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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 0:28:47 GMT
We were just eating dinner and talking about how distance learning went today. Oldest DS commented that when he was skating with a friend the other day, another boy who was there said “hey, I know your brother.” He then proceeded to tell him that his mom is youngest DS’s teacher (3rd grade) and that DS “sucks in school.” I have to say I am quite irritated by this for a few different reasons. FWIW, DS has had some issues with distance learning but nothing horrific.
What are your thoughts?
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611 
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Post by julie5 on Jan 5, 2021 0:30:47 GMT
Yikes. That would bother me. The teacher has to have said something if her son knows about your sons performance. Now I do not know what I would do in this situation. I’m sorry I’m no help.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,057
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Post by AllieC on Jan 5, 2021 0:33:01 GMT
It's possible that the "sucks" bit was made up but the fact that he knows your brother and said something would bother me. I'm not an over-reactor but I think I would bring it up with the teacher.
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Post by Laurie on Jan 5, 2021 0:34:06 GMT
I would be fuming pissed. I also don’t know how I would handle the situation.
ETA: when I say I don’t know how I would handle the situation I am meaning how to handle finding out of it is true and if it is what to do next. However, even if teacher said it isn’t true then there is still a situation as to why her son would say that.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jan 5, 2021 0:34:36 GMT
You could email his teacher and say that you heard via her son that your youngest *sucks in school*. See how/what she replies.
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,316
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Jan 5, 2021 0:36:15 GMT
Did your ds ask this kid what made him draw that conclusion? I'd need more info. Did this kid overhear something and just saying something stupid to get a rise out of your ds?
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 5, 2021 0:36:20 GMT
You don’t know that the teacher actually said that.
If she did say that, yes that is inappropriate.
Her son could just be trying to be a jerk. Her son could be using more colorful language then the teacher. For instance the teacher could have said, “So and so is having a hard time in school” while talking to her husband.
You cannot believe everything kids say. I have had students tell me ludicrous things. Some have a small basis in fact. Some are 100% nonsense.
That being said, it is something I might email teacher about. Just say, “I am checking in on my son. Our older kids met the other day and your son indicated my son is struggling. How are things going?”
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Post by psoccer on Jan 5, 2021 0:39:21 GMT
Yikes! If the parent said that to her son, that is completely inappropriate. I teach at home. My children are older, in online college, and I am usually done before they get out of their rooms, but there are times when I know my children can hear my students. Such as when I am in the kitchen doing a science lab, or if they walk by my office. It could be possible that your son's friend overheard something when the students were talking and then twisted it a bit to take a dig at your younger son.
It would be something to mention. I just don't have an idea of how to word it, at this moment.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 15, 2024 4:59:32 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2021 0:44:59 GMT
I had a similar situation and I don't think I handled it correctly. My BIL is a special ed teacher that goes from school to school. He was at my son's school for a meeting for an IEP for a different kid and after the meeting he mentioned to the dean of students that his nephew went there. The dean said, oh who is your nephew and when my BIL told him, the dean proceeded to tell my BIL all about my son's school performance, grades, and how he was struggling in math.
I don't have anything to hide from my BIL, but I was very very pissed off that the dean of students would just offer up info like that about another student, I don't care if it was to a relative. I am sorry your son had to hear that, and even if she did not mean to be overheard, the teacher probably shouldn't be talking about other kids anywhere her kid could hear. Of course he could be making it up too (not your DS, her DS) just to get a rise out of your DS.
