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msladibug
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,533
Jul 10, 2014 2:31:46 GMT
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Post by msladibug on Dec 24, 2020 14:41:29 GMT
How do you needlessly risk someone else’s health? I don’t get it. Hoping he heals quickly. Sending healing energy his way.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 24, 2020 14:54:13 GMT
I’m so sorry. That really sucks. I hope your dad is able to recover completely.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,693
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Dec 24, 2020 15:08:51 GMT
Well, my stepmother, who lives in SoCal with my Dad, continued to go in person to Mass every morning, even though online Mass is available. Have you ever thought that this is part of their routine. Why always blame the smil? They are adults, living their lives as they see fit. Unless you are living with them or actively caring for them, then get angry. Your father is 85, let him live how he wants to. He has already had a long life. My in-laws and my mom and stepdad have also taken risks that just don’t make any sense to me. No, they may not make sense to you, but this is their life and their decisions. I'm sure that you have done and taken risks that they can't make sense of. I am so sorry. Both my parents have the same behavior. Let them do what they want to. Again, they are adults and you are not looking thru the same lenses as they do. Parenting parents is very hard. I hope he stays well enough to recover at home. I really dislike this statement. I am an adult and my son & ddil are not understanding me and are *trying* to parent me. I am not old at all. I am being very careful, staying at home, washing, masking. The ONE time that I went to a specialty store to buy them a Christmas treat, I was accused of being irresponsible and not caring about my health, etc. I then went into detailed explaination that I had called ahead, paid by cc over the phone and that the person put what I had ordered directly into my trunk. Absolutely no contact at all. REALLY ruined my Christmas Spirit as this is a traditional food and I wanted to have one thing about Christmas remain the same. If you are not with them, know the entire context of the situation and just point fingers and judge them, you are over-stepping. Yes, you want your parents to live until 100 years old, however, that is mighty selfish of you. Assumptions are dangerous. Remember that when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back to you. Mental health is very important. Routines are important for all people. Unless you are their direct power of attorney for health a medical care, you may give polite suggestions, but after that - BACK OFF I know what I am stating is NOT POPULAR with the children of elderly parents (What age is elderly, again?). I am a bit over 6 decades. I know that life isn't forever. I am being careful with Covid-19 and in other ways/things. Perhaps the way that you live your life doesn't/isn't really the way that I want to live my life. I am not coming back to this thread but just be careful in judging your "elders".
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Post by koontz on Dec 24, 2020 15:16:55 GMT
Well, I understand why you are frustrated. Yes, it is their life (though perhaps I misunderstood, but I thought it was just your stepmother that continued to go to church?) but as you said, this is an unnecessary risk especially given your dad's medical condition. I'd be livid too, out of frustration and feeling powerless. I am very sorry for you and hope they recover soon.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,996
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 24, 2020 15:20:42 GMT
OMG I feel your pain, I am so sorry! I hope your dad recovers quickly and completely.
This ignorance is causing SO Cal to be hit so hard. For every official FB post warning that our hospitals are overflowing, there are hundreds of comments with ridiculous and outright lies. And its keeping people confused and not taking the necessary precautions.
I feel like everyone is walking around like turkeys looking up in a rainstorm. (yes, I know its an old wives tale). But yeah, standing there looking up and drowning for the stupidity.
My extended family is much the same. One 80 y/o uncle just got out of the hospital thank miraculously he's on the mend. But it was an awful scare. One cousin lost her husband, he was only in his mid 50's and I was in their wedding when we were 18. IDK what my cousin is going to do, that darling good and kind man was her whole life. They thought this was all overblown hype and didn't mask, didn't refrain from gathering. Senseless and tragic.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 24, 2020 15:24:01 GMT
I’m really torn. I understand why you’re upset, for sure. And I understand what LostInSpace is saying.
