peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 21:58:46 GMT
This has been a small point of contention between me and dh and now it's come up again and I'm wondering if I'm the weirdo (I think I know the answer to this.) I hate staying in other people's homes. I don't mind family - my sisters, my parents' and in-laws' houses (when they were still alive) - but friends and acquaintances? The "oh, crash at our house" kind of thing? It's torturous for me. I don't know when to wake up; I don't know when to go to sleep. I don't know if it's rude to say "gee, I'm tired. I'm going to bed"; I don't know if it's rude to get up in the morning and go through their fridge looking for breakfast food. I hate the idea of pooping in their bathrooms; showering (Will I use up their hot water? Does someone else need to shower at that time?) etc... I HATE IT. I know I take after my dad - he never stayed at anyone's house. He would always get a hotel room. I'm so much more comfortable in my own space. My mom was the opposite - a total extrovert, she loved staying in people's homes. And my dh does too. His family was very "eh, just give us a couch and a pillow and we'll be great!" so he's super comfortable in this situations. I want to crawl out of my skin Anyway - my sister and I are going to visit one of my dds at college. She's stage managing a play and we're surprising her by coming to visit. I had it all planned, which hotel I'd stay in, and my sister, also very extroverted, wants us to stay with her friend who lives a few towns away from college town. Sure it would save money but it won't save my sanity! My sister knows me well and texted "we'd each have our own room and bathroom" and that's great, but ugh, the small talk and the "um, I'm going to take my dd to Trader Joe's...can I go now?" Nightmare! So, I guess I have two questions: 1. Can anyone validate me? Please?  and 2. if I have to do this, how do you deal with all of those issues I mentioned? Yeah, I know "physician, heal thyself" and being a psychologist, I know it's my introversion and anxiety talking, but man, I just want to hole up in a hotel room by myself and read a book! I'm a creature of habit - e.g. I like my certain oatmeal at a certain time every morning...do I just bring my oatmeal and make it when I want? These are the things that keep me up at night haha. I really love my comfort zone! |
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 11, 2022 22:04:40 GMT
I do not like staying at other peoples homes and I don’t even really care to share a large Airbnb with multiple families, but I’ll do it. I don’t like the forced togetherness and navigating meal time, bed time, etc. Last summer we stayed in an Airbnb with friends and my son isn’t used to lots of noise, it’s been a quiet pandemic life for him. One of the other dads at the house was SO loud, even during naps and bedtime and it drove me nuts. I much prefer a hotel as well.
Consider yourself validated.
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Post by Merge on Feb 11, 2022 22:05:56 GMT
I’m exactly like you and DH is likely to accept an invitation to stay at someone’s house. The last time we did that, we ended up being four of eleven people sharing one bathroom in a house with three Newfoundlands. I love dogs, but that’s a whole other level of mess. And we’ve had issues at SIL’s house being put in the finished basement to sleep, which is fine, but they didn’t realize their old cat had been peeing on the rug down there for a long time and the whole basement reeked.
After those experiences, I told DH that he was welcome to accept invitations, but that I’d be booking a hotel room for myself and the kids. With his family, who has been a little offended in some cases, I totally take the heat for being a princess who needs a king sized bed and her own space. I will take any amount of ribbing about that with a smile as long as I don’t have to sleep in the cat pee basement again.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 22:10:19 GMT
I’m exactly like you and DH is likely to accept an invitation to stay at someone’s house. The last time we did that, we ended up being four of eleven people sharing one bathroom in a house with three Newfoundlands. I love dogs, but that’s a whole other level of mess. And we’ve had issues at SIL’s house being put in the finished basement to sleep, which is fine, but they didn’t realize their old cat had been peeing on the rug down there for a long time and the whole basement reeked. After those experiences, I told DH that he was welcome to accept invitations, but that I’d be booking a hotel room for myself and the kids. With his family, who has been a little offended in some cases, I totally take the heat for being a princess who needs a king sized bed and her own space. I will take any amount of ribbing about that with a smile as long as I don’t have to sleep in the cat pee basement again. OMG, this happened to us! Dh's brother and his wife invited us to stay over and we were put in their barely finished basement. Me in a recliner; dh on a slowly deflating air mattress. We could hear it lightly whistle all night long as he descended slowly, closer and closer to the cement floor. A neighborhood dog barked all night long; it was freezing and I was about 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn't told anyone, but we told them and used it as an excuse to race home the next day. Call me a princess - whatever - but don't make me sleep in your basement on a recliner. |
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QueenoftheSloths
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Feb 11, 2022 22:11:49 GMT
1. I would be happy to never spend a night away from home again if the only other alternative was to stay at someone's house.
