Do you expect your children to take care of you?

We don't EXPECT them to, we are hoping to build a place that is senior friendly in a few years and maybe they'd want to come stay with us if it ever got to that. They have expressed an interest in taking care of us though
ETA: I think the only way we'd do assisted living is of there was something they couldn't handle. Dementia/Alzheimers, that sort of thing. As of now, I just have some mobility issues from an accident 15 years ago.

My mom is 82 and in good health. She says all the time.. throw me in a nursing home/assisted living/whatever.. she doesn't want us to take care of her.

It would all depend on her situation what will happen.. we wouldn't just throw her in anywhere for one thing. But it would just depend on what needs she would need. I couldn't really take her into my home as I have two stories.. My sister could though, she has a ranch and spare bedroom. I am sure my sister and I would arrange something that one kid isn't burden with everything. But it will be difficult, as she lives in Florida and I live in Colorado and mom is right in the middle of us.

I would not want my kids to take care of me. I don't think it would be fair. I'm like my mom.. throw me somewhere.. I'll be fine.

My mom is in assisted living. I had her move out of her house in CA and move to an Assisted Living facility in MD (about 45 minutes from me) that her sister also lives at. That was in August of 2019. I can’t imagine what it would have been like - and neither can she - if COVID happened while she was living by herself on the West Coast. She is very happy with where she lives and they have so many cultural and educational activities that I’m jealous!

Neither of my children will be capable of living independently themselves, so there is absolutely no possibility of them taking care of Dh and I. We will move into assisted living when it is time.

No, I do not expect him to have us live with him, financially provide for us, and/or be our caregiver. I know some families love that and it works well and perhaps we could end up living with him at some point... but only if it's mutually desired, never expected. And if we ever did, I would insist on hiring caregivers to provide the help we needed. I just think it's too much to expect an adult child to take care of their life, perhaps a family, AND be a hands-on caregiver for aging parents. No way would I want him to have that stress.

I do hope that he will help us with things that get tend to more difficult with aging. Based on my current experience with my aging parents... things like healthcare/financial/legal/technology issues. They've always been super savvy in those areas but in the last couple years (they are 78 and 79), they've started to feel a little overwhelmed by the pace of change and the research/effort required to keep up, so have appreciated guidance from my brother and I in various areas. They make their own decisions, we just help ensure they have all the information needed to make those decision presented clearly.

My parents still live in their home, but have purchased a new place in a retirement community. It will be ready for them to move in in April 2023. The community is multi-stage to provide a continuum of care in the same place - independent living condos that have housekeeping, all maintenance, various other amenities and one meal a day included (this is what my parents are buying); on-site professional caregivers who they can hire while in independent living if they need some care, but not enough for assisted living; an assisted living facility; a nursing home/rehab facility; memory care facility. They both should be able to stay on-site for the duration of their lives, even if they end up needing different levels of care at the same time. It's pretty much a perfect set up for them, but unsurprisingly, it's quite expensive. Fortunately, they have planned for this for a long time (my maternal grandmother did not plan for her later years and it was a huge financial burden for my mom - she has always vowed they would never do that to us).

There are several commercial in-home senior care companies out there now. Getting this kind of help could be more affordable than moving to a facility, which costs a fortune around here (Washington, DC area). Also, not all parents are delightful to live with, & I'd resent being asked to upend my entire home life this way if the parent had had ample money but indulged himself his whole life instead of saving for his golden years.

My mom died while in poor shape and my dad was still her primary caretaker. He should not have been, but they both insisted that she would never go to assisted care. I doubt it would've been a viable option as they never had more than 2 nickels to rub together, but she should've had more hands on care. She fell constantly. Was always injured from the falls, but the minute my middle sis and I mentioned getting them help, they would shut down all communication. They wouldn't even entertain the subject of respite care. According to them, no one was coming to their house.

My dad would like to follow a similar path and he's a loner. Has one friend and a few acquaintances from his tiny church and a VA support group he goes to once in a while. If it came down to it, he says that the VA have homes, but I've visited a few and they don't seem great. He gets along most with my youngest sister who also lives closest, so that may be an option. He would be happier there because she defers to him in all things and he loves her husband, even urging her to stay with him after he got caught in an affair. My middle sis and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum politically, so he would not enjoy our homes where we don't constantly have to work politics into every other comment as an insult or dig.

