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Post by gulfcoastgirl on May 18, 2021 12:48:51 GMT
This happened pre-pandemic, but I was thinking about it as we'll be seeing the same people soon. Dh and I were visiting some friends in NC; their pastor was at their home when we arrived. The first thing the pastor said after we'd been introduced was, do I have a personal relationship with Jesus? I just said that I was Catholic and left it at that, but the pastor said, "That's no answer." (Like you're my fucking dad??!!!l) I just met the guy! I didn't help the situation by telling him not to be jealous because we (Catholics) can drink. Turns out the guy has the usual evangelist history of drunkeness and debauchery pre-Jesus.
Basically, I didn't care too much what the pastor thought, but I don't want to be rude at a friend's house. What's a better way to respond? Thanks!
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msladibug
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,533
Jul 10, 2014 2:31:46 GMT
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Post by msladibug on May 18, 2021 12:56:49 GMT
“Not interested.” Is a complete sentence.
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Post by kitkath on May 18, 2021 12:57:26 GMT
You were polite the first time. If he starts in again tell him that you don’t like to talk politics or religion.
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mimix3
Junior Member
Posts: 98
Jun 15, 2020 0:56:27 GMT
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Post by mimix3 on May 18, 2021 13:01:23 GMT
The typical F*** off has a nice ring to it.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on May 18, 2021 13:02:54 GMT
oh I would have had a hard time staying with that reception! Maybe tell your friends that you were offended by their paster last time and that you hope you won't have to see him again this visit
But I'm not a religious person at all and I don't enjoy having others try to push their beliefs on to me
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Post by gulfcoastgirl on May 18, 2021 13:04:00 GMT
Okay, now these responses I can relate to!
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,295
Jun 25, 2014 22:52:46 GMT
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Post by iowgirl on May 18, 2021 13:08:18 GMT
Dh and I were visiting some friends in NC; their pastor was at their home when we arrived. Do you think this was coincidental to your visit, or was it a setup? I always reply with "I do not discuss religion and politics in polite company" with a smile. If they ask again, I reply with the same answer and the same smile. If they continue, I ask if they do not understand my request, again with a smile. I don't play into their game.
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Post by gar on May 18, 2021 13:11:46 GMT
That's outrageous...is it any of his business? I know, I know...he's a pastor but I would have a hard time being polite a second time. I would reply with something like "I think that's my business don't you?" Followed by an unflinching look in the eye.
Or go the provocative route and say "No." and walk away but that would probably meant he haunted you for the rest of the event.
My responses are probably coloured by the fact that I'm an atheist and live in England where religion isn't in your face on a daily basis, thank goodness!
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on May 18, 2021 13:18:04 GMT
As a Deist, I'm non-christian. I've never had anyone speak against my religious choice and I respect the choices of others. I would respond to that minister. If he approached me again by telling him religion is a choice and there are enough choices to make everyone happy. If he persisted I would say "This discussion is over". No one wants their guests to be pushy or obnoxious so your hosts will not be upset by your stopped his badgering you.
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Post by miominmio on May 18, 2021 13:24:23 GMT
I would have a very hard time staying polite. On the instances I have met people who try to push religion on me (Norway is very secular, but we have a bible belt along the South coast, and not being the right kind of Christian in that area can be difficult. And I’m Norse pagan, not even Christian 😂), they usually start with something along the «these are the end of times». Oh, that is a true gift for someone obsessed with history🤣 I hit them with all the times their people have believed that before, then I move on to all the horrible things christians have done to polytheists over the centuries. They usually leave pale faced before I even get so far as to start dissecting their holy book. Religion and politics should not be discussed in polite company, and if they choose to go down that road, the gloves come off.
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Post by sleepingbooty on May 18, 2021 13:28:15 GMT
"Do you have a personal relationship with the Flying Spaghetti Monster?"
But I'm a snarky atheist.
