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Post by amp on Jan 5, 2022 17:24:44 GMT
Hugs to you! I am so happy you are processing this! No matter how painful the journey, I feel you will obtain inner peace, which you greatly deserve. I will keep you in my prayers.
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,277
Jun 29, 2014 3:29:30 GMT
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Jan 5, 2022 18:34:27 GMT
One day you will be able to accept that the adult you are now is not the child you were then. It was not your responsibility to protect yourself at that age, and you cannot hold your "now" self responsible for that. You will open that box and give that little girl a big hug and tell her that she did the best she knew how at the time, and that you are proud of her and love her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 7:24:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2022 18:59:36 GMT
I know that it may sound strange and odd....but I feel more panicked to confront that little girl than to confront my memories and feelings of the attack. I was uncomfortable telling her the little bit I did about the attack but when she asked what else might be in the "box", my emotions almost wouldn't let me talk. I told her what scared me most was to "see" that little girl. Just even thinking about it makes me freeze. Hard to believe that is what scares me the most.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,749
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Jan 5, 2022 19:28:16 GMT
Wow, sounds like she really got to the heart of things. I hope she continues to help you find your way.
(Hugs)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 7:24:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2022 20:18:56 GMT
I hope the little girl is able to find her voice and you can tell her what a wonderful and loved person she grew up to be in spite of those who tried to break her.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,738
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jan 5, 2022 20:59:47 GMT
It sounds like you have connected with someone who will help you deal with the trauma you have experienced. May you continue to make progress, hugs!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jan 5, 2022 21:03:54 GMT
You described a productive first session with your therapist. Having the courage to delve into the memories things that came up will be a game changer for you. Be extra kind to yourself during this process.
FWIW, I looked up my ex in prison on the state offender site about once a year until he died. I find your therapist’s question interesting. I would guess it was a mixture of curiosity, ( they changed the picture from time to time ), and just the reassurance that he was still there.
I still do this with his brother, in the same state prison, who is a convicted child molester.
Perhaps, like me, you may find that complex ptsd, from long term trauma at the hand of a parent or spouse, is actually a very difficult thing to look into in therapy, and and creates the lens through which you perceive all experiences, including the horrific attack by the monster.
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Post by nightnurse on Jan 5, 2022 21:13:08 GMT
Thank you for updating us and sharing your healing with us. Youre one of my favorite peas on the board and I always enjoy your posts and perspective. I get the impression you are smart and caring and used to taking care of everyone around you but you are brave enough to look in the box and finally put it to rest.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,566
Jun 26, 2014 14:12:17 GMT
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Post by anniebeth24 on Jan 5, 2022 22:24:39 GMT
Thank you for sharing your heart and your struggles with us. I'm absolutely sure this is resonating with others who have a box they've not yet opened. Sending my best.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jan 5, 2022 22:30:54 GMT
(((((Hugs)))))
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Post by mellyw on Jan 6, 2022 0:02:35 GMT
I’m a stranger on a message board, but you have always been one of my favorite peas. I am so damn proud of you for confronting this head on, it takes so much courage to even think about opening that box.
Give your DH a nice, long hug from me. He sounds like one of the best ones, and I’m so glad you found each other. You deserve the best in life!
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Post by peasapie on Jan 6, 2022 0:11:26 GMT
I’m so impressed - you faced some very difficult things in this session. It took me months in 3x/week therapy to recognize some truths about my relationship with my mom, and then some time more to be able to admit them without feeling like a very bad person. Ultimately, facing those truths helped heal me. Thank you for sharing your progress. We are all cheering for your progress.
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Post by Merge on Jan 6, 2022 0:15:36 GMT
You’re so brave doing this difficult work! I hope you find peace.
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Post by mom on Jan 6, 2022 0:18:26 GMT
I am so glad to read that your Therapist seems to be 'a good one'. I know that's no small miracle! Prayers for peace for you!
