Are you forgetable?

As for your husband being remembered more often, think about how many male teachers most kids have in their lifetime, versus female. I think my oldest DD had maybe 1 or 2 male teachers from preschool through high school. So of course, they become more memorable.

This is so interesting to me. I had a dear friend (she just passed away last summer) and she always noticed this sort of thing. She too was a teacher in a small city and was recognized fairly often, but nothing like her husband. A few years ago one of my son's college roommates recognized her at a district meeting and she was tickled pink. At her funeral there were nearly 400 people people, so she was clearly very loved, but I know when people she'd met before didn't remember her she felt invisible.

She wasn't an introvert, and she was very friendly, but I think she was a little reserved when she first met people and that's why she didn't always make a huge first (or second) impression.

I'd have to say no, unless I want to be. The joy of being a middle aged woman is that you can absolutely blend into the background in any situation if you like. Glasses, hair back, no makeup, I could probably murder someone in the street and no one would remember seeing me. Glam on, it's a different story. Also I kind of have a bold personality when I feel like it so that also makes me memorable if I want to be remembered.

I think a lot of it comes down to superficial appearances, honestly. You remember people who stand out in the crowd for whatever reason.

I find I am very very forgettable. I have the usual Scandinavian plain MN look, so I blend in. I am middle aged. I am not loud, stand out, or have a bright personality. I am usually quiet and try to blend in. Here's the thing that does bug me. I have worked at the SAME job, in the SAME dept, in the SAME area for 37 flipping years, and people that also have worked there for several yrs, do not know my name. WTH?

I don't know why people aren't remembering you, but I might be a little gentler with my reply when they say you haven't met. I think I would say, "Oh, I understand! We had the pleasure of meeting at Julie's house back in October. So nice to see you again!" Otherwise, it sounds like you are either arguing with them or carrying some bitterness, which you may not be.

I have a really really good memory, and can recall way too much information about friends and acquaintances, information they have long forgotten and way more than they remember about me. I don't take it personally, I realize it's my super power, lol.

I have run into some folks who are just too lazy to remember people, unless of course, they can do something for them, but that is a whole different thread.

I am an introvert and hearing impaired - being middle aged and blending into the background is my favourite thing.

I wish I was more forgettable. I have a horrible memory for faces and names and my appearance has changed so little that I was recognized by my first grade teacher a couple years ago.
Meanwhile, I am greeted while out in public by former classmates and former coworkers and although sometimes they look familiar, most of the time I haven't got a clue who they are or how I know them. I wish more people were wearing masks here still, because it was the perfect excuse for not recognizing people.

I'm not observant of physical attributes, clothing, things like that. I am more likely to remember you based on how you make me feel. If we have a lukewarm interaction...meh, I'll forget you. If we get together and you make me feel warm and welcome, I will always remember that. If you tell a funny story that makes me laugh hard, I'll remember the joy you gave me. On the flip side if I see you be rude to someone then I'll remember you too.

I don't know if other people are like me and rely on other senses to remember people, so when I meet new people I try to concentrate on making them feel warm and welcomed. I laugh hard. I joke around. I point out nice things I do notice about them outside of looks. I'm far less likely to say nice skirt than I am to listen to a story and tell someone she was so brave. I try to appeal to people's feelings.

Now I'm not sure if that makes me more memorable to them, but it usually results in me being more likely to remember them.

I would not take that personally, at all. Some people are better at remembering people than others. I am TERRIBLE at recognizing people I don't really know, especially out of context. Like if I run into a parent from a sports team of DS's at the grocery store, chances are I'll have no idea who they are. And I've had a couple careers where I met TONS AND TONS of people. Unless something significant happened at one or more of those meetings, or we had a more extended relationship, I probably will not remember that I ever met them. And it's happened plenty of times that they don't remember me. I don't think it's a judgment of me, and I know it's not a judgment of them when I don't remember. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but try not to take it personally. It's a lot more about the other person than you.

