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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 27, 2020 19:51:54 GMT
When my kids were little my mother-in-law (who I love) would be an over giver of stuffed animals. We live in a small house and they were taking over. I felt bad about donating them but I had to in order to save my sanity. I gave up counting how many I gave away at around 100. My guess is I gave over 200 away. I have several neighbors who would give us their cast-offs. Old sweaters, coats, an entire trash bag of shoes. Usually they would give the stuff to the girls who would never say no. One neighbor would just dump the stuff on our front porch and run. It was really weird and I'm not sure how we became the place to dump stuff. I finally put my foot down and told everyone thanks but no thanks and to please not give stuff to the girls, my husband or leave it on the front porch. OMG, this was my SIL. She would constantly try to give our kid her kid’s outgrown (worn out, pieces missing, ripped/broken/dirty) toys, stuffed animals, books, etc. when our kid was little. Ugh. Just UGH. We would come home with bags full of stuff that there would maybe be one or two usable things and the rest was literal trash that would fill up our trash can. We finally had to tell her kindly to just stop saving things for DD because we really didn’t have the space for a bunch of stuff we couldn’t use and that our kid didn’t need.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 8:57:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2020 22:11:21 GMT
My sister's BFF is. You would not think this would impact me, but literally just a few days ago my sister and I planned our outdoor christmas around her fire pit, not the easiest thing to do in MN, and as I was handing her her gift, her BFF pulls up and runs into the yard (unmasked btw) with about 20 bags stuffed with wrapped gifts for my sister, her kids, my mom, the damn dog...apparently my sister told her I was coming over and she chose that time to come over herself. She said, "the more the merrier!" I just left. This woman is insane.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Dec 27, 2020 22:25:06 GMT
I'm an overgiver, but this year we drew names, only 7 of us (dh, me, 3 kids & 2 spouses). It was great not to buy so much! Liberating!!
In discussing with our kids about gifting their (hopefully) children some day, I told them that dh and I will be giving putting money into an account for them on Christmas and birthdays. I think they will appreciate the money when they are 18, then getting toys they probably don't need as kids. Well...maybe just one gift. lol
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Post by jennoconnell on Dec 28, 2020 0:06:56 GMT
My MIL is an overgiver. Before she and fil would come once a week to visit with the kids and every.single.time they bring a gift of some sort. Christmas is insane! She will pick up stuff all year that reminds her of you. SIL and I call her gifting thoughtful unthoughtfulness. It is obvious that she is thinking of us but she latches on to things for years and it takes a lot for her to shift when our interest has. Perfect example for this year, she gave DH a Harry Potter magazine and themed UNO cards. Besides the fact that she gave us similar UNO cards over 20yrs ago, DH isn't super into HP at this point and will never open up the magazine. Looking over DH's gifts that he received from the ILs he got several large gifts so I'm pretty sure she felt he *needed* something else to open. We just smile and say thanks. Then I either save to regift or donate. If she includes a Gift Receipt I return it. I recently joined a local Buy Nothing FB group (apparently they have groups all over the US) and have had a lot of success rehoming items there. We did a huge purge of kids stuff this summer. After I had a delicate talk with MIL about trinket gifts (kids are on board they don't want the stuff either). To her credit she is very open to those kinds of convos, now whether she remembers them all the time is another story. But I definitely appreciate her listening and trying to curb in impulse. We will continue to smile and say thanks. But I'm really trying to shift to more minimalism, not full on cuz well I love my stuff and collecting, just a more thoughtful approach to owning stuff. Our FB BuyNothing group is a lifesaver for stuff like that. I just gifted a lovely candle I received for Christmas because I am allergic to the scent. It was brand new in the box, and I am so happy someone else will get use out of it.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Dec 28, 2020 1:02:05 GMT
