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Post by busy on Feb 14, 2022 15:32:15 GMT
A friend (36) has been going through a battery of tests preparing for fertility interventions. During this, a small nodule was discovered on her thyroid and a biopsy was scheduled to see if it could be causing some of the hormonal issues she's having. A number of possibilities were shared, but cancer was never mentioned.
She had the biopsy on Friday morning. She received a call at the end of the day from her doctor's office. She was on a work meeting, so couldn't answer. They didn't leave a voice mail. She got a text (securely, through the doctor office's client portal, not a standard SMS) after business hours giving her some options for an appointment on Monday to discuss the results because they are positive for cancer (they specified the type). She is seeing the doctor later today to learn more.
I was talking about it with my husband and though I'm usually someone who prefers to get texts for anything and everything, I would not want to hear this via text on a Friday, with no opportunity to learn more or ask questions until Monday. I would rather get a message setting an appointment to discuss results. Yes, that would probably make me jump to worst case scenarios but I would still probably be much less anxious over the weekend than if I knew I had cancer and was left to Google it and have no real, specific information about my situation. I would rather hear the results in person, or at least on phone, so I could ask questions immediately, because I would certainly have a lot.
DH was the opposite. He would want to know as soon as possible, by any medium, even if he didn't have the chance to ask questions for a couple days.
What about you?
ETA: For me, it's less about the modality, and more about not being able to ask questions and get answers in the moment.
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Post by mollycoddle on Feb 14, 2022 15:47:44 GMT
Definitely in person.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Feb 14, 2022 15:48:21 GMT
I'd be like your DH. I would want to know because what my mind came up with over the weekend would be much worse. By knowing exactly what it was and type, I'd be busy researching to have a list of questions for the Monday meeting.
Sorry about your friend's diagnosis.
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,085
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Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Feb 14, 2022 15:52:26 GMT
I would much prefer to hear it in person.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was after a routine mammogram. I had the mammo on Monday, and the 'don't worry but . . ' (I didn't know that at the time though) letter arrived Friday. I was away with friends for the weekend, and DH wanted to open the letter and read it to me over the phone. I told him no - there was nothing that could be done if the letter was bad news until I got home anyway.
On the following Wednesday - the day after I arrived home - I went for the follow up mammo, followed by a chat with the doctor, who then did an ultrasound and biopsy. It was still a shock, but I know I would have been a total mess (OK, more of a total mess) if I had received the news Friday when nothing further could be done before Wednesday.
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Post by jenb72 on Feb 14, 2022 15:53:58 GMT
I'd prefer it be an in-person appointment, but I can also promise you that I'd be too shocked to even know what to ask. That's one of those times I'd really want to have DH with me because he's so much cooler-headed in a crisis, even something like this.
Jen
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,647 
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Feb 14, 2022 15:57:44 GMT
I would want to know as soon as possible by any method. I think the text was fine since she didn't answer the initial call. Yes, it's a shock, but I always want to know things as soon as possible so I can plan.
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paget
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT
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Post by paget on Feb 14, 2022 15:57:49 GMT
I’d want phone or text. I’d process it better not in person. But I would prefer Monday over Friday so I could talk to someone sooner rather than wait all weekend.
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
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Post by sassyangel on Feb 14, 2022 15:57:51 GMT
I would not want to hear it via text like that either.  I feel sad for your friend that she did. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 14, 2022 16:05:39 GMT
I'd absolutely want to know as soon as possible - phone would be my preference so some basic questions can be answered, but if the choice was worrying all weekend or text, I'll take text. Honestly I had some really terrible news delivered in person regarding a love one and at the time thought I would have so appreciated a heads up on what we were about to hear.
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Post by shessoaverage on Feb 14, 2022 16:08:25 GMT
Not sure which one to vote for. I’d rather not need to be called at all! When I had a biopsy for breast cancer, the radiology place called late on Friday to tell me the biopsy was positive and what kind of cancer it was. They stressed that it was small and treatable, so maybe that kept me from freaking out over the weekend.
