twinkle
New Member
Posts: 7
Apr 4, 2021 6:17:42 GMT
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Post by twinkle on Apr 4, 2021 6:51:05 GMT
Yes, I’m anonymous. I think some of you might think bad of me and I’d rather keep this separate from my presence here. However, I need to ask this.
Background: A few months ago, I was trolled/stalked online by a guy and his sister. It was on FB during a political discussion. These people were just vicious to other people. Both were trumpers and claimed to be Christian. However, they were demeaning people, calling them “idiots”, “morons” and worse. The guy told someone that he “donated liquid lunches to your mom”, asked someone “is a prerequisite to be anti fascist include having a physique like a concentration camp victim”, mocked someone else for the death of his mother. Then there was what happened to me. The guy and his sister alleged that my husband was having an affair. Of course, I laughed it off because I know better, but then they brought up both my husband’s and son’s names, which I don’t have public. I don’t use my last name on FB, either. They had to do some real digging to figure out who I am and the names of my family and even then, I really don’t know how they figured it out. (I use my first and middle name on FB and don’t have family relationships identified.) Of course I blocked them, but not before I got some screen shots of what they said in case I had any issues with them later somehow. They found out my name; I didn’t know what else they’d found out. And, really...they were so vicious that I was concerned they were going to do something. I can snark pretty well in political discussions, but I stick to the topic at hand, I don’t get vicious, and I don’t bring people’s families into the discussion.
The guy and I had one mutual friend. A few days ago, the mutual friend posted something with the guys name that piqued my interest. I did a quick google search and found that the guy who harassed me died a couple of weeks ago.
My first thought: KARMA GOT HIS ASS! And his sister, too.
Then I felt guilty for not feeling bad. I genuinely feel bad that he apparently left a wife and two kids, but I don’t feel bad for him or the grief his sister is feeling. The quote “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure” fits pretty well.
Am I really a bad person for feeling this way? I mean, I was very concerned when they figured out some things about me that weren’t public. They were so vicious that I didn’t know what to expect. Then I saw the guy died, and I thought GOOD. Now he can’t harass people anymore and maybe his sister will think twice before she does it again. At least, that’s the connection I made. (I’m not saying it’s logical.)
Let me have it.🥴
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Post by voltagain on Apr 4, 2021 7:01:13 GMT
You sound to me perfectly human.
The mystery as to how he found out so much personal information is through the settings on your mutual friend's account. It takes very little sluething to put together personal information on a mutual friend
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twinkle
New Member
Posts: 7
Apr 4, 2021 6:17:42 GMT
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Post by twinkle on Apr 4, 2021 7:03:30 GMT
You sound to me perfectly human. The mystery as to how he found out so much personal information is through the settings on your mutual friend's account. It takes very little sluething to put together personal information on a mutual friend I still don’t know how. I have my privacy settings pretty tight. I double checked everything when this happened. |
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Post by voltagain on Apr 4, 2021 7:08:14 GMT
You sound to me perfectly human. The mystery as to how he found out so much personal information is through the settings on your mutual friend's account. It takes very little sluething to put together personal information on a mutual friend I still don’t know how. I have my privacy settings pretty tight. I double checked everything when this happened. You can set your privacy settings but if you ever post on a mutual friends wall those settings aren't so tight. What you post on another person's wall is ruled by their settings. |
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twinkle
New Member
Posts: 7
Apr 4, 2021 6:17:42 GMT
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Post by twinkle on Apr 4, 2021 7:13:44 GMT
I still don’t know how. I have my privacy settings pretty tight. I double checked everything when this happened. You can set your privacy settings but if you ever post on a mutual friends wall those settings aren't so tight. What you post on another person's wall is ruled by their settings. I have never posted on the mutual friend’s wall. All the stuff happened on our governor’s FB page in the comments. We were both commenters there and I saw we had a mutual friend when I clicked on his profile. |
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twinkle
New Member
Posts: 7
Apr 4, 2021 6:17:42 GMT
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Post by twinkle on Apr 4, 2021 7:18:32 GMT
Also, thanks for telling me I’m just human. This really had me start to wonder if I’m a sociopath or something. Because, I really do have a big case of schadenfreude. I guess because that whole fiasco really scared me.
