finaledition
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,896
Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Oct 30, 2021 19:18:05 GMT
When they stopped acknowledging gift with an in person thank you or a card….
(And therefore I no longer feel guilty about it)
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Post by momx1 on Oct 30, 2021 19:33:19 GMT
I’ve tried a couple of times to have the conversation about an age or life event limit, but both my SILs are insistent that we continue. Let me add that my DD (who is 18) is the youngest niece/nephew, they range in age from 18 to 44.
Within the family we have 10 great nieces/nephews and my suggestion was to just purchase gifts for them. I have started doing a joint couples gift for the nieces and nephews who are married, even though the siblings buy for everyone. Buying for everyone was just no longer feasible for us.
I wish I had a positive story of this being addressed. I’ll be watching this thread for ideas on future conversations!
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Oct 30, 2021 20:15:13 GMT
I’ve tried a couple of times to have the conversation about an age or life event limit, but both my SILs are insistent that we continue. Let me add that my DD (who is 18) is the youngest niece/nephew, they range in age from 18 to 44. Within the family we have 10 great nieces/nephews and my suggestion was to just purchase gifts for them. I have started doing a joint couples gift for the nieces and nephews who are married, even though the siblings buy for everyone. Buying for everyone was just no longer feasible for us. I wish I had a positive story of this being addressed. I’ll be watching this thread for ideas on future conversations! I simply can't imagine being trapped in a gift exchange like this. Tell them that you have enjoyed the exchange in the past, but it no longer works for your life. Bring up the expense, the trouble of choosing gifts for so many, the environmental impact of all this gift giving, stress that the important part of Christmas for you is- whatever it is, the dinner, the get together, etc. And then tell them that you are done with the gift exchange. Period, full stop. You will not bring gifts, you will not accept gifts. Suggest a new tradition, whether that is buying for the great nieces/nephews or something else entirely. If they don't respect that and won't compromise, then tell them you will be unable to join them for Christmas. And then do that.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 30, 2021 23:27:57 GMT
Never. I'm 54yo and my 80+yo aunties still buy birthday and Christmas presents for me. They also buy presents for their great nieces and nephews (my and my brother's kids). I won't ever stop buying for my niece and nephews.
I don't buy for my brother or SIL, but we usually give each other our favourite box of chocolates. DSO still buys for his siblings.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 10:30:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2021 23:37:28 GMT
21. And that is the age they can join the adult ornament swap if they choose. My parents and siblings all pick an ornament and swap. Quite fun!
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Post by anniefb on Oct 31, 2021 1:30:45 GMT
My niece is only 8 so I still buy for her but with my godson and his two sisters who are the kids of very good friends, I 'pensioned' them off when they turned 21. I gave them each a generous sum for their 21st birthdays (youngest just turned 21 this month) and that was it. I still buy a family Christmas gift but it's mostly for the parents.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 31, 2021 3:09:33 GMT
Unless I had a very special relationship with someone, the cut off would be high school graduation. If a child didn't write or text or say thank you to my face, that would be the last gift. It would matter the age if they were in elementary school or older. No excuse.
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Post by MZF on Oct 31, 2021 3:23:16 GMT
We sort of quit when they turned 21--we don't see them as often and they are out on their own. I will buy a gift for them if I run across something that just seems perfect (ie) I made my niece a hat and scarf set for her 25th--in purple with black bunnies on them (she has a black bunny pet), and for DDIL( she's a Star Wars fanatic) this year I picked up the Star Wars Advent calendar set and a sheet of SW stamps ( postage stamps) for her birthday. I do buy for my grandkids and don't know if I'll ever stop--LOL.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 31, 2021 3:30:11 GMT
Huge family here--my oldest nephew was born when I was age 10.
