Lessons From an Over Giver

I'm an overgiver. I admit it. I really truly do think about what I'm buying though. I see things, and think, that would be perfect! so I buy it. I hate the languages of love book, but I think my love language is gifts. The thing is, I'm very picky about what I GET as gifts. So maybe I'm over compensating for something?

My grandsons mother is an over giver. She knows it, she knows why she does it but hasn’t made any effort to stop . My grandson got completely overwhelmed on his birthday (5 weeks before Christmas )and on Christmas Day last year , he cried and had to go to bed for a couple of hrs. Noone else knows what to buy him,as there’s nothing he doesn’t have , so I’m putting money away for him and I just give him games we can play together at my house . It’s part of the reason my son split up with her - he was working so hard to try and get them out of her mothers house into their own place, but she was sabotaging .

This year apparently she has bought almost as much again but has split the presents up to open over several days . When I asked him today what Father Christmas bought him he literally rolled his eyes - he’s 4!

We are going to my daughters flat to eat dinner soon and he will get one present off each of us - if last year predicts, he will be absolutely thrilled and play with them happily.

I am. Always have been.

It has went from 'crap they don't need' to giving a year's supply on things. My Dad loves Gillette Good News Razors. I will get him about 5 or 6 packs throughout the year with coupons. It will last til the next Christmas. Do the same with shaving cream. He hates shopping for stuff like that anyway.

We go the yearly family zoo membership route with our nieces/nephews and friends kiddos.

We know no one else would do this, as it’s not a gift you can “unwrap” and it’s expensive for 1 thing.

We enjoy doing it snd don’t care that it’s not a wrappable thing, as they get so much from everyone else.

We feel so good when we see posts and pictures of them at the zoo, many times throughout the year.

Ugggh. MIL is an over giver. She picks up stuff on sale and thinks we must need it because it was such a “good deal.” I had to finally tell her that I don’t need any more single-purpose kitchen gadgets, tchotchkes, wine items, or cute little books of sayings. We’re trying to be really conscious about what we bring into the house these days because dh and I both find clutter overwhelming.

I prefer to give people only what they specifically ask for, or else a gift of time or an experience. We are really anti-stuff.

I know that some people feel happy surrounded by stuff that brings back a memory or that was given to them by someone they love. My mom was like that. No judgement. It’s just not my preference.

One BFF is. She gives me huge presents all the time. It’s always stuff I need or love but my dad shakes his head. She got him a $75 gift card to a bookstore. Full disclosure I give tons of stuff to her too. We just do that.

I thought my mother was an over giver, but not like the way described above. My mom gives my kids 100 dollar bills for Christmas and their birthdays, ever since they were born. Does a 2 year old need hundred dollar bills? No. Straight into the bank account they go.
I should be grateful it isn’t ‘things.’

Definitely not an over-giver. When we do give gifts, they are mostly consumables or experiences; I am so tired of stuff.

This is me. I love to pick up things if it is a really good deal and I think I can use it for myself or someone else. Last year when AC Moore, KMart and Dress Barn all went out of business in the same strip mall, I bought thousands of dollars worth of stuff. I was able to keep or gift most of it. This year I helped my mom out with gifts for her great grand kids and friends, I donated a bunch of toys to the local Elf program, and on another post I commented that on Christmas night I put together 3 gift bags of new stuff for a friend of my son's who got nothing at all for Christmas from her family. 3 bags was probably over kill but I had it on hand to give.

With DGD her parents have told me to stop buying clothes and toys for her, and especially no books. Truly I have overwhelmed them with stuff, and I have an equal amount at my house. Son told me they like to buy for her. So for Christmas I really stepped back, but she still got an amazing amount of stuff, most of it was thrifted so the total price was really what several new things would cost. Son did tell me that I didn't give too much, and they all truly love having the piles of gifts. My family has told me they would rather have piles of gifts than just one or two, and not gift cards or anything like that. I wrap everything, from the smallest to the largest, and a small gift may be a toothbrush or it may be an expensive cologne. DGD had 2 huge gift bags, but one was a little doll high chair and the other was a doll cradle both of which she loved and both thrifted. she had a stack of small gifts but they were barrettes and hair ties, toothbrush, and hand sanitizer, bubble bath, ear muffs and that kind of stuff.

I love to shop and bargain hunt, I love to find things and I love to collect. I love to gift, regift and share. I think it is my way of sharing what I love with others. I have so much at this time in my life and I like to be generous. I truly don't mind if most of my thrift finds get given away or whatever. I give it with a good spirit, not trying to burden anyone. If someone asked me not to get them things I would respect that, but otherwise I do give alot and often.

A good deal is only a good deal if it is something that is wanted and will be used. Otherwise it’s a waste.

Wow on these stories.
No one in the family is an over giver either, except for a SIL who shops thrift stores all year round. She used to leave things on the doorstep of a niece until the niece had a fit on her over it. Don't know what she does with the items now.

I've never given anyone 22 gifts at one time, ever.

I thought I was going overboard with 4-5 to a grandchild (which I have stopped). Kids and grandkids get 1-2 each.
I try to make it things that the person likes.

I tend to be an over giver, but I try to choose things people want/will use. For example, I gave my DD and DSIL a giant box of all kinds of kitchen gadgets and utensils. We ate thanksgiving with them and I noted what they didn't have. So they got a ton of serving spoons, a baster, measuring spoons, meat thermometer, zester, etc. Every time I went grocery shopping I would pick up something else, wrap it in tissue, and toss it in the box.

My DD is pregnant, so I also bought a ton of stuff for the new baby. Again, things they would use. They were opening things for a long time yesterday! It makes me feel good to give.

DH is an over-giver. I love him for it but I can't keep up. He always gets less and I end up feeling bad.

This year he couldn't decide whether to get me a 3D printer or a Cricut Maker, so he got both. I truly appreciate it but it's too much sometimes. I got him an Apple watch thinking I'd be ahead of the game this year but once again he's one-upped me (though he loved his gift, all he really likes is giving gifts, which makes him really hard to buy for).

I know this is not a bad problem to have and I hesitate to post in case anyone thinks it's a humble brag, which I hate, but where else could I vent a little about such a first-world problem?

I get it, DH is, if not an over gifter, a very generous gifter. I did have to put my foot down about buying me the newest phone, watch, laptop. If he had his way he'd upgrade me every time Apple came out with a new option. I'm naturally more frugal. It can be hard to buy for him because if he wants something, he buys it. The big hit this year was a $13 electric candle lighter I got him. He's always lighting candles and incense. 

When I really want something, I won't let him give it to me early either. It kills him to have to wait to give me a gift. I told him, if he gives it to me early, what would I open on Christmas or my birthday?