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Post by bbkeef on Feb 2, 2022 15:31:25 GMT
I'm using fake names to protect the innocent.
My friend Jane informed me last week that Dick moved out. Apparently Dick is not attracted to Jane anymore. (We are all around 50). Jane is smokin' hot and gets hit on all the time. All the guys (my DH included) think Jane is the whole package-beautiful, sexy, smart, hard-working, funny. Dick is attractive, but in more of a dad bod way. The worst part of this is that he told their 18 year old DD that he wasn't attracted to mom anymore and that he is attracted to younger women. He told DD that he was "excited" this summer when DD had her friends out on the boat with them. He has always been very open with DD, but Jane thinks that in this case, he didn't need to tell DD all that. I agree. It's disgusting. Dick & Jane have been my friends since grade school. I am struggling with ever being able to look him in the eye again. My DH said he'll be friendly, but he has lost all respect for Dick. Jane says that divorce is imminent. I am so sad for Jane. They were high school sweethearts.
We've already told her that we are there for her with whatever she needs. She is staying in the house for now, and he moved in with a single guy friend. Ugh. Is there anything else we can do?
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SweetieBsMom
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Feb 2, 2022 15:37:42 GMT
Dick is a dick. I think the best thing you can do is support Jane. I’m with your DH, I’d have zero respect for him. Sounds like he’s having mid-life crisis where he thinks the grass is greener. I love that he’s attracted to younger women….but will they be attracted to him  . I’d be there for Jane and hopefully she’s smart enough to not take Dick back when he inevitably comes crawling back to her. |
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Feb 2, 2022 15:43:44 GMT
Sounds like a mid life crisis. At least he had the balls to end it. Our friend had an affair because he was too chicken to end his marriage for similar reasons. I would support Jane and forget dick as a friend (not cut him out just stop planning things with him) It will be too hard to maintain friendships with both in this case. Dick is going in a different direction. And if you had young women in your home (like a young adult dd) I’d keep dick far away.
As far as dick’s dd goes, I’d probably encourage Jane to encourage dd to try therapy preemptively. He basically blamed her friends for giving him the idea to end his marriage. Gross.
Sad for Jane. You will have to help Jane come to terms with this.
And as an aside - we know a couple (who we’re not super close with but know) who split for some time and then got back together after many months. Perhaps he needed time. While I don’t know what goes on inside their home they appear very happy. It must have been so hard when so many people were gossiping and wondering what was going on.
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cakediva
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Post by cakediva on Feb 2, 2022 15:44:51 GMT
I agree - Dick had no business telling their DD that shit.
We are in the same place kind of. Our go to couple friends that we did a lot with split up last year. We are remaining friends with both.
DH is not one to call up the guys and go for a beer - but would if asked. He prefers to stay home or go out just us.
I need the people lol. The wife and I are good friends and will continue to have girls nights and such as often as we can. DH has never had an issue with girls night lol. But while I won’t call the husband up to go for drinks, I wouldn’t cross the street to avoid him and would hug hello and chat if I run into him.
They both deserve to be happy - this wasn’t a case of one doing shitty things, they really just grew apart.
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iluvpink
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Post by iluvpink on Feb 2, 2022 15:45:04 GMT
Dick sounds gross. Ugh, who tells their 18 year old dd that he's attracted to their friends. Gag.
I wish your friend Jane the best. Dick can go, well....
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 2, 2022 15:45:31 GMT
A grown man is excited to see his daughters friends in their bathing suits? He told his daughter that? Absolutely disgusting. If I had a daughter I would be keeping her far away from this man.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 2, 2022 15:45:33 GMT
Dick is a creepy asshole and I would have zero respect for him.
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 2, 2022 15:46:00 GMT
I just cringed when I read I read that he told his dd he is attracted to her friends. Yuck. Just yuck. He's going to lose his dd, too. ITA w/ SweetieBsMom that this guy will want to come back. I hope Jane is strong enough to get rid of him for good. It's common in divorce for friends to choose one partner or the other and I'm glad that you're both supporting Jane. How sad for her and her dd. |
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 2, 2022 15:51:56 GMT
Listen to her
Ask her to do things
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Post by mollycoddle on Feb 2, 2022 15:59:29 GMT
Dick is a dick. I think the best thing you can do is support Jane. I’m with your DH, I’d have zero respect for him. Sounds like he’s having mid-life crisis where he thinks the grass is greener. I love that he’s attracted to younger women….but will they be attracted to him . I’d be there for Jane and hopefully she’s smart enough to not take Dick back when he inevitably comes crawling back to her. ^^This A 50 year old man attracted to 18 year-olds? Blech.😖 Just be there for her. |
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Post by bbkeef on Feb 2, 2022 16:01:14 GMT
I love that he’s attracted to younger women….but will they be attracted to him  . I’d be there for Jane and hopefully she’s smart enough to not take Dick back when he inevitably comes crawling back to her. A younger me would definitely not be attracted to Dick. I'm sure there are some younger ladies that would be interested, but only because they need attention. Their DD is already in therapy for other reasons, so thankfully she has someone to talk to. He's going to regret doing this to his daughter and his wife. Their adult son who doesn't live them will be indifferent. Dick sounds gross. Ugh, who tells their 18 year old dd that he's attracted to their friends. This is a bit out of character for him and I am thinking mid-life crisis too. A grown man is excited to see his daughters friends in their bathing suits? He told his daughter that? Yep. The daughter is absolutely disgusted (as we all are). |
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QueenoftheSloths
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Feb 2, 2022 16:14:47 GMT
I'm sure there are some younger ladies that would be interested, but only because they need attention. So do you feel this way about all relationships with age differences? |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2022 16:16:55 GMT
That is just all kinds of wrong that he said that to his daughter.  If divorce is imminent, have her open up a new bank account in her name and route her paychecks to that new account, get a credit card in her name only, change the beneficiary/designated rep in any estate/insurance plans, find a therapist to help her and her daughter navigate through this difficult time. |
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Post by bbkeef on Feb 2, 2022 16:19:32 GMT
So do you feel this way about all relationships with age differences? Definitely not. I am referring to a person I've known for 35+ years and only that person. I know where he hangs out and the kind of people he'll be around. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2022 16:28:29 GMT
Dick is disgusting, no one should be talking to their children about how excited their friends make them  If his daughter chooses to keep seeing him after the divorce she needs help to shut him down if he ever says anything like that again, hopefully her therapist can give her some suggestions on what to say or do. I'd also be making sure he's not around her friends again.