For me, I was just mad and my BIL said he was dumbfounded that our dean would do that.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 0:46:01 GMT
You don’t know that the teacher actually said that. If she did say that, yes that is inappropriate. Her son could just be trying to be a jerk. Her son could be using more colorful language then the teacher. For instance the teacher could have said, “So and so is having a hard time in school” while talking to her husband. You cannot believe everything kids say. I have had students tell me ludicrous things. Some have a small basis in fact. Some are 100% nonsense. That being said, it is something I might email teacher about. Just say, “I am checking in on my son. Our older kids met the other day and your son indicated my son is struggling. How are things going?” Would it be appropriate for her to say that ds was struggling, even in nicer words? My mom was a teacher and I don’t recall her saying anything about specific students. I do agree that kids can say things that aren’t exactly true (I’ve heard ds say somethings on his zoom calls that were not completely true—like this morning he said that he went sledding with older DS’s friends at midnight on NYE, when in reality it was 9:00). However, I don’t really like the idea of her mentioning anything negative about specific students in front of her kids. And it makes me wonder what her attitude is towards ds. We have gotten some emails about missing assignments that made it seem that she is pretty out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning and I wonder if she recognizes the difficulties kids might be having as well. Her ds is about 12 and my son he was talking to is 17. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 0:49:43 GMT
I had a similar situation and I don't think I handled it correctly. My BIL is a special ed teacher that goes from school to school. He was at my son's school for a meeting for an IEP for a different kid and after the meeting he mentioned to the dean of students that his nephew went there. The dean said, oh who is your nephew and when my BIL told him, the dean proceeded to tell my BIL all about my son's school performance, grades, and how he was struggling in math. I don't have anything to hide from my BIL, but I was very very pissed off that the dean of students would just offer up info like that about another student, I don't care if it was to a relative. I am sorry your son had to hear that, and even if she did not mean to be overheard, the teacher probably shouldn't be talking about other kids anywhere her kid could hear. Of course he could be making it up too (not your DS, her DS) just to get a rise out of your DS. For me, I was just mad and my BIL said he was dumbfounded that our dean would do that. I would be ticked about that, too. I guess I come from the point of view of needing to make sure I am not violating HIPPA, so to me that is way out of line. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 5, 2021 0:54:40 GMT
Not appropriate at all if the teacher said anything to her kid. Nope.
Both of my sons went to school with me for 7 years. When they were close in grades to the grade I taught, they did know more about others in those classes than I thought they would have just by knowing the kids and hearing what others said when they played with their friends at recess or after school. There was always some kind of chatter about kids. I was careful never to say negative things about my classroom students when my sons were around, but since they were in the room before and after school, there were probably times things came up that they heard the beginning of a conversation before I could shoo them out of the room. I would imagine that distance learning might also have those times especially if your son's teacher was talking to a coworker and didn't think her kids were listening.
This would bother me too. I would ask the teacher if she knows why her son would say that. Tell her what happened and let her know how it affected your kid. Her kid needs to learn to shut his mouth or she needs to to figure out how to be much more discreet. To be fair, sucks seems a bit more like a kid term than a teacher term, so maybe the kid made some inferences. It still isn't right, but that teacher needs to be told.
One year, one of my coworker's kids was looking at a wall of teachers' pictures. Kid was in third grade. She was going through teacher by teacher saying,"He's good, she sucks," etc. I was shocked at first, but that teacher talked just like that about the staff so it all made sense.
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Post by christine58 on Jan 5, 2021 0:57:55 GMT
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Post by myshelly on Jan 5, 2021 0:59:31 GMT
You don’t know that the teacher actually said that. If she did say that, yes that is inappropriate. Her son could just be trying to be a jerk. Her son could be using more colorful language then the teacher. For instance the teacher could have said, “So and so is having a hard time in school” while talking to her husband. You cannot believe everything kids say. I have had students tell me ludicrous things. Some have a small basis in fact. Some are 100% nonsense. That being said, it is something I might email teacher about. Just say, “I am checking in on my son. Our older kids met the other day and your son indicated my son is struggling. How are things going?” Would it be appropriate for her to say that ds was struggling, even in nicer words? My mom was a teacher and I don’t recall her saying anything about specific students. I do agree that kids can say things that aren’t exactly true (I’ve heard ds say somethings on his zoom calls that were not completely true—like this morning he said that he went sledding with older DS’s friends at midnight on NYE, when in reality it was 9:00). However, I don’t really like the idea of her mentioning anything negative about specific students in front of her kids. And it makes me wonder what her attitude is towards ds. We have gotten some emails about missing assignments that made it seem that she is pretty out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning and I wonder if she recognizes the difficulties kids might be having as well. Her ds is about 12 and my son he was talking to is 17. So you think a mom, who works full time, while her kids are in school is out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning? I just find it ironic you could write that sentence...a working parent who is handling distance learning is out of touch with...how working parents are handling distance learning? |
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Post by Merge on Jan 5, 2021 1:00:15 GMT
Not appropriate if the teacher said anything negative all about your son to her son.
