scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306 
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jan 7, 2022 15:28:08 GMT
About 25 years ago bff had ONE fertility treatment that resulted in her giving birth to twins. She never spoke about it to anyone other than me as fas as I know, and definitely did not tell her kids.
Her son's friend just told her son that his, the friend's, aunt gave his mom a fertility shot and she is the reason the son exists.
My friend is in shock and is sooooo, soooo upset. She was literally shaking when she called me. She denied it to her son. Her choice.
What would you do? Who knows if this woman still works for the dr.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 7, 2022 15:32:44 GMT
I would be pissed, but after that many years I’m not sure what could really be done. Who knows if the clinic is even still in operation? How the heck would the other kid’s aunt even remember such a one off incident like that? Wow.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 7, 2022 15:35:45 GMT
It wasnt the aunt's place to say anything, however, I dont know why it is such a big secret that she would deny it.
Was the aunt a nurse? Was she a friend who administered an at hone shot?
If she was a nurse, is she still working? If so, I guess the friend could file a complaint.
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jan 7, 2022 15:41:47 GMT
It wasnt the aunt's place to say anything, however, I dont know why it is such a big secret that she would deny it. Was the aunt a nurse? Was she a friend who administered an at hone shot? If she was a nurse, is she still working? If so, I guess the friend could file a complaint. The "secret" is her choice - no judgement. The aunt was a nurse at the dr's office - no idea if she is still working or not. My friend cannot remember who the nurse is. The clinic still exists - we looked online, but the location has closed. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jan 7, 2022 15:43:23 GMT
It wasnt the aunt's place to say anything, however, I dont know why it is such a big secret that she would deny it. Was the aunt a nurse? Was she a friend who administered an at hone shot? If she was a nurse, is she still working? If so, I guess the friend could file a complaint. That. What's the big deal about the fertility treatment? Seems like such a strange thing to get worked up over. My sister spent years trying to have my nephew - he knows all about it. |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 7, 2022 15:44:02 GMT
I don’t think i would have lied to the son, but I also think it is inappropriate of the woman to say something to him. Does she still work for the clinic?
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,662
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Post by Rhondito on Jan 7, 2022 15:46:38 GMT
I'm sorry, I can't get past the part where it has to be a secret. Infertility is nothing to be ashamed about. Did she use a sperm donor and doesn't want the kids to know?
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Post by agengr2004 on Jan 7, 2022 15:46:55 GMT
May not have been her place to say anything, but HIPAA laws didn't exist until 1996.
And as an infertile woman who had her son via IVF - I'm judging. He already knows, why lie?
ETA: I just realized that 1996 WAS 25 years ago lol. Seems like it can't be that long ago.
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Post by bigbundt on Jan 7, 2022 15:48:35 GMT
I guess I would seek out the aunt to ask her to not share my personal health info with others. Should be pretty easy to find her if it is her son's friend's aunt. HIPAA was just going into effect 25 years ago so it is likely the aunt might have an old school mindset, especially if she hasn't practiced in years and hasn't been entrenched in HIPAA rules/regulations.
That being said, I'm curious why her son finding out this info has her so upset. I get not wanting people to know your business but it sounds as if despite the intervention, the children was conceived between her and her partner. Is that something she is ashamed about? Would be a totally different animal if she conceived with a donor egg or sperm for obvious reasons.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,538
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Post by pinklady on Jan 7, 2022 15:55:08 GMT
About 25 years ago bff had ONE fertility treatment that resulted in her giving birth to twins. She never spoke about it to anyone other than me as fas as I know, and definitely did not tell her kids. Her son's friend just told her son that his, the friend's, aunt gave his mom a fertility shot and she is the reason the son exists. My friend is in shock and is sooooo, soooo upset. She was literally shaking when she called me. She denied it to her son. Her choice. What would you do? Who knows if this woman still works for the dr. A 24 year old boy told his 24 year old friend, "my aunt gave your mom a fertility shot and my aunt is the reason the you exist"? I just find it hard to believe this was said by a 24 year old...a 7 year old would say something like that. THere's way more to this story. Frankly, infertility should not be a secret or taboo. Additionally, if your friends twins are not biologically hers, that's a shitty thing to keep from them for 24 years. She's their mother end of story. However, for medical reasons, they need to be told. |
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Post by MsChiff on Jan 7, 2022 16:06:10 GMT
It's a HIPAA violation. FWIW, if it were me, I'd find out if that woman was still working and file an official complaint against her. At the very least, I would notify the clinic; they very likely have a record of who treated your friend. If she shared information about one patient, she likely shares information about other patients as well and needs to be stopped.
