A funny essay to anti-vaxxers

We need to get back to normal,” I say, while I continue to live my life normally, having barely changed my behavior and lifestyle—or faced any of the horrifying consequences millions of other people have—during the entirety of this still-ongoing pandemic.

“When can we go out to dinner again?” I say as I walk into a restaurant full of people indoor dining.

“When can I see my friends again?” I ask my friends, whom I’m eating dinner with right now.

“When will these restrictions end so we can finally start living our lives?” I demand while I buy tickets on my phone for a mega-concert in Las Vegas.

“This is the kind of stuff we’re missing out on because of lockdown,” I say, sitting in the front row at a packed showing of a new Marvel movie.

“Stop making me wear a mask!” I shout, maskless.

“When will we stop being governed by fear?” I ask, quizzing random people at the mall while I live-stream. They’re too busy shopping to answer.

“Your kids should be in school right now!” I say to a mom, who is constantly anxious because her kids are, in fact, still in school.

“The federal government has to stop with all these lockdowns,” I insist, in a country whose government has never once implemented a lockdown.

“This is Orwellian!” I declare while riding a crowded subway car.

“I just want my life back!” I yell to my Tinder date over the noise in this crowded bar.

“I’m done with COVID,” I say on a TV show broadcasting across a country where thousands of people are dying every day from COVID.

“Enough is enough—we can’t do this forever,” I say, as I continue to exist the same way I have my entire life, not caring to take any precautionary measure on behalf of the health and safety of other people.