|
|
Post by shanniebananie on Jul 6, 2021 0:33:17 GMT
Please, please, PLEASE do not leave your heirs without an up-to date will (or god forbid, no will) and a house full of stuff that your heirs have to sift through before selling the house. Please leave ALL of your vital financial and electronic information with a responsible individual and put ALL of your post-death wishes in WRITING.
My FIL passed in May and my MIL passed a few years ago. They were pretty organized and had most of their affairs in order but we still ended up going through probate due to miscommunication before he passed. We are now on the hook for all of his bills until his monies are freed up - thankfully it should be sometime this month.
In the meantime, we are going through their house and it is such a LONG process. How many towels and linens, sets of dishes, etc does one family need?
If you are still able to do so, please start going through your stuff now and either handing it off to your heirs or donating it. Any thing you are able to do now will be very much appreciated.
Thankfully, we see they light at the end of the tunnel and should be able to put the house up soon.
Does anyone have any thing else to add that one can do to make this process easier? Believe me, I am asking my parents to do all of this.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jul 6, 2021 0:48:51 GMT
Passwords for everything. It helped my dad kept them in an address book.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 20:41:53 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2021 0:57:10 GMT
We have often told our kids that the first thing we will leave them is sanity in dealing w/our affairs. That means will, wishes, paperwork access, fin. info, etc.
So agree.
|
|
|
|
Post by shanniebananie on Jul 6, 2021 0:58:33 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by dnkmmw on Jul 6, 2021 1:01:06 GMT
My mom died inApril and my brother and I are dealing with this now. She did have a will but obtaining the original was incredibly stressful. My parents didn’t have a lot but my mom did ensure that my brother and I were beneficiaries on her checking/saving accounts and her life insurance. By doing this, neither of those things needed to go through the estate and we had access to money immediately.
|
|
|
|
Post by lisae on Jul 6, 2021 1:11:52 GMT
If you are planning to age in place, tell your children everything you can think about regarding your home. Keep a list of repair people you use so they will know who to contact when problems arise. This is particularly helpful if your children do not live in your area. I can't tell you the number of times I wished I could ask my dad things about the house. Mother either didn't know or didn't remember who did what repair. She called me at 6 am one day to come help her with a broken pipe. I spent 30 minutes hunting the main water cutoff and finally had to break down and call my cousin who I knew had worked in the home. My dad would have known where it was.
Have beneficiaries on all your accounts. Have a living will and talk to your children about what you want and don't want regarding your care. This isn't a one-time conversation. Your wishes may change as you age and different health conditions arise.
I also wish I knew more about the history of some of the objects in my parents house. You would think since I live close by and was around them so much I would know but I don't about many things. If there is something that has a special story behind it, share that with your child/heir. They may choose to keep the object or sell it but at least they will know its history.
If you have multiple children/heirs, leave a list of who gets what heirlooms.
|
|
ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,501 
|
Post by ellen on Jul 6, 2021 1:43:05 GMT
It took a long time, but we finally got my dad to take care of this. He seemed to think that when he died it would all just get divided equally and it wouldn't be a big deal. Fortunately a couple of his good friends got their estates in order and they were happy with how it went. My dad then did it too. We will have to sift through all of his stuff. That's just the way it is. It helps that I don't want anything.
We met with a lawyer recently. Our daughters are six years apart in age. One just got married and lives about 1200 miles away. The other is 18 and just starting college. We don't trust the older daughter and her husband to look out for the younger one. I don't think they'd willingly screw her over, but I think they would think it was ok for an 18 year old to say that she doesn't want the lake cabin and they'd happily write her out of it. We have written everything up in a way that protects the younger one.
Hopefully we'll be around for a long time.
|
|
|
|
Post by SweetieBugs on Jul 6, 2021 2:47:34 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
|
|
|
|
Post by papersilly on Jul 6, 2021 2:53:56 GMT
I'd leave a living trust instead of a will so my heirs don't have to worry about the time and expense of probate.
|
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jul 6, 2021 2:55:29 GMT
I wish I could get this through to my parents. It will be a nightmare when they pass.
My inlaws have it done to the best of my knowledge. Fil showed me their binders and dh is the executor.
Dh and I have wills, but I am rethinking my oldest (20) getting any $ right now as he is extremely irresponsible
|
|
|
|
Post by volunteergirl on Jul 6, 2021 3:14:24 GMT
Oh my gosh, yes yes a thousand times yes! We are cleaning out my MIL’s house and the sheer amount of stuff we have donated is staggering.
Please don’t leave it for your kids to do.