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Post by summer on Feb 2, 2022 16:29:26 GMT
The DD should not invite any of her friends out on the boat this summer. They don't need to be around her perverted dad. I have a feeling he is going to quickly see that the young ladies have no interest in him and that he will be a lonely man.
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Post by Zee on Feb 2, 2022 16:30:47 GMT
Biologically, a mid-life crisis is fairly normal, but trying to act on it with young women in an attempt to hold onto lost youth is pathetic.
I do think he will regret losing someone he's known almost his entire life, once he realizes the grass is not only greener but rather brown and dead.
But at least he told her first, dumb as it may be. I feel for her, it's sad either way.
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Post by sideways on Feb 2, 2022 16:33:33 GMT
Sounds like Dick is on his way to becoming the guy in the video from the thread about getting guys to leave you alone.
Creepy.
I’m not sure what else you can do besides what you’re already doing. And warn the daughter’s friends.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 2, 2022 16:43:37 GMT
I'm sure there are some younger ladies that would be interested, but only because they need attention. So do you feel this way about all relationships with age differences? It is one thing if you are 35 and in a relationship with someone 55. It's a completely wrong thing, if you are a 50 year old man interested in 18 year old girls. There's a lot of gray area to be sure. But these girls do not have the maturity to get involved with someone that age. OP, just keep supporting your friend, Jane. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Feb 2, 2022 16:49:01 GMT
Dick is a creep!
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QueenoftheSloths
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Feb 2, 2022 16:54:27 GMT
So do you feel this way about all relationships with age differences? It is one thing if you are 35 and in a relationship with someone 55. It's a completely wrong thing, if you are a 50 year old man interested in 18 year old girls. There's a lot of gray area to be sure. But these girls do not have the maturity to get involved with someone that age. OP, just keep supporting your friend, Jane. I was really thinking more about older women with younger men. When people talk about older men with younger women, it's all creepy pervs and gold diggers with daddy issues. When the ages are reversed, then we hear you go girl, you sexy cougar. I wasn't really invested enough in the topic to make a follow up post until you seemed to think I was endorsing Dick dated his daughter's friends, so now I have clarified. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 2, 2022 16:57:03 GMT
When I was a teenager I had some friends with pervy dads and it still creeps me out.
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Post by Merge on Feb 2, 2022 17:03:02 GMT
Gross. So sorry. I'd be devastated if that happened to our closest couple friends.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 2, 2022 17:07:37 GMT
It is one thing if you are 35 and in a relationship with someone 55. It's a completely wrong thing, if you are a 50 year old man interested in 18 year old girls. There's a lot of gray area to be sure. But these girls do not have the maturity to get involved with someone that age. OP, just keep supporting your friend, Jane. I was really thinking more about older women with younger men. When people talk about older men with younger women, it's all creepy pervs and gold diggers with daddy issues. When the ages are reversed, then we hear you go girl, you sexy cougar. I wasn't really invested enough in the topic to make a follow up post until you seemed to think I was endorsing Dick dated his daughter's friends, so now I have clarified. I appreciate your response. And I think it's just as gross for a 50 year old woman and an 18 year old boy. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 2, 2022 17:27:44 GMT
I understand having a midlife crisis - I can't understand telling your daughter you're turned on by her friends -that's just seriously gross. Goodbye Dick!
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Post by mollycoddle on Feb 2, 2022 17:34:39 GMT
When I was a teenager I had some friends with pervy dads and it still creeps me out. Same. Ugh. |
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sassyangel
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Post by sassyangel on Feb 2, 2022 17:41:40 GMT
I'm sure there are some younger ladies that would be interested, but only because they need attention. So do you feel this way about all relationships with age differences? This is entirely different, though. Disclaimer: I’m 7 years younger than my husband. 😂 And I think his rationale for this has an ick factor. Especially how he approached it with his daughter. |
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sassyangel
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Post by sassyangel on Feb 2, 2022 17:44:43 GMT
When I was a teenager I had some friends with pervy dads and it still creeps me out. Same. Ugh. Me three. I still shudder when I think about it 30 years on. |
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Post by littlemama on Feb 2, 2022 17:45:56 GMT
Ew. Ultimately, in most divorces, the friends end up split between the 2 parties. Sounds like Jane is getting "custody" of you guys in her friend circle!
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Post by papersilly on Feb 2, 2022 17:48:28 GMT
there is nothing you can do but support jane.
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. I’d be there for Jane and hopefully she’s smart enough to not take Dick back when he inevitably comes crawling back to her. 
. I’d be there for Jane and hopefully she’s smart enough to not take Dick back when he inevitably comes crawling back to her.
If his daughter chooses to keep seeing him after the divorce she needs help to shut him down if he ever says anything like that again, hopefully her therapist can give her some suggestions on what to say or do. I'd also be making sure he's not around her friends again. 