One thing you learn after a cancer diagnosis is that the waiting (and there is plenty of it) is the worst. Wait for results, wait for appointments with the doctors, wait for surgery, wait for treatment… After a while, you get kind of numb to it.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
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Post by TXMary on Feb 14, 2022 16:09:06 GMT
When I had my biopsy, they asked me if I wanted to receive the news in a phone call or an in-person appointment. I chose phone call because I didn't want to wait any longer than I had to for the news. It took a week to get my results and it was in a phone call. Actually I had called them because it was so long. I'm like your husband- I wanted to know as soon as possible. It didn't really matter to me how the news came. I just wanted to know. Waiting on biopsy results is one of the hardest things to do. I did have cancer and testing, etc. had gone on for a month. It was a relief to finally know for sure and start making plans. It would not have bothered me to get a text. I just needed to know.
Sending best wishes to your friend as she navigates this road.
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 14, 2022 16:11:45 GMT
My gut reaction is that I would want to be told in person on a Monday but after thinking about it I would prefer a text on Friday. That way I would have time to get questions together and talk to my husband about everything. Covid has made appointments for everything so spread out I would want to have my list of basic questions already in my mind and ready to ask instead of spending the on person appointment spiraling and not listening because I just heard I had cancer.
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Feb 14, 2022 16:13:54 GMT
I wouldn't like a text, thats very invasive and doesn't give you time to prepare. I don't mind a phonecall, mostly, but I prefer in person.
I've had most of them, in one way or another. In person appointments, being called in for an appointment to discuss results (so you know its bad news), I have had to phone and ask for results to be read to me, and I once had a random phonecall in the middle of the supermarket to tell me the lesion in my liver was metastatic bowel cancer. There isn't really a 'good' way to get bad news, but there are definitely better and worse ways. The better ways give you time to process, ask questions, and come up with a bit of a plan - even if that is only a list of questions to ask at your next appointment.
An out of hours text, with no warning or context, and no opportunity to speak to anyone, is massively inappropriate in my opinion.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 3:33:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2022 16:15:20 GMT
In person. I would have no problem with a text on the Friday informing me that they had the results back. But to say it was cancer in a text I think is very unprofessional .I'm sorry that your friend is facing this.
Text on the Friday and say " we have your test results and we do have appointments free on Monday to discuss and these are the appointment options we have available (listing the times). Please reply with your preferred choice"
Wording it that way gives nothing away, whether the results were positive or negative and as far as the patient was concerned only covers the possibilities that had already been discussed previously and not something that is going to hit her out of the blue over the week end and can't discuss with a qualified person.
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Post by Zee on Feb 14, 2022 16:15:54 GMT
I personally got my dx via a phone call while I was at work, on a Friday. We made an appt to discuss it with any family I wanted available on Monday.
I was in some disbelief and when the surgeon called and asked if I could talk I was like "well I'm at work so, is it serious?" Like he would call me at all if it wasn't. Lol I just didn't think it could be possible.
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Post by malibou on Feb 14, 2022 16:16:32 GMT
I don't want a text for this.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 14, 2022 16:17:29 GMT
I’d rather get the bad news on Monday. Preferably actually at an appointment where we could discuss next steps and I could ask some questions.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 3:33:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2022 16:18:50 GMT
I don’t think there’s ever a good way to tell someone. However, in your friend’s case, texting with some options for a Monday appointment is something I’d prefer vs waiting to return their call on Monday only to try and schedule an appointment for another day.
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Post by scrapcat on Feb 14, 2022 16:37:43 GMT
Speaking from experience, it honestly doesn't matter. I was in shock for weeks, so I don't think it would matter how I heard it. The key is when can you get started on a plan, so it's good she is being seen today.
In my case, I received a call from my surgeon while I was driving home from work. She was shocked and sort of in disbelief as well. I thought maybe she should've asked if I was sitting down or something like that, I remember focusing on driving home. But she brought me in the next day and sat with me for over an hour & a half at the end of a Friday explaining all the diagnosis, treatment scenarios, etc.
I hope your friend does well and has a good meeting today. She should take someone with her to listen and take notes if possible. Hopefully it was caught early & can be treated.
