Deleted
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May 20, 2024 14:41:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2021 14:28:50 GMT
Seriously? you own a piece of land that is 39 inches by 39 inches. I'm totally gobsmacked that the land registry would register a piece of land that size. It is definitely a thing - my kids bought DH the same thing for Christmas, which officially made him a Lord lol. Waiting on the official paperwork to come in the mail, but I do believe it will have the coordinates of where it is..... Oh one of those. Yes I see now but the land is still owned by the people that sold the little pieces off to protect the landscape in Scotland. I doubt that anyone would have permission to scatter their ashes on it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 20, 2024 14:41:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2021 14:40:24 GMT
We had dinner with friends tonight and they are looking at purchasing burial lots in a local cemetery and prepaying as much of the mandatory expenses as possible. Seems like the cheapest Jewish funeral in the Chicagoland area will set you back $28,000!!!!!! Nuts! I told them I want a plain pine box. Well...apparently those go for $1800. My hubby could build one for $100 tops. Gonna have to rethink my options and talk to the kids. Maybe burial at sea. I do own some land in Scotland my son gifted me. It's 1m x 1 m but maybe they can go on vacation and scatter my ashes there. That’s hilarious that you own ‘land’ in Scotland! Whereabouts in the country is it? Do they tell you the exact location? Maybe one of us could go and take a photograph of it for you! And if it’s at the bottom of my garden, then it’s high time you got those weeds under control. 😄 I think it's one of these fund raising things lesley LINK
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Jun 29, 2021 14:46:49 GMT
I paid $1,000 this past March for my husband's cremation. That included death certificates, etc. I had purchased a very affordable, nice urn from Amazon. Due to Covid and most family being out of state, we did not have a wake/service/funeral. Nor would he have wanted one. After I am gone, our daughter will scatter our ashes together in a place that we talked about. I do plan to prepay for my cremation so our daughter won't have to deal with that (or at least the majority of the cost).
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Post by alsomsknit on Jun 29, 2021 15:05:18 GMT
My MIL died tragically in April. Dad agreed to cremation and interment in a mausoleum at a local cemetery. The mausoleum is large enough for a coffin. There aren’t spaces made large enough for only 2 urns, so the big one was chosen.
The expenses at the funeral home were under $4000, included obit, flowers, urn, cremation w/ the required box, and death certificates. The service was kept small. Cost $125–$25 for the chapel, $100 for the pastor. The mausoleum was $3600.
Husband and I purchased a mausoleum for ourselves and another for our son. They are with Mom and Dad’s mausoleum, which helped Dad be at peace with going so against burial norms.
Having to decide on everything whilst in the throes of grief was hard. It’s why we opted to purchase for ourselves and the Boy. You never know.
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Post by bbkeef on Jun 29, 2021 15:34:15 GMT
My mom passed in 2019. From start to finish it was around $20,000. She was in a nursing home at the end, but we had pre-planned her funeral a few months earlier before she went into the home. That was the plot, casket, the burial, funeral and food. We got her exactly what she wanted and paid extra for the caterer she would have chosen for the celebration lunch after the ceremony.
In 2010, my dad passed and we did cremation, wake and funeral and luncheon at a church where the church members bring in all the food. That cost me about $5,000.
If you can prepay, your children/family will thank you!
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,763
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Jun 29, 2021 15:42:32 GMT
My best friend’s husband died last month, unexpectedly. I was astonished at what she was charged for a simple cremation. They nickel and dimed her for every little thing you could think of. The urn was $850 alone.
My dad died in 2013, the total for his cremation and burial was $1,500. His actual burial was free because s he was being buried in a National cemetery. But the $1,500 included transporting his cremains to Arizona from California.
I’m against spending a dime more than you have to for any after death expenses. The funeral industry takes advantage of the family’s emotions and grief to pay outrageous prices and add on expenses they would not consider if they were not grieving.