IMO, it's irrelevant why the mother is upset. All of us have the expectation that our medical records are kept confidential and we should be upset when our rights are violated and should take steps to ensure it doesn't happen to us again or to others.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jan 7, 2022 16:20:35 GMT
As from the mandatory hospital education that I have to take every year…that would be a clear violation and should be reported.
As to what I would personally do…once it was out I would not deny it. The kid now knows, it was a perfect chance to get rid of one more secret that, for some reason, must bother her to get so upset about knowledge of a common treatment.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 7, 2022 16:25:53 GMT
The "secret" is her choice - no judgement. People keep the weirdest secrets. And yes, if that woman was a nurse at the clinic, she's out of line sharing that information. |
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Post by elaine on Jan 7, 2022 16:39:31 GMT
If the woman was a nurse in the clinic, she shouldn’t have shared.
At 24-25, the son isn’t a young child, but an adult. I don’t think that he will be traumatized by finding out that his mother wanted him so badly that she sought fertility treatment.
I can only guess that they may be part of a culture - religious? - that has a problem with fertility treatment. Maybe that is the reason for secrecy.
Given that the son’s friend’s aunt is denying it, is your friend wanting to bring this to court?
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Post by finsup on Jan 7, 2022 16:51:42 GMT
Whether the mom wants to keep it a secret is irrelevant. She’s entitled to medical privacy and the nurse was wrong. Even before HIPAA that would have gotten someone fired in any healthcare setting I worked in. I’m not sure what recourse she has in this case but if I were her at the least I would contact the clinic.
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Post by marysue63 on Jan 7, 2022 16:53:31 GMT
The aunt certainly broke HIPAA law and if the mom wants to report her she has every right to do so. Regardless of when the act went into effect, and when the procedure was done, medical professionals are currently not allowed to share that kind of information without the patients consent.
However, the deed is done and I'm not sure what good would come with reporting her.
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Post by myshelly on Jan 7, 2022 16:54:44 GMT
It doesn’t matter how the peas feel about keeping IVF a secret, that’s irrelevant.
I would write the clinic, the office manager, and the doctor a letter stating the nurse violated HIPAA and that I was seeking the advice of an attorney. My bet is the nurse would be disciplined.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,391
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Jan 7, 2022 17:01:10 GMT
What would I do?
No clue, but I guess call the clinic? Not much you can do, it was so long ago. Call an attorney to see what options I really had would be a place to start as well.
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Post by oliquig on Jan 7, 2022 17:07:48 GMT
If she knows her name she can report the nurse to (most likely) a program at her state’s Department of Public Health. Even if HIPAA wasn’t in effect 25 years ago, it is most certainly is now, and she is still bound to not talk about former patients. If she is retired, I don’t know if anything can/will be done, but it can be reported. In CT it’s the FLIS program, I don’t know what it would be on other states.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 7, 2022 19:14:20 GMT
It wasnt the aunt's place to say anything, however, I dont know why it is such a big secret that she would deny it. Was the aunt a nurse? Was she a friend who administered an at hone shot? If she was a nurse, is she still working? If so, I guess the friend could file a complaint. The "secret" is her choice - no judgement. The aunt was a nurse at the dr's office - no idea if she is still working or not. My friend cannot remember who the nurse is. The clinic still exists - we looked online, but the location has closed. It is a choice I do not understand. The adult child knows, lying is just making it worse. |
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Post by busy on Jan 7, 2022 19:16:59 GMT
The woman was out of line, for sure, but given the time elapsed, I imagine it would be very hard to do anything about it.
I think this woman should focus on making things right with her children and being honest with them. Lying to them is a strange decision and will damage their relationship.