Recently she was hospitalized and unable to make her own decisions. We had no clue what she wanted because she would never tell us when we asked. She pulled through but still won’t let us know her wishes.
|
|
|
|
Post by calgaryscrapper on Jul 6, 2021 3:17:55 GMT
My in-laws planned and paid for everything related to their funeral and internment a few years before they passed away. They saved a lot of money doing this. When fil passed it was so nice that everything was pre-planned.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 6, 2021 3:26:40 GMT
I wish I could get this through to my parents. It will be a nightmare when they pass. My inlaws have it done to the best of my knowledge. Fil showed me their binders and dh is the executor. Dh and I have wills, but I am rethinking my oldest (20) getting any $ right now as he is extremely irresponsible We tried so many times to get my mom to make her wishes known and she didn’t want to deal with it. After she passed, it was a total nightmare and probate took over four years because several of my siblings were greedy and fought the process tooth and nail. freecharlie if you set up a trust you can stipulate that money can be doled out gradually over time if one or more of your beneficiaries might not handle it responsibly. DH’s grandparents had their money in a trust that specified if DH and his sister inherited, they would get so much at age 21, another chunk at 25 and the rest at age 30. There were other things noted that money could be paid out to pay off a certain amount of student loan debt, that kind of thing. |
|
|
|
Post by quinlove on Jul 6, 2021 3:27:11 GMT
((( sweetiebugs ))) You’re not alone. You’ve always got all of us. ❤️
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Jul 6, 2021 4:15:16 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you’re likely still deeply grieving which is why you feel you have no future. Be gentle with yourself but try to get involved with something worthwhile to you. Whether that means walking dogs or volunteering at the local shelter. 55 is too young to stop living life. |
|
|
|
Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 6, 2021 5:39:42 GMT
If you have the title "free and clear" for a vehicle, you can add a "transfer on death" beneficary to it.
|
|
|
|
Post by ntsf on Jul 6, 2021 6:03:51 GMT
my parents had to deal with taking apart three houses of relatives that each had lived in over 20-75 yrs. as soon as they retired, they downsided into a condo. and got rid of a lot.
they have always had wills set up and such. my dad was widowed 20 yrs ago.. over the last 7-8 yrs, my dad has worked on "the last chapter".. list of all property and money accounts, pre written obituaries, lists of whom to inform, where stuff is. etc.
I retype it for him almost every time and visit.
I have helped him clear out a lot of stuff from his condo.. so it is not totally stuffed. my brother just took over all his financial accounts (we control them, he has access). so we are going to do ok when he dies. he is 95 and lives alone.
we have actually started collecting our own "last chapter" info in a folder, though not as extensive.
my dh also knows all about his mom's finances. she is 94 and also lives along.
|
|
spoonpea
Shy Member
Posts: 27
|
Post by spoonpea on Jul 6, 2021 6:43:25 GMT
What determines whether a death has to go through probate?
My father passed several years ago so mom prepaid for her funeral at the same time. She sold her home and moved into apartment, does not drive, put my sister and me on her checking/savings accounts and we are beneficiaries on her retirement account. We know her final wishes. I think we have everything covered, but I don’t understand the probate process.
Fran
|
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Jul 6, 2021 11:36:16 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
I’m so sorry. You don’t need to do all this now as detailed as has been mentioned. But if you have children you need something in place. An executor of your will, a guardian for your children, who inherits your items. You can always work on the rest later. I am going to call someone about setting up a trust for my kids. I’m still getting questions together. They are older, youngest is 16 and the others are adults. |
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jul 6, 2021 13:51:29 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
I'm sorry. Of course you are still struggling, it's still all so new! I think you should have your financial affairs in order. I'd suggest a living revocable trust. It's easy to set up with a lawyer. You can avoid probate this way. I wouldn't worry about having too many possessions at 55. You are in the process of creating a new life. Focus on making it the best life you can! You are still young. You have at least 30 years left, on average, so enjoy them. |
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Jul 6, 2021 14:15:18 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
I'm sorry. Of course you are still struggling, it's still all so new! I think you should have your financial affairs in order. I'd suggest a living revocable trust. It's easy to set up with a lawyer. You can avoid probate this way. I wouldn't worry about having too many possessions at 55. You are in the process of creating a new life. Focus on making it the best life you can! You are still young. You have at least 30 years left, on average, so enjoy them. You are in grief and will be in deep grief likely for a while. My aunt went through exactly this at your age and prepared for death. It has been over twenty years now and she is still not doing anything I would describe as living. You have many years ahead of you—I hope you find a way to have a good new chapter. I am so sorry. |
|
|
|
Post by tyra on Jul 6, 2021 14:22:09 GMT
All wonderful suggestions. My ILs are on top of things, to the point that they gave gone and paid for their headstones, picked out their plots, etc. They just did that a few weeks ago. My mother? Eh... she is a not quite as organized, but I don't think it will be too bad, other than going through her massive house. Then there is my father. Who is so incredibly unorganized, has policies everywhere but can't remember half of them  Thankfully, he actually IS starting to go through his home and sell/get rid of things. I think I am going to buy both of my parents the Peace of Mind planner linked above (Thanks @shanniebananie) and get one for DH and I. |
|
milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,429
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
|
Post by milocat on Jul 6, 2021 14:28:13 GMT
Having someone listed on your bills as having authority to also make decisions makes it easy to close up accounts when the time comes. Also makes it easy to inquire about stuff on their behalf while they are still around. I helped my grandma set up a new satellite provider since it's all so confusing and when she passed I just called and canceled in minutes. They also made her main account a joint account with my dad since he was the only child living here.