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Post by elaine on Dec 24, 2020 15:43:50 GMT
(((Hugs))) I hope that your father recovers relatively quickly. I know that you must be incredibly worried.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 24, 2020 15:49:05 GMT
That would make me very angry...I'm so sorry and I really hope he's going to be ok. me, too. sending good thoughts for your dad- and (reluctantly) for your stepmother, since she's important to him. Your father is 85, let him live how he wants to. He has already had a long life. yes, but- HE wasn't taking the risks. His WIFE was taking the risks, and putting his health in jeopardy because of something SHE wanted. To me, that is different-- selfish, and inexcusable. And yeah, he's lived a long life so far. That doesn't mean he isn't entitled to live longer, and pass away peacefully in his bed at the age of 98, if that's when 'his time' would have been up-- not struggling to breathe and suffering needlessly because he was exposed to a disease none of us have any immunity to. His wife exposing herself- and HIM- to COVID, day after day, in an area of the country where the hospitals are overloaded, isn't 'a life well lived' it's selfishness on the part of his wife towards her husband's health. That doesn't sound like it aligns with the wedding vows I recited.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 24, 2020 15:55:55 GMT
Well, my stepmother, who lives in SoCal with my Dad, continued to go in person to Mass every morning, even though online Mass is available. Have you ever thought that this is part of their routine. Why always blame the smil? They are adults, living their lives as they see fit. Unless you are living with them or actively caring for them, then get angry. Your father is 85, let him live how he wants to. He has already had a long life. My in-laws and my mom and stepdad have also taken risks that just don’t make any sense to me. No, they may not make sense to you, but this is their life and their decisions. I'm sure that you have done and taken risks that they can't make sense of. I am so sorry. Both my parents have the same behavior. Let them do what they want to. Again, they are adults and you are not looking thru the same lenses as they do. Parenting parents is very hard. I hope he stays well enough to recover at home. I really dislike this statement. I am an adult and my son & ddil are not understanding me and are *trying* to parent me. I am not old at all. I am being very careful, staying at home, washing, masking. The ONE time that I went to a specialty store to buy them a Christmas treat, I was accused of being irresponsible and not caring about my health, etc. I then went into detailed explaination that I had called ahead, paid by cc over the phone and that the person put what I had ordered directly into my trunk. Absolutely no contact at all. REALLY ruined my Christmas Spirit as this is a traditional food and I wanted to have one thing about Christmas remain the same. If you are not with them, know the entire context of the situation and just point fingers and judge them, you are over-stepping. Yes, you want your parents to live until 100 years old, however, that is mighty selfish of you. Assumptions are dangerous. Remember that when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back to you. Mental health is very important. Routines are important for all people. Unless you are their direct power of attorney for health a medical care, you may give polite suggestions, but after that - BACK OFF I know what I am stating is NOT POPULAR with the children of elderly parents (What age is elderly, again?). I am a bit over 6 decades. I know that life isn't forever. I am being careful with Covid-19 and in other ways/things. Perhaps the way that you live your life doesn't/isn't really the way that I want to live my life. I am not coming back to this thread but just be careful in judging your "elders". Only my stepmother goes to church. My Dad’s Health is very precarious, no way should he be exposed to the virus like that. I had a routine, too. Active in church, going at least several times a week. Since March, it’s been entirely online. Because I care about people and don’t want to be part of the problem. When places of worship were shut down in her area, my stepmother used the Internet. But as soon as their governor allowed it, she was back in person. Just because he allowed it, doesn’t make it the right decision. Every day she was risking my Dad’s life. When you’re married to someone with such health problems, you have an obligation to consider what your actions are doing to them. Especially in the last month, as the infections have soared. Common sense would say stay home! I have always had respect for both of them, and treated them this way. I do not ever think just because they are getting old that they don’t know what their doing. I would feel this way about anybody needlessly risking my dad’s life like this, and have been watching this situation for months with dread in my heart. My dad has 5 of us kids desperate to visit him from around the country, but we have stayed away so we do not inadvertently bring the virus to him. And the whole point of the scientists’ warnings were to Change Our Routines! I know I certainly have. What a ridiculous excuse for exposing someone so fragile to a deadly virus.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 24, 2020 15:58:51 GMT
I have always had respect for both of them, and treated them this way. I do not ever think just because they are getting old that they don’t know what their doing. I would feel this way about anybody needlessly risking my dad’s life like this, and have been watching this situation for months with dread in my heart. My dad has 5 of us kids desperate to visit him from around the country, but we have stayed away so we do not inadvertently bring the virus to him. And the whole point of the scientists’ warnings were to Change Our Routines! I know I certainly have. What a ridiculous excuse for exposing someone so fragile to a deadly virus. (((HUGS))) myself, and my siblings, had the same struggles with wanting to visit our parents earlier in the year, while knowing it wasn't safe to do so.
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Post by lisae on Dec 24, 2020 16:00:59 GMT
Parenting parents is very hard. I hope he stays well enough to recover at home. I really dislike this statement. I am an adult and my son & ddil are not understanding me and are *trying* to parent me. I am not old at all. I am being very careful, staying at home, washing, masking. The ONE time that I went to a specialty store to buy them a Christmas treat, I was accused of being irresponsible and not caring about my health, etc. I then went into detailed explaination that I had called ahead, paid by cc over the phone and that the person put what I had ordered directly into my trunk. Absolutely no contact at all. REALLY ruined my Christmas Spirit as this is a traditional food and I wanted to have one thing about Christmas remain the same. If you are not with them, know the entire context of the situation and just point fingers and judge them, you are over-stepping. Yes, you want your parents to live until 100 years old, however, that is mighty selfish of you. Assumptions are dangerous. Remember that when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back to you. Mental health is very important. Routines are important for all people. Unless you are their direct power of attorney for health a medical care, you may give polite suggestions, but after that - BACK OFF I know what I am stating is NOT POPULAR with the children of elderly parents (What age is elderly, again?). I am a bit over 6 decades. I know that life isn't forever. I am being careful with Covid-19 and in other ways/things. Perhaps the way that you live your life doesn't/isn't really the way that I want to live my life. I am not coming back to this thread but just be careful in judging your "elders". I can see in your situation that your son may be overstepping. However, the OP indicated that her father is 85 and has health issues. She is venting because she is angry. I believe she has every right to be angry in this situation. I am the daughter of an over 90 year old and I do have POA. I could not control everything she did when she was home but we tried our best to limit her exposure while still letting her enjoy the things she loved - like buying and planting flowers in the spring. I don't even know everything that goes on since she moved to assisted living since I can't go inside. I just have to trust they are doing their best. There is NOTHING EASY about watching your parents age, feeling the responsibility to do your best for them and in my case having the obligation to act in her best interest. Covid makes every decision more difficult and yes, I do have to make the decisions. I believe the daughter of an 85 year old should get to have her feelings about his decisions and at least her opinions.