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Post by auntkelly on Jan 7, 2022 19:48:30 GMT
I had fertility treatments and both my grown children are aware of that. However, I don't think it is appropriate for a nurse to be discussing something like that with her nephew.
Long before HIPPA, there was an expectation that medical treatment was confidential. I don't want a nurse laughing w/ her nephew about giving me a shot in the rear. I'm not ashamed that I had fertility treatments, but that was a very stressful time in my life and I have a very hard time making light of it, especially with some twenty six year old kid.
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Post by bc2ca on Jan 7, 2022 20:24:10 GMT
About 25 years ago bff had ONE fertility treatment that resulted in her giving birth to twins. She never spoke about it to anyone other than me as fas as I know, and definitely did not tell her kids. Her son's friend just told her son that his, the friend's, aunt gave his mom a fertility shot and she is the reason the son exists. My friend is in shock and is sooooo, soooo upset. She was literally shaking when she called me. She denied it to her son. Her choice. What would you do? Who knows if this woman still works for the dr. There is a real small town, everyone knows everyone else, vibe to this story. If your friend really wanted to keep this secret, to the point she lied to her son when asked about it (  ), then she should contact the clinic with her complaint. HIPAA was created to establish a national standard in patient confidentiality. Other state/local laws and medical practice standards that predate HIPAA may have been violated with her disclosure. If the aunt told her nephew about the treatment, I expect she has shared it with many more people and your friend should assume everyone knows. |
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jan 7, 2022 21:04:51 GMT
How bizarre! It was a violation. And she could report it. Is the aunt/nurse still working?
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Post by Mel on Jan 7, 2022 21:34:01 GMT
So my question is WTH kind of conversation does this woman (the "nurse") have with her nephew that he would know such info?? It's all a little odd... def more to this story...
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jan 7, 2022 22:22:46 GMT
Very strange that the aunt would share that info with her nephew. I can't imagine the nurses that I had for fertility would remember me by name. I certainly wouldn't expect them to tell others about it. Very strange. Come to think of it I don't think we have told my son that I had shots and such to get pregnant and that it took a long time. It just isn't something that necessarily comes up - we aren't hiding it and I am certainly not ashamed of it. It wasn't a fun time but the outcome was. Very strange of that nurse.
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Post by gizzy on Jan 7, 2022 22:29:24 GMT
Even though I don't understand or agree with the mom for lying when her DS asked her about it, I'd want the aunt to keep her mouth shut about my business. Why is she even talking about this with her nephew? If she's still at the facility, I'd call and have them talk to her.
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Post by twinks on Jan 8, 2022 0:29:22 GMT
Personally I don’t get an aunt talking to her nephew about someone else’s fertility treatment. I am sorry but that just doesn’t compute with me. That said, yes, it is very wrong and she would get in trouble and be fined up to, I believe, $100,000.00.
Since the clinic site is closed, I would suspect the doctor and those involved would most likely still not be practicing. Nothing really to gain for going after them that way now. Besides, if she chose to do something legally, her son would then know she lied. Aunt would most likely tell nephew what is happening and it would get back to the son.
I am another one who doesn’t understand the secrecy but it is her decision and her right. I don’t have to understand the what and why people do what they do.
If it really bothered me I would call the aunt and tell her to mind her own business and if I hear anymore of it I would be reporting her. I would remind her of the law.
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Post by busy on Jan 8, 2022 0:34:09 GMT
I am another one who doesn’t understand the secrecy but it is her decision and her right. I don’t have to understand the what and why people do what they do. Yes, not sharing it before was strange but her choice. But now that the adult child has learned about it from someone else, her outright lying about it is wrong. |
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,291
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Jan 8, 2022 0:56:53 GMT
It is wrong of someone to tell another's person medical history like that, but if she's no longer practicing and/or the clinic is closed, I'm not sure what else can be done.
But I'm another who is confused by why the nurse is telling her nephew that she helped his friend's mom get pregnant. I mean this must be a tiny town for people to know other's like that etc. Or the friend/his mom are well known in town etc.
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), then she should contact the clinic with her complaint. 