I purchased little frou-frou gifts, (never expensive) for the nieces and nephews until they were age 18. My siblings did the same for our son. After I married DH, we gave family gifts to his side of the family. They don't do gifts so we eventually stopped.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,428
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Oct 31, 2021 3:37:35 GMT
I have 2 nieces in one side and 2 nephews on the other side. We don't buy for anyone else besides our 2 DDs. So far only our DDs are of adult age. I would have been fine with buying for "the kids" for awhile into their 20s since they need so much whe they are first starting out. A couple gifts from the aunties and uncles would be nice. But the gravy train is drying up for my girls so it will for ny nieces and nephews.
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Gennifer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,995
Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Oct 31, 2021 3:41:00 GMT
I have 40 nieces and nephews, plus their significant others and kids.
They only get presents for the ”big” ones... graduation, wedding, and bridal/baby shower.
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Post by callmenutz on Oct 31, 2021 4:08:04 GMT
I come from a large family so we never even started with the gift giving except for graduations, weddings and baby showers.
If I didn’t want to participate any longer I would just tell everyone that we will no longer be participating in the gift exchange so please don’t buy anything for our family. Give a reason or don’t, you really don’t owe anyone an explanation. Then tell them to please keep exchanging gifts if they want to and you will enjoy watching them open their gifts.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 31, 2021 4:36:45 GMT
Birthdays stop when graduated from college or 22ish. Christmas stopped when we stopped gathering. I will say if one branch is significantly younger, I'd tread carefully as I've seen a few time the people who enjoyed people gifting their kids when young, suddenly were no longer interested in gift giving when their kids were grown but the siblings kids were still younger. Honestly I've seen it A LOT! So the fact that one of your siblings still has young kids has red flags all over it for me. Welcome to my world.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 31, 2021 4:58:23 GMT
Never. I'm 54yo and my 80+yo aunties still buy birthday and Christmas presents for me. They also buy presents for their great nieces and nephews (my and my brother's kids). I won't ever stop buying for my niece and nephews. I don't buy for my brother or SIL, but we usually give each other our favourite box of chocolates. DSO still buys for his siblings. Do you think it kind of matters how many people a person would have to buy for?Between DH and me, we have 15 nieces and nephews and now at least 8 more in the next generation. If you included us and our siblings, that would be another 9 not even including those who have SO’s. 😳
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,740
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Oct 31, 2021 5:06:40 GMT
All of them, the "cousins" (my kids included) are now adults, my DS21 being the youngest. None have kids. So we all pick names now. One gift to buy amongst us all.
Of course I still buy for my two "kids" and they do for me.
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Post by jenjie on Oct 31, 2021 10:50:42 GMT
shanniebananie“I know my brother will also be resistant to stop the gift buying, mostly because he likes his kids to have a lot of gifts under the tree. They are 16, 13 and 10.” Dh’s sisters both had kids older than ours. Seven of them between the two of them. We bought gifts for each of them every year since they were born. Our kids were young when they said “no more gifts” and it kind of felt like ours got ripped off. We got over ourselves after that first year and we were relieved too not to keep buying for so many. But there may be hurt feelings, esp for the 10 yo.
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Post by Sharon on Oct 31, 2021 12:15:19 GMT
We stopped when they graduated from high school. We bought for one nephew's kids for several years but stopped when we didn't even receive an acknowledgment of the gifts. We didn't even know if they received them. I wasn't looking for a thank you but just to know they arrived safely.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,924
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Oct 31, 2021 12:27:32 GMT
My policy has been when they started their own family.
So, when a niece or nephew got married or had a child, I quit. If they had a child, the grand niece or nephew started getting presents.