2. You don't have to do it. Your sister can stay with her friend if she wants, you can stay in the hotel if you want. You're both adults who can make these decisions for yourselves.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 11, 2022 22:12:36 GMT
YES!!! I have a co-worker who plans her vacations around who she can stay with! I'm like..nooo way. My dh has relatives he always says...oh,we can stay with them. I just roll my eyes, and plan something else. It's just too awkward. I'm very much a intervert, forced to be an extrovert thru my job, and dh is a extrovert thru and thru. He always made me feel like it was my problem, and odd.
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paget
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Feb 11, 2022 22:16:28 GMT
There is no way I’m doing that. None. I would stay with my dds or my best friend but no one else. Dh would stay anywhere. Are we all married to the same dh? Lol
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 22:17:25 GMT
1. I would be happy to never spend a night away from home again if the only other alternative was to stay at someone's house. 2. You don't have to do it. Your sister can stay with her friend if she wants, you can stay in the hotel if you want. You're both adults who can make these decisions for yourselves. You're absolutely right and my sister and I are going back and forth on it. I get in a day before my sister and there's no way, on earth or any other planet, that I would stay there alone. That night I'm definitely in the hotel. Her friend is like family to her (I've never met her but they've been very, very close for decades) so I think it'll be fine and I'll survive it (barely). But I just have to work through these things that interfere with my habits, like the breakfast stuff. If it was just my sister I'd be like "I need to eat my breakfast - NOW." Can't say that to your hosts, haha. |
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Post by papersilly on Feb 11, 2022 22:17:34 GMT
I hate staying at others people's homes. The last time I did it, their cat walked all over my body and head as I tried to sleep. I also don't want to impose on people. not fair to put them in that position of being that gracious host at all times. Not fair to them and it makes me uncomfortable.
At the same time, I don't like house guests. I hate hosting. That's why we turned the other two bedrooms into home offices. Talk about a passive aggressive sign that I don't want overnight guests.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 22:18:32 GMT
There is no way I’m doing that. None. I would stay with my dds or my best friend but no one else. Dh would stay anywhere. Are we all married to the same dh? LolMade me LOL. Isn't that funny? Maybe they're all just cheap and don't want to pay for the hotels! |
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smartypants71
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Post by smartypants71 on Feb 11, 2022 22:23:45 GMT
I don't like staying at other people's houses either. In fact, the only time I can recall we did was at our friends' house in Scottsdale where they had an in-law suite with a separate exit.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 22:24:29 GMT
I hate staying at others people's homes. The last time I did it, their cat walked all over my body and head as I tried to sleep. I also don't want to impose on people. not fair to put them in that position of being that gracious host at all times. Not fair to them and it makes me uncomfortable. At the same time, I don't like house guests. I hate hosting. That's why we turned the other two bedrooms into home offices. Talk about a passive aggressive sign that I don't want overnight guests. I don't mind having house guests. For a little while. Don't overstay your welcome, but I'm okay with our families, our dds' boyfriends etc... coming and staying. |
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 11, 2022 22:28:03 GMT
OMG, this happened to us! Dh's brother and his wife invited us to stay over and we were put in their barely finished basement. Me in a recliner; dh on a slowly deflating air mattress. We could hear it lightly whistle all night long as he descended slowly, closer and closer to the cement floor. A neighborhood dog barked all night long; it was freezing and I was about 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn't told anyone, but we told them and used it as an excuse to race home the next day. Call me a princess - whatever - but don't make me sleep in your basement on a recliner. I'm dying here.  You painted a great visual picture with your words. I don't mind staying with my family and friends and when the kids were younger, didn't mind staying at MILs. Except neither DH or I slept for days because her house has the furnace chugging all night long and the bed we shared with the kids was a queen mattress on a double box spring. He used to sneak out to the couch. I hate staying with people I haven't known forever. |
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Post by Merge on Feb 11, 2022 22:29:44 GMT
I hate staying at others people's homes. The last time I did it, their cat walked all over my body and head as I tried to sleep. I also don't want to impose on people. not fair to put them in that position of being that gracious host at all times. Not fair to them and it makes me uncomfortable. At the same time, I don't like house guests. I hate hosting. That's why we turned the other two bedrooms into home offices. Talk about a passive aggressive sign that I don't want overnight guests. I don't mind having house guests. For a little while. Don't overstay your welcome, but I'm okay with our families, our dds' boyfriends etc... coming and staying. My own kids are fine. I know I’ll have to be ok with having their partners as well. I tolerate MIL. Anyone else? Please just no. DH and I both have cousins who are like, oh, we’re traveling and will be in Houston for a few days. Can we stay with you? Literally no. Sorry. I barely know you and you want to sleep in my house? Oh and these are people who can easily afford a hotel. |
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Feb 11, 2022 22:31:28 GMT
It’s not my favorite thing but I do it because, as I get older, I don’t tend to be outside my comfort zone often and feel like it’s good for me every once in a while. It’s usually a short time and then I really appreciate being back home again!