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Post by freecharlie on May 18, 2021 13:30:10 GMT
I'd say "nope" or "not interested"
If he hounded me, I would probably leave. If I stayed I'd probably become rude and confrontational
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on May 18, 2021 13:32:14 GMT
“That’s the beauty of a personal relationship - it’s personal!”
However, I would never think of that at the time. I would really like to say, “What an odd question to ask someone you literally just met!”
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on May 18, 2021 13:33:11 GMT
GAR, in the Southern portion of the US. It is not uncommon for a new person in a town to be bombarded with invitations to church in grocery stores and when banking. The common question is "Have you found a church home yet" Next popular attempt to snag you is "I'm a member of xxx church and we would love to have you visit". These offers are all made by people you've never met before.
I personally think there might be prizes for whoever gets the new people. Like whoever ropes in the most new people in a year gets a trip to Myrtle Beach. It
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Post by gar on May 18, 2021 13:35:48 GMT
GAR, in the Southern portion of the US. It is not uncommon for a new person in a town to be bombarded with invitations to church in grocery stores and when banking. The common question is "Have you found a church home yet" Next popular attempt to snag you is "I'm a member of xxx church and we would love to have you visit". These offers are all made by people you've never met before. I personally think there might be prizes for whoever gets the new people. Like whoever ropes in the most new people in a year gets a trip to Myrtle Beach. It That sounds like a nightmare to me quite honestly. I am very glad that we don't have religion front and centre in society as a whole.
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Post by mollycoddle on May 18, 2021 13:41:49 GMT
Dh and I were visiting some friends in NC; their pastor was at their home when we arrived. Do you think this was coincidental to your visit, or was it a setup? I always reply with "I do not discuss religion and politics in polite company" with a smile. If they ask again, I reply with the same answer and the same smile. If they continue, I ask if they do not understand my request, again with a smile. I don't play into their game. This. Lather, rinse and repeat. There is nothing wrong or rude about shutting down proselytizing.
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Post by auntkelly on May 18, 2021 13:42:59 GMT
I’m a Christian and was raised a Southern Baptist, but that set up would have made me very uncomfortable. I would have started out trying to politely say something like, “I appreciate your concern. I’m very content with my church and my relationship w/ God. So where did you grow up?”
If the pastor continued to quiz me and my friend did not tell him to stop, I’d probably stand up and say “I need to stretch my legs, I’m going for a walk.” I might even get in my car and drive to a hotel. I think it was extremely rude of your friend to let her pastor badger you like that.
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Post by librarylady on May 18, 2021 13:44:20 GMT
Years ago, I had moved to a new city and was making friends. We had visited a particular church, perhaps twice. I had invited a friend over for the afternoon. The minister showed up, I invited him in with "I have a friend over, but you can come in for a minute." He came in and proceeded (IMO) to be very rude to my new friend. He began to challenge her on "Where do you go to church?" "What do you believe?" "The 10 Commandments never saved anyone." I don't remember what happened next but he eventually left. I apologized to her and mentally thought, "I want no part of him and his style of religion." We never returned to that church. A month or so later, he showed up one afternoon. I opened the door but did not invite him in. He made his greetings etc. I ended up telling him he was not welcome and we would not be returning to the church. I was blunt. He was stunned and asked why. I let him have it. Of course, he didn't get it. I am sure he left thinking he had just met an infidel and I was damned to Hell. I was happy to tell him off. I still think he was a big jerk.