I think this year I’m done with it all though (might start another thread for this story)
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Post by refugeepea on Oct 31, 2021 12:40:56 GMT
I became an aunt at 12 so basically never. I have over 20 nieces and nephews, no idea on the greats. Not enough money in the budget for that.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 31, 2021 13:27:17 GMT
Once they graduated from high school they are off the list. That is what our families did, too. We eventually stopped drawing names with the adults, so I only gave gifts to our parents. I did stop buying a little early for DH's nephews that were out of state. I'd have to call to find out if they received their packages. The heck with that. We have 14 nieces and nephews, so it was a lot! To those of you who have family members that are resistant to stopping the gift buying, just say what you plan to do this Christmas right now. They don't have to agree with you. You do what works for you.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,034
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Oct 31, 2021 14:26:43 GMT
My nephews are 12, 17, and 18. I only have 3 nephews and I don't have any kids of my own. They have been a huge part of my life. My sister does not have a stable life- she has lost her job several times. I have been the financial support for them multiple times and at one point they were living with me a few days a week.
So my answer? I will never stop getting them gifts. If I had 8 nephews and I wasn't close to them and had kids of my own I probably wouldn't have the same answer.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 31, 2021 14:45:12 GMT
When all the kids started to ask for gift certificates because they didn't really want anything specific, we all agreed to stop the gift giving and just give our own kids the gift certificates. This happened around age 13, as I recall.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Oct 31, 2021 15:49:05 GMT
Honestly, I wish DH would stop buying for his grandkids. He's never invited to a party or over for dinner or to see a school show or included in anything. He sends all grandkids birthday cards with money, which are never acknowledged in any way. He sent a $200 stroller for the birth of the latest grandkid which also went unacknowledged. For all he knew it could have been stolen off their front step by porch pirates until he saw a picture of it in use on FB. Meanwhile, it's too much effort for them to wish him happy birthday on FB.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 10:30:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2021 16:46:22 GMT
I stopped buying physical gifts in middle school. They got cash for their birthdays and Christmas plus a decent amount for the milestones. They're all adults now that we see maybe once a year these days.
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 31, 2021 16:50:13 GMT
My sister and I chose long time ago not to exchange gifts. Neither of us had a ton of money in the early years and we lived far apart.
We still exchange gifts with DH brother’s kids. We have kinda dwindled off on exchanging except the two littlest ones.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 31, 2021 22:16:44 GMT
Never. I'm 54yo and my 80+yo aunties still buy birthday and Christmas presents for me. They also buy presents for their great nieces and nephews (my and my brother's kids). I won't ever stop buying for my niece and nephews. I don't buy for my brother or SIL, but we usually give each other our favourite box of chocolates. DSO still buys for his siblings. Do you think it kind of matters how many people a person would have to buy for?Between DH and me, we have 15 nieces and nephews and now at least 8 more in the next generation. If you included us and our siblings, that would be another 9 not even including those who have SO’s. 😳 OMG, yes absolutely it matters....... I hadn't considered that. I only have one niece and two nephews. I think if I had 15 I would probably reconsider!
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Oct 31, 2021 23:18:29 GMT
I only have the one niece (age 8) & nephew (age 4), and my cousin's daughter who I treat like a niece. Cousin's dd is 23.
My intention is to never stop giving those 3 something for Christmas & birthday.
ETA: Also my best friend's daughter who is now 16.
And the fact that I have no kids of my own definitely makes a huge difference.
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Post by janamke on Nov 1, 2021 3:37:10 GMT
I’ve put a stop to buying for nieces and nephews several years ago. We were spending several thousand on gifts for extended family and it was just too much. We live in a different state and see them 1-3 times a year. When they were younger it was easy to buy gifts, but as kids get older they get much more difficult to buy for. Some family members still buy for my kids. I just stopped feeling like I need to reciprocate. I have 18 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 3 weeks to 30 years old.
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Post by scrappinheather on Nov 1, 2021 9:40:57 GMT
21 is cut off. There are 12 grandkids for my parents plus there are 4 more kids from my cousins. The way we do it at the holidays is my siblings, my parents and my aunts and uncles all pick the name of 1 child and spend $150 on them from everyone. The weird thing is my adult cousins who benefit from the gift buying for their kids don’t have to buy for anyone.
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