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Post by Jamie on Jun 29, 2021 15:50:00 GMT
I’m wondering what the plots are for if you’re being cremated? Unless everyone for generations plans on keeping them on the mantle or you have a specific place you want them spread (and there are laws about that) they have to end up someplace. We’ll be having this discussion with FIL soon because I don’t think his new wife enjoys having my MIL’s ashes prominently displayed on their bookshelf. My parents have plots. My mom plans on being cremated and will then be placed in her plot. They prepaid for all their burial expenses years ago, which I am grateful for. It's just me and my brother and he's special needs so everything falls on me and my husband unfortunately. I have strict instructions I'm to follow when my mom passes and I'm afraid if I don't follow them to a T she will haunt me
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huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,002
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on Jun 29, 2021 16:28:00 GMT
We pre-paid my dad's funeral. Including some money set aside for clergy and food, it was right at $15,000. That did not include the cost of the plot and the headstone. Those were purchased when my mother died. We were unable to have a real funeral for him since he died in March 2020. We are having one in September this year. Mainly a memorial service. The church is footing the food bill so we won't have to worry about that. I was shocked at the cost of the funeral.
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Post by Patter on Jun 29, 2021 16:43:17 GMT
I believe the U.S. average is $10,000. We already have our plots, and they were $2,000 for both. We will be cremated, and our ashes in memorial plots at our church. Cremation is certainly cheaper. I’m wondering what the plots are for if you’re being cremated? We only have a memorial garden for those that are cremated. We do not have enough land for regular burial plots.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 20, 2024 14:41:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2021 16:53:56 GMT
My dad's funeral was around 5k. We had a nondenominational service at the funeral home and a lovely luncheon for about 35 people. We didn't have a wake and he was cremated. Sounds like my dad's funeral, except that we had a mass at his Catholic church (can't believe they charge grieving people!), then close family went to his burial spot (to bury his ashes) and had the usual protocol for a Veteran there. It was very moving. They play Taps and fold the flag and hand it to the spouse. Then we went to the luncheon (again, immediate family only). Kept it very small.
DH and I both said that we'd just do whatever is free thru the V.A. They cremate or bury you. We both want cremation. I'm sure we wouldn't have a mass/service/funeral home, etc. No one we know is down here in FL.
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Post by Merge on Jun 29, 2021 16:58:49 GMT
I don’t remember exactly what it cost to bury my parents, but I know it was a lot. Fortunately they were insured so we could afford it. For them we went the whole traditional fancy coffin route. They had already purchased burial plots in my mom’s tiny hometown. We paid for a catered lunch for one of the funerals and their church provided the second one.
For FIL, he had no insurance and no money. We paid for the cremation, which I think was about $2000, and held a simple service ourselves in a small local church - no clergy, just a small fee for the use of the space. I bought and cooked all the food for the reception myself.
My husband and I have in our wills that, though we have good life insurance, we prefer the second route. No church required. My goodness, the funeral business is a racket.
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Post by karinec on Jun 29, 2021 17:23:33 GMT
If you think real estate is expensive in California, you should see the price of funeral plots. It's been a long time since I had to deal with purchasing one, but the cost was outrageous.
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Post by keesha on Jun 29, 2021 17:40:27 GMT
I have always told my family I want to be cremated and thrown in a compost pile. I am very intrigued by green burials which are also supposed to be lower cost. My mom passed in Nov 2020, she did not want a service. We pre-paid for her cremation 3 years ago and it was around $1200. That was the basic - lowest price with her remains in a simple box. Funerals are expensive yet I don't know of any wealthy funeral home owners.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,355
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on Jun 29, 2021 17:45:21 GMT
Terrifying, yet dark humor story for me. My Mom died in 1985 while living in AZ. They each wanted to be cremated. They also wanted their remains to be scattered illegally in a National park in AZ. We get the cremains, take a long trip to the site and gather our family together. My dad hands me the box with the cremains for me to scatter. I open the box and I almost died. I could see recognizable pieces of bone in the cremains. My Mom had also been wearing a track suit when she died and I could see the snaps from the front of her suit. My Dad was beside himself with grief so I had to pretend that nothing was wrong and just spread the ashes as instructed.
I was always scared that someone would find the bone fragments and there would be headlines, "Human remains found at XXX Park"
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Post by Lexica on Jun 29, 2021 18:42:21 GMT
There are actually a rules about human remains and ashes in the US as well. When you get your loved ones ashes, they really are not just ashes. Many times small bits and pieces of bones and skull are in the ashes. I've heard vague rumors that some crematoriums will sift those and break up the bigger pieces. So what you end up with is more like sand than ashes.