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 6,972
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Apr 4, 2021 8:12:29 GMT
I don't think you are bad. We can't help what our immediate emotions or thoughts are. They just pop in our head. No one is perfect and is going to do everything perfect. We don't always think what we really think the first time around.
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Post by gar on Apr 4, 2021 8:31:22 GMT
You sound reasonable to me. You didn't know the guy, you had no knowledge of him except the trolling stuff. I wouldn't waste another moment's thoughts on it.
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Post by Lexica on Apr 4, 2021 9:13:40 GMT
Do you think the mutual friend was the source for any of the personal information? I think it is pretty normal to feel a sense of relief that he is dead and cannot harass you any longer. Do you know how he died?.
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Post by malibou on Apr 4, 2021 11:27:12 GMT
You sound straight up normal to me.
I'm sorry you got caught up in someone else's hatefulness.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Apr 4, 2021 11:29:40 GMT
I don't think you're being bad. Since you were being stalked, I think your feelings are justified. Although I wouldn't recommend singing "ding, dong the stalker's dead" from the rooftop.  I, along with the other poster wonder if the mutual friend intentionally or inadvertently gave your information to the stalker. Stalker: Oh, hey we have a mutual friend, how to you know "first name-nickname"? Friend: Oh you mean "first name-last name" << 1st piece of your info (just gave your full name), we work together at____ or she's my neighbor two doors down or we went to high school together, etc... << 2nd piece of your info Stalker: Yeah, I've been chatting(<< not really true, but mutual friend doesn't know otherwise) with her on facebook. I've forgotten, what's her Husband and kids name again? 3rd piece of your info. Polite or intentional small talk can sometimes be used in a way to acquire a lot of information, without one even realizing that the information is being extracted or acquired from them. I would still keep precise and accurate notes, on any and all stalking that may be still occurring in regards to the second stalker. Most especially, since you can't be sure who the ringmaster really is or was. |
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,267 
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Apr 4, 2021 11:35:59 GMT
Here is my take. Thoughts are not good are bad. We attach feelings to them, and ultimately that drives an action. For you, you had a thought "Good, I'm glad" and your feeling is shame or guilt and now you are ruminating about it. I guarantee that there was another person who was impacted by his behavior who thought the same thing and had absolutely no shame or guilt.
So you get to decide the feelings you want to have about your thought. I agree that you sound completely human to me. Humans have thoughts and feelings and they are completely, 100% normal no matter what they are. Maybe a next step for you will be what you do going forward. Perhpas you will decide to change how you feel (which is sounds like you have) and offer empathy and compassion.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 4, 2021 11:42:44 GMT
You feel bad for not feeling bad, because you are a good person. I'm sorry this very disturbing person harassed you. That is scary!
I would definitely feel a sense of relief knowing this guy can't continue to harass you.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Apr 4, 2021 11:52:10 GMT
There are people I know in real life for whom I won’t shed a single tear when they pass.
I certainly don’t think you feeling that way about a stranger is notable especially considering the experience you had with him.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 0:17:14 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2021 11:57:57 GMT
Nope, not a bad person. I've had similar thoughts. I'm sure we all have.
A former classmate was a horrible bully to me in high school. He was horrid. He and his friends mocked me, made up stories about me, left rude notes in my locker. I absolutely hated him and his buddies. He passed away recently from cancer. I had the same thought as you "good! Karma got him." Meanwhile, other classmates were saying what a wonderful person he was. *Gag*
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 4, 2021 12:05:46 GMT
Well, if you’re a bad person, then I guess that I am too, because I’ve felt the same way. I think that it is normal and human to have those feelings.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 4, 2021 12:14:28 GMT
I think you are perfectly normal with both your thought and your feelings.
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 4, 2021 12:36:48 GMT
Meh. You’re not a rotten person for not being sad an asshole died. I wouldn’t care either, end honestly your first thought is probably similar to what I would have thought too, if I were in your shoes.
