Speaking of good manners being a thing of the past...

Oh, we haven’t had a good RSVP etiquette thread in a long time. An old favorite pea topic. I always enjoy these, so I’ll be following along.

(I agree, people’s manners are an atrocity.)

I usually will send a group email rather than texts to something like this because (IMO) replies to group texts can be the worst! And like the OP I get annoyed when my friends (who should know better) don’t reply. I’m not a mind-reader! It annoys me that inevitably I have to follow up with a couple of them to see what’s what.

If I’m unsure about an invite, I’ll email/text/reply in person that I am unsure and ask if I can let them know for sure on X day. I’ve never been turned down. And I follow up if I am given that grace.

I think sending a paper invite is sort of old fashioned, and frankly sending back a written RSVP or a phone call is sort of a pain in these days and times. If you send an email, then the person just needs to hit reply and done. I don't think it has anything to do with waiting for a better invite. It's all about convenience these days.

I must not have such fancy friends. I RSVP to weddings, but everything else is via text or in person.

It has been decades since I have sent or received an invitation that required an rsvp other than a wedding I attended 3 years ago. I suspect the majority of adults honestly have no idea what it means. Not that they are waiting to see if something better comes up. But for a lot of people they don't know what their work schedule is going to be more than a week ahead. You can't exactly tell your boss "I'm not available to work on January 30th because I've been invited to a dinner party with a friend.

A few years ago we had a b-day party for DS at a local kid-magnet type place (think bounce houses) where you are allowed a certain number of guests. I had a family show up without RSVPing and leave their kid... Just dropped him off and left. The kid was seven or eight. Thank God they came back to get him afterwards...

I think that since "Mom" is older (she introduces herself as "Luke's mom, she's obviously his grandma ) she just doesn't know better, but who knows...

We have friends who send out text invites to their bigger parties asking for an RSVP. They both used to work with DH and quickly learned to include me in the invitation as DH may/may not remember to tell me and would assume I'd taken care of any RSVP.

Gem Girl, he isn't waiting to see what else might come along. Sometimes he is waiting to see if he has the energy for socializing on the weekend.

When we have a bigger party, my challenge is keeping tabs on who DH has invited as he has a tendency to be fluid with his list and add on a few extras. Since we are rarely setting a formal table, I just roll with it.

Gem Girl - Getting an RSVP was difficult when we were having birthday parties, etc 30 years ago.  It seems to have only gotten worse.  One of the problems I see now is that people are hedging their bets and delaying an answer "just in case" - just in case they get a better offer.  I think it's great that you still send invitations!  It adds to the excitement of an evening out with friends.  Since you give a RSVP By date and options to reply via text or email, perhaps send out messages when that date comes saying that since you haven't heard from them you will assume they are not coming.  That should get a response if they do want to attend.  


Considering the number of older moms I know, your assumption could well be wrong.  She could indeed be older, or look older, which would explain why she introduces herself as Luke's mom.  She's probably fed up with being called his grandmother.  I just find that comment rude.

2005 we were hosting our son's wedding. I decided to leave off RSVP because only family and close friends were invited. Those who were coming would tell me and then I knew.... My SIL was distressed because she had no RSVP. I was within 5 people of having the exact number of who attended and who did not (and 2 dropped out at the last minuted because 1 of them was in the ER with a kidney stone). 103 attended the wedding.

Same here with the birthday party invites. OMG it was like pulling teeth! I’m so glad that phase of my kid’s life is over. I too would send out actual paper invitations because I enjoyed making them to match all of the other handcrafted themed party décor. It got frustrating when there were more kids DD would have loved to invite than we could actually include because of space and money constraints, so if kid A couldn’t go due to a conflict, it would be nice to be able to extend an invite to another kid if there turned out to be space vs. just having a no show.

And I agree completely with your comment on older moms too. I’m easily old enough to be my kid’s grandma and I don’t color my hair or anything so I’m sure I look it. But in my experience, pretty much any time there is a group of people with kids, everyone just introduces themselves as so-and-so’s mom/dad. These days there are so many blended families, grandparents raising their kid’s kids and families that don’t all have the same last name that it’s just the easiest way to identify who you are and which kid you’re responsible for.

ETA: I would typically send the invitations to DD’s parties both via snail mail and evite, so people could RSVP by whatever means they preferred. I always personally like having a hard copy of an invitation so I can pin it up by my calendar as a reminder to get the gift, etc. Even though I also use the calendar in my phone, I don’t often see the reminders there for upcoming events with enough advance notice to shop for something, etc.

I'm a bit lost on this statement that "she's obviously his grandma". 

I was mistaken for my kids' grandma a few times at the park when they were toddlers and once I accidentally insulted a grandma when I asked how old her daughter was, assuming the toddler with her was her DD. Why she took it as an insult, I'm not sure.