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Post by annie on Dec 24, 2020 16:19:25 GMT
(((hugs))) So upsetting!
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Post by femalebusiness on Dec 24, 2020 16:28:11 GMT
Well, my stepmother, who lives in SoCal with my Dad, continued to go in person to Mass every morning, even though online Mass is available. Have you ever thought that this is part of their routine. Why always blame the smil? They are adults, living their lives as they see fit. Unless you are living with them or actively caring for them, then get angry. Your father is 85, let him live how he wants to. He has already had a long life. My in-laws and my mom and stepdad have also taken risks that just don’t make any sense to me. No, they may not make sense to you, but this is their life and their decisions. I'm sure that you have done and taken risks that they can't make sense of. I am so sorry. Both my parents have the same behavior. Let them do what they want to. Again, they are adults and you are not looking thru the same lenses as they do. Parenting parents is very hard. I hope he stays well enough to recover at home. I really dislike this statement. I am an adult and my son & ddil are not understanding me and are *trying* to parent me. I am not old at all. I am being very careful, staying at home, washing, masking. The ONE time that I went to a specialty store to buy them a Christmas treat, I was accused of being irresponsible and not caring about my health, etc. I then went into detailed explaination that I had called ahead, paid by cc over the phone and that the person put what I had ordered directly into my trunk. Absolutely no contact at all. REALLY ruined my Christmas Spirit as this is a traditional food and I wanted to have one thing about Christmas remain the same. If you are not with them, know the entire context of the situation and just point fingers and judge them, you are over-stepping. Yes, you want your parents to live until 100 years old, however, that is mighty selfish of you. Assumptions are dangerous. Remember that when you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back to you. Mental health is very important. Routines are important for all people. Unless you are their direct power of attorney for health a medical care, you may give polite suggestions, but after that - BACK OFF I know what I am stating is NOT POPULAR with the children of elderly parents (What age is elderly, again?). I am a bit over 6 decades. I know that life isn't forever. I am being careful with Covid-19 and in other ways/things. Perhaps the way that you live your life doesn't/isn't really the way that I want to live my life. I am not coming back to this thread but just be careful in judging your "elders". The shopping that you did is perfectly reasonable. Your kids are out of line to bitch. However, going to church services once or twice a week is absolutely not acceptable in a pandemic. It's not about the health of the self-absorbed mil or even her husband. That is their choice to get sick and possibly die. What they are reprehensible for doing is chancing clogging the hospitals and preventing other people from medical care. I have a friend who is probably not going to make it. She got Covid thru no fault of her own and has had a nightmare experience trying to get care at a local overflowing hospital. Waited six hours in an ambulance in the parking lot of her hospital, then when finally admitted lay in the hallway for a day. The next day she couldn't breathe and was basically unconscious and they released her and sent her home. She went back to the hospital a few hours later and it started all over again. Much more horror to the long story. So yeah, I agree that they are adults making their own decisions but that mil would be dead to me just because she is stupid. I have no tolerance for those whose actions bring harm to others. Fuck her.
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Post by deekaye on Dec 24, 2020 16:42:09 GMT
I am so sorry. I am on a task force at my church and we have met once a week, via Zoom, for months now with one topic "Are we ready to go back to in-person worship?". Every week the answer is no because our state and our county's numbers are just too horrendous. We also know that the first people in the door, if we were to open to in-person worship, would be those elderly people who should NOT be there.
It is such a tough call.... on one hand, we know that a lot of our congregation are elderly, lonely and need personal interaction. On the other hand, yeah, COVID!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 24, 2020 16:52:40 GMT
I am so sorry. I am on a task force at my church and we have met once a week, via Zoom, for months now with one topic "Are we ready to go back to in-person worship?". Every week the answer is no because our state and our county's numbers are just too horrendous. We also know that the first people in the door, if we were to open to in-person worship, would be those elderly people who should NOT be there. It is such a tough call.... on one hand, we know that a lot of our congregation are elderly, lonely and need personal interaction. On the other hand, yeah, COVID! Thank you for you responsibility and concern. Good job!
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