But I’d check with her. She might have been inappropriate, but it might also have been her kid just making stuff up.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 1:01:16 GMT
(null)
How is it a stretch? Clearly her son has heard her say something negative about ds otherwise he wouldn’t have come up to my son and said “hey, I know your brother.”
I will double check with son as to the wording that was used, and a precious poster made a good point that “sucks” is more of a kid word. But regardless of the wording she used, IMO she needs to watch what she is saying in front of her kids. Especially if her kid isn’t going to keep it to himself.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jan 5, 2021 1:03:00 GMT
Teacher here and I totally think it is inappropriate-but also know that it may not be reality. I would ask the teacher when a good time to call would be and then talk to him/her. I would be honest and direct about the situation. If I was the teacher I would want the courtesy to hear about this and given the opportunity to have a discussion.
That said, I think most people vent about work but this isn't a work vent that would be discussed with a spouse. I may say that I'm frustrated about a situation or not being able to figure out a situation, but this sounds like a very juvenile comment and not something made by a teacher. "Sucks at school" isn't a teacher phrase.
I taught many years in the same school as my own children (I was my own child's fourth grade science teacher) but never would have discussed other students with my sons. I also had many of their friends in class and was always super careful with giving any sort of indication about students.
I would follow up and not assume anything yet.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 1:03:17 GMT
Would it be appropriate for her to say that ds was struggling, even in nicer words? My mom was a teacher and I don’t recall her saying anything about specific students. I do agree that kids can say things that aren’t exactly true (I’ve heard ds say somethings on his zoom calls that were not completely true—like this morning he said that he went sledding with older DS’s friends at midnight on NYE, when in reality it was 9:00). However, I don’t really like the idea of her mentioning anything negative about specific students in front of her kids. And it makes me wonder what her attitude is towards ds. We have gotten some emails about missing assignments that made it seem that she is pretty out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning and I wonder if she recognizes the difficulties kids might be having as well. Her ds is about 12 and my son he was talking to is 17. So you think a mom, who works full time, while her kids are in school is out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning? I just find it ironic you could write that sentence...a working parent who is handling distance learning is out of touch with...how working parents are handling distance learning? Yeah, I do. Her kids are older than 3rd grade and just because she is working/teaching from home doesn’t mean that she understands that her situation is not everyone’s situation. |
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jan 5, 2021 1:06:17 GMT
(null) How is it a stretch? Clearly her son has heard her say something negative about ds otherwise he wouldn’t have come up to my son and said “hey, I know your brother.” I will double check with son as to the wording that was used, and a precious poster made a good point that “sucks” is more of a kid word. But regardless of the wording she used, IMO she needs to watch what she is saying in front of her kids. Especially if her kid isn’t going to keep it to himself. She may have said, "Oh you're hanging out with X, I have the little brother in my class. Great family!" Don't assume she was taking crap about your kid until you talk to her. Teenage boys have a very unique communication style. If you find out she was speaking negatively, then I would have a more formal discussion. Totally inappropriate. |
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jan 5, 2021 1:07:44 GMT
You will also know if he's lying because she will probably punish him and then he's going to say something to your older child. If she doesn't punish him, then it probably happened.