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Post by katlady on Feb 14, 2022 16:39:31 GMT
I would like to know as soon as possible. In this case, the text would be fine. That also gives me a chance to let it sink in awhile, and I’ll be more composed for the in-person appointment. I am sorry for your friend.
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Post by peace on Feb 14, 2022 16:43:13 GMT
I cannot imagine getting like that. I had a doc appt- and they told me. I cried and cried and both the doc and his nurse were so kind to me that day. I was NOT expecting to hear that I had cancer. Not at all. But that was definitely the best way for me to get the news. Truth be told, I was married to ex at the time and I was so glad he wasn't there. He always made everything about him and I was just able to process and cry.
I'm so sorry for your friend. I hope she recovers quickly
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
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Post by peppermintpatty on Feb 14, 2022 16:45:51 GMT
She got the text because she must have specified with the doctor how and when to leave test result info. Every doctor that I have been to asks me to specify if I want test results left as a text message or on voicemail. I always have the option to tell them not to do that.
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Post by busy on Feb 14, 2022 17:06:48 GMT
She got the text because she must have specified with the doctor how and when to leave test result info. Every doctor that I have been to asks me to specify if I want test results left as a text message or on voicemail. I always have the option to tell them not to do that. Not the case here |
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RedSquirrelUK
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Feb 14, 2022 17:59:26 GMT
In person, but actually I voted 'other' because I would say 'never'. I never want to hear/read that again.
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Post by withapea on Feb 14, 2022 18:10:32 GMT
A phone call or in person. I got test results through a portal so I knew before I was told but I still officially got the news in person. A phone call can at least give you enough informants to start processing. I agree with shessoaverage that the waiting is so hard and is a large part of this kind of diagnosis. I hope your friend is okay. |
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Post by MissBianca on Feb 14, 2022 18:15:38 GMT
I put on the phone Friday but I suppose text is ok, not ideal but ok. Only because in her scenario she actually has time to absorb the info and think of questions to ask the doctor on Monday or whenever her appt is the next week. I think when you get a bad diagnosis in the doctors office you can just go blank and numb and the appt would not be productive after that.
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 14, 2022 18:23:53 GMT
I want the news ASAP. I have had a lot of medical tests over the years, some for very serious things, and my directive is “get the results to me as fast as possible, even if that means a voice mail message or text.” I have a hard time concentrating until I know.
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Post by mollycoddle on Feb 14, 2022 18:45:38 GMT
I would much prefer to hear it in person. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was after a routine mammogram. I had the mammo on Monday, and the 'don't worry but . . ' (I didn't know that at the time though) letter arrived Friday. I was away with friends for the weekend, and DH wanted to open the letter and read it to me over the phone. I told him no - there was nothing that could be done if the letter was bad news until I got home anyway. On the following Wednesday - the day after I arrived home - I went for the follow up mammo, followed by a chat with the doctor, who then did an ultrasound and biopsy. It was still a shock, but I know I would have been a total mess (OK, more of a total mess) if I had received the news Friday when nothing further could be done before Wednesday. I would have been a mess too. |
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Post by myshelly on Feb 14, 2022 19:00:52 GMT
I would want the text on Friday afternoon for multiple reasons.
1) I wouldn’t worry or stress any less about a text that says “we need an appointment to discuss your test results” than I would about a text that says “you have cancer.” I would actually feel better just knowing than have it hanging over me.
2) having time to process the initial feelings would make me better able to understand the information at the dr’s appointment Monday.
3) I would want time over the weekend to research and make a list of questions and concerns and options to discuss at the appointment.
4) I would appreciate getting the results privately and being able to compose myself before I have to talk to anyone.
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Post by lurker on Feb 14, 2022 19:16:04 GMT
I can see test results on the medical system's portal. I prefer that as I can research and have questions ready when I do see the doctor.
I had a CT scan in December as part of a six month follow-up to C3 neck surgery. Neck surgery is good. However, there was a note in the test results about a mass near the thyroid. Ortho did not mention it. When I saw my PCP, I showed him the test results. He ordered an ultrasound. A biopsy was suggested on one of the nodules. Waiting for scheduling to call with that appointment. So I'd rather know ASAP.
Hope your friend gets the best possible outcome.
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I feel sad for your friend that she did. 
