Any FASD Parents or Caregivers out there in 2Peas land?

Yes, after asking for help for almost 2 years, four trips for suicide ideation to ER/County Mental Health, being reports to CPS, sending him to therapy, then wilderness therapy, followed up by experiential therapy we are finally in the loop for a Personal Service Worker. His IQ is high enough that he can "pass" for a normal 15 year old part of the time. He's never passed any state testing, has had an IEP since kindergarten, has never read at grade level, always 2-3 grades behind. He's on a modified diploma after we hired a great SpEd attorney to guide us. (I'm even a teacher so I do already know the law!) It was a very astute Social Worker (our first one from CPS) that mentioned we should apply for Intellectual/Developmental Disability. It's been a long 6 month process to finally secure services. BUT DS doesn't want them. We have 80 hours per month in the summer, 64 during the school year, and 14 days 24-hour respite. In our state for some lunatic reason kids older than 14 can refuse mental health therapy, and at 15 they have a right to medical privacy UNLESS they sign a release of information. This is a kid that functions at 8-10, yet has the expectations in some cases of a 15 year old, very entitled that he can do what ever he wants. Our biggest issue is he picks up Vape pen garbage and tries to use it. When he gets weed into his system all bets are off. Last night was not weed related but simply challenging mom and the final straw was he tampered with the lock on our bedroom door so we had to drill it out. The locks are on rooms to protect belongings and keep him from medication, sharps, etc so he can't self-harm. He has zero impulse control!

We know that God brought this child (and his bio brother now 22) into our family because we are strong and smart. But right now with raging hormones, and his attachment issues, mom is the target. Older DS is an addict living in a homeless shelter despite the fact we got him to graduate from HS with a 3.6 and earn varsity letters in wrestling 4 years, soccer 3 years, and track 2 years. They are siblings 1 and 4, siblings 2 died at 6 months and sibling 3 at age 4 when older DS was 7. They spent 3 years in Russian state care before we adopted them in 10/2010. DS15 weighed only 28 pounds at age almost 4 . . . they've both come a long way, but the light at the end of the tunnel is very dim.

If you are a woman of faith the most tangible thing is to pray. We do have a Go Fund Me set up . . . as last year we spent close to $100K on all his treatments, psychological evaluation and medical bills. But we are at a point that we've been able to cover most of the expenses. We took $$$$ from our retirement, and savings and had some help from family. We are paying off the hospital bills where they did absolutely nothing, just made him worse when he came home. We have a bit of mistrust of the medical/therapy community because they do not truly understand FASD and the propensity to lie, steal, and go through other's belongings without remorse. I know that is organic, brain damage, but sometimes it is soooooo hard! Thanks for letting me vent!

@skellinton We've not had a formal diagnosis of RAD, but as with most adopted kiddos especially when they reached puberty go off the charts with their hormonal responses. And unfortunately often the Mother is the prime target. Since he can refuse mental health therapy in our state at 14, we don't know if we will get that as a diagnosis. Before he was 12 him seemed well attached, but older bio brother was a huge negative influence. The six months it took to get the I/DD services was plenty long, and we just need to get them all implemented.


Thank you so much lucyg. We are hoping to do some cycling programs with DS this summer, with a private lesson to determine his placement and his cooperation level. Our other expenses will be enrichment in nature, as the $565 a day for 80 days at Wilderness Therapy didn't seem to have a lasting effect. We need to keep him as busy as possible with supervision this summer. His best friend moved to Iowa for school last year, but will hopefully be back in town in early August.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and support!