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gramma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,903
Location: Sacramento, Ca
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Post by gramma on Jan 5, 2021 1:08:44 GMT
Regardless of what she might or might not have said her kid is a punk. She needs to know that he is saying these sorts of things. If he said it about your child how many others is he blabbing about or to. It looks bad on her either way. She needs to know.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 1:11:52 GMT
You will also know if he's lying because she will probably punish him and then he's going to say something to your older child. If she doesn't punish him, then it probably happened. My older son is 17 and her son is about 12. They weren’t together. Her son was there with the brother of DS’s friend. When ds told him who he was, the son said “oh, I know your brother.” Ds assumed he meant my 12 year old and he said, “no, K. My mom is his teacher. He sucks in school.” Her son isn’t friends with my 12 year old so I doubt we would hear if he was punished or not. |
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jan 5, 2021 1:18:50 GMT
It is possible her son was in the room while class was in session and heard your DS stumble over an answer or two and took it upon himself to come to the conclusion that he sucks, and was then showing off for your older son by saying that. Even so, I would not be happy at all. If her kids hear information about other kids they need to be taught discretion.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jan 5, 2021 1:21:31 GMT
You will also know if he's lying because she will probably punish him and then he's going to say something to your older child. If she doesn't punish him, then it probably happened. My older son is 17 and her son is about 12. They weren’t together. Her son was there with the brother of DS’s friend. When ds told him who he was, the son said “oh, I know your brother.” Ds assumed he meant my 12 year old and he said, “no, K. My mom is his teacher. He sucks in school.” Her son isn’t friends with my 12 year old so I doubt we would hear if he was punished or not. Got it...I honestly would call her. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 5, 2021 1:24:15 GMT
I’ll replay the Encounter with ds one more time before contacting her. Ds said he thought it was inappropriate as well but I want to make sure his wording was accurate and that he didn’t say anything to spark the kids’ response.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 5, 2021 1:28:27 GMT
So, the only way to get to the bottom of this is to contact the teacher and ask her about it in a non-confrontational way.
It is possible that the kid overheard stuff on a zoom call; it is possible that the kid saw an asssignment. Jist like everyone else, the teacher is navigating working full time while her children are distance learning. It cant be easy to try to keep everything tucked away and hidden from other people in the house. At a minimum, she needs to talk to her son about keeping his mouth shut.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jan 5, 2021 1:29:51 GMT
I think this reflects on the child not the teacher. I think you need to tell the teacher what her child said so she can deal with it.
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Post by KiwiJo on Jan 5, 2021 1:51:22 GMT
I think it is probable that the kid said that to your DS just to stir him up.
From your post it sounds like the kid is not one of your son’s close friends:
”...he was skating with a friend the other day, another boy who was there said “hey, I know your brother.””
So sounds like they met by chance.
What is the likelihood that this kid’s mother, the teacher, just happened to tell her son that X sucks at school, and then the son meets up with X’s brother by chance?
How many pupils does this teacher have? And she happens to mention the performance of one of them, and her son then meets up with that pupil’s brother by chance? Doesn’t sound likely to me.
One kid trying to stir things up with another kid sounds far more likely IMHO.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 5, 2021 1:51:28 GMT
It is possible her son was in the room while class was in session and heard your DS stumble over an answer or two and took it upon himself to come to the conclusion that he sucks, and was then showing off for your older son by saying that. Even so, I would not be happy at all. If her kids hear information about other kids they need to be taught discretion. That was my thought. The teachers kid should be taught that anything he hears should not be shared. |
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Post by Skellinton on Jan 5, 2021 2:06:17 GMT
You don’t know that the teacher actually said that. If she did say that, yes that is inappropriate. Her son could just be trying to be a jerk. Her son could be using more colorful language then the teacher. For instance the teacher could have said, “So and so is having a hard time in school” while talking to her husband. You cannot believe everything kids say. I have had students tell me ludicrous things. Some have a small basis in fact. Some are 100% nonsense. That being said, it is something I might email teacher about. Just say, “I am checking in on my son. Our older kids met the other day and your son indicated my son is struggling. How are things going?” Would it be appropriate for her to say that ds was struggling, even in nicer words? My mom was a teacher and I don’t recall her saying anything about specific students. I do agree that kids can say things that aren’t exactly true (I’ve heard ds say somethings on his zoom calls that were not completely true—like this morning he said that he went sledding with older DS’s friends at midnight on NYE, when in reality it was 9:00). However, I don’t really like the idea of her mentioning anything negative about specific students in front of her kids. And it makes me wonder what her attitude is towards ds. We have gotten some emails about missing assignments that made it seem that she is pretty out of touch with how working parents are handling distance learning and I wonder if she recognizes the difficulties kids might be having as well. Her ds is about 12 and my son he was talking to is 17. She may not have mentioned it in front of her son knowingly. She may have been talking to her husband about her day and her son overheard. I agree she should not be taking specifics in front of her kids. But, she may have said nothing at all and her son made it up to impress a 17 year old. You have no idea what was said, if anything. The things I have been told by children or I have heard children that have been attributed to me would curl your hair! I am not sure how sending an email about missing assignments makes her out of touch. Would you rather she not mention it? You should reach out to her. |
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