My neighbor's mother-in-law was cremated when she passed. My neighbor called me to come over and look at the ashes with her. She felt something was wrong with them. When I got there, she had them spread out on their kitchen table and was going through them with a spoon! I admit, I was a bit weirded out that she didn't put down a disposable plastic bag first or anything to keep them from being in contact with the table top where she fed her family. She wanted help spooning through the ashes and pulling out anything that she didn't think belonged in there. There were large metal staples and I explained that these were undoubtedly from the box that her MIL was put into before being placed in the cremation chamber. They don't just put a bare body in there. She accepted that and we removed them. That was the extent of my knowledge though. Then she found these bits of hardened blue blobs. We pulled them out into a pile and she wanted to know what they were. I had no idea so I ended up calling a funeral home that performed cremations to ask some questions for her. It turned out that the blue blobs were because her MIL had artificial breasts. The blue bits were what was left of them when they melted. She also wanted to know why they were more like sand and not actual ashes. The funeral home explained that the remains were more sand-like because of the bones in our bodies. People hear "ashes" and tend to think of the ashes in their fireplace, but they are more like beach sand. My neighbor's husband came home as we were pulling out the blue bits from the ashes. I was horrified that he had to see this. He asked what we were doing and his wife just said that the stuff on the table was his mom and that we were pulling out any weird stuff. He just nodded and got a soda and left the room. After we had removed anything my neighbor objected to from the pile, she tossed those into the kitchen trash and used her bare hands to scoop the remaining ashes back into the container that she had purchased to put on her mantle. There was residual matter left on the table and she just grabbed a wet cloth from the sink and wiped the table down, then rinsed her MIL off the cloth and into the sink. I went home a bit dizzy from her nonchalant attitude. It was my first experience seeing human remains that had been cremated.
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Post by Horse scrap on Jun 29, 2021 18:42:27 GMT
When my grandpa died in 1993, my then DH, now ex, worked for a company that made coffins. We were able to purchase an absolutely beautiful military themed coffin for cost. Our cost was $2000, the retail price was $16,900!! HUGE markup!!!!
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msliz
Drama Llama
The Procrastinator
Posts: 6,419
Jun 26, 2014 21:32:34 GMT
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Post by msliz on Jun 29, 2021 19:03:38 GMT
There are actually a rules about human remains and ashes in the US as well. When you get your loved ones ashes, they really are not just ashes. Many times small bits and pieces of bones and skull are in the ashes. I've heard vague rumors that some crematoriums will sift those and break up the bigger pieces. So what you end up with is more like sand than ashes.
My neighbor's mother-in-law was cremated when she passed. My neighbor called me to come over and look at the ashes with her. She felt something was wrong with them. When I got there, she had them spread out on their kitchen table and was going through them with a spoon! I admit, I was a bit weirded out that she didn't put down a disposable plastic bag first or anything to keep them from being in contact with the table top where she fed her family. She wanted help spooning through the ashes and pulling out anything that she didn't think belonged in there. There were large metal staples and I explained that these were undoubtedly from the box that her MIL was put into before being placed in the cremation chamber. They don't just put a bare body in there. She accepted that and we removed them. That was the extent of my knowledge though. Then she found these bits of hardened blue blobs. We pulled them out into a pile and she wanted to know what they were. I had no idea so I ended up calling a funeral home that performed cremations to ask some questions for her. It turned out that the blue blobs were because her MIL had artificial breasts. The blue bits were what was left of them when they melted. She also wanted to know why they were more like sand and not actual ashes. The funeral home explained that the remains were more sand-like because of the bones in our bodies. People hear "ashes" and tend to think of the ashes in their fireplace, but they are more like beach sand. My neighbor's husband came home as we were pulling out the blue bits from the ashes. I was horrified that he had to see this. He asked what we were doing and his wife just said that the stuff on the table was his mom and that we were pulling out any weird stuff. He just nodded and got a soda and left the room. After we had removed anything my neighbor objected to from the pile, she tossed those into the kitchen trash and used her bare hands to scoop the remaining ashes back into the container that she had purchased to put on her mantle. There was residual matter left on the table and she just grabbed a wet cloth from the sink and wiped the table down, then rinsed her MIL off the cloth and into the sink. I went home a bit dizzy from her nonchalant attitude. It was my first experience seeing human remains that had been cremated. I have a titanium rod in my left leg. I told my DD that after I'm cremated, she can have it for a towel bar.