As far as how they found out so much info about you. It is not hard at all to find out information about people on the internet. If you really wanted to find info, you could easily start scrolling through their comments on their pictures looking for personal details to be revealed that way. Or, he could have clicked through your friends list to find family members and gotten info about you from their pages. Once someone has your first and your last name, you can type them into Google and start putting pieces together. If they’ve got your first and last Ames and state you live in, they can find your address and other details pretty easily.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,417
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Post by YooHoot on Apr 4, 2021 13:30:27 GMT
Meh. You’re not a rotten person for not being sad an asshole died. I wouldn’t care either, end honestly your first thought is probably similar to what I would have thought too, if I were in your shoes. As far as how they found out so much info about you. It is not hard at all to find out information about people on the internet. If you really wanted to find info, you could easily start scrolling through their comments on their pictures looking for personal details to be revealed that way. Or, he could have clicked through your friends list to find family members and gotten info about you from their pages. Once someone has your first and your last name, you can type them into Google and start putting pieces together. If they’ve got your first and last Ames and state you live in, they can find your address and other details pretty easily. This. It doesn’t take super sleuthing. I’ve done some searching on a person and I found out address, phone number, family members, all on the first few clicks. I wouldn’t feel guilt. You didn’t wish him dead. I’d probably limit my participation in that sort of stuff in the future. People who are die hard trumpies can’t be reasoned with. |
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Post by craftedbys on Apr 4, 2021 13:35:13 GMT
No, you are not a bad person, only human. I love that quote and will be borrowing it.
So many times when I have wished bad things would happen to people or that they would be hit by the karma bus, something bad usually would then happen in my life.
No I don't really believe in cosmic retribution, but I am not taking any chances.
But if karma ever wants a list of people that needs a big ole dose of up yours, I have a long one for her.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,612
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Apr 4, 2021 13:42:41 GMT
Personally, I'd be relieved he's dead. He sounds unhinged and potentially dangerous.
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 4, 2021 13:54:18 GMT
I started thinking the guy was my brother but he's not dead. And as far as I know he only stalks me with his bullshit.
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lionpride92
Junior Member
Posts: 50
Sept 27, 2019 14:46:54 GMT
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Post by lionpride92 on Apr 4, 2021 14:51:10 GMT
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I think you sounds perfectly human, too.
I recently saw someone track down an anonymous poster by their FB URL which used their real name. Even though their FB profile showed an anonymous name, the URL was definitely telling.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 4, 2021 14:56:43 GMT
Well, if you’re a bad person, then I guess that I am too, because I’ve felt the same way. I think that it is normal and human to have those feelings.  My thoughts exactly. I’ve seen karma take a huge bite out of someone’s ass and didn’t feel one bit sorry about it because of the horrible way they treated people I care about. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Apr 4, 2021 15:01:12 GMT
YOU are not bad at all!
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Post by femalebusiness on Apr 4, 2021 16:04:01 GMT
If you were grieving because he was dead I would think there was something wrong with you. You got lucky and I wouldn't think any more about it.
As for finding out who you are, that is not that difficult for a nut job who spends time to hunt you down. Those jerks always keep spreadsheets like it is their mission in life. You probably don't even remember the subtle little hints that you dropped.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,662
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 4, 2021 16:38:20 GMT
You're giving yourself grief over something I wouldn't give a second thought. Let it go and enjoy knowing you can now live without his presence looming over you.
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msladibug
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,533
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Post by msladibug on Apr 4, 2021 16:41:46 GMT
The quote “I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure” fits pretty well I love this quote. No, you’re not bad. I’d say that you’re having normal feelings. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 4, 2021 16:44:42 GMT
Let it go. Both he and his sister were horrible people. He's dead. You couldn't have prevented it and you didn't cause it. Nothing we post is ever private no matter how much we try. We can only do our best. His family will grieve him or not. You can feel relieved that he's not a threat anymore. He probably asked his friend for your name.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,331
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Post by amom23 on Apr 4, 2021 16:57:39 GMT
There are just some people who are better off dead. Time to let what you are feeling go.
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My thoughts exactly. I’ve seen karma take a huge bite out of someone’s ass and didn’t feel one bit sorry about it because of the horrible way they treated people I care about.