|
|
bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,521
|
Post by bethany102399 on Jul 6, 2021 14:31:49 GMT
Please please Please make sure your bank accounts have payable upon death attached to them. Or you could find yourself standing IN the bank with 4 pieces of paperwork all stating that you have the legal right to close the account and the bank person will tell you we need "estate documents". You then get to pay an estate lawyer an obscene amount of money to draft the piece that the bank needs to release the funds to you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 6, 2021 14:55:09 GMT
What determines whether a death has to go through probate? My father passed several years ago so mom prepaid for her funeral at the same time. She sold her home and moved into apartment, does not drive, put my sister and me on her checking/savings accounts and we are beneficiaries on her retirement account. We know her final wishes. I think we have everything covered, but I don’t understand the probate process. Fran Every state is different. Most have a process to avoid probate for small estates, but you need to look at the specifics of your state. If she has no real estate and her other accounts are POD, it's very possible you will not have to go through probate. |
|
|
|
Post by beaglemom on Jul 6, 2021 14:59:46 GMT
We are so dreading the nightmare that is going to come when my inlaws die. They are 77 and 79 and have decided to do a multi-million dollar remodel on a house that should have been bulldozed 40+ years ago. They have a house and multiple storage units packed to the gills with stuff. Their only "plan" is that fil will die and mil will move in with her favorite daughter. The favorite daughter knows it would destroy her marriage. The selfishness of some people astounds me.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Jul 6, 2021 15:23:58 GMT
SweetieBugs, you have suffered a major loss, but you are still young and have a lot of life left to live. Time to find some things to do that will give you meaning and even happiness. My advice is that death brings out the greed and hatred within families. You need a trusted estate lawyer to help you set up your will/trust and you need to understand the probate process, marshalling the assets, life insurance rules, etc. I went through a nightmare and my advice is that no amount of money is worth the stress and grief of dealing w/greedy relatives.
|
|
katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
|
Post by katybee on Jul 6, 2021 15:29:54 GMT
I'd leave a living trust instead of a will so my heirs don't have to worry about the time and expense of probate. This is what my mother did and everything was so easy (the estate part, at least…) |
|
caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,452
Location: So Cal
|
Post by caangel on Jul 6, 2021 16:24:04 GMT
My DH and his dad were chatting about this over the weekend. ILs have a lot of assets and have been working with an estate planner for a long time. The estate planner recomended "it is better to give with a warm hand than a cold one". Meaning to give while you are alive. Obviously this is situational depending on value of the items but something to consider, especially with "stuff".
My dad's side of the family never had much but did fine. When my grandparents passed there were a couple of kids that were upset with the division of stuff and didn't speak to others for years. It was really sad, especially as it was over sentimental items and nothing of monetary value. I can't imagine the drama that can occur when there is a large monetary value being divided.
|
|
hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,613
Location: Adelaide, Australia
|
Post by hannahruth on Jul 8, 2021 14:31:09 GMT
At what age do you think someone should be planning for this? I was widowed last year very unexpectedly and it certainly made me feel like I have no future at all. However, I was widowed at 54 and while I feel the best of my life has already been lived, I need to try to make something of my future. I don't think packing it all in is necessary at this time, but I do find myself trying to pare down my belongings. It's just sad and depressing to do that without my husband. It still feels too hard to make any big changes.
54 goodness you are still young (coming from a nearly 67 year old). You still have a lot of living to do and I'm sure that there will be things in your life that will bring you joy. Without your DH I understand that it is sad and depressing and life is different but you can't give up on living. In regards to packing up and/or parring down slowly does it. There is no rule book to do this and while you may begin the task there is nothing to say that there is a specific time frame to complete it. Just do what you can without feeling overwhelmed with it. Choose a small task and begin with that and then move on. Thing of you at this difficult time. |
|
Thankfully, he actually IS starting to go through his home and sell/get rid of things. I think I am going to buy both of my parents the Peace of Mind planner linked above (Thanks @shanniebananie) and get one for DH and I. 
_on_the_beach.jpg)