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valincal
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Southern Alberta
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Post by valincal on Feb 11, 2022 22:31:33 GMT
I hate staying with other people, even family. Luckily DH feels the same way. That said, I don’t mind people staying at my place! 😄
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Post by busy on Feb 11, 2022 22:32:52 GMT
It really depends. With most of my friends, yes, I'd happily accept an invitation to stay at their house. Especially my BFF because it is just not right for us to be in the same town and not stay up nearly all night, drinking wine, playing gin, and talking. With my parents... no thank you. They are so inflexible and rigid and it's just a matter of time before I unwittingly break some rule I didn't know about and my mom gets mad at me. The rest of the family (on my side and DH's) - it's about 50/50 if I'd be willing to stay with them. Various reasons for why or why not. DH would stay with a few more than I would, but he's a hard no on quite a few too. But we also do vacations with my siblings and share large vacation rentals. Since none of us live close to each other, we really enjoy having that time throughout the day together. We all are pretty similar, though, in expectations around cleanliness/tidiness, noise, etc. I personally think there's a lot of sweet intimacy in sharing space. I don't want to do it with everyone, but I really enjoy it with some. ETA: I am not going to stay with someone I haven't spent quite a lot of time with before, and have been in their home (not necessarily their current home, but some place they've lived so I have an idea of how they live KWIM?). In your situation, peabay, I would not want to stay with the friend of a family member! |
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 11, 2022 22:40:20 GMT
Staying at other people's houses is just not a thing for me, except when I go and stay at my mum's house for the weekend. I cannot imagine a situation where I would ever be at someone's house and decide to crash there for the night, or have them offer for me to stay the night. I guess it helps that I don't drink, so I would never be in the situation where I couldn't drive myself home. Also, all of my family and my in-laws live here in Melbourne (with the exception of one aunty), so we have no reason to be house guests out of town or interstate. All of your stories make me shudder! Cat pee and leaky mattresses, recliners and big slobbery dogs....... ugh!   |
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 11, 2022 22:41:22 GMT
I am completely with you. (I haven’t read the responses).
Just a friend or acquaintance? No I would much rather stay in a hotel.
Even staying at my parents or my sisters (just did that) is ok but I don’t love it.
Tying as a group in a Vrbo is good with me though - just did that as well and it was fun.
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Feb 11, 2022 22:41:55 GMT
I’m Team Hotel for everything. I don’t like staying with other people, even family (I don’t have kids so maybe that would be different.). And I’m not crazy about house guests either. Four bedroom house, only two beds, and the guest bed is in my craft room.
I like my privacy and personal space, and don’t want to be “on” all the time, either as a guest or a host.
Luckily, I had a different husband than many of you. He liked hotels too.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 11, 2022 22:42:39 GMT
OMG, this happened to us! Dh's brother and his wife invited us to stay over and we were put in their barely finished basement. Me in a recliner; dh on a slowly deflating air mattress. We could hear it lightly whistle all night long as he descended slowly, closer and closer to the cement floor. A neighborhood dog barked all night long; it was freezing and I was about 8 weeks pregnant and we hadn't told anyone, but we told them and used it as an excuse to race home the next day. Call me a princess - whatever - but don't make me sleep in your basement on a recliner. I'm dying here. You painted a great visual picture with your words. I don't mind staying with my family and friends and when the kids were younger, didn't mind staying at MILs. Except neither DH or I slept for days because her house has the furnace chugging all night long and the bed we shared with the kids was a queen mattress on a double box spring. He used to sneak out to the couch. I hate staying with people I haven't known forever. And THAT’S an image - omg, lol. |
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Elsabelle
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Elsabelle on Feb 11, 2022 22:49:13 GMT
I loathe staying with people and I won't do it anymore. I'm sure a couple of experiences shaped my view. When I was a kid my mother asked her brother and sister-in-law if we could stay with them while we visited their state. My uncle didn't care at all but his wife let us know she didn't like it. Lesson? Don't ever ask someone if you can stay with them. The other experience later as an adult was being invited to stay and then being treated like a nuisance. I did everything I could to be helpful. I helped with cooking and cleaning, cleaned up after myself, paid my share of everything, treated them to dinner, and generally tried not to be a nuisance. I ended up going home early and they were upset. Lesson? When someone asks you to come and stay with them say you'd love to visit but you'll be getting a hotel. Another time we stayed with MIL. We slept in the basement in a bed with an enormous sinkhole in the middle. DH and I rolled toward each other all night. MIL had a weird Corky doll on a shelf. I had dreams about Chucky stabbing me. So not the best night of sleep but a better experience than the first two. We can laugh about that one.  |
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Post by Sparki on Feb 11, 2022 22:55:36 GMT
I'm with you, and will never stay at anyone's house again. I'm fine with people staying at my house, and invite people often. I've even had distant cousins that I had never met before stay at my house. But, me - I'll stay at a hotel. I used to stay with family, until I overheard my brother's wife complaining to him about the amount of cleaning she had to do before I got there. Eek. Never again. Hotels are my friend.