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Post by miominmio on Jun 29, 2021 19:08:51 GMT
You need to check out the Scottish rules before making a descision. My impression is that most European countries have stricter rules about spreading ashes than the US. There are actually a rules about human remains and ashes in the US as well. When you get your loved ones ashes, they really are not just ashes. Many times small bits and pieces of bones and skull are in the ashes. I've heard vague rumors that some crematoriums will sift those and break up the bigger pieces. So what you end up with is more like sand than ashes.
Cremation does save some money, but there are still a lot of expenses that remain the same as in funerals. Then for some religions, there are other considerations to take care of that add to the expense.
I've heard, most of the time, the cost of a funeral is not something people want to skimp on when dealing with it for a loved one. Which gives you something to think about.
In my country, their ashes won’t be handed over to you. Spreading ashes is illegal (with two minor exceptions), and your can’t keep them at home either.
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 29, 2021 19:24:57 GMT
So do you family a favor. Express your wishes and have them in writing! That way they know. They can say "This is exactly what Mom wanted" .. it makes a difference. Spending 5K to 20K is just nuts. YES!! Tell your loved ones NOW!When my brother died in 2009, we already knew he wanted cremation and no funeral. We had an awesome "celebration of life" party with tons of photos, & people shared their favorite memories. Same with our Mom. We also already know that Dad wants us to have a party, and to be cremated, and NO "sad, depressing funeral" (his words).
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Post by katlady on Jun 29, 2021 19:34:38 GMT
There are actually a rules about human remains and ashes in the US as well. When you get your loved ones ashes, they really are not just ashes. Many times small bits and pieces of bones and skull are in the ashes. I've heard vague rumors that some crematoriums will sift those and break up the bigger pieces. So what you end up with is more like sand than ashes.
My neighbor's mother-in-law was cremated when she passed. My neighbor called me to come over and look at the ashes with her. She felt something was wrong with them. When I got there, she had them spread out on their kitchen table and was going through them with a spoon! I admit, I was a bit weirded out that she didn't put down a disposable plastic bag first or anything to keep them from being in contact with the table top where she fed her family. She wanted help spooning through the ashes and pulling out anything that she didn't think belonged in there. There were large metal staples and I explained that these were undoubtedly from the box that her MIL was put into before being placed in the cremation chamber. They don't just put a bare body in there. She accepted that and we removed them. That was the extent of my knowledge though. Then she found these bits of hardened blue blobs. We pulled them out into a pile and she wanted to know what they were. I had no idea so I ended up calling a funeral home that performed cremations to ask some questions for her. It turned out that the blue blobs were because her MIL had artificial breasts. The blue bits were what was left of them when they melted. She also wanted to know why they were more like sand and not actual ashes. The funeral home explained that the remains were more sand-like because of the bones in our bodies. People hear "ashes" and tend to think of the ashes in their fireplace, but they are more like beach sand. My neighbor's husband came home as we were pulling out the blue bits from the ashes. I was horrified that he had to see this. He asked what we were doing and his wife just said that the stuff on the table was his mom and that we were pulling out any weird stuff. He just nodded and got a soda and left the room. After we had removed anything my neighbor objected to from the pile, she tossed those into the kitchen trash and used her bare hands to scoop the remaining ashes back into the container that she had purchased to put on her mantle. There was residual matter left on the table and she just grabbed a wet cloth from the sink and wiped the table down, then rinsed her MIL off the cloth and into the sink. I went home a bit dizzy from her nonchalant attitude. It was my first experience seeing human remains that had been cremated. I don’t know if I am more disturbed by the fact she shifted through the ashes on a kitchen table, or that she wiped down the table afterwards with a rag and rinsed it off. 😂
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 29, 2021 19:37:06 GMT
Unfortunately I do. Lost DH and my Dad w/in 3 months of each other in '19 I hate to imagine how horribly painful that is ! I'm so very sorry !!!! just to have her cremated was $5000. That's not including the paperwork fees, the service, etc My precious brother's cremation (2009) was only about $1,000.00---this was in Maryland. Maybe there were extra fees I've forgotten, though. From this thread, I'm surprised it wasn't more; especially in a state with such a high cost of living!