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Post by hockeymom4 on Jan 6, 2022 2:42:34 GMT
I hope the little girl is able to find her voice and you can tell her what a wonderful and loved person she grew up to be in spite of those who tried to break her. This is a beautiful!!!! All the previous peas have said everything I have been thinking It sounds like you have met a great therapist, You are an isnsporation
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Post by scrapnatya on Jan 6, 2022 3:38:01 GMT
Sending lots of support and kudos your way. It is hard work to confront things long buried and you will benefit so much.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jan 6, 2022 3:59:24 GMT
I think you’ve made a great choice by choosing to see a therapist. She sounds like a good fit. Hugs from a sister survivor.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,524
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 6, 2022 4:11:53 GMT
Wow, you are so smart and powerful! That sounds trite, but I mean it sincerely. That you found a therapist, trusted your instincts (and hers), and dove in headfirst to do the work - you're amazing. The road may not be perfectly smooth through your healing process, but you are started on a great path.
I want to acknowledge the gift you're giving your daughter by working on healing yourself. There was some generational trauma in my family that did not touch me because of the hard, hard work on the part of my parent and grandparent. Your daughter's future self thanks you!
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Post by quinlove on Jan 6, 2022 4:15:44 GMT
I applaud your strength and bravery. You are not going through this alone. We are all here to hold your hand and surround you with love. ❤️
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Post by marmargirl on Jan 6, 2022 4:26:40 GMT
I just want to say how strong I think you are for confronting all the scary stuff. I wish you nothing but good things and I’m sending love and support to you. ❤️
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,426
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Jan 6, 2022 4:45:14 GMT
Wow that is a lot for anyone to deal with. Kudos to you for having the strength and courage to work your way through it.
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Post by katlaw on Jan 6, 2022 5:30:58 GMT
Big hugs to you. My DH has been unpacking a box full of childhood trauma, violence and abuse with a therapist for a couple of years now. The therapist thinks what started the box spilling open was our son no longer needing him as much. He no longer had to hold it together. I am really sorry you are struggling, the therapist you found sounds like a good fit.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 7:24:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 6, 2022 10:49:26 GMT
I so wish that I could personally thank each and every pea that has written such comforting and uplifting messages. The comfort that knowing you aren't alone is so powerful. I have had people say before and those of you here...that I am brave. I honestly don't feel brave and I don't see myself as brave. It's just a path I have had to walk and at times the rain has been hard...really hard. But I have always tucked my head under and kept walking...just kept walking.
Soooooo many of us are made to feel that we aren't worthy...but damn we are! The love we give out is endless, to our children, to our spouses, to our pets, to our family and friends.
All of you beautiful ladies...I SEE YOU and I FEEL YOU...and you are absolutely AMAZING!
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Post by christine58 on Jan 6, 2022 11:36:11 GMT
I so wish that I could personally thank each and every pea that has written such comforting and uplifting messages. The comfort that knowing you aren't alone is so powerful. I have had people say before and those of you here...that I am brave. I honestly don't feel brave and I don't see myself as brave. It's just a path I have had to walk and at times the rain has been hard...really hard. But I have always tucked my head under and kept walking...just kept walking. Soooooo many of us are made to feel that we aren't worthy...but damn we are! The love we give out is endless, to our children, to our spouses, to our pets, to our family and friends. All of you beautiful ladies.. .I SEE YOU and I FEEL YOU...and you are absolutely AMAZING!As are you! Think of how much that little girl inside that you’re panicked to confront can help that little girl you gave birth to! She will see you as strong and brave!
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 6, 2022 11:42:24 GMT
It sounds like you found a wonderful therapist at the right time. I wish you well, dear Pea.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,426
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Jan 6, 2022 13:35:30 GMT
I so wish that I could personally thank each and every pea that has written such comforting and uplifting messages. The comfort that knowing you aren't alone is so powerful. I have had people say before and those of you here...that I am brave. I honestly don't feel brave and I don't see myself as brave. It's just a path I have had to walk and at times the rain has been hard...really hard. But I have always tucked my head under and kept walking...just kept walking.
Soooooo many of us are made to feel that we aren't worthy...but damn we are! The love we give out is endless, to our children, to our spouses, to our pets, to our family and friends. All of you beautiful ladies...I SEE YOU and I FEEL YOU...and you are absolutely AMAZING! This. This is the definition of bravery. You may not see it in yourself, but clearly others do.
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