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Post by voltagain on Feb 11, 2022 23:00:02 GMT
This has been a small point of contention between me and dh and now it's come up again and I'm wondering if I'm the weirdo (I think I know the answer to this.) I hate staying in other people's homes. I don't mind family - my sisters, my parents' and in-laws' houses (when they were still alive) - but friends and acquaintances? The "oh, crash at our house" kind of thing? It's torturous for me. I don't know when to wake up; I don't know when to go to sleep. I don't know if it's rude to say "gee, I'm tired. I'm going to bed"; I don't know if it's rude to get up in the morning and go through their fridge looking for breakfast food. I hate the idea of pooping in their bathrooms; showering (Will I use up their hot water? Does someone else need to shower at that time?) etc... I HATE IT. I know I take after my dad - he never stayed at anyone's house. He would always get a hotel room. I'm so much more comfortable in my own space. My mom was the opposite - a total extrovert, she loved staying in people's homes. And my dh does too. His family was very "eh, just give us a couch and a pillow and we'll be great!" so he's super comfortable in this situations. I want to crawl out of my skin Anyway - my sister and I are going to visit one of my dds at college. She's stage managing a play and we're surprising her by coming to visit. I had it all planned, which hotel I'd stay in, and my sister, also very extroverted, wants us to stay with her friend who lives a few towns away from college town. Sure it would save money but it won't save my sanity! My sister knows me well and texted "we'd each have our own room and bathroom" and that's great, but ugh, the small talk and the "um, I'm going to take my dd to Trader Joe's...can I go now?" Nightmare! So, I guess I have two questions: 1. Can anyone validate me? Please?  and 2. if I have to do this, how do you deal with all of those issues I mentioned? Yeah, I know "physician, heal thyself" and being a psychologist, I know it's my introversion and anxiety talking, but man, I just want to hole up in a hotel room by myself and read a book! I'm a creature of habit - e.g. I like my certain oatmeal at a certain time every morning...do I just bring my oatmeal and make it when I want? These are the things that keep me up at night haha. I really love my comfort zone! I will validate you! The only person I am comfortable staying with overnight is my daughter. I prefer to not stay over night with my mom even. I'd encourage your friend to stay with her friend and you get yourself a snug hotel room to enjoy if transportation works out ok with that. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 11, 2022 23:03:03 GMT
If this is your sisters friend and not even your friend that would be a big no. Let your sister stay with her friend and you stay at a hotel. I know some people don’t like hotels but I love them. I love a mini get away at a nice hotel.
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Post by mollycoddle on Feb 11, 2022 23:04:07 GMT
Meh. Close friends and family are fine, as long as they have coffee in the house. I have brought my own cream before, because I know that I get irritable fast without it. Other than that, it’s fine.
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Post by librarylady on Feb 11, 2022 23:09:18 GMT
I validate you.
Since you are arriving 1 day earlier--get you hotel and then don't budge.
Tell your sister that she can stay with the friend and they can catch up without you being the "outsider" and you will stay at hotel. Your sister knows that is what you want, and you are giving her what she wants.
ETA: I can't believe someone wanted you to sleep in a recliner if you were past the "college kid" or "early married and no money" stages.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Feb 11, 2022 23:09:51 GMT
Not a fan. My former good friend invited us to stay at her house for weeks on end (she had moved away and wanted us to bring their old life and happy memories to their new home for a portion of the summer). We agreed to visit and stay with them for a week. Immediately upon the conclusion of our stay, she completely ghosted us. I reached out to her repeatedly and offered to make right whatever may have happened (we truly have no idea). Never a reply. So, as a result, I'm gun-shy. And I assume that despite our best efforts, we must have been terrible guests. I finally had to let it go.  |
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 11, 2022 23:10:19 GMT
I don’t do it anymore. Period. I just don’t. I get up early, and I go to bed relatively early, and I have a hard time sleeping with any noise, and I really hate more than anything having to wait to have breakfast and then having some too-heavy “guests! Breakfast!” meal.
So that’s my approach.
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Post by needmysanity on Feb 11, 2022 23:11:14 GMT
You are totally validated!
I am not a fan of staying with family either. My Aunt and Uncle are always inviting us to St Louis. We went up this past November and stayed there. They put us on the worst pull out bed ever! Half way through the night DH and I were trying to figure out how to get out of staying another night because we were so miserable.
It's easier and better on my mental health just to get a hotel room.
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