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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 5, 2022 6:21:29 GMT
I didn’t watch this when it first came out. The comments here were critical and skeptical. I assumed the focus was on cleaning work, which I spent many years doing, and didn’t feel the need to revisit.
But I’ve got the house to myself, and decided to give it a try.
I had to stop the first episode 3 times, I was crying too hard. I took breaks. I decided not to watch anymore. Then I went back.
I’ve spent years beating myself up mentally for staying in a bad relationship. I’ve felt stupid. I’ve blamed myself. But watching this is bringing it all back. How impossible the choices were. How easy it was for him, his family, MY family, to belittle my concerns. How taking care of babies and toddlers uses up all your energy, leaving nothing for figuring out how to get to a better situation.
How you tell yourself it’s not REALLY domestic violence. How you’re so busy just keeping the lights on and the kids fed, and how you have no idea how you’d support yourself and them and pay for childcare, and how even if you did find such a job, (4 kids 5 and under), you’d be willing to put up with a lot in order not to worry about them all day in someone else’s care.
So I make it to episode 2. She’s in court, and his whole family is there supporting him. That would have been his family, for sure.
And the shelter. Everybody is so kind. And my thought process is, where was this when I needed it? I’m happy for anyone who receives this help. I’m happy they are showing her that the gaslighting, the manipulation, the threats, the alcohol abuse all all are real things she and her child don’t have to accept.
I'm sorry if this was covered in the previous thread, I tried searching and didn’t find it.
Anyway, I’m at one and a half episodes and wow do I have a lot to talk to my therapist about next session.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 5, 2022 7:38:09 GMT
“Financial abuse IS emotional abuse”.
Why did I need to hear that so badly?
It just feels like more seriousness is put on other things, but I’m here to tell you, years and years of one mate misusing what money the family has is a HUGE, horrible thing.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,377 
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Post by RosieKat on Feb 5, 2022 9:48:52 GMT
I watched it a few months ago. I'm so sorry it's bringing back so many difficult memories and feelings. It is pretty intense, even for someone who hasn't had to experience that.
I do think it gets rather unbelievable in many ways, I want to say from midseries on but don't recall exactly. I'm sure there will still be plenty of moments that stir up old feelings, but maybe that will help make it less intense for you later on. I'm terribly sorry you had to deal with such abuse and pain. And I'm so, so glad you are in a better place now!
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Post by putabuttononit on Feb 5, 2022 10:41:42 GMT
This series was powerful to me because I feel it gives women validation for abuses that we often justify or aren’t sure IS abuse. It could be just the right “push” for someone to recognize their situation is toxic, unhealthy and abusive. It definitely has some triggering moments so watch with that in mind.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 5, 2022 11:30:00 GMT
Yes I mentioned watching it in another thread. I married a man who was emotionally abusive and unfaithful. It articulates well how I felt in my first marriage and during/ after the divorce and why the series moved me so much. She was far worse off than I, but so much was very much the same — the gaslighting, the frustration at insensitive things people say, being unable to give your kids what they need, and the raw fear of being on a tightrope without a net.
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Post by nine on Feb 5, 2022 16:20:08 GMT
I stopped watching around episode 2 or 3. It was too much. I watched the final episode to see that she was ok. I hate stories where someone gets stopped/hurt/rejected at every turn. They stacked too many obstacles on this girl. Even if it was based on or was a real story, it was too much for me to watch.
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Post by librarylady on Feb 5, 2022 17:53:19 GMT
I stopped watching around episode 2 or 3. It was too much. I watched the final episode to see that she was ok. I hate stories where someone gets stopped/hurt/rejected at every turn. They stacked too many obstacles on this girl. Even if it was based on or was a real story, it was too much for me to watch. This is how it hit me. It was just too painful to watch. I think 2 episodes and I had to stop. My niece really liked it, but I just could not watch. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 5, 2022 18:06:15 GMT
I really liked the show. It was very intense and sometimes hard to watch, because of the content, but she was strong and did everything for her daughter. Andi McDowell did a fantastic job as the crazy grandmother.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 6, 2022 5:37:52 GMT
I stopped watching around episode 2 or 3. It was too much. I watched the final episode to see that she was ok. I hate stories where someone gets stopped/hurt/rejected at every turn. They stacked too many obstacles on this girl. Even if it was based on or was a real story, it was too much for me to watch. This is how it hit me. It was just too painful to watch. I think 2 episodes and I had to stop. My niece really liked it, but I just could not watch. Thank you to you, and the other commenters who have also found this challenging, triggering, and ultimately validating. so many details that I find reminds me why I did not think it was possible or better to leave, but also reminds me of dear ones I’m close to who were struggling single parents. |
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Post by gryroagain on Feb 7, 2022 21:14:38 GMT
I had the same response se- all the memories came flooding back. Particularly since the first time I tried to leave I was in Washington state. The gray, the rain, the ferries- oof.
And I just couldn’t, I knew my parents couldn’t help me, and he would disappear I to the Army and see the girls twice a year and his mom would do everything and I’d have the day to day heartbreak and struggle. It’s be me dropping a baby who would not take bottles at daycare- hell how was I even going to afford daycare? My days were spent much like hers, magical forest walks and beach trips and quiet lovely moments and now I’d have to leave them 10 hours a day and I still wouldn’t be able to afford any sort of decent life for us.
So, you stay. You minimize the control and the emotional abuse because no one else can see it anyway.
Yeah I bawled, especially when she went back. I understood exactly how that feels.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 8, 2022 4:17:13 GMT
I had the same response se- all the memories came flooding back. Particularly since the first time I tried to leave I was in Washington state. The gray, the rain, the ferries- oof. And I just couldn’t, I knew my parents couldn’t help me, and he would disappear I to the Army and see the girls twice a year and his mom would do everything and I’d have the day to day heartbreak and struggle. It’s be me dropping a baby who would not take bottles at daycare- hell how was I even going to afford daycare? My days were spent much like hers, magical forest walks and beach trips and quiet lovely moments and now I’d have to leave them 10 hours a day and I still wouldn’t be able to afford any sort of decent life for us. So, you stay. You minimize the control and the emotional abuse because no one else can see it anyway. Yeah I bawled, especially when she went back. I understood exactly how that feels. I felt every word of your post. I’m finished with the series now, and it was truly wrenching. I found the show realistic, as I’ve known someone who’s experienced pretty much every scene. In addition to my own experiences, later in my life I was able to help my niece who left her meth addict husband with a baby and nothing but the clothes on her back. Even though we gave them a place to live, it was terribly hard for her to get on her feet. She got a part time job as a nurses aide in a care home, and had to finance an older vehicle. We lived in the country, so it was necessary to get to work. Emotionally, she was a wreck. It took a long time to build her back up. From that terrible place, she grew the strength to put herself through school and eventually become an RN. Her son is now 16, and a very fine young man. those of us who stayed need to treat ourselves with dignity and compassion. ETA: gryroagain said “ You minimize the control and the emotional abuse because no one else can see it anyway.” Yes so, very much yes. And if you didn’t live this, you’d have no idea |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 8, 2022 14:50:12 GMT
Having never been in a relationship like that myself, it was eye opening all of the obstacles she faced trying to get help. I know it absolutely happens. Especially all of the bureaucratic red tape that is strung up all because a tiny percentage of people in need *might* abuse the system.
One of my siblings has been in an emotionally abusive relationship for decades. For years they stayed because they had minor children that they were unsure they would be able to provide for. The abusive spouse had flat out said they would quit their job and would not provide any support for their children. My sibling had been belittled and verbally beaten down for so long that there was no way they would leave no matter who offered to help.
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