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Post by colleen on Jun 29, 2021 19:39:45 GMT
I don’t care if there is a funeral for me, I have $10,000 designated in my will for my family to have a funeral or a party or to go on vacation. I told ds and dil to have me cremated and to put me in my Louis Vuitton. I told dil to put me in a ziploc bag so she can use the purse.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Jun 29, 2021 19:42:38 GMT
I’m somewhat surprised to hear about the objects and large fragments found in cremains. Generally, before cremation, the family is asked about implants (dental and other) . Pace makers must be removed prior to cremation. After cremation, metal objects are removed by magnetically scanning the body and also a visual inspection occurs for removing any non-bone items. The remaining cremated remains are then processed (pulverized) into coarse tiny fragments. These crematoriums sound a little sketchy to me!
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Jun 29, 2021 19:44:42 GMT
Nuts! I told them I want a plain pine box. Well...apparently those go for $1800. My hubby could build one for $100 tops. Those plain pine boxes aren't even that plain! I was very surprised at the prices and how ornate a so called plain casket can be. We are in the process of arranging a pre-paid funeral for my dad. He has not passed but is in his 80s and not in good health. Fortunately, the plot has already been purchased.
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Post by colleen on Jun 29, 2021 19:45:36 GMT
I wanted to add that ds and dil understand my nonchalant attitude and that Inwant them to do what is best for them. Dh has already stated that he is taking the party option if I go first and will play country music in my honor. My dad used to say that he wanted to be ground up into meatballs and fed to the birds. Luckily in his will it specifies cremation. That could have gotten messy.
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Post by keesha on Jun 29, 2021 20:06:05 GMT
It is my understanding the remains can also have ashes from the other bodies they cremated unless you pay extra to have the oven cleaned beforehand. You can also pay extra to watch it done.
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Post by MissBianca on Jun 29, 2021 20:07:50 GMT
Lost my mom in 2018. Cremation, plot, memorial service, and all the little details etc. $9000. I just paid for the small and simple headstone, that was $2100.
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 29, 2021 20:08:28 GMT
I have a titanium rod in my left leg. I told my DD that after I'm cremated, she can have it for a towel bar. I have $10,000 designated in my will for my family to have a funeral or a party or to go on vacation. I told ds and dil to have me cremated and to put me in my Louis Vuitton. I told dil to put me in a ziploc bag so she can use the purse. My dad used to say that he wanted to be ground up into meatballs and fed to the birds. Luckily in his will it specifies cremation. That could have gotten messy. Thank you for the comic relief with such a sad topic! My Dad just turned 90 and has a GREAT sense of humor---I need to share these with him---he will ROFL !!!
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 29, 2021 20:11:22 GMT
It is my understanding the remains can also have ashes from the other bodies they cremated unless you pay extra to have the oven cleaned beforehand. You can also pay extra to watch it done. OMG! I still hate remembering seeing my precious brother dead under a sheet---there is NO WAY I could have watched that!
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Post by scrappintoee on Jun 29, 2021 20:22:08 GMT
(( hugs )) to everyone who is grieving !!!
DEX ....oh, I'm sorry for all you went through! I would NOT have been able to handle seeing a piece of my brother's clothing in his ashes! I'm glad your Dad didn't see it, but I'm so sorry you did! Lexica .... Wow! I cannot even imagine !!! Did you have nightmares after that? I don’t know if I am more disturbed by the fact she shifted through the ashes on a kitchen table, or that she wiped down the table afterwards with a rag and rinsed it off. 😂 IK, R? I have a dark humor story, too. My sister and I were putting Mom's ashes in her back seat. We realized we should secure the box with a seat belt in case of a collision. But I reminded her that Mom HATED seat belts, so we should just let her be "free" in the back seat. Then we surprised ourselves by laughing our heads off! (*nothing like that weird, un-stoppable, inappropriate laughter when you're deeply grieving and sooo tired of crying).
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