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Post by cmpeter on Sept 21, 2021 3:06:36 GMT
We spend the same amount now that they are living together. Her mom sort of ignores her and her father passed away. We adore her and it’s a pleasure to treat her
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 21, 2021 14:08:54 GMT
If they are living together and sharing household expenses I would treat them as married. Something personal for him, something personal for her and something they can use/do together. I don’t think the cost of each person’s thing needs to necessarily be exactly equal as long as it’s something the person really wants and will use or like. Many times the things I would really love to get aren’t expensive things, but no one will buy them for me. It’s weird.
My in-laws were terrible at gifting. I take that back, FIL was okay but MIL was really, really bad. I wouldn’t have cared at all what a gift cost as long as it was something that some thought went into. Thankfully she gave everyone crappy gifts so I didn’t feel singled out, LOL.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 21, 2021 15:00:45 GMT
At 20 and 18 they're way too young to even know what will happen over the next few years. Give her fun stuff to open, and inclue her, but your ds would naturally have more expensive gifts. I wouldn't spend a lot of money this time.
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Sept 21, 2021 18:24:06 GMT
I would assume it’s a serious relationship since they live together. My plan is to be close to equal when my kids get to that point. If they stay together, there’s a good chance that she’ll be picking out your gifts in the future (or maybe that’s just me?😊) How would you want to be treated when that happens?
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Post by littlemama on Sept 21, 2021 18:44:10 GMT
I guess it depends. Have they been together for a long time? You said they are sharing a room in an apartment, which makes it seem more like a convenience/financial thing than a true love thing.
I think I wouldnt spend as much. You mentioned spending 200 on your ds. I might spend 75-100 on the gf if they have been together a while.
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Post by kraft4fun on Sept 21, 2021 18:55:00 GMT
All 3 are married, they did all live together 2+ years before marrying and we have never spent a holiday together. All 3 live in different states. Now they all have children and we buy for the grands and have it delivered to their homes but we do not exchange for the adults. Not a big deal, everyone works and buys what they want all year so for our family, Christmas is for the kids and it works.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
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Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Sept 21, 2021 20:08:58 GMT
They live together, I would spend the same amount on both.
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Deleted
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Jun 16, 2024 3:29:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2021 21:09:16 GMT
I think equal amounts each and something joint to share like chocolates.
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Post by cindytred on Sept 21, 2021 21:13:42 GMT
(as the girlfriend) My boyfriends parents ask me for a want and get that. I'll add that I don't like people spending money on me though so that's definitely a difference -- I'd much rather they spend the money on themselves. Last year I asked for a bunch of stuff from The Ordinary, all in all was probably ~$40. I expected his mom to pick a few things but she ended up grabbing everything. I was super happy and thankful. Previous years we've both asked for Disney gift cards to help pay for trips.. those have been $200-300 at different times. I don't think ensuring things are even is necessary when you're getting something from a persons 'want' list ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I totally agree. When my dad was married to my step mom she would give us (me, my 3 bros, her 2 sons and their wives) all the same thing. The same thing for the guys and the same thing for all the girls. It upset me. It wasn't personal. Plus, a gift from my parents was all I was going to get for Christmas at the time - but her daughters-in-law were going to get gifts from their parents too. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Sept 22, 2021 0:34:56 GMT
At 20 and 18 they're way too young to even know what will happen over the next few years. Give her fun stuff to open, and inclue her, but your ds would naturally have more expensive gifts. I wouldn't spend a lot of money this time. This viewpoint always makes me laugh - you do you and seriously no judgement. But I met my husband when I was 19 and knew he was my partner for life. 27 years later- I knew EXACTLY what would happen over the next few years. Hey I get it - the stats on young marriage make it very, very unlikely - most haven't a clue - but on the off chance my kids really DO see their partner for life- I'm not going to start off as an adversary - christmas gifts are just way too minor in the grand scheme of things to be nothing but generous and welcoming - if it's not a match - so be it - it's just so, so not a time to antagonize someone who may be very important to my kid.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 22, 2021 1:53:04 GMT
At 20 and 18 they're way too young to even know what will happen over the next few years. Give her fun stuff to open, and inclue her, but your ds would naturally have more expensive gifts. I wouldn't spend a lot of money this time. This viewpoint always makes me laugh - you do you and seriously no judgement. But I met my husband when I was 19 and knew he was my partner for life. 27 years later- I knew EXACTLY what would happen over the next few years. Hey I get it - the stats on young marriage make it very, very unlikely - most haven't a clue - but on the off chance my kids really DO see their partner for life- I'm not going to start off as an adversary - christmas gifts are just way too minor in the grand scheme of things to be nothing but generous and welcoming - if it's not a match - so be it - it's just so, so not a time to antagonize someone who may be very important to my kid. I have you beat. I have been w/my dh since we were 15. Granted we took 4 years off. We've been together seriously for 36 years and on and off 4 years before that. I totally get what you're saying.
BTW-my yds had a gf from high school. They were together 3.5 years and I spoiled her rotten. I think I'm jaded, because I miss her terribly. I get exactly what you're saying.
Wait. I think we are supposed to get into fisticuffs, but I like you too much to do so.
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kate
Drama Llama
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Post by kate on Sept 22, 2021 2:12:26 GMT
It feels weird to me to think so hard about the dollar amount. If the gf is spending Christmas with your family, then I guess I'd make sure she has something more than a generic pair of gloves to open LOL, but making it "equal" to your kids... I dunno.
I never felt slighted at having a smaller gift than DH from his parents - I honestly don't remember comparing (not even sure what he got over the years). My parents give the IL children thoughtful gifts - I don't think they'd pick something big just to make it "fair". At this point, we've all been married so long that we really are family, anyway.
I would be careful of getting a gift that felt emotionally laden (e.g. fine jewelry or an heirloom) for a young, not-quite-IL.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 22, 2021 3:24:24 GMT
I guess it depends. Have they been together for a long time? You said they are sharing a room in an apartment, which makes it seem more like a convenience/financial thing than a true love thing. I think I wouldnt spend as much. You mentioned spending 200 on your ds. I might spend 75-100 on the gf if they have been together a while. I think they have been together for about 2.5 years....since feb 2019.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Sept 22, 2021 3:33:32 GMT
This viewpoint always makes me laugh - you do you and seriously no judgement. But I met my husband when I was 19 and knew he was my partner for life. 27 years later- I knew EXACTLY what would happen over the next few years. Hey I get it - the stats on young marriage make it very, very unlikely - most haven't a clue - but on the off chance my kids really DO see their partner for life- I'm not going to start off as an adversary - christmas gifts are just way too minor in the grand scheme of things to be nothing but generous and welcoming - if it's not a match - so be it - it's just so, so not a time to antagonize someone who may be very important to my kid. I have you beat. I have been w/my dh since we were 15. Granted we took 4 years off. We've been together seriously for 36 years and on and off 4 years before that. I totally get what you're saying.
BTW-my yds had a gf from high school. They were together 3.5 years and I spoiled her rotten. I think I'm jaded, because I miss her terribly. I get exactly what you're saying.
Wait. I think we are supposed to get into fisticuffs, but I like you too much to do so.
I hear you! I'm pretty sure I'm biased by my absolute love for my dd's bf. He's my second son, and I'm pretty has ruined my for all other significant others lol! Fisticuffs at noon - in 2 years!
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