I’m a little picky when it comes to gifting. My mother, and now my sister, just buy a ton of “good deals” then figure out who to give them to. Very little thought is given to whether the receiver will enjoy it. It’s about the buying for them. My sister way over buys. My mom is more limited by her financial situation and tends to way overbuy for her favorite grandchild of the moment. My DDs MIL is a huge over buyer. If the DGS show an interest in something, she buys everything in the entire line. I literally cannot think of a FP Little People set the DGS don’t have. They make two trips in their SUV to take gifts home on Christmas. It’s really kind of gross. I’ve had my feelings hurt when I try to get a fun unique gift and the next occasion she buys the entire rest of the collection. The latest was the pirate sets from Playmobil for oldest DGS. He loved them! I planned to get more this Christmas and DD said there wasn’t anything left that he didn’t have. I know she has good intentions but it makes it hard for everybody else. DD has asked SIL to talk to his mom about it and he won’t. He was raised with the idea that nobody should do anything to upset his mom. She’s very spoiled by her parents and by SIL’s father. They just quietly donate after the items have been played with for a little while. I try to buy a toy to open then gift them experiences-zoo or aquarium membership, etc. We have done that in the past, esp with Little People or Playmobile. I think it came from when we were little we wouldn't have whole sets of toys, or we'd have missing pieces. However, I can remember making due with what I really wanted. For instance, I wanted a barbie dream house sooooooo bad, but never got it. So I made an entire house out of boxes (we had just moved, so we had perfect size boxes, carpet samples and wallpaper strips!). I spent HOURS making that thing, and all the furniture out of cardboard or scraps of material, etc. I was so proud. I think I spent more time perfecting the house than actually playing barbie! Sometimes I think I took away that imagination part for my children, the part where they figured out what was missing and what they wanted...
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Post by papersilly on Dec 28, 2020 1:03:41 GMT
MIL is an overgiver. She's a compulsive spender so it's really more of an excuse for her to shop. Giving it just gets the stuff out of the house to make room for more shopping.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,992
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Dec 28, 2020 2:22:33 GMT
My MIL and SIL were NOT overgivers of things. They felt the best Christmas/birthday present was cold, hard cash, and I can't remember them ever giving my DDs a physical present.
My mom has the potential to be an overgiver, but fortunately she is willing to listen to reason LOL. When the girls were little, they got quite a few toys from her, which wasn't too bad because MIL/SIL were not overdoing it from DH's side of the family. As thy got older, though, she started giving them mostly consumables. Food/candy/fast food gift cards. Gift cards to Amazon/Walmart/Target. Itunes gift cards. Movie tickets. They usually got a small physical gift to open with the consumables, plus the annual cross-stitched ornament she made them. They were very happy with this arrangement.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,125
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Dec 28, 2020 14:14:45 GMT
my ex-MIL was - if i would give her a christmas list from the kids, she would buy *Everything* on it (etc, etc, etc) so there was nothing left for anyone else to get. i was new to this so clued in and starting only giving her half the list.
one year my mom bought my DD the cinderella carriage and horse she wanted. i told my MIL in october. she got silent. "Well she saw the commercial and said she wanted it, i already bought it". i felt so bad for my poor mom - but MIL said "i will give it to my sister's daughter instead". great, right??
turns out, she didn't. she gave it to DD next time she babysat and said "you can open this now, but you can only play with it here. and don't tell your mother".
i was so mad. not only did you lie to me and go behind my back (basically say f-u to my mother) you told my kid to LIE to me.
i would rationalize it's just insecurity that makes her like this, she so desperately wants to be that magical nana that she wants EVERYTHING to come from her, she has to give them every single thing they want and heaven forbid she ever says "no".
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Post by melodyesch on Dec 28, 2020 14:36:27 GMT
I think my ex-MIL could be considered an over-gifter. I was only in their family for a few years in my early twenties, but Christmas was crazy over the top with gifts piled up like crazy. But honestly, it was actually pretty magical because every gift was thought out and perfect for the recipient. My parents always had a nice Christmas, but they didn’t have the means or the inclination to spoil us. So it was nice to get a ton of gifts that someone took the time to hunt out just for me.
Having said that, there were no grandchildren in the family yet so not sure what problems that might have created down the road.
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