Will/Trust Question: Guardianship

Awww, congratulations on Little Pancakes turning 1!

Our lawyer did it all. We only named my brother; we didn’t have an alternate. Fortunately we never needed it. He did marry a few years later and we did discuss with his new wife if she wanted to continue with the possible guardianship. However, we didn’t go back and name her separately.

We did discuss if we wanted a separate person to be the executor of the money. But my brother had already showed that he was fiscally responsible with his own money and we decided that he would take care of the kids regardless of how he spent the money. He would have needed a larger house and we wanted him to be able to buy one.. We did have a separate account for college set up. I also discussed with him that I wanted a nanny when the kids were young or housekeeper when they got older It was important to me that someone be home with the kids even when they were school aged. But in the end, they were to be his kids to raise as he chose.

When the kids got to be school aged, we had another discussion about school and after school activities. And then again when DS was diagnosed with Asperger’s. When the kids were in late elementary school, they had a friend who lost her mother. They wanted to know what would happen to them and we talked about how Uncle Joe would take care of them. They seemed to like knowing there was a plan in place and they’ve always had a special relationship with my brother. He and his wife never were able to have kids and my kids do a lot with them now that they are in school in Minnesota. I worried a lot in the beginning that my brother wouldn’t raise them as I would have, but over time I saw that it would all be ok. Luckily, we never needed it.

ETA after Mom’s post: we have talked to my brother and the kids about how the money will be split up, but he is no longer formally named. Both kids seem to be financially responsible and we have decided not to put conditions on the money. However, my brother is named as an advisor. DD’s college money is in a separate account and the rest will be split 50/50. 

Times change, people change, and circumstances change. We decided to name an executor that we trusted and then allow this person to choose a guardian for our children. It was stipulated that the guardian and executor were to be two different people. That way they were a check on each other. Though one thing we were firm upon, whoever raised our children were not to receive a stipend for raising them. They had to WANT our girls enough to clothe, feed and house them as if they were their own. But, the money would be available for further education after high school.

The person we would have named guardian, if we had done so at the time is no longer part of our lives now and was not at them time they graduated from high school. Now they are both adults and they will only need an executor of our estate.

It should be pointed out that you need an advanced directive, and other things done as well as a will.

I think i'd name the guardian you have in mind and then name a backup. As nlwilkins mentioned "times change, things change and circumstances change"

We updated our wills/trust several times (with an estate planning attorney) while our kids were growing up as circumstances changed. We have 4 kids (oldest and youngest were 9 years apart.) So there were thoughts of guardianship for 2 kids vs thoughts of who can raise 4. There were things added when the oldest ones were nearing 18 and the younger two were nearing middle school...how they should inherit any money, etc. My point really is that things will likely change and you'll likely need to revisit the subject every so often.

In addition to selecting a guardian, we also created a revocable trust. If someone happened to both of us, my sister & DH's brother would be the trustees. We knew they could work together. We had the stipulation that our children would not have access to the funds immediately. Can you imagine an 18 year old inheriting insurance money and IRAs? It was set up that they got 1/3 when the oldest turned 25, 1/3 when he turned 30, and the balance when he turned 35. They are only a year apart in age. The trustees could allow them funds for education and housing.

Happy birthday to Baby Pancakes!

Please - get your affairs in great order. You seriously never know what is going to happen. Even to one of you and it is that much easier if everything is written out AND talked about. Don't just create a will, tell everyone what your wishes are.

Mine was easy as my sister is fabulous, but as a backup, I put my sister-in-law who lives in Europe. I would have preferred two Americans, but my SIL was the absolute best choice after my own sister. I made sure everyone knew it. I also made sure that both sister and SIL knew that I wanted my kids spending time in both countries.

For that matter, please sign medical paperwork that says you can speak for your DH and he for you. Some doctors are fine with that and others are sticklers. When my ex had a stroke relatively young, he had NOTHING in order. I got a POA and was able to help, but without that (and he had to be conscious, capable and talking for me to get it and that was tough) it would have been a true nightmare.

Since I was divorced, I knew my son would have to go to his father's home if I died.  I had my will written to protect my assets from my ex getting ahold of them because I knew they would be spent well before my son came of age.  I specified that the money be invested until he turned 18, with a percentage being released to him at that time and the remainder given to him at specific ages.  I stated in my will that he would only get the money if he were living on his own and not at his father's house.  I figured he could use the money to move out.  This was all written when he was an infant and modified as he grew up.  I did specify a sister to raise him if his father could not do so.  I tried to think of all possible scenarios and have a plan for them, with guidance from my attorney.

Now that my son is an adult, none of that matters anymore.  I did tell him what I had outlined in my will when he was a baby and he thought it was really smart of me to state that his father didn't have any control over any of his inheritance.  He agreed that there wouldn't be anything left for him if his dad was allowed to spend anything for so-called living expenses.  I did make a provision for funds to be released should my son have a medical issue that his father could not provide for.  Funds would be released to pay hospital and doctor's bills directly, not to my ex. 

There is so much to think about when trying to plan for your child's future without you in it.

Happea Birthday Baby Pancakes! I can't believe she is a year already!

We chose close family friends for the guardians of our son. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother, Ds has a brother. We didn't feel that any of them would be our best choice.Thankfully he is 20 now and it's not an issue, but I knew there were siblings butt hurt over our decision.

Bottomline, my kid my decision.

We haven't done it, but it is on our list of things to do.

We were told to set up 2 lines of guardianship, one for physical and one for financial. For each of those we were told to list 3 people in order of preference.

We have my sister for the first physical, good friends for 2nd physical and another set of friends for 3rd physical. The #2 physical is the #1 financial, #2 financial is my sister's husband, and #3 financial is one of dh's sisters. We plan to also set up the 1/3 at college graduation, 1/3 at 25/30, and the last at 30/35. They will all have funded 529's that should cover college, but we will also have plans for that as well.

We haven’t asked, but I know she wouldn’t want to go with any of her aunts or uncles. The one aunt she knows well and likes lives multiple states away and is very religious (which we are not). DD would not want to leave everything she knows to go where her aunt lives and her aunt would not relocate here (they moved away from here and are now retired). 

Personally I think it’s a really big ask to name a child’s friend’s parent as a guardian (since in my state the lawyer told us they won’t name a couple, only an individual because marriages break up), especially if both sets of the parents aren’t also very good friends.

Is the bolded part common? I was asked (and accepted, after much internal debate) to be a guardian for a close friend's son. She was a young single mother with a horrible family and not many other, better options. I was a single young poor student who could barely keep myself afloat. If the worst had happened, I would have received a portion of her life insurance so that her son and I could afford a two-bedroom place with money for food and other necessities. I honestly don't think I would have been able to accept guardianship if not for the additional money that would have come with the child.