|
|
Post by cecilia on Nov 24, 2014 17:50:59 GMT
I thought I had started to move on a little from this break up. Wasn't crying nearly as much, etc.
Then a mutual friend of my ex and I started talking to me Saturday night about my relationship with my ex. And ever since then, I have been in this fog. I hate it.
I feel like I am sort of stuck again in a way. I know logically I need to move on. Part of me wants to wait on him.
Just something tells me that this breakup is different. And I don't know what it is. Something seems off, too. It is like he done a complete 180 degree turn on me, and I have no idea why.
He's pretty young. Just turned 21. And everything happened so fast between us. We had known each other for a while before all of this. However, it was 3 weeks from the first time we exchanged emails to him saying "I love you" first.
I have no idea what to make all of this. Think I've stressed myself out so bad right now I have made myself sick. :/ I have a doctor's appointment for in the morning.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 9:43:05 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 18:24:40 GMT
Age says it all. At 21, many guys are not ready to settle down. You had mentioned you talked marriage before and shortly after that he did a 180. He's scared. He's immature. He's not ready to be with just one person. A friend encouraged him to look elsewhere. It could be anything.
The next time a mutual "friend" brings him up, change the subject. The longer you dwell on it, the worse it'll be. And don't wait for him. It sucks, I know.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 9:43:05 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 18:42:29 GMT
I think it's perfectly fine to wallow for a bit but don't let it become a habit. See the doctor tomorrow then go and do something fun, go shopping or for a fancy coffee, take that adorable doggy of yours for a long walk in the fresh air and promise yourself that you aren't going to dwell on it anymore. You might never know his reasons for pulling away from you and you have to find peace with that.
|
|
|
|
Post by pelirroja on Nov 24, 2014 18:44:46 GMT
Dear sweet Cecilia: you will need to draw a boundary. If a friend brings it up, you need to gently but firmly say "It's too new and it's not open for discussion". Period. End of sentence.
If you say something less stern like I don't want to talk about it, you're likely to get cajoled and the conversation will continue. You have the power to put this all behind you. But you need to choose to put it behind you. So far, you are choosing to second-guess yourself and wallow in the sorrow. Looking in a rearview mirror of your life, or re-hashing the coulda, woulda, shoulda does you (general you) no good. Focus to the future: your life is not over and you will find love in your life. It just isn't with this guy.
You made the right decision.He's not into you so you made an excellent decision to make the end official. Otherwise, you might have been strung along for quite sometime. Don't burn daylight, don't look back.
21 is young, and three weeks is such a quick time frame that it would make my head spin. It's too much and too soon. His reaction tells you he might have meant it at the very moment he said it but he didn't mean it when he thought things thru. Talking marriage so quickly indicates a lack of understanding of how dramatic and life-changing the decision to get married is. Let him go: you dodged a bullet and in time, you will see what a good decision you made to cut him loose.
|
|
|
|
Post by kimmie75 on Nov 24, 2014 19:03:06 GMT
It gets better. Just keep moving ahead and be kind to yourself. Let it go. The amount of "letting go" you can do tomorrow may be more than you were able to do today, but each day you need to move forward. However small each step is, you must do it. That includes boundaries like pelirroja mentioned. No one except YOU is going to take care of you during this time, and you must put yourself first...which means letting go, moving forward and acceptance.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222 
|
Post by caro on Nov 24, 2014 19:07:37 GMT
Awe, 21 really is young and for a guy even younger emotionally. Tell your friends you are NOT ready to talk and change the subject. I'm sorry you are hurt.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 9:43:05 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2014 19:11:03 GMT
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time with this!
Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
It's OK to be sad for a while. Break ups are hard because it's like a loss... you were thinking about the future, you were making plans, and now those things are over. So it's OK to take time to feel bad and sort of greive.
When something crappy happens to me that makes me sad, angry, wanting to replay things in my head and question how things could have been different, I do a few things:
1. Give myself permission to cry at will, feel crummy, feel angry, etc for a LIMITED amount of time. A few days, a week, whatever I feel that I can decide on. And I just let myself feel whatever I need to feel during that period -- no guilt, whatever. Then, I tell myself to buck up and get over it! And it's not always easy, but sometimes it's just time to push those replays and questions and thoughts away and say "time to get over it".
2. Distract myself with a project. Take on something major, but feasible. Clean a closet out. Repaint a room. Reorganize ALL of the craft supplies. Learn something new. Whatever it takes to fill time and take up energy and my thoughts!
|
|
|
|
Post by gar on Nov 24, 2014 19:19:58 GMT
What would you say if this situation applied to a good friend instead of yourself? They say the best advice we can get is the advice we give others so....what would that be?  |
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Nov 24, 2014 22:55:41 GMT
I feel like I am sort of stuck again in a way. I know logically I need to move on. Part of me wants to wait on him. Just something tells me that this breakup is different. And I don't know what it is. Something seems off, too. Something that is off is your brain trying to make sense of what your heart is feeling. That is not going to happen because your brain is telling you it is over. Your heart will not believe it. Until you reconcile those 2 issues you will stay stuck. At some point your brain will supersede your heart, because your heart is operating off old and outdated information that is not applicable anymore. Gar's suggestion to look at this as though a friend was going through it is a great one. From my perspective, this was a mostly online relationship with a few in-person contacts with a very young man who happens to be very articulate and knows how to say what you wanted to hear. You can wait for him like Ms Havisham in Great Expectations or Ms Emily on the Waltons. Or you can say, "Enough. It's over. I don't want it to be, but it is. I will wait for him until Jan 15th and then I am going to accept that he does not want me, even though he said he did." |
|
|
|
Post by Belia on Nov 25, 2014 0:14:50 GMT
Really good advice and insight here, Cecilia. I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. Bookmark this thread and come back whenever you need to.
|
|
|
|
Post by laureljean on Nov 25, 2014 0:24:49 GMT
I'm so sorry you're hurting. ((hugs))
Nothing I can say will make it better-- I wish I had some "magic words".
You will feel better. Maybe not in a few minutes, or tomorrow, but you will. Break-ups suck.
|
|
