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Post by jennifercw on Jun 7, 2021 21:23:17 GMT
I'm just wondering if anyone has written out instructions for their spouse/significant other in the event that you die or are incapacitated in some way.
I'm not talking about a will/living will - but things like "don't forget about my extra life insurance policy with so-and-so company through work," "here's where I keep my computer password sheet," "all our bills are set to auto-pay except for water/sewer and that one is due the 10th of every month," "please post on 2peas and let them know what's happened," "birthdays of nieces/nephews," "my cell phone pin# is" etc.
After my DH's emergency open heart surgery last month he was on a ventilator/intubated for longer than expected. Surgery was Friday and he wasn't extubated until Sunday. He is a self-employed attorney and I grew increasingly worried knowing he had court scheduled on Monday but NOT knowing exactly who should be contacted with the news he wouldn't be there. It was added stress in an already stressful situation.
So that's what really got me thinking that some sort of instructional document would be helpful in these situations. My DH and I talk about some of these things of course - but in the midst of trauma/loss I think it would be better for me to have it all written out.
So if you have something like this, what type of instructions have you included? If not, any ideas on what might be helpful to know?
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 7, 2021 21:36:11 GMT
We don't, but should.
Dh has the passwords and account # to all the retirement accounts and I have all the accounts and passwords for our bills.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,785
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Jun 7, 2021 21:39:57 GMT
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MrsDepp
Full Member
Refupea #2341
Posts: 476
Jun 30, 2014 18:36:02 GMT
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Post by MrsDepp on Jun 7, 2021 21:49:15 GMT
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Post by Patter on Jun 7, 2021 21:54:00 GMT
I posted a free link not too long ago that is printable when this topic came up. It was a book about everything. See the link below www.erikdewey.com/bigbookmkIV.pdfWow, that is awesome. Thanks! We have purchased our burial plots, and we are in the process of updating our plans, etc., but we don't have the specifics you mention written down anywhere. |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jun 7, 2021 21:55:33 GMT
Yes we do. We share a password app. We each have an ICE (In Case of Emergency) section with links to websites with essential information on, and forums/websites to update. I probably ought to check and make sure it's still up to date, as things have changed lately.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 7, 2021 22:08:24 GMT
yes we do. in short, cremation and no memorial services of any kind for either of us. he has my list of passwords and can into my phone and computer anytime. he gave me instructions regarding our accountant and mortgage. i know where the safe deposit box is.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 7, 2021 22:09:58 GMT
I have more of that for my best friend than for my spouse. Lol. She got serious about it after losing both parents three months to the day from one another. I'm on all her accounts now, have knowledge of where all her records are kept, know where to access all her passwords, and hold POA and Durable POA for her.
My husband and I have discussed much of it, but have not really organized anything for one another. It's on our 'list of things to do.' We do really need to get on that.
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Post by needmysanity on Jun 7, 2021 22:17:07 GMT
Yup - even down to the coordinates of where my ashes are to be put.
I have a binder with everything in it. Not fancy or anything but it will do the job.
Except post on 2peas...I should probably add that.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 7, 2021 22:19:42 GMT
If he has a secretary that would be my first call. Or at least access to his calendar.
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Jun 7, 2021 22:26:41 GMT
We have the Purple Binder of Death.
It has everyone’s financials, birth certificates, marriage licenses, all pertinent account logins, social media passwords ( I want my accounts deleted when I go, don’t want people leaving all those cheesy it’s been a year posts!), job contact info, life insurance policies, deeds, birth certificates, titles, last wishes etc.
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Post by magellen on Jun 7, 2021 22:29:12 GMT
I know person who wanted certain things to be done after he died. He didn’t write done any of it, his girlfriend is very upset because his wishes aren’t being done. Document what you want.
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desertgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,646
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Post by desertgirl on Jun 7, 2021 22:35:39 GMT
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Post by greendragonlady on Jun 8, 2021 0:24:16 GMT
No, but we probably should.
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Post by epeanymous on Jun 8, 2021 1:25:27 GMT
The single thing I have been least responsible about is getting this info from my husband. I come from nothing and there is nothing complicated if I go; we have joint everything. My life insurance is through work, and we have the same employer. He, on the other hand, has his name on all sorts of weird family investments. I have no idea what many of them are, how to access them, or anything :/.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jun 8, 2021 2:23:58 GMT
DH insisted I make one before I went to Australia. He does not have one set up. It is pretty basic information of my final wishes and contact information for any and all accounts, insurance policies etc.
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Post by scraphollie27 on Jun 8, 2021 2:49:41 GMT
My brother-in-law passed away suddenly and unexpectedly two weeks ago with no will, no proper beneficiaries on income streams and no life insurance. My sister-in-law is grieving and has a giant nightmare on her hands and we are all scrambling to help. Needless to say, the death binder I keep saying I’m going to create is getting done ASAP so thank you all for the useful links.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 5:21:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2021 2:55:55 GMT
I have an Evernote document that I use to store all the important info in. I have screenshots of things with descriptions on how to do this and that. I have a series of instructions that says 'if I die, do these steps...'.