I am forgettable. I’m also an extreme introvert, so it works for me.

I work a very very very part-time job. When I do come into work I am working with my husband 99% of the time. He works part time, but that means usually less than 40 hours a week. The office personnel and of course my boss know who I am when I come in, but the sales staff that I have minimal interaction with (which is only about five people) have no clue. Every time I come into the building they ask if they can help me with something. it doesn’t really bother me, but it gets tiresome having to tell them who I am. Of course, if I’m with DH, they make the connection and recognize me. However, I think a few of them don’t remember my name.

I think that people tended to remember me when I was younger, but you become more forgettable or invisible as you get older. It’s not all bad though. People do tend to recognize my voice for some reason. I don’t know why; it’s not anything out of the ordinary.

I think a distinguishing feature helps make you memorable. Man in a majority female profession, woman in a predominantly male profession. Curly red hair for sure. My SIL is a curly redhead and everyone remembers her. I’ve been a mid-brown brunette my entire life. I let my hair go gray and it’s surprising the number of people who now know me for silver hair. I’m lucky it came in nicely, dark in back, face framed in silver. At work, more people call me by name in the hallways since going gray than in the previous 13 years there.

Since then, I’ve actively tried to remember other employee’s names and use them when I see them.

Very very much, as much as I mostly like it, I also would like to be good/memorable at something else.

This reminded me of the one self LO I did around 2007, not much has changed except I have settled.  It's not like I really did much to try and change things:


"Average. That sums up my life so well. Everything I have done and everything I will probably ever do is average. Ugh. I did so well at school but it went downhill in high school: jr varsity field hockey for four years, no big awards at graduation despite a great GPA, applied to dozens of scholarships but no bites at all. I did get into Cal Poly so that was good. But you had to declare a major and electrical engineering was a mistake. I tried to change, but my GPA wasn’t good enough. I settled on materials engineering because they didn’t care about GPAs. I did the work to graduate but never really got into the studies. I was never passionate about it.



Then came the worst part of my life. Unemployment. I couldn’t find a job…at all. I had temp jobs here and there. I sent out hundreds of resumes and had dozens of interviews. Since I wasn’t passionate about my studies, it showed in my interviews. Who wants to hire someone average after all. It took two and half years to find someone to hire me as a real full time employee. It was so demeaning, but what else can you do but go for another interview? I finally got a job and it was good, but awhile. But it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. During all this I met Joe, which is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is such a rock. I became a step mother to Sara, something else I wasn’t too great at. Lots of pain there. We got married. I didn’t like my job very much so we decided to try and have a baby. Hey I was good at that I guess. Calvin was born less than 10 months after we got married. I wasn’t even good at giving birth. After 24 hours of labor, I had an emergency C-section and was completely unconscious for the birth. I wasn’t a very good mom to a baby. Just ugh.



Life went on and I tried some hobbies. Stained glass and cross stitching never went very far. I found scrapbooking and really loved it. I had to go and think I could get published though. For 18 months I submitted over 200 layouts…and got precisely one published. Wow that blew my ego to shreads. Enough self flagellation there so I decided to try another scrapbooking venture. So I started a scrapbooking business. It is hardly a stellar achievement to date. Average yet again. Motherhood continues to be average. I will never be the ideal mother. I love my kids but a lot of the time I don’t like them very much and just want to be left alone.



So why am I punishing myself by reliving all my averageness? Heck if I know. I don’t blame others for it. Mostly it is my choice to be average. Most of the world is average. Despite what motivational speakers say, not everyone can be spectacular. It everyone was fantastic, then everyone would be average by comparison. I don’t live for affirmations. I don’t care if I am good enough or if everyone likes me…but I would like to be really good at something."

I mean I can't complain.  Dh and I are well off for the rest of our lives.  Our kids and thriving and mostly like us.  But we are really average. 

But then, so are most people right?

Yes. Happens all the time. It used to bother me, but now I am older and no longer care.

But all of us ultimately are unless we are somehow historically important.