As for my spouse and I, we don't expect our children to care for us in our senior years. I feel like many couldn't even if they wanted to. Their job prospects, housing market and debt loads aren't as favorable as ours were as young adults, so I wonder where their own personal status will be when they're in their 40's-50's, the sandwich years of possibly caring for both younger and older generation.

I wish there were easy answers. The older I get, the more I look in the mirror at my own aging reflection and the seed of worry grows about when the time comes and it's me who is discussed around the dinner table.

We (DH AND I) are the old parent. Do I expect our children to take us in? No. Do I want them to take us in? NO. I want and plan to live independently as long as I can drive. When it is time for assistance, I will move from our condo. But, the big issue will be where I move to. We do not live near any of our 3 children, and I do not want to leave my city. So the difficulty will be our decision as to where I live. I realize that some of the issues of no longer being independent do not have easy answers for any of us. But the relationships with our children are strong and loving, and for this reason, I anticipate a compromise for the best we can do.

My family has historically taken care of their elders. My parents took care of my grandparents. My mom is 87 and wants to stay at home. All 4 kids as well as grandchildren pitch in as needed to make this happen.

My DD worked in an assisted living establishment and after seeing Covid run rampant through the facility she said she would never put her parents in one unless we couldn’t be cared for at home medically.

I say never say never. But my family is quite close with few options in our rural area for assisted living so it’s only an option for us if a situation was critical.

Expect them to? No.

My mom is not that much older than me (17 years) and I have a brother who is 22 years younger than me. He can probably take care of her better than I can when the time comes. We'll see. I live hundreds of miles away from them. I think she'll be around until she's 100 and I'll be long dead.

My dad is married to a woman who is 17 years younger than he is (4 years older than me) so I think he's set too. They've been together for over 30 years now.

DH and I help look after his mom though. When the time comes, and it may not be that far off (she's a very inactive 78 year old), we will look into assisted living but will help her remain independent for now.

I think she originally thought AL was "sending ma to the home" but when she saw her brother's AL set-up, she realized it can be really nice.

I would never want my kids to have to take care of my day-to-day needs. I’d much rather be in assisted living, memory care, whatever was needed.

My 92yo mom still lives on her own in an independent-senior-living apartment, but my stepdad went into assisted living last year. Mom says she’ll go to the same place if she needs to. Right now she is fine … she doesn’t drive anymore, but she has several of us “kids” to haul her around. I take her grocery shopping once a week and my brother drops by to see her almost every day. But full-on care? I don’t think any of us are ready for that.

My parents were in their 80s and well off when they transitioned from their home in Santa Monica to a nearby Independent/Assisted Living home about 5 years ago. My dad passed away after two years and my mom has been living alone there ever since in their beautiful unit overlooking the Santa Monica bay and Pier. She is way too private of a person to have family care for her. It's pricey, yes, but the sale of their home, along with monthly retirement income, is more than enough. My mom no longer drives and mostly is independent, using her cane to walk down to the dining room for meals, but we do have add-on services for personal bathing and medication. She is 85 and we will have to see what happens when the level of care they offer may not be enough. There is a possibility we might need to seek memory care for her at some point which they don't offer. For now, though, she is content with the beautiful view my dad so carefully picked out for her. He even was smart enough to lock in their rate for life. Thank you Dad!

This has been a model for me. I like the idea of aging in place, but I also know there are wonderful alternatives out there. One thing for sure is that I will not be asking my children to care for me. Oversee things, yes. But not hands-on care. DH and I have been saving our whole marriage thinking ahead to retirement. We still have some work to do to estimate expenses, but we have a nice nest egg ready to go so we can live out our years without requiring anything from our children except perhaps helps with decisions at the end.

Expect? No. Our whole goal with retirement funding is independence in retirement, including senior/memory care if needed.

We will probably end up caring for MIL at some point or paying for her care in some way. Not sure how all that will work out.


We don't want our kids burdened with our personal care at the end of our lives if at all possible.

I'd prefer to just walk off a cliff if I needed more care than I could give myself, but my luck I'd probably just end up paralyzed.

But if the time comes, maybe I can just roll my hoveround over the edge of the Grand Canyon. With a little note at the rim not to hurry to retrieve my body, you know, maybe just get to it next time you're down there, sorry to be a bother 😁