I have a specific section detailing everything that should be closed if I die so he doesn't get hit with ongoing charges etc.
I only have it for financial info mainly. I don't care what happens to 'stuff'. My husband knows I have no attachment to much so either sell it, give it, or burn it.
I figure even if no one dies soon, I might need it as my own memory declines. I look at it about 2-3 times a year and update anything relevant such as closed or new accounts etc.
When I do update it, it reminds me to streamline things as much as possible and prompts me to cancel things that we're not benefiting from anymore. Can be a good reminder to declutter life a bit.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,563
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Post by pinklady on Jun 8, 2021 3:12:37 GMT
I certainly hope that my parents have a death pact. They’ve been together for 50+ years and the thought of one of them alone without the other is the worst fear of my life!
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Post by Skellinton on Jun 8, 2021 3:36:28 GMT
Nothing other then he is to scatter my ashes at the beach with the ashes of our cats or I will haunt his ass. We need to have something more serious though. Anyone watch the Middle and remember the death napkin?  |
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 8, 2021 11:36:00 GMT
DD knows where everything is for us. I have a list of bills and how they are paid - automated, EFT, etc. She has access to our passwords. She works with our financial guy, so he will help her.
We do need to update our wills.
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miyooper2b
Full Member
Posts: 330
Location: Central Indiana
Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Jun 8, 2021 14:32:03 GMT
Yes we do. Our oldest DD has a copy as well.
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Post by Sparki on Jun 8, 2021 15:38:29 GMT
We have the Purple Binder of Death. It has everyone’s financials, birth certificates, marriage licenses, all pertinent account logins, social media passwords ( I want my accounts deleted when I go, don’t want people leaving all those cheesy it’s been a year posts!), job contact info, life insurance policies, deeds, birth certificates, titles, last wishes etc. Mine's not purple, but I also have a binder with EVERYTHING in it. Right down to feeding instructions for our pets if something were to happen to my husband and me at the same time. It's in the safe with the trust that designates power of attorney, health directives, etc. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Jun 8, 2021 15:45:21 GMT
We both know where the other wants their ashes spread but beyond that, no we don’t have anything lined up or thought out.
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Post by supersoda on Jun 8, 2021 15:47:20 GMT
I created a “death book” for hubby/kids a few months ago. The idea probably came from the peas, and since I’ve been dealing with a messy estate I recognized how important it was.
It has physical copies of certain important documents and passwords and instructions on who to contact regarding things like insurance policies and the mortgage.
I handle all the finances, so DH would have to figure it all out (but could do it) without this. Our young adult kids would be pretty clueless though.
I need to add notarized cremation instructions. I just handled a lawsuit involving a well known funeral home that withheld remains for more than two years under the guise of being unable to reach a certain family member for consented cremation. Their defense failed and I won the case, but it underscored the importance of putting your wishes in writing, and Texas has a statute that applies to cremation instructions. (BTW, that is not my area of law at all, but no one else would take the case and I was so disgusted by the funeral home that I agreed to handle it.)
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Post by catck on Jun 8, 2021 16:52:22 GMT
This has been on my mind for some time so because of this thread I've just ordered a planner from Amazon, once again thank you 2 Peas for stirring me into action!!!
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Post by Prenticekid on Jun 8, 2021 17:02:10 GMT
Just as an aside, attorneys are supposed to have succession plans in place. In some states, the information needs to be in place to be able to obtain liability insurance. If you don't know who to call regarding a court appearance (which makes me think he may not have administrative staff), you might want to make sure he has plans for his clients, client files, client money accounts, etc., for when you do have to deal with this.
Personally, I have a form that my church has to deal with my "wishes." One of my children has my passwords and account information, and is the person to make decisions and inform friends and loved ones. I probably don't have everything covered, but enough not to add too much to their plates when I do die.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 5:21:42 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2021 17:08:16 GMT
No but we should. My husband is adamant he's going to freeze me and thaw me out when the cure for whatever I died from is available. I've told him I'll kick his arse if he does.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jun 8, 2021 17:27:33 GMT
After deal with my FILs mess we set up a trust and are actually going to the bank to set up our accounts.
We need to organize and document other things though. Lots of things we haven’t organized but I think we need to set up a binder to make things easier.
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Post by rymeswithpurple on Jun 8, 2021 17:33:21 GMT
Nothing other then he is to scatter my ashes at the beach with the ashes of our cats or I will haunt his ass. We need to have something more serious though. Anyone watch the Middle and remember the death napkin? My mother in law's cat passed away a few years before she did. She was buried with her ashes. When we were at the funeral home planning her funeral, they asked us if we wanted to include the 25 years she'd worked at Kmart, we all agreed that Sandy - lovely as she was - would haunt all of us if we even so much as mentioned that job in her obituary. And yes! What a wacky show. I could not stand it at first, but it grew on me. Probably because I love Neil Flynn. |
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