How do you learn to enjoy

I always think I want to be alone. Working full time, busy with kids activities and always having something to do makes me crave a time when I am completely alone. And then it happens and I am so bloody bored.
All of the things I love doing I love doing with someone, like going to a movie or a restaurant.
I have discovered I like swimming laps, that is very relaxing and it is nice to go to the pool alone. I can enjoy being in charge of when I go and when I am ready to leave.
I also like going to the library. We have a great reading area at our library with a fireplace to sit close to and comfy chairs.
It is harder then you would think for someone who is used to always having family around them to find themselves alone for a day or two.

I think it’s tempting to fill up your time with meeting friends and going shopping, out for a meal etc, but at the same time it doesn’t help you be on your own. I would have a mix of things to do. Have a lie-in, maybe a long bath with candles, a book, and wine. And no-one interrupting! A trip to a bookshop and a café for lunch. Meet a friend for dinner, or go to visit a friend or family member at home. Spend some of the time home alone, and some of it with other people. If you find yourself getting maudlin, get out of the house even if just for a walk. I go somewhere I can speak to people with dogs. It’s actually just the dogs I want to see, but there are usually people at the end of their leads. 

Instead of thinking about how you are forced to be alone, think about how you can enjoy being alone.

Do you have any hobbies? Sometimes I can get lost with time enjoying my hobbies.

Is there anything that you have on your bucket list? Maybe you can travel somewhere nearby and explore a new place.

Any shows you've wanted to watch? I love a good Netflix binge.

Any movies you'd like to see? I've gone alone several times. It's not as scary and lonely as I thought it would be.

Any areas of the house you would like to organize? I put on a good podcast or music album and get to work. It's crazy how much I can get done alone.

While i am an empty nester, DH is gone quite a bit. I love being alone. I crave it. I love the freedom to completely control the pace of my day. Wake up when I want. Eat when and what I want. I love to putter around the house, cleaning, organizing. I am never at a loss for things to do. I am currently getting ready to plan my spring garden and get my seeds started indoors. I love to read and can lost for hours. I love watching old movies with a big bowl of popcorn. I enjoy cooking a nice meal for myself and sitting down to eat with a good magazine. When I need to get out, I go for a walk or hit up a favorite store for retail therapy. Heck even a trip to the corner store for a big soda with the good nugget ice is an excursion and makes me happy. I find so much pleasure in simple routines and I enjoy my own company. I'm not sure if any of this helps but thought I would share how there is happiness to be found in the ordinary.

I lived alone in my own apartment for the two years of graduate school about 36 years ago. I've often wondered about this question for myself. I'm not sure I want to live alone again.



That's a really good way to frame it. I like the positivity of that!

You also have us!

It just took time. Dh used to travel all the time for work. It really took awhile for me to get used to being alone when he was gone. He's been working from home the past two years (Covid) and I also work from home. I find that I miss the occasional day alone now.

I don't like being alone. There I said it. It's one thing to leave me alone for an evening to scrapbook or read. But a full day alone? No. A week alone? Would drive me insane.

And I'm coming to the conclusion after living through this pandemic that it is bad for my mental health. So if you want to fill your time with outings that are filled with interaction with other people I support you. It much healthier to go to get your nails done and talk to the nail tech and meet a friend for shopping. And then have dinner with your sister in law. And if you want to hop from person to person to person filling your entire day with people, I don't fault you.

If you don't want to be alone...don't be alone. And there's not a damn thing wrong with you for feeling that way.

If you can’t enjoy your own company, it might be a good idea to see a therapist.

I enjoy my own company as well. There aren’t enough hours in the day to get all the things done I want to do. Like the others, I do my day at my own pace. It took a while to be comfortable in my own skin and with being alone. I don’t ever plan to cohabitate again. It’s far too peaceful this way plus all the closet space is mine. 😂

I don't think a therapist would hurt, but I think this is pretty new to her.

I binge watch things, clean the house, pea like crazy, read a book, sleep in (so there is less time alone), take naps...

I know … but therapy can really help with big changes like this and can help us learn how to not just distract ourselves.

I remember the first time my DD went away with her dad. Up until that time the longest she'd been away was two nights, and this was for a whole week. And yes, I cried on the two hour journey home.

First and last time I cried. 

I got home and had an absolute ball, being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I spent the whole week scrapbooking and sewing and watching TV, staying up late and sleeping in.  

I am definitely an introvert, in that I crave time alone and I'm able to enjoy myself on my own, make my own entertainment. Whereas when a friend of mine separated from her husband, she had a really hard time being on her own when the kids were with their dad. She doesn't have any hobbies and needs other people around her to keep her entertained.

luckyexwife isn't there anything you can think of that you'd love to do during your alone time? Do you have any hobbies, or do any crafting? I am hoping that you're only dreading it because you're not used to not having your boys around, and that you will end up loving it as mush as I do. Also, I'm sorry that you're struggling after your recent break up. 

While I will agree that therapy is beneficial every time we have a major life change, I don't think that not wanting to be alone constantly means you need one.

Since this pandemic started, I work from home. Alone. Every day. Why is it terrible that I don't want to spend my evenings and weekends alone too? Like I said, my husband can go ride his four wheeler or go play golf for 4-6 hours and I fill my time easily with my hobbies.

But when he goes on his annual family camping trip, I plan dinners with my kids or my friends each night. I have my girlfriends over to scrapbook or crochet/knit. I go to an extra yoga class. I keep constantly interacting with people in my off time. And I don't think this makes me unhealthy. I think this makes me an extrovert who just flat out likes people and gets energy from being with them.

I don't think I need therapy to deal with it this because I don't think this makes me weird.

A lot of people who have responded on this thread work outside of the home. Leannec and Zee, I know for sure. They get to interact with people at work and maybe if I had that outlet, I'd feel differently about spending a week or weekend on my own.

I'm not trying to pick on you because like I said, therapy IMO is a good idea for a big transition. I am concerned about freecharlie too because I hate to see her just sleeping away her alone time. But her transition is new and it's going to take some time to get in a groove that works for her. luckyexwife probably needs some time to adjust too. And I stand by my comment that if she wants to fill her weekends with activities where she's interacting with others, I support that.

Everyone is different. Everyone has different needs and personalities. Everyone has different comfort levels with the amount of time they spend alone. Doesn't mean we need therapy. Some of us truly do need people.