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Post by disneypal on May 18, 2021 13:45:56 GMT
I think your response was fine and if he continued on...I would say "My relationship with Jesus is personal so I don't discuss it anyone"
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,971
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on May 18, 2021 13:48:02 GMT
It seems your friend didn’t care how rudely you were treated in her home so I wouldn’t feel bad telling the pastor to fuck off.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 31, 2024 23:12:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2021 13:55:45 GMT
I always reply with "I do not discuss religion and politics in polite company" That doesn't work. They pull out their old, tired, shopworn, "It's not about RELIGION, it's about A RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS...." *smug smirk*
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 18, 2021 14:00:31 GMT
“That’s the beauty of a personal relationship - it’s personal!” However, I would never think of that at the time. I would really like to say, “What an odd question to ask someone you literally just met!” I love this response! Personally, I’m just snarky enough to probably poke that bear. I’ve been known to get into a few rounds with my overly religious sibling who belongs to a church just like that.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,773
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on May 18, 2021 14:12:57 GMT
I would have a very hard time staying polite. On the instances I have met people who try to push religion on me (Norway is very secular, but we have a bible belt along the South coast, and not being the right kind of Christian in that area can be difficult. And I’m Norse pagan, not even Christian 😂), they usually start with something along the «these are the end of times». Oh, that is a true gift for someone obsessed with history🤣 I hit them with all the times their people have believed that before, then I move on to all the horrible things christians have done to polytheists over the centuries. They usually leave pale faced before I even get so far as to start dissecting their holy book. Religion and politics should not be discussed in polite company, and if they choose to go down that road, the gloves come off. I had a friend who was super knowledgeable about the Bible yet was completely atheist. He does this exact same thing and I swear he could turn true most avid bible goer into an atheist.
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Post by lisacharlotte on May 18, 2021 14:27:55 GMT
I went to high school in NC and spent a lot of my adult life living in the south or visits family in the south (NC, TN, GA, TX). I am a lapsed Catholic. I’ve never had anyone be more than welcoming when inviting me to church or asking where I went to church. I’ve never received any pushback when declining. That’s not to say there are not more pushy/aggressive members, but in almost 40 years I’ve not run across them. As a guest in someone else’s home I would have replied to “that’s not an answer” with “that’s the only answer I have for you.” Then if it persisted I would tell him I was not interested in a discussion my relationship with God/Jesus/deity of choice and change the subject. I am snarky by nature, but as a guest at a dinner, I would not be inflaming the discussion with snark. This is where manners (especially in the south) can be useful.
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Post by hop2 on May 18, 2021 14:28:57 GMT
I have all the religion I need, thank you.
If it continues I might ( probably ) get rude.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on May 18, 2021 14:30:01 GMT
While it is none of his business, I find the easiest way to get someone like this to stop trying to "save me" is to answer, "I sure do." and change the subject quickly.
And just for the record - when is yes not a correct answer to that question? Yes, I have a relationship, and it is that we don't speak/I don't believe he exists. Yes, I have a more traditional Catholic relationship...which, for the record, formed the foundation of your denomination, so don't go dissing it. Yes, I have exactly the type of relationship you are thinking about.
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Post by hop2 on May 18, 2021 14:32:23 GMT
“That’s the beauty of a personal relationship - it’s personal!” I love that response
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 31, 2024 23:12:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2021 14:46:10 GMT
I can't imagine what someone would have said to him in this country fi he had said that. I can understand that you wouldn't have wanted to upset your friend but if it happens again or religion comes up I would ( for the sake of the friendship) gracefully say - 2I'm a catholic and my beliefs are a private matter to me, I don't discuss them with others". In my mind I'd say what business is it of yours while I smiled pleasantly
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Post by Really Red on May 18, 2021 14:57:53 GMT
Wow.
That would actually be my response to such an a$$ as well. Who is so arrogant they have to insist. Shame on him. Shame on your friends who allowed him to do that to you. How would you handle it if friends came to your house and one of your guests attacked them?
"I am a Catholic" says you "That's not an answer" says he "wow." says you "What?" says he "I am asking if you have a personal relationship with Jesus." You: A complete look of disbelief that someone would be so rude. "Excuse me." and walk away.
Holy moly. It is sometimes unbelievable what people say/do.
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Post by gulfcoastgirl on May 18, 2021 15:02:21 GMT
It seems your friend didn’t care how rudely you were treated in her home so I wouldn’t feel bad telling the pastor to fuck off. They love him; after he left, which was shortly after i arrived, they apologized but laughed and slapped the table about that 'ole Pastor Chris who will ask anyone and everyone about their relationship with 'Crast' . I'm sure the meeting wasn't planned. Thanks for all the helpful and validating replies!
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