Updated 11.28 - Today - Very, very awful news.
Oct 18, 2021 15:11:09 GMT
Montannie, lucyg, and 25 more like this
Post by Really Red on Oct 18, 2021 15:11:09 GMT
Update: Thank you all so much for your kind words. They really mean a lot to me. I read everyone's kind responses and they made me cry all over again.
The past weeks have been hard. My therapist tells me to compartmentalize, which has helped and yet made me feel guilty as well. I am working a lot in order to stop thinking so much. My girls live in Europe and are back home. They are struggling as well. I have a wonderful group of friends here. They are young moms who come over every single Monday night and they talk about their lives and they make me stop thinking about mine. It is exactly what I need. Another young mom (people who have the least amount of time and are giving so much of themselves!) walks with me at 6am every morning. I missed walking so much, but I cannot be any place where I can think. She has made the starts to my days so much less painful than before
People who are my age are so empathetic and sympathetic that it sometimes makes it worse. I find it easier to be in groups. I was invited to so many homes for Thanksgiving, but asked a good friend if I could host. I thought if I cooked all day, I'd keep my mind off things. It didn't work great, but I did make the best turkey I have ever eaten (who knew injecting a ridiculous amount of butter into a turkey made turkey actually delicious?). I decided to go to Europe for Christmas. I have to see my Swiss family and the girls and I rented an Airbnb in Berner Oberland and we are just going to chill with each other and see the family on Christmas.
I heard from one organ donor's family (normally, it is about 6 months until we hear) and she was a teenager. Her family wrote the most beautiful letter about their daughter and how grateful they were that she has another chance at life. I am so very grateful that the family wrote me.
I have also received more books on grief than seem possible. Please don't send people books on grief. One of my cousins sent one book and said "here are a lot of humorous stories..." WTF? Another one wrote "you are not unfamiliar with grief and you know it will pass." Prior grief includes my parents who had an entire life and then passed away. No equivalent. I still grieve my parents and wish they were here, but there is simply no comparison. OTOH, 95% of people do the right thing. They say the right thing and they say it sucks and it's awful. Even though people who haven't had this loss cannot know it, I believe that any parent can imagine the horror, so when any of you write - or any of my friends say - that it is so awful, I do know they understand and empathize.
People want me to be the person I was prior to my son's passing, because I was always filled with joy. I just do not know that I can ever be that person again. I miss talking with my son. He had insights into everything. He was passionate about changing the world and he listened to everyone. There were very few topics I could broach that he wasn't well-versed on.
Again, thank you so much for all your kind words.
Andrea
*****
Today I am washing my child's clothes for the last time. It is so hard I cannot stand it. I cannot believe that my 21-year-old baby is gone.
My beautiful, bright, shining red-headed giant of a boy. Over the past weeks all I have heard from truly hundreds of people is how much he touched their lives. He never saw an animal he didn't stop to pet or a person he didn't stop to help. I'll never hear his laugh or see his smile or hear him say "Mom" again. I'll never "dance our ballet" again. I held his hand as he took his last breath and his final wishes were that others could have the chance he couldn't have. He saved four lives and helped nearly 100 others with his organ and tissue donations. And my life is just completely lost.
I want you to know how brave he was. How strong he was. How much he cared for people who didn't have as much as he had. He was always giving of himself even though it was so very hard for him.
I am trying so hard not to be angry at the people on this site who equate a child's life to an animal's life, but I simply beg of you - even if you really believe it - not to say it out loud anymore. I adore my pets, but there is no pain equivalent to losing your own child. I would not have hesitated one second - not one single second - to give my life for his.
My hopes and dreams for the future are gone. My joy is gone.
The past weeks have been hard. My therapist tells me to compartmentalize, which has helped and yet made me feel guilty as well. I am working a lot in order to stop thinking so much. My girls live in Europe and are back home. They are struggling as well. I have a wonderful group of friends here. They are young moms who come over every single Monday night and they talk about their lives and they make me stop thinking about mine. It is exactly what I need. Another young mom (people who have the least amount of time and are giving so much of themselves!) walks with me at 6am every morning. I missed walking so much, but I cannot be any place where I can think. She has made the starts to my days so much less painful than before
People who are my age are so empathetic and sympathetic that it sometimes makes it worse. I find it easier to be in groups. I was invited to so many homes for Thanksgiving, but asked a good friend if I could host. I thought if I cooked all day, I'd keep my mind off things. It didn't work great, but I did make the best turkey I have ever eaten (who knew injecting a ridiculous amount of butter into a turkey made turkey actually delicious?). I decided to go to Europe for Christmas. I have to see my Swiss family and the girls and I rented an Airbnb in Berner Oberland and we are just going to chill with each other and see the family on Christmas.
I heard from one organ donor's family (normally, it is about 6 months until we hear) and she was a teenager. Her family wrote the most beautiful letter about their daughter and how grateful they were that she has another chance at life. I am so very grateful that the family wrote me.
I have also received more books on grief than seem possible. Please don't send people books on grief. One of my cousins sent one book and said "here are a lot of humorous stories..." WTF? Another one wrote "you are not unfamiliar with grief and you know it will pass." Prior grief includes my parents who had an entire life and then passed away. No equivalent. I still grieve my parents and wish they were here, but there is simply no comparison. OTOH, 95% of people do the right thing. They say the right thing and they say it sucks and it's awful. Even though people who haven't had this loss cannot know it, I believe that any parent can imagine the horror, so when any of you write - or any of my friends say - that it is so awful, I do know they understand and empathize.
People want me to be the person I was prior to my son's passing, because I was always filled with joy. I just do not know that I can ever be that person again. I miss talking with my son. He had insights into everything. He was passionate about changing the world and he listened to everyone. There were very few topics I could broach that he wasn't well-versed on.
Again, thank you so much for all your kind words.
Andrea
*****
Today I am washing my child's clothes for the last time. It is so hard I cannot stand it. I cannot believe that my 21-year-old baby is gone.
My beautiful, bright, shining red-headed giant of a boy. Over the past weeks all I have heard from truly hundreds of people is how much he touched their lives. He never saw an animal he didn't stop to pet or a person he didn't stop to help. I'll never hear his laugh or see his smile or hear him say "Mom" again. I'll never "dance our ballet" again. I held his hand as he took his last breath and his final wishes were that others could have the chance he couldn't have. He saved four lives and helped nearly 100 others with his organ and tissue donations. And my life is just completely lost.
I want you to know how brave he was. How strong he was. How much he cared for people who didn't have as much as he had. He was always giving of himself even though it was so very hard for him.
I am trying so hard not to be angry at the people on this site who equate a child's life to an animal's life, but I simply beg of you - even if you really believe it - not to say it out loud anymore. I adore my pets, but there is no pain equivalent to losing your own child. I would not have hesitated one second - not one single second - to give my life for his.
My hopes and dreams for the future are gone. My joy is gone.
